General chatter - Single Life Sucks




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BuggyBear81
06-17-2011, 04:34 PM
The single life sucks.. As I look around, it seems like everyone, but me has a husband or a fiance'... I was engaged, I broke it off because he was abusive and because I didn't love him. But sometimes I feel like I should have just kept him to be able to have someone. No one wants the fat girl. It makes me so depressed and just ... bleh.

Tell me you all feel like this, too..


m3rma1d
06-17-2011, 04:39 PM
My boyfriend dumped me on my birthday 2 weeks ago, because I'm too fat. (even tho I am 40lbs lighter than when we met 3 years ago, I didn't lose it "fast enough")

So yeah I'm with you right now. Being single sucks. I feel like I'm never gonna get over this, no matter how many times people tell me I will.

ryeb
06-17-2011, 04:49 PM
You don't need to be with someone that shallow anyways!

Don't go back to someone that makes you unhappy just so you can have the title of "girlfriend" When you both get self confidence about your selves, I can promise men will come flocking!


VirgoChic
06-17-2011, 05:04 PM
I feel the same way you do.

My last 'boyfriend' was FAR too long ago, and I recently lost a 'friend' that I had been talking to online for close to a year nearly every day. He just stopped talking to me one day after we had some stupid disagreement and even though I didn't understand what I did that was so wrong that he stopped talking to me like that, I apologized and still he wouldn't talk to me. Point is, I always felt like I had to compromise the way I feel just to be able to have that person to talk to, but in the end I realize this just made me feel worse because I wasn't being me and I shouldn't have to apologize for that or change the way I feel about things because of the fear of being alone. It's been just over a month now and I hate not having that 'companionship' (even if it was online), but life goes on and yours should too! Don't compromise yourself or settle for the sake of love. You'll find someone who won't treat you like trash and appreciates you for you. I know this sounds cliche, but we have to believe that.

jenjen
06-17-2011, 05:08 PM
I think I'm in the minority, but 99% of the time I LOVE being single. I'll turn 40 this summer and can't imagine having to "answer" to someone--I'm very independent. Never been married and no kids.

There are times it gets loney, but I've seen my share of married friends that were just as lonely and had a spouse. There are times when it would be nice to come home to someone after a bad day, but that's when I pick up the phone and call a great friend or family member.

I have friends, both single & married that I do things with, but there are a lot of times I decide to do things that I want to do alone---movies, dinner, plays, musicals, comedy clubs, farmers markets, etc.

Honestly, I embrace single life. I don't have to worry about what time I come home from a night out, or having to cook dinner for someone else.

I spoil my neices & nephews so I'll have someone to take care of me when I'm old, so if I don't find the "one", I'll survive.

Enjoy your life. Get out and do things you like to do.

BowandArcher
06-17-2011, 05:16 PM
eh who needs a relationship! It takes effort and patience and you have to have sex when you dont feel like it, not to mention the drama in most relationships. Maybe you should take a look at why you dont feel right being alone. I'm in a relationship right now but I'm great single too. The only reason we started dating was because I found a guy who would love me even if i were 400 lbs. because he loves ME not my body. Dont worry, be patient and a nice guy just like you will love you like no other. All my exes were HELLA skinny and they gave me **** for my weight all the time. it's not worth it and you know it :/

NEVER SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRITY OR COMPLACENCY! YOU ARE ALL THAT IS VAGINA!

Lovely
06-17-2011, 05:19 PM
Really? I dunno... I actually don't feel like that.

I don't want the people who don't want the fat girl is the way it is to me! :)

We're all allowed to be as shallow as we'd like, but I get to choose whether or not that person is allowed in my life.

I hear people say that being single sucks, but being in an abusive relationship is worse.

I play MMORPGs (online gaming). You would not BELIEVE the number of times I hear a guy say "Girls don't like me". I want to take all the guys that say that, and put them in a room with all the women who say that. ...I'd honestly love to see what would happen!

