Pregnant - Nursing - Success. Baby. Guilt.

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06-03-2011, 02:50 AM
May of 2009 I weighed >320 on my wedding day.

September 2009 I weighed 310 after a summer of working to lose weight by eating healthier cutting out soda and making losing weight a priority. I graduated college in May and could no longer use bad food as an excuse.

I worked my butt off, I was to the point of working out 6 days a week and on the 7th day there was no rest, I just didn't go to the gym. I was eating as healthy as I could and refusing to starve myself.

I like to say I lost the weight by eating. October of 2010 I was down to 240. I was exhausted and decided to continue my diet and enjoy the holidays and work on spending time with my husband.

As a plus size woman I had always battled inconsistent periods. Diagnosis of PCOS and mis-diagnosis of PCOS.

What never dawned on me as I lost weight was my period had become regular. THAT IS...until it didn't show up in December.

Now I had been told I wouldn't be able to get pregnant after a hospitalization in February of 2007. So the possibility never even crossed my mind. (wrong) but it did cross his mind. So at his insistence I knew what I should do.

Well Christmas day I took a pregnancy test and too my surprise it was positive.:carrot:!!!!

I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with a baby girl and I cannot wait!

The roughest part of this was that by that December 2010 I was @ 249 lb. A gain of 10 lbs over 2 months without the regimented exercise I had been doing and more allowance of bad eating (especially out). I've struggled this pregnancy with weight gain. Several of my first appointments with the OB were discussions about appropriate weight gain and my weight losses while pregnant. She informed it wouldn't be the baby that suffered she would suck what she needed from me, and my body would suffer. So now, watching the scale go back up has made it extremely rough on me. Has anyone else experienced this, or had OBs that insisted you gain weight, or lose weight?

No one seems to understand, my family constantly reminds me it's baby and I'm not "fat" BUT it doesn't change that tick in your brain that this is the wrong way and a sense of guilt. :(

06-03-2011, 03:05 AM
I very much understand where you're coming from emotionally. I actually started my blog at 28 weeks pregnant. I didn't start where you did, but I did lose about 40 pounds in college, and between then and now (through my marriage and 2 kids) I was up at 250 after I delivered my second baby.

I had one OB until I was 20 weeks pregnant, and then I switched for other reasons. The first OB said it would be fine if I gained 10-15 pounds (starting from 235) the second OB said yes, it's fine if I gained 10-15 pounds but because I started out obese, it's also okay if I lost weight as long as I did it while being healthy and active. He said it's very controversial in the OB world right now, but that most agree that it's fine for obese women to maintain or even lose weight while pregnant. He also insisted that it wasn't necessary, but that it was up to me.

I think if you're following a healthy diet and you're being moderately active, it's fine for your body to just do what it needs to do. I ended up gaining 8 pounds by 39 weeks and 12 pounds total at 40 weeks when I delivered (I think that last week was all water!) Anyways, my baby is 7 weeks old now and while by some cruel twist of humor I left the hospital with a 9-pound baby 3 pounds heavier than when I walked in to deliver him, I've now lost 34 pounds with hardly any effort. I'm now 19 pounds less than I started my pregnancy at!

As long as you're honestly eating as healthy as you can, and taking your prenatals, neither you nor the baby will suffer! I say follow what your body needs and be smart about it, only you know what you need/what you feel you need and you know if it's working for you or not. Don't go eat a quart of ice cream, for sure, but try to get lots of protein and veggies and healthy foods into your diet. You can do this!

And major congrats on your pregnancy! I'm so happy you got such a wonderful surprise!

Goddess Jessica
06-03-2011, 04:18 PM
Oh do I ever know what you're talking about!

I honestly think it's a thing in our brain (our = women who have lost a significant amount of weight) that sends out a warning signal when "things" happen to our bodies. We're so consciously aware of our bodies at that point that when you can't do something (like fit into a pair of shorts you've been wearing, race up a flight of stairs, whatever), your brain sends out a signal that says, "Uh-oh, something isn't working for us. See? We need to change something! NOW!"

I went through a bout of depression/anxiety about my weight starting in the first trimester. I kept cursing myself when things wouldn't fit. Even with NO GAIN, I would be in tears because pants would be uncomfortable or I no longer could do a certain yoga pose.

What I'm saying is -- you've got a sisterhood in this feeling. You're not alone.

