Weight Loss Support - Returning member - could use help/suggestions




Daisynyc
06-09-2011, 10:18 AM
I'm at the point where I am starting to despair of ever losing this weight, and I could really use some help if anyone here has btdt.

Generally speaking, I am an optimistic, happy person. But I've grown really "defeated" about my weight and feel like I have "tried everything." I am not sure what the heck is wrong with me or my whole mentality, but I would love to hear from others who "tried everything" and eventually succeeded, what worked for you etc.

By way of backstory, I am 39 years old, married with 2 little ones. I work PT 2 days per week (I am a lawyer). Life now is very stable, but 3 years ago my DH was seriously ill and during the 2 years of his recovery, I gained 50 lbs on top of the 50 I put on over 2 pregnancies. It's not meant to be an excuse - it's just what happened.

DH has been well for over a year. But I am in this spiral of start-new-plan, binge by dinner. I have "re-joined" WW a fafillion times, read every low-carb book out there. I'm a flipping diet Expert. But my resolve plummets every day.

I am in therapy, and my therapist simply feels I have some kind of latent anxiety and am using food to assuage that stress. Ok. That's great. But she's not a weight loss expert and hasn't really advised me on what to do.

I know the answer is as simple as "just stop." I think for me I need to just pick a plan and stick with it. Any plan will do.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. If anyone can share a similar experience, I would so appreciate it.

-Daisy


bargoo
06-09-2011, 11:58 AM
Well, I went on a jillion diets and each time said "this is the last time I ever go on a diet" ....guess what that did not work. I, like many others have tried them all, or so it seemed. I can't tell you what clicked and made me realize this time is for real.One day I just started, and after spending lots of money on all kinds of diets , I decided I was not going to pay to have someone tell me what to eat and I started counting calories and exercising and I eventually reached goal and have stayed there. I am an emotional eater so I have to watch out for those days when I am sure a candy bar will make me feel better. PS, it doesn't. Just get started and keep at it, if you slip, get started again. If you are smart enought to pass the bar you are smart enough to control your weight. Good luck !

QuilterInVA
06-09-2011, 12:08 PM
Daisy, life is about choices. We choose to do what supports our weight loss or we decide food is more important and don't. I gained 40 pounds over the 6 years my husband was ill prior to his death. I was his sole caregiver, we have no family, and it was very difficult. After he died, I spent the next year gaining and losing. I should mention that prior to his illness, I had been at my lifetime goal weight with WW since 1976. I decided to return to WW and not stop going to meetings until I reached my goal again. If I gained, I counted it as a bump in the road and kept on going. It took me 18 months to lose the weight and I paid for every one of them because it was my incentive to get it off and I needed the accountability.

I think the most important tool I have is my food journal. Even if I wasn't OP I recorded every BLT and the points for it. It helped me get in control. I also joined the Y and do 3 hours of water aerobics, 2 hours of water zumba, weight train 3 times a week and do the treadmill, bike and elliptical. Pretty good for a 69 year old couch potato. It took me this long to realize I love exercise.

Start with baby steps if you must. Realize perfection is a pipe dream and we all make mistakes. Plan your meals in advance so you have the foods you need on hand. Find some activity you like to do.

You can do this and we are here to help you!


JayEll
06-09-2011, 12:23 PM
Perhaps a simple meal-delivery program like Medifast would get you out of your rut. I had lost, and then I began to regain. Trying to do the things that got the weight off before didn't work for me anymore--or I couldn't make them work--whatever the case, it comes to the same outcome.

I went with Medifast after seeing a friend's success. As it turned out, I have an intolerance to the protein powder in the Medifast foods, but this is not a common problem. I'm now making substitutes for most of the Medifast "meals" but following the nutrition guidelines of the program, and it's working.

So, think of things you ordinarily wouldn't consider! Doesn't have to be what anyone else did, but it does have to be something. And remember that the transition into maintenance cannot be skipped.

Good luck!
Jay

Lovely
06-09-2011, 12:36 PM
I'm at the point where I am starting to despair of ever losing this weight, and I could really use some help if anyone here has btdt.

...

I know the answer is as simple as "just stop." I think for me I need to just pick a plan and stick with it. Any plan will do.


You know... I don't think the answer is ever so simple. It might not even be "just stop". As an example, for me the answer is more like "just DO". Just do - eat more vegetables. Just do - go for a quick walk. Just do - plan my meals. By thinking of weight loss in a way as to ADD healthy things instead of SUBTRACT bad things... I feel positive. I feel like I'm accomplished, and satisfied as opposed to deprived and frustrated.

Your therapist suggests that you are possibly using food to cope with stress. The solution is not necessarily to "just stop", but to find a better way of coping. Journals, hobbies, movement, venting to a friend.... all better than eating. All things that channel stress into something healthier.

I'm curious. Have you had the time to go over why you ended up quitting the plans? Were any of them plans that fit your life? Did you try tweaking them until they did fit? Were any of them so far out there that you just know you could never live with it? Sometimes knowing what won't work is just as important as knowing what will. Weight loss is trial and error. We try something, it works, we add it. We try something, it doesn't work, we cross it off the list.