VirgoChic - That guy that stopped talking to you over a petty disagreement sounds lame. I have had NUMEROUS friendships that went south, because of me being me. It's saddening for a moment, but it reinforces the fact that they were fairweather friends and no one wants any person like that around. You'll find better friends and more-than-friends. Ones who can appreciate a difference of opinion without taking it personally.

caryesings
06-17-2011, 05:39 PM
Ok, I'm 51 years old and had not been in a relationship the 20 years I was fat. I started dating again at age 50 and have now been with the current beau almost 8 months. That 8 month mark is significant in a big way, because I have never had an adult relationship make it past the 8 month mark,even though engaged 3 times. Sometimes I've been dumped, sometimes I've been the one walking away but basically I just didn't handle relationships when they got "real". As much as I love the man I am with now, nearly every day I pine for my single status.

I do absolutely acknowledge what you are saying about the single status however. As much as I preferred that way of life, it really does feel like society is arranged around the idea of being a couple.

Ferumbras
06-17-2011, 06:07 PM
you have to have sex when you dont feel like it,

Umm... I just have to say, you should NEVER have to have sex when you don't feel like it. You should always be able to tell your partner no and have them listen to you and respect you. If they don't, think real hard about that relationship. Granted, there are times when I'm not entirely in the mood but will still have sex, but that's my choice and every time I've said no, my partner has listened and respected that decision 100% -- and he knows it goes both ways (****, he says no more often than I do). My point is, sex should be fun and it should be safe and it should be something you want. You should never feel obligated or, worse, forced.

BuggyBear81
06-17-2011, 06:12 PM
My point is, sex should be fun and it should be safe and it should be something you want. You should never feel obligated or, worse, forced.

Exactly! Thank you! I was just about to reply to that. Sex should never be just because the other person wants it. You should be able to share it, not feel obligated.

bargoo
06-17-2011, 06:12 PM
you have to have sex when you dont feel like it, :/



Sex when you don't feel like it ? Isn't that rape ?

cherrypie
06-17-2011, 06:20 PM
Really? I dunno... I actually don't feel like that.

I don't want the people who don't want the fat girl is the way it is to me! :)

We're all allowed to be as shallow as we'd like, but I get to choose whether or not that person is allowed in my life.

I hear people say that being single sucks, but being in an abusive relationship is worse.

I play MMORPGs (online gaming). You would not BELIEVE the number of times I hear a guy say "Girls don't like me". I want to take all the guys that say that, and put them in a room with all the women who say that. ...I'd honestly love to see what would happen!

VirgoChic - That guy that stopped talking to you over a petty disagreement sounds lame. I have had NUMEROUS friendships that went south, because of me being me. It's saddening for a moment, but it reinforces the fact that they were fairweather friends and no one wants any person like that around. You'll find better friends and more-than-friends. Ones who can appreciate a difference of opinion without taking it personally.

there you go. online gaming is the key :lol: but seriously, go have some fun doing what is fun to you you'll meet more people because you are happy and meet guys who you have something in common with. I really think you have to be good by yourself before you are good in a couple.

ryeb
06-17-2011, 06:27 PM
Sex when you don't feel like it ? Isn't that rape ?

I took the initial comment as a joke. There are times where I would be more than happy to just go to sleep, but I will still "give it up" to make him happy. IDK though, maybe she wasn't joking?

Sometimes I do use the good ol fall back cop out "I have a head ache" lol

As for the other ladies, women on here have made some awesome points. :)

ryeb
06-17-2011, 06:29 PM
Exactly! Thank you! I was just about to reply to that. Sex should never be just because the other person wants it. You should be able to share it, not feel obligated.

You mean to tell me, every single time, you want it so bad that you just couldn't pass up the chance? I mean, I still enjoy it, but there are times I have other things on my mind than just sex.

Ferumbras
06-17-2011, 06:30 PM
ryeb: Why not just say "not tonight"? Why should an excuse be necessary?

Ferumbras
06-17-2011, 06:33 PM
You mean to tell me, every single time, you want it so bad that you just couldn't pass up the chance? I mean, I still enjoy it, but there are times I have other things on my mind than just sex.

