Faith Based Support Groups - New to 3FC & Faith Forums. (My Faith story)




PBmama
06-09-2011, 10:12 PM
Since I shared my basic introduction I thought I would share my Faith story here. :)

When I was 4 years old I had asked my mom what it took to be a Christian. We had just been driving home from dinner and she just said that you simply ask Jesus to come into your heart and forgive you for all the bad stuff you have done. To ask Jesus to help you be the best Rachel that you could be. She gave it no further thought and turned around for awhile until she heard me sobbing. I was curled up in the backseat crying and praying to Jesus to come into my heart. Ever since then I remember growing up and always feeling very close to Jesus. I would have dreams where I was running to him and hugging him with such joy. We may not have always gone to church. In fact in my teen years my mother found a "new age" church to attend which was interesting to say the least. I always felt him there in my heart everywhere I went. I may not have always lived the way I was supposed to but I knew he was always there.

My life has been a difficult one. I was pregnant and married at 16. After 2 children I was divorced by 22. It was a very abusive situation and I am thankful every day to have made it out alive. Finally I reunited with a friend from Middle school who led me to a church back home. I started attending and was baptized, received the gift of the holy ghost, and was blessed with so much joy. There I had found my second husband who was a single father of 3 beautiful children around my 2 daughters ages. After a year we married and moved to Washington. My whole life was never the same. About a year into our marriage I found out he was having an affair and also it came to light that he had been molesting his daughter. I was so heartbroken. I took temporary custody of my 3 step children and fought so hard to keep them. Their mother had not been in the picture for over 5 years. I was the only mother they had really ever known. After my divorce and another year of court battles the courts decided to let CPS handle it. The 3 children were then placed in foster care and my 2 daughters and I were left to ourselves. After I lost them I lost my faith. I remember coming home after dropping them off at the CPS office and just sobbing from my very soul. I starting speaking in tongues, I was so upset and I felt like I was yelling at God for him allowing this to happen. I was still a baby in my faith but I had put everything I had in him. I felt robbed and let down. I hurt for myself and for the children. I felt so guilty that I was yelling at him. So I did the worst thing possible and turned away from him. That was 4 years ago.

In March I felt him move in me and call me back to him. It has been a difficult road which would have only been easier if I had just turned to him in the first place. I am on husband #3 now. However I have been resistant to legally marry again we live and treat each other as husband & wife. We have been together for nearly 5 years and he saw me through everything. A wonderful man however he is not a Christian. He is Buddhist but has gone to church with me in the beginning before I had stopped going. My oldest daughter who is now 12 had been giving us lots of problems. She started cutting herself last year and we had to put her into a hospital for treatment. Now she is undergoing a lot of therapy with a wonderful woman. I wish I had never turned away from God. I feel like I have failed her. Just like I failed my 3 step children.

Now I struggle with my walk. Someone asked me how I knew I was saved...If I had walked away like I did. If it was so easy for me to fall away how did I know that the experience I had were real and not false. This really bothered me because I had always felt him so real and intense. It was never a question. I have gone back to church for the first time in probably 2 years. I feel this hunger for his word and I feel an urgency like never before. I really don't know how to study but just being in his word has been comforting. The last few months I felt him call and I felt that something major is going to happen soon. I just don't know what that is. I have been reading this Left Behind series and that really makes you realize just how important it is to be right with God. The pain I feel from my losses are there. I still struggle with being in the world...but at least now I am struggling and not just going along for the ride. I am slowly giving things back to God one thing at a time and he has proven to be listening and patient. God is good.

God has made an AMAZING healing in my daughters life. She has stopped cutting herself and has stopped giving my husband so much trouble. The atmosphere in the home has been so wonderful the last few weeks I often think I am dreaming!

I am not sure why I felt the need to share this with you. I hope that you are blessed & I thank you for listening


bargoo
06-09-2011, 10:44 PM
Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I must say this, however, if we want to walk with God we must be honest . in all areas of our lives. I don't want to be preachy but I felt I must tell you this.

PBmama
06-09-2011, 10:52 PM
Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I must say this, however, if we want to walk with God we must be honest . in all areas of our lives. I don't want to be preachy but I felt I must tell you this.


Your not being preachy...I know you speak the truth. The more I walk with God the more conviction I feel. My husband and I have even talked in great lengths and I believe in time that we will hear real wedding bells in the not so distant future. As far as all my other sin's I work on them always trying to improve. All things in Gods time will be made right. :D I know there is nothing that I can do to make myself perfect. I will always be a sinner.


bargoo
06-11-2011, 10:56 AM
Your not being preachy...I know you speak the truth. The more I walk with God the more conviction I feel. My husband and I have even talked in great lengths and I believe in time that we will hear real wedding bells in the not so distant future. As far as all my other sin's I work on them always trying to improve. All things in Gods time will be made right. :D I know there is nothing that I can do to make myself perfect. I will always be a sinner.

Remeber your sins have been forgiven. The price has been paid on the Cross at Calvary.

EZMONEY
06-11-2011, 09:22 PM
Welcome to our Faith based threads PBmama

Thing1
06-19-2011, 09:17 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is both inspiring and comforting to hear your faith and strength expressed so openly. Im new to this site and will take all the inspiration i can get :) Thank you for sharing!

ZebraBri
07-22-2011, 07:02 PM
Blessed Be to you and you coming back to the Great Blessed Be! Thank you for sharing your story, it's always inspiring to read these stories of how you come back to faith after so much struggle. (And by the way, you did not fail your 3 step children. It's not your fault, and you have a wonderful heart for trying).

PBmama
07-27-2011, 11:45 PM
THank you everyone for such a warm welcome. :)

Blessed Be to you and you coming back to the Great Blessed Be! Thank you for sharing your story, it's always inspiring to read these stories of how you come back to faith after so much struggle. (And by the way, you did not fail your 3 step children. It's not your fault, and you have a wonderful heart for trying).

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have a most WONDERFUL update on my 3 step children!!! I found out that the church I am now attending is the SAME church that the kids foster parents go to! I learned that all three of them have been adopted by the same family!!! Even though I wont be able to see them until they are grown I know they are in a very VERY good place. The family is wealthy and will be able to protect them much better then I could from their father. Also I found out that they talked about us constantly so we are not forgotten! :D My heart is filled with SO much joy! Praise God for he is magnificent! His Love Endures Forever!

EZMONEY
07-28-2011, 09:35 AM
Wonderful news PBmama