Weight Loss Support - "You're not going to lose too much more, are you?"
06-09-2011, 06:48 PM
That's the comment I am starting to get. Instead of saying "Heck yea, I have
50 more pounds to go", I just smile and say "No". I figure it's better than the
lecture I see coming...lol.
How do you handle comments like that? :tape:
06-09-2011, 06:59 PM
I always get this comment. I know my body better than anyone else so it usually goes in one ear and out the other and the topic gets changed.
06-09-2011, 07:43 PM
I expect to get these comments very soon by people who seem to be rather ignorant on weight loss and being healthy.
I plan on saying. "I am just being healthy. I am not overeating anymore and I like to work out. If I happen to lose weight in the process, then so be it. It's healthy!"
I think people just get used to seeing someone as overweight, and the change may be weird for them. Or maybe it reminds them how they are being unhealthy and unwilling to make the change for themselves.
06-09-2011, 07:52 PM
I get this as well. I think a lot of it is that because being overweight is so prevalent in our society now, people have skewed ideas on what's "normal". I got these comments starting when I was at 140, which is still "overweight" for me. In some people's minds, my goal weight is very, very thin, but in reality it's well within the healthy range for someone of my height and frame size.
Just keep on going! You know your body and you know where you need to be. :)
06-09-2011, 07:58 PM
Around the 120 to 160 pounds lost point people would ask me CONSTANTLY..."SO, how much more do you plan to lose???" When I would tell them the number they would say..."OH NO, you don't need to lose anymore!" LOL I would always laugh and say something like..."oh, but my doctor thinks I should." (lie, he was happy with me after the first 100 lost).
It would always kind of tick me off because I would think...you must think I need to lose more or you wouldn't assume I planned on losing more. If you thought I looked like I was at goal, you wouldn't ask me how much more I planned on losing. :D. People sometimes drive me nuts.
06-09-2011, 08:48 PM
I think the nail was hit on the head by the poster who said that people are so used to seeing overweight people that they think anyone within a normal range is too thin.
I had surgery last week and the night before, the anesthesiologist called me to review my stats. He asked how tall I was and then how much I weigh. When I told him 139, he said, "oh wow, you're really skinny". No, not really. In fact, I would love to weigh 130 and that would be supposedly optimal for my height. But, I was thinking that even the medical community has the same view that everyone else does. When you are normal weight, you are considered skinny or too thin. When did this happen??
06-09-2011, 08:52 PM
I get this sometimes and I respond by saying that I'm going to keep losing until my BMI is in the center of the normal range. I don't necessarily think that BMI is all that indicative of good health, but for some reason, the people around me give it a lot of value, so it has worked thus far.
06-09-2011, 09:06 PM
This is why I'm kind of glad I live away from family right now. They are the only people I'd probably get those types of comments from. I'm going to see most of them this weekend and I'm sure they'll be able to tell I've lost weight. I wont see them again until Thanksgiving and if I stay on track I bet by that point I'll start getting those types of comments. Good thing I wont see them again for a while after that. =)
06-09-2011, 09:24 PM
The closer you get to your goal weight the more you'll hear it.
Initially I suspect people are trying to pay you a compliment by saying these kinds of things. But wait - it gets better!
Pretty soon they'll start asking you what your secret is - only to be dissapointed to find there isn't one.:o
Solution: don't talk about your diet. Someone offers you some food you don't want to eat just say "No thank you I'm not hungry". No need to mention your diet.
Congrats on your loss thus far!:D
06-10-2011, 02:03 PM
Pretty soon they'll start asking you what your secret is - only to be dissapointed to find there isn't one.:o
I especially love it when I answer "diet and exercise" and they crinkle their noses with displeasure.
06-10-2011, 02:09 PM
People have a really hard time extrapolating the fat you from the new thin you. They will comment, but stay strong and keep to what you believe is your ideal weight. That way they will not derail you like others have me so many times in the past.
06-10-2011, 02:31 PM
I've been getting those types of comments for a couple of months now -- actually, they started after I'd lost only about 15 pounds. o_O All I can figure is that it must look like I've lost more. I'm short, so 15 pounds off a five-foot person might look like more? I don't know.
In any case, when I get those kinds of remarks, like other people have said, I tend to just say something like, "Well, I'll see as I go along; right now I still have some more to lose."
I just try to keep in mind that the people who say these things are only being concerned that I don't go too far (they've all been family members), but at the end of the day, the only person whose advice I'm going to take in terms of how much I need to lose is my doctor.
One of my theories is that some people are happy for you when you lose weight, but only up to a certain point.
Once you edge into the threatening area of "she's almost hotter than me now, and if she loses any more, she'll be, like, WAY hotter than me," they want to bring you back within Community Standards. And face it, these days, most communities are overweight.