I'm not sure that's what she was saying. It sounded more like to me that sex should be mutually desired, that's not to say both have to have the same amount of desire for it every time (though one at 0% and the other at 90% is a problem, imo). Of course there are times when I have other things on my mind...until things start up. Then I'm there in the moment. But yes, there are days when he wants it more than I do, but I still want it and we still have it. If either of us doesn't want it, we don't do it.

raebeaR
06-17-2011, 06:38 PM
BuggyBear81, I'm giving you a hug. :hug: I get it, I really do.

I'm 54. I had a ton of boyfriends when I was young, always serious and offering marriage, but I stayed single till age 27. Got married to the wrong guy, got divorced after way too many years with him, stayed single for 8 years, found The One, was widowed after only 6 years, was single for nearly 3 years, got in a relationship a year and a half ago and got dumped 6 months ago (not related to weight). Here's what I have learned, and I hope it helps you some:

Being single is far preferable to being in a bad relationship. Being in a good relationship is far preferable to being single.

I miss having someone to share a laugh with. I miss having someone to snuggle up to in bed or who will rub my shoulders, or I will happily rub theirs. I miss sharing a knowing glance across a room at a party. I miss waiting to hear the sound of his truck pulling into the drive. I miss having someone to tussle with, tell my bad jokes to and share my meals. I miss dancing.

I don't miss having to cook all the time or cooking the wrong things because I know he'll love them, even though they're terrible for me. (But that was my fault, not theirs!)

On the practical side, I miss having someone to help with chores. I miss sharing my home with someone who knows how to fix the toilet. I hate being the only one who runs errands.

I was in deep with my last relationship and even though there were issues, he was a good man in many ways and I miss him terribly. That said, I wouldn't take him back if he showed up on the doorstep and begged. But I know better than to give up on love -- just on love with HIM.

Peruse your local Meetup groups. Join a few things -- book reading clubs, gardening clubs, hiking clubs or special interest clubs. If you really want to meet men, learn to shoot. Volunteer for something if you can. Put the word out to family and friends that if they know someone suitable, they'd be welcome to provide an introduction. Go to EVERYTHING you're invited to, even if you'd rather not: Potlucks, family gatherings, weddings, whatever comes up. Take the time to look good and feel good about yourself when you go. Put yourself out there! You'll be amazed how many people you meet, and you NEVER know when you might meet your next Special Someone. It might be through a chance meeting, or through a friend of a friend, or just someone you bump into while out and about. And if nothing else, it will give you something to do instead of worrying about your next relationship. :) Be picky, never be desperate, and enjoy your life just as it is -- trust me; it could be worse.

I hope there is something of help for you here. I know someone special is looking for you right now. Another hug for the road: :hug:

Best, Rae

jules1216
06-17-2011, 07:48 PM
someone asked me if something happenned to hubby would I do it again...I say no I would be single....I asked my mom once if she regretted staying single...she said no, she liked being the only to decide what she wanted to do...where she wanted to go...when she wanted to go to bed....who she wanted to talk to.....how and if she wanted to spend her money...sounds pretty good to me..

Ferumbras
06-17-2011, 07:56 PM
someone asked me if something happenned to hubby would I do it again...I say no I would be single....I asked my mom once if she regretted staying single...she said no, she liked being the only to decide what she wanted to do...where she wanted to go...when she wanted to go to bed....who she wanted to talk to.....how and if she wanted to spend her money...sounds pretty good to me..

Reading comments like this, I really wonder what those marriages were like, because it sounds incredibly controlling to me. I never feel as though I can't do what I want, buy what I want (unless we literally do not have the money), go to bed when I want, talk to whomever I want, etc. Granted, everyone is different, as is every relationship, but I too would be happier single if I felt that constricted in a relationship. Happily, with my husband, I do not.

CorinneIrene
06-17-2011, 08:03 PM
I love being single! It's been a couple of years now, but I keep a lot of "options". I do at times get the single blues but because I'm single, I really know who I am as me and not just the other half of someone. I suggest everyone take a few months off of dating and focus on themselves- unless of course you're already happily attached.

Once you start having negative feelings about being single, chances are you'll remain single. It's all about being positive where you are- and guys will take notice!

ryeb
06-17-2011, 08:35 PM
ryeb: Why not just say "not tonight"? Why should an excuse be necessary?

