100 lb. Club - Feeling Attractive

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06-09-2011, 04:45 PM
After losing so much weight I have the problem of loose skin. My upper arms have "wings", my waist has a fold of loose skin over it, and my lower abdomen hangs with loose skin near my private area, and my breasts look like deflated balloons. :o

Once I'm maintaining my goal weight I'll consider surgery to remove the skin but in the meantime having that loose skin hanging on my body kills my confidence during intimate moments.

I can typically hide the loose skin either with shapewear or by tucking it in the waistband of my pants and a good bra does wonders for my breasts but once all that comes off and I'm out in the open I'm extremely self-conscious. I desperately try to cover up with a robe and lights off is a must.

Does anyone have advice on how to conquer confidence issues with a body post-weight loss? I try to ignore worries about my body and focus on enjoying everything but that tactic doesn't work for long. One moment I'm the cheerleader telling myself "You've worked so hard and come so far! You're healthy now! You're sexy and strong!" and the next I'm wanting to crawl under the sheets and hide.

I'd love to feel sexy and beautiful even looking like this. I greatly admire people who radiate confidence and strong inner beauty. How have others dealt with these issues? Thanks for any advice! :o

06-09-2011, 05:07 PM
I hear you. I feel so unattractive that I avoid any intimacy. Couldn't even tell you when it happened last. :(

06-09-2011, 05:42 PM
I am in a serious long-term relationship and my boyfriend does frequently tell me I'm beautiful, sexy, attractive, etc. I should take his words to heart more often!

I do believe he finds me attractive but I can't seem to get past my own expectations and ideals. I look in the mirror and see nothing but flab but that isn't a realistic view.

06-09-2011, 05:44 PM
I think something to remember is that, as a rule (and this is a generalization but a fairly accurate one), men don't see the stretch marks and saggy skin. When we're naked what they see is "boobs!" ;) Not that they don't know the stretch marks are there, they simply don't care. There are far more important things to be thought about at that moment.

06-09-2011, 05:50 PM
I have the same physical issues as you.. it's fun, huh ._.

My boyfriend doesn't allow "lights off" lol. He also gets me to take showers with him. LOL I'm always like "baby don't look down".

I hate how I look naked. But he for whatever reason doesn't. I still get nervous, and it's still in the back of my head whenever we make love. Sometimes I wear a tshirt (if he doesn't say anything) and that makes me feel better..

One thing I will say, MOST sex positions are considered very flattering. (read this in a magazine though oO) & once a man is "there" he really doesn't care...

There is a quote from the movie Eat Pray Love that comes to mind....

"Let me ask you a question? In all the years youve undressed infront of a gentleman has he asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No..
Because he doesnt care, hes in the room with a naked girl. Hes won the lottery."

Goddess Jessica
06-09-2011, 06:09 PM
When we're naked what they see is "boobs!" ;)

This is soooo true. Men don't care. Put a woman in a room with a bunch of naked women and we start judging each other and ourselves. Put a man in a room with one naked woman and he's thinking, "Holy crap, I might get some."

My best advice comes from a philosophy I hold dear. It is not the physical body that is sexy but the confidence in that body. That won't come instantly. You have to fake it. You have to convince yourself and self-talk and (honestly) pretend that you are sexy. And then one day, when you're not paying any attention you will realize that you BELIEVE it. But it won't come unless you actually work at it.

I have a ton of confidence -- naked or not. But trust me, that's not because I was suddenly born with it. I practice! Seriously.

06-09-2011, 06:53 PM
There is a quote from the movie Eat Pray Love that comes to mind....

"Let me ask you a question? In all the years youve undressed infront of a gentleman has he asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No..
Because he doesnt care, hes in the room with a naked girl. Hes won the lottery."[/QUOTE]

Excellent quote! I love it! :)

06-09-2011, 07:45 PM
"Let me ask you a question? In all the years youve undressed infront of a gentleman has he asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No..
Because he doesnt care, hes in the room with a naked girl. Hes won the lottery."

This is an excellent quote from and excellent book! Thanks for picking it out and posting here...this is such an important lesson!

06-09-2011, 08:23 PM
First, way to go on your weight loss! That's amazing. Secondly, I can understand how you feel even though I am not there yet. This is something that scares me at times, and makes me hesitant to loose the weight, but then I think, 'Why let it stop me? It's proof of my hard work in the end'.

I use to see a shrink when I was younger (oh to be young and emo). I was told to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself that I was beautiful, and that I loved myself. Maybe, you can try that? And also the fake it to make it as suggested is good advice.

You have a man, who adores you for you, extra skin or not. Pat yourself on the back for being one of the lucky ones to find a wonderful man and do something a little special for him. :) I wish you the best.