Once you deviate markedly from the Community Standard, even if it's toward the "better than" (rather than the "unhealthier than"), they get really uneasy.
I think because they are afraid you're going to overthrow the standard & set a new one.
Think of what it's like if you're in a classroom or a workplace where a certain performance standard is the norm. And suddenly a new kid comes in, or a new hire, and that person is an overachiever. They make everyone else look like slugs. Even you. How do feel about that person?
Same thing with weight & body image.
06-10-2011, 03:13 PM
Oh I can't wait to get that question lol. I do get snide comments about my boobs being smaller or my head looking big (big sisters never get nicer do they?) I don't care I feel better and Shoot, 'I'm wearing my new capris today!!!!
Keep up your good work and good strategy to just say no, smile and keep it moving.
06-10-2011, 11:21 PM
I haven't had any of those comments yet, but I'm looking forward to them.
I think I would just tell people that "I need to lose more to get into the healthy weight range." I think the solidness of a BMI chart which most people know a little about would help them understand i'm not going for a random crazy weight.
Right now I'm just reaching the point where people can tell I'm losing weight. One comming to mind is my co-worker. A lovely older lady, thin as a rail but the other day went "Your butt is dissapearing!" (I love this woman like a crazy aunt lol)
I have to admit though that I'm a little guilty of this when my best friend was put on certain diet because of health issues. she was maybe 190 pounds,, then dropped to 160 in five weeks. and I only saw her once a week. so once she hit 170 I had to ask if she was okay then when she hit 160 I felt scared for her only because I've never seen her that weight before (I've known her for 16 years) and it was getting to the point where she didn't seem a healthy weight anymore. And at how fast she was dropping it. of course I know she could of lost 20 more pounds and still be perfectly healthy.
06-11-2011, 07:36 AM
I am getting this now. People that have onlt known me as fat think I'm "too thin". As others have said, I think we are used to seeing overweight people and normal weight looks "thin". My BMI is technically still over weight. I just answer with "I don't know." and move on. If they don't want to move on from the topic, then they will get schooled. I'm an RN so most of the people that know me don't feel like having me lecture them, because I remind them that I am formally educated on this topic. I don't try to be a pain, but there are one or two people in my life that otherwise make my weightloss seem like a bad thing when I know its not.
06-11-2011, 12:54 PM
I'm looking forward to getting this question! I'm at the stage where people are just starting to notice, which feels pretty good. :yay::yay:
06-11-2011, 01:59 PM
I am getting this a LOT now - I guess my face suddenly got thinner although I didn't lose a lot more, and now people are telling me I am "fading away" or getting "too skinny". One lady at work just calls me "Slim" as if it's my name. I do think you have to consider the source.. if it's a friend or family member who is likely concerned about me, I'd react differently than if it's a random stranger at work who could give 2 hoots about me.
I just say "Oh, there's no danger of me fading away!" and laugh it off most of the time. People who seem serious, I do say that I am aiming for a "normal" BMI.
06-11-2011, 10:26 PM
It's funny, I've been teetering between 151 and 145lbs these last 4 months...and somewhere around 148 or so, I notice a sharp increase in these types of comments. Somewhere around 147-148lbs it's "Oh my god! Are you even eating?!" & "Don't lose anymore, you're perfect!! You'll be anorexic." But if I climb back into the 150s these comments tend to go away.
I can't imagine the types of comments I'll get once in the 130s or even, (if I make it) the upper 120s. But I'm not losing weight for them, I'm losing it for ME.
06-12-2011, 11:47 AM
Ah I get these kinds of comments from my family, but I never get them from my friends. The common denominator is weight. I have only ever got comments like this from people who are overweight or actively trying to lose weight. All my friends are skinnier than me, so I don't get comments from them. They aren't really fixated with people's weights because they don't even think about their own weight. You can bet the people making these comments are just jealous and/or have an unhealthy image of what a normal weight is.
06-13-2011, 12:49 PM
I have been overweight, by somewhere between 10 and 40 lbs almost my entire life. This started when I was 11 years old. I am 48 years old. Once or twice since the age of 17 I have gotten down to between 125 to 130lbs. I am five foot two inches tall. The heaviest I have ever been is about 175. Lightest was 128.
Anytime I have gone under 140lbs I hear similar comments (it's been awhile, so I am looking forward to having it happen again, LOL!) Mostly my family says these things, because they are used to me being over-weight. All of them are over-weight, and one of my sisters is obese. So, as others have said in their responses, over-weight is probably what appears normal to them. When I was down at my 128 lb weight, I had people telling me "I'd better not lose anymore, I was going to start suffering electrolyte imbalances LOL!!" The healthy range for my weight and age is 101 to 137 lbs. So I was at the higher end of my range, even at my thinnest. I agree with saef-there is a fine line between people being happy for you, and jealous of you when you lose weight. It also amazes me what comes out of people's mouths. They just don't respect boundaries regarding what they should and should not say to people. My husband lost 25 lbs 2 years ago-and needed to, doctor's orders due to high cholesterol and tri-glycerides. My neighbor and sister were telling him he "looked sick". He is 6 ft tall, but is slim-boned, and 170 to 175 is his healthy weight-not 200. I tried not to listen too much to what people said, as did he. He listens to his own body, how he feels, and his doctor-that seems to work best.