I have never actually used the line about the "head ache" line, I was being kind of a smart butt. But I have had moments where I was "ok, I guess"

ryeb
06-17-2011, 08:39 PM
BuggyBear81, I'm giving you a hug. :hug: I get it, I really do.

I'm 54. I had a ton of boyfriends when I was young, always serious and offering marriage, but I stayed single till age 27. Got married to the wrong guy, got divorced after way too many years with him, stayed single for 8 years, found The One, was widowed after only 6 years, was single for nearly 3 years, got in a relationship a year and a half ago and got dumped 6 months ago (not related to weight). Here's what I have learned, and I hope it helps you some:

Being single is far preferable to being in a bad relationship. Being in a good relationship is far preferable to being single.

I miss having someone to share a laugh with. I miss having someone to snuggle up to in bed or who will rub my shoulders, or I will happily rub theirs. I miss sharing a knowing glance across a room at a party. I miss waiting to hear the sound of his truck pulling into the drive. I miss having someone to tussle with, tell my bad jokes to and share my meals. I miss dancing.

I don't miss having to cook all the time or cooking the wrong things because I know he'll love them, even though they're terrible for me. (But that was my fault, not theirs!)

On the practical side, I miss having someone to help with chores. I miss sharing my home with someone who knows how to fix the toilet. I hate being the only one who runs errands.

I was in deep with my last relationship and even though there were issues, he was a good man in many ways and I miss him terribly. That said, I wouldn't take him back if he showed up on the doorstep and begged. But I know better than to give up on love -- just on love with HIM.

Peruse your local Meetup groups. Join a few things -- book reading clubs, gardening clubs, hiking clubs or special interest clubs. If you really want to meet men, learn to shoot. Volunteer for something if you can. Put the word out to family and friends that if they know someone suitable, they'd be welcome to provide an introduction. Go to EVERYTHING you're invited to, even if you'd rather not: Potlucks, family gatherings, weddings, whatever comes up. Take the time to look good and feel good about yourself when you go. Put yourself out there! You'll be amazed how many people you meet, and you NEVER know when you might meet your next Special Someone. It might be through a chance meeting, or through a friend of a friend, or just someone you bump into while out and about. And if nothing else, it will give you something to do instead of worrying about your next relationship. :) Be picky, never be desperate, and enjoy your life just as it is -- trust me; it could be worse.

I hope there is something of help for you here. I know someone special is looking for you right now. Another hug for the road: :hug:

Best, Rae

^^^^^ Seriously, the best advice ever ^^^^^^^^

Ferumbras
06-17-2011, 09:24 PM
I have never actually used the line about the "head ache" line, I was being kind of a smart butt. But I have had moments where I was "ok, I guess"

Ahh.. gotcha. :)

astrophe
06-17-2011, 11:37 PM
I'm sorry you are blue. But I wanted to give you props for dumping the abuser. NOBODY deserves that, and being alone for a while is better than being torn down by abuse. :hug:

Try to get out, be a part of community. However it is you do it -- volunteer, church, hobbies, meetups, whatever. Enjoy being you and enjoy doing what you like. Circulating is how you'll find someone who catches your eye and vice versa.

There's plenty of Right Ones out there. It's catching them at the Right Time. And it is always fine to throw a few back!

GL!
A.

Kaonashi
06-18-2011, 01:18 AM
Personally, I think society puts way too much emphasis on being "coupled up." There is nothing wrong with being single, and there's a difference between being "lonely" and being "alone" because you can be lonely in the wrong relationship!

Use this time to celebrate YOU. Go out and do the things you like, try things you've never done before, and enjoy your life! That special someone comes along at times when you least expect it. Desperation is the world's worst cologne and sends out "keep away" signals to someone you would actually WANT in your life (while sending "Come and get it" vibes to every troll within a 3-state radius).

osaunt
06-18-2011, 02:44 AM
I think I'm in the minority, but 99% of the time I LOVE being single. I'll turn 40 this summer and can't imagine having to "answer" to someone--I'm very independent. Never been married and no kids.

