Weight Loss Support - This bugs me!




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Mickey79sf
06-14-2011, 09:11 PM
Why do people ask for weightloss buddies and then don't follow through :mad: I try to be super supportive, exchange emails and handles.. just to be a supportive buddy and then they just disappear. As much as they need someone, u respond for the same reason. its just fustrating:?: has this happened to anyone else??


kaplods
06-14-2011, 11:16 PM
Yeah, it's happened to me. I've never sought out a buddy, but I've gotten pm'd wiht requests to be a buddy and I've said "if you need daily emails, or "tough love" scolding, I can't promise that, but I'll be happy to correspond" and then I'll hear nothing or we'll correspond for a while and then they'll disappear.

I never thought of it as really weird or frustrating though, because I've had it happen so much in real life that I'm kind of used to it. I've been in weight loss clubs like Weight Watchers, OA, and TOPS since I was 8 years old, and I've had exercise buddies and weight loss friends who "just disappear" all of the time.

And I guess I've "just disappeared" as well, in that I've quit weight loss groups without saying goodbye to the friends I've made. Instead, I just gradually stopped going, and stopped contacting the other members.

Just last week at the library, I ran into a woman who used to belong to my TOPS group. She was really active in group and a real joy to be around. She just suddenly stopped coming. I said a cheerful "Hi, great to see you," but she was with her little boy, and she seemed very embarassed and uncomfortable to see me, so I didn't say anything more. I wanted to say "We've missed you," but I thought that might sound like I was trying to lay a guilt trip on her.

It looked like she had maybe gained a little bit of weight, but it also could have been the clothes she was wearing.

I think most people have every intention to follow through, but life or guilt intervene. It could be anything from their computer died and they don't have money to fix it, to having to work a lot of overtime or being under a lot of life and job stress, they may have a personal tragedy or crisis, or they may have given up on themselves and feel too ashamed to admit it to anyone.

There are a bazillion possible explanations. Half a bazillion reasonable reasons, and the other half a bazillion irresponsible, lame ones.

That's one of the reasons I'm more comfortable getting support in the forums. Rather than relying on one person to be there when I need them, I know that I can hop onto the forums and find tons of people willing to help me as I need it. Even if it's 2:00 in the morning, I often will find that I can get a response within 30 minutes (not always, of course - but a response always seems to be no more than a day away).

3FC is almost like AA meetings in some of the really big cities - available almost 24/7.

If I feel like I'm needing to talk to someone/anyon" at 2 am, when a lot of people aren't around, I'll post in general chatter, because it's the spot everyone seems to check, regardless of when they're here.


I'm on the boards a lot. I'm on disability, and have mobility issues (getting better, but I'm still housebound a lot), so I'm here virtually every day, and I have an obsessive need to check on threads I'm participating in, so I'll often be here several times a day. If you need someone to talk, you're free to pm (I check my pm's here about 100 times more than my email address).

I'll be happy to talk when I can, but I also can give no guarantees. It would be unusual for me not to respond withing 2 days, but it could happen. I don't generally go online at all when we are vacationing or traveling to visit family out-of-state. And I could still disappear tomorrow. In my case (since I've been here almost every day, several times a day, for at last 5 of the last 8 years), if I disappear, it will probably be because either my computer dropped dead or I did.

Lovely
06-14-2011, 11:18 PM
Yes. It's happened to me before.

Sometimes it's been a real life friend! :lol:

I can't speak of the people I've never met as I don't know the reasons why they've dropped off the face of the earth, but my real life friends when this has happened... well it's because they weren't nearly as dedicated as I was.

They thought it was fun for a month, and then they just wanted to hang out and return to their old habits, and I was an old fuddy duddy who was ACTUALLY changing my life for GOOD. So I kind of ruined the whole "diet buddy" thing by... get this... sticking to my diet! :lol: They wanted an "excuse buddy", and I wasn't going to be that!


Resolute
06-14-2011, 11:29 PM
If you need others who will be there, i suggest the challenge forum, Sarge's no excuses has a good following, some of us will just not say die. Otherwise you can't rely on anyone but yourself, i learned this long ago, i could not be bothered trying top prop up others, i will encourage and help but it's up to the individual when all is said and done.