I had to do a lot of work (psychologically) in order to get around this feeling. For me, it was planning for things AFTER the baby was born. In my head, this growing was going to happen for the rest of my life (it does feel like it!). So I started thinking and planning of things I could do after the baby. I registered for a jogging stroller. I found out at what age the YMCA will take the baby so I could work out. I signed up for a triathlon.

For me, I just need to realize that this is finite.

I gained in the first few weeks of this pregnancy (nausea) and during this last trimester. The first few weeks were the hardest. The last trimester, I was totally in a different mindset. Now I realize it's only a few more weeks and then, my body is mine again (with a significant sublease for breastfeeding). Do I think I'll just go back to the weight/fitness that I was? Absolutely not. But I realize it will be over soon.

Big hugs, chica! I know what you mean.

06-04-2011, 04:15 PM
Thanks so much ladies. I think that is what I needed to know I'm not totally crazy with this feeling. My husband and mother constantly tell me how inappropriate these feelings I'm having are. But it doesn't change the feeling. I've been focusing on the once the baby is out and I'm excited about getting back to work on my body and involving the baby, and I'll continue. Please let me know how it goes for you!

06-05-2011, 03:06 AM
I gained in the first few weeks of this pregnancy (nausea) and during this last trimester. The first few weeks were the hardest. The last trimester, I was totally in a different mindset. Now I realize it's only a few more weeks and then, my body is mine again (with a significant sublease for breastfeeding). Do I think I'll just go back to the weight/fitness that I was? Absolutely not. But I realize it will be over soon.

This is so true!! At the beginning of pregnancy or even at the beginning of the 3rd trimester, it's so hard because you wonder if you'll be able to keep managing, or if you'll go spiraling out of control and gain 80 pounds all in a few months' time. I think when you start seeing the doctor every other week, the end is in sight and you feel a sense of confidence that yes, you can make it and not lose control.

06-05-2011, 09:34 AM
I was 225 when i got pregnant last year, the doctors never talked to me much about weight gain, although through my own research i new i only needed to gain 10-15 lbs.
I was at about 30 weeks when i had weighed 240 (15lbs up)
and the OB advised me I was measuring small.
For the very first time in my life someone told me to eat more! I wish i hadn't listened, I went to the hospital for induction weighing 260, I was induced bc they thought my baby was small, but when she came out she was a healthy 7lbs 4oz.
They said it was likely because i had a long torso and the ultrasounds aren't accurate enough....
Now here I am, 6.5 months post-partum, at a lovely 240lbs, and struggling to get it all off!!!!

Good luck and do what you feel is right for you, get second opinions if you need too!

06-06-2011, 11:42 AM
I might want another child someday (I had my son at 19, I'm now 27)... but I feel like it would be too scary to go thru all of this and drop the weight (100 pounds, give or take a few), only to get pregnant and be back where I was. Intellectually, I know that the life of a child is more important than what the scale says... but... still. I absolutely don't want to get pregnant at the size I am now, I feel like I would have to lose enough to justify gaining a little bit of weight in pregnancy. I guess this is what I get for never losing my baby weight 8 years ago, and continuing to gain over those years...

April Snow
06-06-2011, 01:00 PM
I was about 260 when I got pregnant. I had very bad morning sickness - all day long, all throughout my entire pregnancy. I lost about 20 lbs the first month or so, and then ended having to take medication so I was not throwing up 25+ times a day. That stabilized my weight so I stopped losing but didn't gain any more at all until the very end of the pg when I put on a lot of water weight in the last week or so. the day I left for the hospital to deliver, I weighed the exact same as when I had gotten pregnant, due to that sudden water weight.

My doctor was very reassuring and said that for obese women, it was ok for the baby that I was not gaining. They did do some extra ultrasounds to make sure the baby was growing adequately and he was fine - born right on time at 7 lb 13 oz.

Within a couple of weeks of delivery, I was down 25 lbs and lost a bit more while breastfeeding for 6 months. Unfortunately, all of it crept back on over the years so I'm pretty much right back where I was before I had my baby almost 7 years ago.

In any case, I would try to eat as healthily as you can for the pregnancy and try to not worry about weight one way or the other. No gain or a small gain should be fine for both you and the baby. And if it's a bigger gain, well, that won't be fun to have to take back off, but you know you can do it, and you'll just need to be patient with yourself. And you may find that if you do breastfeed, that can help make losing weight a lot easier.