^This! I also am very independent and enjoy my freedom. I've had married friends "runaway " to stay with me at times. They have happy and healthy relationships, kind husbands but the pressure of being a couple just got to them and they wanted the freedom of being single again, if only for a weekend:)

Being single is far preferable to being in a bad relationship. Being in a good relationship is far preferable to being single.

I loved you post, thanks so much for your insights. While I'm happy with my my life and choices, I know that I might be missing out on something EVEN better. My independence can be perceived as disinterest and I really want to be open to other possibilities.

OP:hug: Don't be sad, single life can be quite fun.

FrouFrou
06-18-2011, 01:22 PM
I don't know why anyone would feel they "need" a man/relationship/marriage to be happy/content. You don't need anyone to make you happy, sure it's nice at times to have someone but it's such a pain at times as well, lol. It's nice to have someone in your life but they shouldn't be there because you feel you need to have them because everyone else has someone. Of course I have the best of both...I am married but living single and loving it!

VegDay
06-18-2011, 08:50 PM
I'm pretty much committed to stay single. My decision is also deep rooted in my childhood. Yes, I'm on my own and I don't have anyone to help me or advocate for me. I've really never felt I had that. However, I have peace behind my closed door. I've become very independent and I can take better care of myself than anyone else could.

I always thought I was stupid and did every low paying job there was but supported myself. I finally went to college in my late 20's figuring I'd fail but give it a try anyway. To my shock I found it a breeze with excellent grades. I now have a good paying job that is in demand. So I'm 51 and single. Life could be much worse. And I'm not lonely. I feel isolated, like I don't fit in often, but not lonely.

Sorry to babble. And to the OP, I'm sorry you are feeling so low. My suggestion would be to take care of yourself right now, make sure you are independent and what comes along will. I'm glad you stopped an abusive relationship. No one deserves that. And it's not better than being alone. With a pet you are never alone too.

kaplods
06-18-2011, 10:02 PM
I liked being single and living alone so much that I've teased hubby since we first started dating, that my ideal living arrangement would be his & her duplexes.

I wouldn't say that being single was better than being married, but it certainly was easier. It takes a lot of work (at least for me) to live with anyone, even a room mate. It's just so much easier when you don't have to share control over your your life (and my husband doesn't expect or force me to make compromises, I do so because that's what you do when you love and live with someone. He does the same. It's both the advantage and the disadvantage of living together).

But I never felt that I was single because I had to be. I didn't have men beating down my door, but my social life wasn't all that different from my thinner friends and family members. I tended to be a little pickier (in fact, my mother was constantly telling me that I was going to end up being alone forever, because I was too picky). Being alone just seemed a lot better than being with someone who wasn't worthy of me.


I met my husband when I was 35 and he was 31 through a personal ad I placed. My ad was funny and up front about my current weight at the time (about 350-360 lbs) and my interest in losing weight and finding someone in a similar situation or someone who could accept me at my current weight, my ideal weight, and anywhere in between.

I got a lot of responses to the ad, though some of them were kind of odd. I almost didn't respond to hubby's voicemail because I didn't think we had anything in common, but he'd said something to the effect that "even if we just end up friends, that would be cool," and his "no pressure" response appealed to me. That was always my biggest problem with dating, guys who wanted too much too fast (and I'm not even talking sex so much as the "instant" relationship. Guys who fell in love so fast, that it couldn't be real love. I'd get the feeling that they didn't want me, so much as they wanted someone so badly that almost any woman with a pulse would have sufficed).

I think learning to love being alone actually helped me find the best relationship for me. Because I wasn't afraid of being alone, I looked for the best long-term partner for me, not just someone to be with until I found something better.

CeciliaM
06-18-2011, 10:27 PM
I broke up with my bf of 1.5 years a couple of months ago. Best decision ever. I did everything for him, helped him with his study, kept him on track, paid for basically all his clothes and basically was like a 2nd mother to him. he couldn't be bothered getting a job because he thought he was "above it" and only decided to get one once he started planning to go to America, you know, instead of paying me back! So needed and emotionally damaged too. There's a point when you have to stop putting yourself on hold for someone else. This was it.
Being with him slowed down my weightloss. In fact, I weigh less than he does now. I'm awesome, he's a douche. I'll find someone who I deserve! Till then I'm content having time with ME!
Same goes for you!

