General chatter - The dreaded D word -- DATING!




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ShanIAm
06-02-2011, 03:30 PM
Iím going to throw this out into the universe.

I think Iím ready to date.

I have been single for almost 2 years. I ended my last relationship because I wanted to be alone with my food. (Iím a recovering binger). And he was annoying. For most of those 2 years I kissed quite a few french fries and made love to John. Papa John, that is. It was quite the love affair. :val2: I reached my highest weight ever (3,104 ounces!! Or, if you prefer, 194 lbs) and there was NO way I was going to set myself up for rejection by doing the online or blind date thing.

So now here I am, looking and feeling so much better about myself, but Iím still afraid to put myself out there. What if it turns out it was my personality that turned guys off in the past and not my weight? What if I got too used to being alone?

I always get this way when I come back from visiting family and friends. I am always the single girl. And a girlfriend of mine just met a seemingly great guy and now I want that too.

For the next month I am going to go the ďtraditionalĒ route and put myself out there by going places with my girlfriends where guys will be, make eye contact & smile. If that doesnít work, I might have to stick my toe into the online dating waters.

Any advice for me? Are some places better than others when it comes to meeting people? A friend of mine told me to go to Home Depot and look ďlostĒ. I tried that and the only thing I caught there was a non-feminine looking female employee in the lumber department and a splinter. :rolleyes:


Ferumbras
06-02-2011, 04:20 PM
I'll be happy to give advice if you ever try the online dating route. I've picked up guys in bars before, but 1) I'm not much of a bar fly and 2) I'm not sure I really wanted to be dating someone I picked up in a bar. You could try meet-ups -- groups of people doing stuff of shared interest. You might meet some guys through that. But honestly, I'm an advocate of the online scene once you're no longer in school.

Whatever you do, good luck! You'll surprise yourself. :)

JohnP
06-02-2011, 04:41 PM
I don't know why you wouldn't go the online right immediately along with your other plans.

Regardless, have fun!


Lovely
06-02-2011, 04:44 PM
Go to places you like to go. Do things that you like to do. And then when there are guys at those places doing similar things you already have something in common with them.

I actually think meeting someone from an online dating site is second nature to a lot of people now. It's a great way to keep your options open and meet up with someone who you might never have run into easily before. Most of the people I know don't even think of it as a "last resort". When they're ready to start dating they put up a profile and then go about their normal business. Whether they've met someone in person first or from a profile...doesn't matter. You can stick your toe into the waters of online dating early and be as picky as you like even as you go about the "traditional" route. :)

Best of wishes! Have fun and be safe!

ade903
06-02-2011, 05:36 PM
I have a really hard time meeting people in the "real world". My first bf was my brother's best friend (oops...), my second I met in a bar, and numbers 3 and 4 I met online. At first it is weird (not so much for me, but for my family/friends) when people find out we met online, but then you just get over it. It's really common these days. I say give both a go. Online dating sometimes takes a really long time. I'm newly single, and I've got my toe in the water online and I must say it is frustrating. You meet a long of "creepers" out there. But there are good ones, too. You just have to go in it with the mindset that you are gonna go through a lot of bad ones first. I got lucky my first go around and met my bf that lasted over a year right away. This time (I'd say it has been five or so weeks), I met one worth meeting in real life, but although we connected well via email and phone calls, it didn't work out in person. I go back and forth feeling discouraged and feeling empowered. Look at a bunch of the different sites. Some say make sure you do a pay site, because those are the serious guys, but I'm getting nowhere on eharmony, and okcupid is much better for me at this point.

Also, if you do go the online dating route, just take precautions. I always let two people know where I'm going (in public, he doesn't pick me up), the guy's email, phone number, and any other info I have on him (license plate if I see it before we connect --spokeo.com is also a place you might be able to get his address if he has an uncommon name, just in case), and they know to call me on and off and expect several texts from me. I always have to talk to the guy on the phone first, too. Better to be safe than dead ;)

Good luck! And congrats on your weight loss!

ryeb
06-02-2011, 09:48 PM
I am currently dating someone I met online. I always was like "I would never do that" but I am glad I did.