Side note to one of the replies, that just makes me sad that we're so judgmental of ourselves, and others more so than men when it comes to being naked or half naked around one another. I remember being at the Y and I felt uncomfortable in the ladies locker room when I changed clothing because I felt like I was being judged.

Nola Celeste
06-09-2011, 08:42 PM
It might help to turn the situation around in your mind. What if every time you wanted to break off a piece o' that, you had to cajole and compromise to get him to loosen up enough to do the deed? What if he put limits on what you did--no lights on, no touching him here or there or that other place, no positions that made his belly look less than flat or messed up his hair...would you be willing to go through all those hoops to get to the prize?

We put our partners through a lot because of our own shaky confidence. I say throw off the sheets, turn on the lights, and surprise him with your amazing new body. And yes, it IS amazing--loose skin and all--because it is YOU, and he gets to fool around with a real live actual naked woman, which is undoubtedly one of his favorite things in the world to do. :D

06-09-2011, 08:55 PM
I thought of the "Eat, Pray, Love" quote as well and am excited someone else posted it here.

I have serious confidence issues. I'm so white because I won't tan or show my body to the sun because who knows who might see. I have small stretch marks from constant weight gain and loss, and I'm pudgy. Clothes feel like armor sometimes, but naked... you feel like anyone could be a critic.

My ex didn't help matters. You want a guy who tells you you're beautiful not one who asks if you wouldn't mind putting on a shirt during sex... or one that constantly reminds you about the health benefits of losing just one pound. Though, it was because of him that I learned something kind of important. He wasn't perfect either. I was so down on myself I thought he was all I deserved and one day I was looking at him and realized it didn't matter if I was fat, white, or even if I had been morbidly scarred, if he didn't like my body the way it was, then he didn't deserve to touch it or do anything to it. I wanted a guy who liked the way I looked and could focus on the Boobs! rather than the rolls.

I think that if your guy cares for you as a person, he won't care about how you look naked. And if he does, then drop him fast. It makes you feel so much better if you don't stick around with the ones that judge you or say, "Honey... should you really be eating that?"

06-09-2011, 08:59 PM
So, so so agree, I've been married for 25 years, am 100 lb more than when we married and he still, after all that, thinks " YAY....HUGE T!TS"
REALLY men are not that clever......when it comes to the crunch time, they think with the small brain, not the big one so
Go for IT, ENJOY, HE LOVES YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mrs T

06-10-2011, 01:29 AM
It's constantly surprising me how often I'm worrying about my loose skin, or belly fat apron..... and yet my boyfriend is panting on the phone about how he can't wait to see me.


Men are treasures, aren't they? ;) Take it and run with it!

06-10-2011, 10:38 AM
I've been married 17 years and my hubby is extremely happy I'm healthier. And, he jokes around and calls me his trophy wife now, lol. He's all positive about it and has never mentioned the sagging skin. I never felt sexy out of my clothes anyway, but at least I do feel sexy dressed now.

06-10-2011, 10:59 AM
It's all such a mental game isn't it?? I mean, some Victoria Secret models say they feel self-conscious completely bare; if THEY have problems how on earth can a regular gal handle it all the time?? I agree with all the girls who say that boys aren't that smart when it comes to gettin' some LOL they're just so thrilled it's GO TIME ha! I don't know what I'd do if my hubby ever said he wasn't attracted any more, that must be the most soul crushing thing to hear!!! Even after 20 years, if I give the slightest indication of *wink wink* may he's on it like lightening LOL which in turns MAKES me feel hot and sexy!

If any one thing is so distracting to you that you can't let go and enjoy yourself, can you camouflage in any way? a super ridiculously sexy bra you leave ON? stuff like that???

Yay boys!

Lori Bell
06-10-2011, 01:52 PM
I'm 45 year old and still feel self conscious. It will always be there...it's who I am. I just try to go with the flow. I was born modest. I was modest as a small child, my sibling were not. My oldest child is not, my youngest is. It's just how we are made.

That being said, in time, the skin WILL get better. I lost my weight much later in life than you and in the last 2 years of maintaince there has been definite improvement, (without surgery). No, I'm still saggy and baggy in places, but the skin is very forgiving especially if you keep it the same size for a long period of time. Good nutrition, good skin care, and weight maintenance is the key to better skin! ;)

06-11-2011, 09:55 AM
Ok I have not gotten to the big loss stage yet but can hardly wait. I would be lying if I said that the loose skin thing didn't scare the **** out of me but lets be honest with ourselves.
Did you feel more sexy before you lost all the weight? I know myself personally I feel embarrased as **** when my stomach gets in the way during sex or parts of my body that sooooo should not move make this wavy action in the middle of an intimate moment.
I would much rather have excess skin than excess body weight.
Good luck and I hope this helps.