Chubbykins
06-19-2011, 04:37 AM
I was constantly teased for being a 20 year old virgin that had never even held hands with a guy. But there was so much more to life than boring kiddy-pseudo adult- relationships and following society's rules. Even my own family called me spinster and tight-*** (go figure :( ).

I didn't feel though as if I was "waiting to start living". No way! I started Uni, I joined fencing tournaments, I sung in the opera choir... I did many amazing things and had a sense of accomplishment.

The ONLY thing I missed was sharing to be honest. Yeah I know it sounds weird as sharing equals sacrifice to some, but sharing experiences and life makes it somehow lovelier to me.

I reluctantly accepted to go on a date with a guy and I had all the best intentions and integrity in the world. Yet I was dumpted 4 days later because I didn't want to be physical with him until we knew each-other better. I don't blaim him, he just wanted a quick f**k and I had been too inexperienced to realise that. It was very sad for me and I felt as if there aren't people who want serious relationships in the world :D

Then I met my fiance. We met at a acting club and developed a cheerful friendship with some underlying desire. Three months later I asked him out and I haven't regreted it ever since. There existed a man exactly how I wanted him and we both changed to suit eachother as best as possible. I love changing because it is a sign that I am young yet. Only old people (in mind or body) want to stay exactly as they are.

I won't give any general advice. I sadly do not know you that well and my personal experienses aren't enough to reveal some universal truth. But I thought perhaps that sharing my story can add to that universal truth a little bit.

Never take an opinion that only came from a single person. It is statistically improbable that it will be significant enough :) Good luck on finding what you want!

gonnadoitthistime
06-19-2011, 12:50 PM
I think it is just human nature to be negative and focus on what we don't have, what we think "most" people have instead of counting our blessings. Let's see, being single, no car, little money, getting older by the day, three kids I only hear from when they want something.....
Or look how great I have it, my tiny place that is easy to keep warm/cool, the opportunity to be back in school at this age, abilities physical, intellectual, musical, etc, when there are people who will never even know what it's like to be able to walk, hear, see, mothers who can't feed their children, people living in war zones their entire lives, some countries that are so poor that people battle over territory at the dump, people with terminally ill children, etc etc etc.
I am so fortunate and grateful for all I have, for all the comforts, opportunities, for this life I have been blessed with.

jules1216
06-19-2011, 02:05 PM
someone told me once....the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but it has a septic tank too...

Glory87
06-19-2011, 02:22 PM
YOU ARE ALL THAT IS VAGINA!

My new motto.

Beila
06-19-2011, 06:11 PM
Interesting convos going on here...I agree with many people though...

Single life sucks, until you realized that you are better off with someone that is better suitted for you. Don't waste time in a bad relationship. Doing things you don't want to do. Being with someone that treats you poorly.

But when you want to date again, you must put yourself out there and find the right person.

All the single ladies! All the single ladies!

seabiscuit
06-19-2011, 06:19 PM
yeah I agree- single life really does suck! The crazy thing is I see cute guys and I think, I'd like to make a move but I'm too scared because I am fat!

I hate being overweight and single. :(

VegDay
06-19-2011, 11:12 PM
I think it is just human nature to be negative and focus on what we don't have, what we think "most" people have instead of counting our blessings. Let's see, being single, no car, little money, getting older by the day, three kids I only hear from when they want something.....
Or look how great I have it, my tiny place that is easy to keep warm/cool, the opportunity to be back in school at this age, abilities physical, intellectual, musical, etc, when there are people who will never even know what it's like to be able to walk, hear, see, mothers who can't feed their children, people living in war zones their entire lives, some countries that are so poor that people battle over territory at the dump, people with terminally ill children, etc etc etc.
I am so fortunate and grateful for all I have, for all the comforts, opportunities, for this life I have been blessed with.
So true. When things get me down I realize one thing: How lucky I was to have been born in the United States; In a modern, free country. I have little to complain about.

CrystalZ10
06-20-2011, 01:31 AM
I was constantly teased for being a 20 year old virgin that had never even held hands with a guy. But there was so much more to life than boring kiddy-pseudo adult- relationships and following society's rules. Even my own family called me spinster and tight-*** (go figure :( ).