Mickey79sf
06-15-2011, 03:40 AM
i guess all of u are right.. i just don't see the point of reaching out and then disappearing.. its just not how i function.. oh well.. i will just keep marching right along either way. :) thanks for the responses ladies
mickey

PacSunMama
06-15-2011, 04:21 AM
I definitely know what you mean. I've had a few buddies recently that want to buddy and want to do this but then I end up feeling like a jerk because I'm pushing them, trying to motivate them. But then I feel like I'm just bullying them into something they clearly don't want to commit to, and I don't want them to feel as if I'm judging them.

I love the challenge forum!! It helps to have others who are supportive and hold me accountable, even if they don't (I'm sure if I stop posting nobody would notice on a place as large as this, where people come and go.) But wanting to check in and weigh in each week as part of a group challenge really helps motivate me!

April Snow
06-15-2011, 09:03 AM
I think people give up a LOT and stop posting and emailing.

But I am going to suggest you come post on the 100 lb club http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/100-lb-club-55/

There are lots of great people posting there, and lots of people supporting each other to get through the 220s and below, into Onederland. Lots of ongoing support on the forum itself, and I'm sure you'd find a partner there for one on one support if that works better for you.

JoJoJo2
06-15-2011, 02:29 PM
People come here to 3fc seeking support in their weight-loss journey. They leave because they think they haven't received the support they think they need, or because they have fallen off the weight-loss wagon, or because they have found another weight-loss forum that they like better. Or probably they have other reasons for disappearing. . . . Who knows?

Actually the members of 3fc are very helpful and supportive.

But people are human.

A weight-loss journey has many twists and curves in it. It is never a straight line from start to finish. So many fall by the wayside, and we never hear from them again. That's sad.

I have been accused in the past of causing an individual to falter in their weight-loss journey because I didn't give the support that particular individual thought I should give. I was being as supportive as I know how to be, but it evidently wasn't sufficient.

That is probably why I am a bit reluctant to become a buddy for anyone. :( I can only do what I can do.

There is no perfect answer to the question the OP presented. I don't have the solution, although I wish I did.

I guess I will just keep plugging along, doing the best I can. :wave:

CorinneIrene
06-15-2011, 04:05 PM
I "left" someone- she wanted a snail mail pal and I was all for it. Even had the first letter written...and yet I never sent it. I still feel guilty about it! I just dropped off posting here- I was at my goal weight and starting school full time with full time work, annnnd my priorities took a nose dive. Really pointless excuses! I haven't seen her post here recently (though I can't remember where she was most active) so I'll issue an apology! :( Sorry!

Esofia
06-15-2011, 04:33 PM
If it's not a daft question, what exactly is the point of an online weight loss buddy? Over and above what you can receive in a forum, of course.

kaplods
06-16-2011, 05:30 PM
If it's not a daft question, what exactly is the point of an online weight loss buddy? Over and above what you can receive in a forum, of course.

It's not a daft question. Personally, I've always felt much the same way, because I'm a super sociable person, and have always felt the more people working on a problem, the better, but I think it's more a matter of personality style and personal preference.

Just as in real life, some people are more comfortable relating to one or two people they know or can get to know well, than a roomful of mostly strangers.

You'll find some people here who post only in one thread/forum, and others who post to any thread that looks interesting (I'm definitely one of the latter. I always check new posts rather than the specific forums. Sometimes I post in a thread without even realizing which forum it actually belongs to.

Lovely
06-16-2011, 05:45 PM
If it's not a daft question, what exactly is the point of an online weight loss buddy? Over and above what you can receive in a forum, of course.

Just some people's personal preference. They respond better to only one or two people.

Or they like the fact that a specific person is there to call them out and jab them in the side, whereas sometimes on a forum you have to post that you need the jab in the side before you get it. Having a buddy might mean someone will specifically seek you out and not wait to hear from you.

Or they want to keep their personal matters to just one person and not the infinity-odd members of a forum.