The idea of meeting someone in the grocery store is not really going to come true, unless there are singing animals everywhere lol I personally didn't want to date from the bar, because I live with the whole "meet them in a bar, lose them in a bar."

I, like ade, had a lot of creepos messaging me on the online thing, but you know what is nice? You can just ignore them and move on. I personally found myself being more picky with who I would message. Oh you live in a house with 20 guys and are in a band, ignore. Live with your mother and on your 30th year in college, but still don't know what you want to be, ignore. Don't even have a car, yeah, ignore. lol

Even if this guy I am with now doesn't work out, I am so happy I did it. It is weird, people freak out about meeting someone from online, like they are the craigslist serial killer, but you know what, being that there is that stigma on it, we take so many extra steps to "be safe" that we forget how unsafe we are when we date anyone else out there lol Does that make sense?

I am sure you will rock it either way. Confidence goes a LONG way, and that is what you probably have more so now then you did when you had your make out sessions with french fries. Good luck with your new scene :) Sorry about the novel lol

Ferumbras
06-02-2011, 09:51 PM
Just to add another vote for on-line dating: it's how I met my husband.

Expunge
06-03-2011, 01:12 AM
It is weird, people freak out about meeting someone from online, like they are the craigslist serial killer, but you know what, being that there is that stigma on it, we take so many extra steps to "be safe" that we forget how unsafe we are when we date anyone else out there lol Does that make sense?

This is SO TRUE! There are so many unsafe people out there - whether you meet them online or off. Be careful, stay safe, and I'm sure you'll reap the benefits eventually!

Personally I met my boyfriend online and it was absolutely worth the 2-3 weeks of sorting through obnoxious messages/profiles to find that one diamond in the rough.

indiblue
06-03-2011, 02:10 AM
I think your approach is great- being confident, smiling, engaging others, etc. Like someone earlier mentioned, continue to do things you want to do and get involved as much as possible. Dating is a numbers game- the more people you meet on a daily basis, the more groups/clubs you're in, the more friends you have who have single friends, the more likely you'll be to meet someone who matches your interests. I met my boyfriend of 3 years at a dinner party hosted by a mutual friend. I didn't want to go to the dinner, I definitely wasn't looking to meet anyone, but I had nothing better to do so I went, and I'm grateful now that I did.

Even during the times that I'm in a relationship, I don't think I've ever regretted attending a social event, dinner, or party because I always end up meeting someone new.

I have no idea about the online dating scene, but I absolutely think dating in real life isn't dead. So good for you for getting out there- have fun! You deserve it!!

raebeaR
06-03-2011, 12:22 PM
I've been doing online socializing for over 20 years. Back in the day, people considered it really, really weird to meet someone online -- even a friend! But here's what I thought: At least you're meeting people who are smart enough to get online (not a qualifier these days), who have the stability to have a computer and a home to put it in, and to whom you can talk and get to know for hours without risking much of anything. Of course, back then, posting pictures wasn't an available option, so people really did get to know one another "internally" without regard to external factors such as looks. And really, don't you get to know someone far better having hours of discussions with them than, say, sitting next to them in a movie theatre, simultaneously staring at a screen?

I have known people who met each other face-to-face at the altar (I don't recommend doing this) and endured in successful marriages.

Frankly, I think the online dating sites are kind of a deterrent to finding a successful match. They put so much emphasis on looks and having an attractive profile, when the charm of online interaction is that you can get to know people without regard to such superficialities. Personally, I approach all online interaction in the realm of friendship. If we have lots in common, we'll be great friends -- and who can't use another great friend? If more develops and there is personal chemistry (which I believe only can occur in face-to-face situations), then oh, my... that's the trifecta: Love, lust AND like!!

Online is just another social medium. For successful dating, you've got to put yourself out there in every way possible. Meetup.com is a great option for finding like-minded people with whom to enjoy activities. Even in my little community, we have wine-tasting groups, salsa-dancing groups, book club groups... tons of options.

I met my second husband, the love of my life, online. We weren't looking to fall in love, but bumped into each other and became friends in a chat room. He was from Australia, and it took us a couple of years to get together for good. It was so worth it. Sadly, he died several years ago and I'm at last back in the dating scene. So I'm taking my own advice!

Good luck to you, ShanIAm! Just remember... you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.....