I didn't feel though as if I was "waiting to start living". No way! I started Uni, I joined fencing tournaments, I sung in the opera choir... I did many amazing things and had a sense of accomplishment.

The ONLY thing I missed was sharing to be honest. Yeah I know it sounds weird as sharing equals sacrifice to some, but sharing experiences and life makes it somehow lovelier to me.

I reluctantly accepted to go on a date with a guy and I had all the best intentions and integrity in the world. Yet I was dumpted 4 days later because I didn't want to be physical with him until we knew each-other better. I don't blaim him, he just wanted a quick f**k and I had been too inexperienced to realise that. It was very sad for me and I felt as if there aren't people who want serious relationships in the world :D

Then I met my fiance. We met at a acting club and developed a cheerful friendship with some underlying desire. Three months later I asked him out and I haven't regreted it ever since. There existed a man exactly how I wanted him and we both changed to suit eachother as best as possible. I love changing because it is a sign that I am young yet. Only old people (in mind or body) want to stay exactly as they are.

I won't give any general advice. I sadly do not know you that well and my personal experienses aren't enough to reveal some universal truth. But I thought perhaps that sharing my story can add to that universal truth a little bit.

Never take an opinion that only came from a single person. It is statistically improbable that it will be significant enough :) Good luck on finding what you want!

I love your story! Almost the same as mine. I was lonely though while single. I wanted a boyfriend, but refused to compramise my moral values, so alone I stayed. Once I met my husband, everything fell into place and I was happy I stayed true. I felt that my waiting paid off. I think though that meeting him happened once I was actually happy with being single. I had accepted that I might be single for the rest of my life, and started to find a lot of good there. I'm not sure if there is a connection in that, but it helped me. :hug:

Alwaysbeenbig
06-20-2011, 01:41 AM
I've never been in a relationship, so I can't offer any insite into one. What I can say is that I have many friends that are incapable of functioning outside of a relationship. Enjoy the time being single, open yourself up to the possibilities of meeting new people and have some fun. :)

fitness4life
06-20-2011, 07:41 AM
Such great insite from everyone!

I've been divorced for 3.5 years. I've had dates and boyfriends, blah blah blah, but no one "ideal". Not even the current one. I just keep him around for sex. LOL - JUST KIDDING! I love him, but he's still not "the ONE".

IMO, it has nothing, NOTHING, to do with fitness vs fatness. My larger friends are more desired, it seems. Maybe I need to clean up my personality. haha!

No, what I really think it is, is a larger person is "safe", takes comfort in comfortable things and enjoys what most people do - the comfort of food and the luxury of lounging. I'm sorry if that stereotype is just that, a stereotype, but that's kind of my point. When you look at someone, you judge by what you see if you want to do the same things you think they do. For most, I would think it would be more fun to sit at a movie and eat pop corn, then to ride 50 miles on bikes.

I have such a problem finding a companion who will keep up with me.

I feel like my post may be offensive, and I really hope that everyone can read it for what it's worth. Please don't consider your weight as the "problem" finding a relationship. I just don't think that's so.

It's a timing thing, and a pickiness thing. OP, decide what you want in a relationship and don't settle for less, unless you settle for great sex.

JUST KIDDING again! LOL

MiZTaCCen
06-20-2011, 08:32 AM
Meh, Single > Marriage

I've come to realize over the years of growing up and dating that I don't need anyone or have to deal with anyone else's bull**** but my own. I don't have to turn to my husband or living with boyfriend if I can go do something. I don't have to rush home from hanging out with girlfriends just so I can get quality time in with someone I live with. I don't have rules, I don't have set times. When I go out I go out! When and if I wanted to pack up and move someplace else and enjoy it I can without having to worry about anyone else but myself. I'm also sure as **** not going to go on dating sites anymore just to find myself a "boyfriend" or potential "husband" because none of those guys are good enough for me to begin with. I enjoy being single and trust me 95% of my friends are in relationships and I look at their relationships and think I'm glad I'm not dealing with that ****. LOL

So I disagree single life does not suck, it actually rocks!