Everyone has to do what is best for them. If we could get people to keep comments to themselves, that would be great, but since that's not too likely, I think giving an answer such as "I don't plan to lose much more," and changing the subject is what I'll do if faced with this situation in the future.
Best of luck in your journey:)
06-13-2011, 05:58 PM
I am getting this and "I just don't know where any more weight s going to come from" a lot. I just say that I am working with a nutritionist and have a flexible goal...
06-14-2011, 01:44 AM
I was about to start a thread with this exact issue.
I see it as a NSV. My mum told me just this last Saturday to stay where I am, not to lose anymore. I tried to tell her I was still at the upper end of overweight and she just dismissed this and said I was fine. I have told her countless times what my goal is and that I am far from it, from here on out I wont anymore.
Like someone else said if she asks I will just say I am continuing to be healthy and the weight is coming off. I guess my body knows where it wants to be :)
06-14-2011, 01:50 AM
supergirl what does NSV mean?
06-14-2011, 09:10 AM
@darius nsv stands for non scale victory.
06-14-2011, 01:48 PM
Years ago I heard comments like that (when losing after my second child). Growing up chubby, my mother would have a fit if I tried to lose to the point of telling me I would get sick and when I did, she would refuse to take me to the doctor, yet she was always making nasty comments about the "fat" people.
I think people decide who and what they are based on those around them, and when someone around them starts to change things (weight, job, education, anything "ambitious"), they start to question themselves, then it's all about "stay who you are so I don't have to question who I am". Even partners who may not be thrilled to be with someone larger, can sabotage weightloss because it stirs up those feelings of change or being threatened somehow. So many issues to deal with when doing this.
06-14-2011, 11:29 PM
@darius nsv stands for non scale victory.
Thanks shiskeberry :)
06-15-2011, 06:15 AM
I am getting this too, almost 50 lbs gone, and approx 25 to go, and I get this too. God you have enough lost, there will be nothing left of you if you lose anymore (body fat % still in wrong category). That and being told what I should eat. Yesterday somebody said here have a slice of homemade brown bread, I said I cant have it. And they were like sure its homemade its healthy (Would mean I have to sacrifice some bread/pasta/rice/potato today).
06-15-2011, 11:38 AM
I find it difficult to believe I'll ever get these type of comments. I don't recall people making comments when I lost weight to the point of being underweight. Only my parents. I think? I think it's really rude to talk about someone's weight unless you are giving them a complement and then there are good ways and bad ways to go about it.
06-16-2011, 09:33 AM
I gotta be honest --- I HATE these types of comments. They give me a false sense of security. I know I have at least 10 more pounds to lose to feel more comfortable and confident in my body but when I hear these things I say to myself, "Hmmm, maybe you have some sort of body dysmorphic disorder and you don't have to lose any more weight!". Then I'll eat a couple soft pretzels or a bowl of pasta. I have been in this cycle for a few weeks now and want to move past it. I am not gaining but that scale hasn't moved in a long, long time.
So do these types of comments impact anyone else negatively, too?
06-16-2011, 10:49 AM
ShanIAm - That is what happened to me before. Alot of people where I work
told me I was thin enough and apparently I believed them and it sent me back to the roller coaster ride of dieting. "This time" I have the correct mind
set. I guess we do learn by our mistakes. I know the bottom line is -
calories in - calories out. The emotional entanglements I put myself in is
what needed the most work. I am on the right track and hope to stay there.
06-17-2011, 06:37 AM
Try to avoid people that say such things to you if you can. I was around people like that, even though i knew i had not reached my target weight, what they said got to me (they made me feel/think i was slim enough) and i ended up gaining 10pounds before i realised i was going back down the old track.
06-17-2011, 09:40 AM
I have been lucky enough that most of the comments I have gotten have been generic "You look fabulous!" compliments. But I have had three such comments. I do not give them a response at all.
FRIEND: You look great! Your done now, right? You should be.
ME: Thanks. Are you still running? How's the bum leg?
RANDOM DAD AT BASEBALL: Every time I see you there is less of you. You need to start eating again.
ME: Did you guys win the game tonight?
MOM: Alright, now you are getting TOO skinny, Roben. (MY name is not Roben. Roben is the name of a cousin who recently dropped a lot of weight for a body building comp and was looking pretty gaunt.)
ME: How's Grandpa doing?
People probably think I am crazy with my unresponsive responses LOL I don't care.