Or they're looking to build a friendship and not "just" a weight loss buddy.

Lotsa reasons. Different strokes for different folks. :)

Mickey79sf
06-16-2011, 11:58 PM
If it's not a daft question, what exactly is the point of an online weight loss buddy? Over and above what you can receive in a forum, of course.

great question actually.. and i never really thought about it to deeply.. i have never actually asked for a buddy.. i just reached out to those who said they needed one . i get why the want one because its like having a confidant to help you when u are down and push you along. but i think they main reason people may disappear is guilt. if they haven't been sticking to plan they start to feel bad because you are like a mirror. they see what they should be doing and it makes them feel bad. when i first made this post i was irritated by it. but now i just feel bad for them and send them a great big :hug: i will still be here if they need me :)

Skittlez
06-17-2011, 02:05 AM
I've had one or two buddies in the past, I don't remember who stopped emailing who at this point though! Sometimes personalities just don't match up that well, then it leads to awkward, really short emails or chats. "How are you doing?" "Good, how about you?" "Great!" D: Or like others have mentioned they might fall off the dieting bandwagon, and maybe feel embarassed about it so they take the easy way out and just stop chatting. Either way, don't take it personally! I always like to think that if people don't want to chat with me it's their loss ;)

RiceBunnie
06-17-2011, 02:33 AM
I tried Craigslist for strictly platonic w4w and met only 2 cool people. One however, is doing nothing to actually be motivated. I'm sure mentally she's not ready. She wants to lose weight (she's I think 300+ judging by looking at her) but I think she's stuck in the self destructive rut of staying heavy. I worry for her though because she's a really cool person and we have a lot in common. I'm so determined and really taking this seriously, whereas our workout plan never got past the planning. I get frustrated because I'm addicted to working out and excited to hear from other on some great new lo cal, non or low fat meal they tried. I like bragging about nutritional info. =D
However the other girl I met is amazing!!!! Took me to my first Zumba class and we're going again this weekend. She's as determined as I am and I love her even after only 3 weeks. =)
I guess it's hit and miss for finding someone you're compatible with. But I wish you were closer!! I love having equally as motivated people around me.
Wanna be 3FC buddies?

RiceBunnie
06-17-2011, 02:35 AM
Lovely,
I'm training for the Zombie Apocalypse too!! LOL
=))

Skittlez
06-17-2011, 02:42 AM
I tried Craigslist for strictly platonic w4w and met only 2 cool people. One however, is doing nothing to actually be motivated. I'm sure mentally she's not ready. She wants to lose weight (she's I think 300+ judging by looking at her) but I think she's stuck in the self destructive rut of staying heavy. I worry for her though because she's a really cool person and we have a lot in common. I'm so determined and really taking this seriously, whereas our workout plan never got past the planning. I get frustrated because I'm addicted to working out and excited to hear from other on some great new lo cal, non or low fat meal they tried. I like bragging about nutritional info. =D
However the other girl I met is amazing!!!! Took me to my first Zumba class and we're going again this weekend. She's as determined as I am and I love her even after only 3 weeks. =)
I guess it's hit and miss for finding someone you're compatible with. But I wish you were closer!! I love having equally as motivated people around me.
Wanna be 3FC buddies?

I had terrible experiences with trying to find friends on craigslist! I chatted with one woman for a few weeks, she tried to set up a time for us to meet for lunch, I agreed that we should and gave her my phone number and that was that. Never responded to any of my other emails! :?: Glad it's going better for you though!

RiceBunnie
06-17-2011, 02:46 AM
Skittelz
Yah, I do think I lucked out on my Zumba girl. Craiglist is generally flaky. Let's not even get into the romantic side!!! HUGE mistake however, very funny if you're reading the replies with a couple of glasses of wine. =DD

RiceBunnie
06-17-2011, 02:47 AM
Skittlez,
My OCD will not let me ignore that I spelled your name.
haha

Skittlez
06-17-2011, 02:49 AM
lol I really need to get a new username, my OCD bugs me everytime I see my name because of the Z :-P