You mentioned it was resolve, so that sounds like a commitment problem. (If I'm not interpreting the way you mean it incorrectly.) Something along the lines of... you'd get bored maybe? Frustrated about something? Then have a cheat day... or two... or three... and then "to heck with the plan"?

Maybe you're focusing too hard on the idea of a plan instead of just ... making a change you can handle. You don't have to force yourself to be perfect. You don't have to change everything all at once to be healthier.

A couple small changes here and there... over time... built up... made into habits. And simply continuing and committing...even on those days we really, really, really don't feel like it. That's how goals are realized. When we feel the frustration, or boredom looming over the horizon having a support system in place (be it meetings, or family/friends, or online forums) is essential. We can say "Uh oh... I feel this way." We can get advice, or just a hug. We can find the strength to continue. To put one foot in front of the other.

I am without a doubt 100% positive you can do this. :yes: You will find a way, you will find what works, and you can stick with it. I wish you the very best!

Daisynyc
06-09-2011, 01:21 PM
First, thank you everyone for responding. It's so helpful to read about your experiences.

Bargoo - I often think about passing the bar and all the challenges I faced as a young prosecutor and think: if I did that, I *can* do this.

Susan: Very similar experiences! Thank you for sharing what worked for you.

Lovely: Oh boy, did you hit the nail on the head big time. No, I haven't looked closely at why my previous attempts have failed, but as I sit here, the common thread would be perfectionism and not having a plan that fit my life well.

For example, if I try to follow a low-carb diet and have a day where I failed to plan well, I do not recover well. I can't seem to just "get by" with almost good enough. I chalk the plan - and myself - up as a failure and give up.

With weight watchers, I struggle with not making the best choices with my points and dealing with subsequent cravings/hunger. It's less of a feeling of failure in that case, since the program is flexible. It's more of a feeling of futility because I can't "do it right."

Sitting here, of course I know I didn't "fail" on either plan. And while I believe a low-carb diet to be very healthy, it's probably not the best choice for someone with my "issues." It would probably be better to do more of a calorie counting plan where I can't "mess up" as easily, and where I can grab a can of lentil soup in a pinch if I "failed" to plan well that day.

I am definitely trying to change it "all at once" as you said, and I don't actually have a great support system in place. DH is a terrific, supportive person, but I haven't really asked him to play a role here. I do have a friend who is a WW leader who I know would encourage me if I let her...

I've re-read your email a couple of times and am taking your suggestions to heart. Maybe smaller steps instead of big change, with lots of support. I have to think about how to make that happen.

Thank you again.

D.

Lovely
06-09-2011, 01:56 PM
Sitting here, of course I know I didn't "fail" on either plan. And while I believe a low-carb diet to be very healthy, it's probably not the best choice for someone with my "issues." It would probably be better to do more of a calorie counting plan where I can't "mess up" as easily, and where I can grab a can of lentil soup in a pinch if I "failed" to plan well that day.

I am definitely trying to change it "all at once" as you said, and I don't actually have a great support system in place. DH is a terrific, supportive person, but I haven't really asked him to play a role here. I do have a friend who is a WW leader who I know would encourage me if I let her...



=)

Sounds like you have at least a couple people in your life who would be more than willing to lend a supportive hand when needed. There's always 3FC (or other forums) that is here to not only in times good, but times stressful and frustrating and 'impossible'. I've found the members here to be invaluable when it comes to ideas, support and advice.

I'm still (and probably forever will be) training myself out of perfectionism. There are many days when I "fail" my way through. I don't quite get as much movement in as I'd planned, or dinner didn't come through the way I'd hoped and I have to do something different last minute, or "I'm gonna have a dessert tonight no matter what!". :lol:

It really came down to focusing on the changes I could make to start (walking 5 minutes a day... I kid you not I started with just 5 minutes of walking a day) and then slowly forming those changes into a plan. (I use WW online to count points, but I've incorporated a lot of different things into what works for me.)

As an aside, since you recognize that sticking to it can be a problem, then setting goals for yourself based around little things like drinking enough water for a week or getting in your exercise for the month might hold more incentive than just "get to xx lbs eventually". And reward yourself (with non-food items) for achieving those goals.

I don't want to ramble too much! (Too late!:o) It might take some time to sort through what you know you can handle and then commit, but you can do it. Even making one small change means you -are- doing it! :yes:

yoyoma
06-10-2011, 05:38 AM
You know... I don't think the answer is ever so simple. It might not even be "just stop". As an example, for me the answer is more like "just DO". Just do - eat more vegetables. Just do - go for a quick walk. Just do - plan my meals. By thinking of weight loss in a way as to ADD healthy things instead of SUBTRACT bad things... I feel positive. I feel like I'm accomplished, and satisfied as opposed to deprived and frustrated.


I strongly agree with this. When I know I need to lose weight but I am having trouble getting started I try baby steps. I'll start by just making sure I take my supplements every day and drinking more water. And, believe it or not, hubby signs up to give me a 10 minute back rub at night for meeting these goals. He does this for whatever goals I set for myself. When I feel ready, I add other things to my goals list. Sometimes it takes weeks. But sooner or later I get motivated, and I am counting calories and exercising like a champ.

I wish I could find a maintenance life style that didn't require periodic dieting, but I haven't yet so I know what I have to do to switch gears and move the scale back down.