General chatter - Daycare or Grandma??

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06-01-2011, 05:14 PM
I'd just like to ask what everyone's preference is who has children. Here's my scenario, my now 6 month old (geez time flies) is going to daycare, and I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

My MIL, who I seriously do not get along with, we both CAN"T stand each other watches her for half a day on Tues & Thurs.

My question is, would you all leave your lil one in the daycare, or with the MIL you don't like?

Here are some reasons why I'm questioning the daycare:

1.) the security isn't that good, anyone can walk in or out.
2.) The place smells like a diaper genie all. the. time, even though I know they meet the health standards, it's just a smaller facility.
3.) I've gone to pick up my sweet baby twice before where they were scrubbing and cleaning the floors with pine sol and other strong cleaners while the babies were napping. (Yes I made a comment, haven't followed up with them yet)
4.) The staff primarily speaks spanish only, which is ok, because I'm hispanic, but DD's daddy is not, and I think deep down it bothers him and he doesn't want to say anything b/c he think it will offend me.

The other daycares in the area are double the cost, which we just can't justify making that extra expense when we've already cut back on so many things and if we were, it would put a finanical strain on both of us.

The people are nice, I like them, I just don't like some of the things they do if that makes sense.

Now with the MIL watching her, I'm just uncomfortable in so many areas having her watch her full-time. For instance she's given DD celery to suck on at like 4 mos, she feeds her bananas only and NO veggies, she'll give her pedialyte that's been in the fridge for over a week, etc. Little things like that, but I know it's b/c she's ignorant and doesn't really understand, she's one of those "I'm older and wiser" type ladies if that makes sense, and there is definitely a big cultural disconnect between her and I.

So with that being said, please tell me which route you would take. I WISH I could be a SAHM, but that isn't anywhere near an option. :(

Thanks in advance for your input!

06-01-2011, 05:30 PM
Grandma. Although I need a little bit of background on why she doesn't like you, and why you can't "stand each other".

April Snow
06-01-2011, 05:50 PM
my son was a daycare kid and has thrived there. Based on everything you've posted, I would keep looking to see if there are any other daycares that are still affordable but don't have the issues that concern you about the current one. I would also continue to communicate with your current daycare about these issues, and see if you can get them to improve things. If this is a licensed center, they are risking losing their license with some of those things if they had a surprise inspection.

I personally would not want to go fulltime with your MIL, not just because you don't get along, but because she is going to do things her way, and not your way and I think your frustration level with that will only continue to go up.

06-01-2011, 05:57 PM
I say daycare all the way. I have 'issues' with my mother in law as well.
She did watch one my children for 2 days a week and during those 2 days he got to drink lots of fruit punch and watch lots of TV. SHe also drove him somewhere and did not put him in a car seat. (She said they were only going down the road...) Anyhow, that situation didn't last very long. Both of my kids went to a sitter who watched other kids for 3 days a week. The other 2 days, my kids went to all day preschool. Both of my kids are in elementary school and during the summer they always go back to their sitter one day a week b/c they loved her so much. I am off all summer, so it gives me a break one day a week. Childcare was always one of the hardest decisions for me. Both of my children were ahead of the game when they entered school and I believe it's b/c of what they learned at preschool and my great baby sitter.
I have no qualms about not keeping my kids with my MIL. And I agree with April Snows post----your MIL will do things the way she wants them done, not your way. A lot of her knowledge may be old school and when your child is sick she may not provide care the way it needs to be.

good luck!

06-01-2011, 06:00 PM
I'd go with grandma as long as she isn't doing anything outright dangerous. I think infants really need one on one care and attention. Toddlers have more fun at a daycare with other kids though.

06-01-2011, 06:08 PM
I'd go with grandma as long as she isn't doing anything outright dangerous. I think infants really need one on one care and attention. Toddlers have more fun at a daycare with other kids though.

Id have to agree with this. My mother looked after DS for a while and they have a bond that is fantastic and carries on now (hes only 2 1/2 but you know what I mean) My DS absolutely adores his daycare, it's an in home with a small numebr of children which I prefer, but he loves being around other kids.
It has the potential to ease things up between the two of you, she will hopefully see you accepting help from her as a positive thing and might get her to ease up a bit as well.

Is it an option to have Grandma look after her while having her part time at a different daycare? A day or two a week to save cost but also making sure when she is in daycare/school full tiem its not such a huge change for her?

06-01-2011, 06:28 PM
Does seh want to take him full time? And are the issues more that she's not following your way of doing things are is there more?

My mother in law watched my oldest in my home from 10 am to 4 pm and I had lunch with my son every day from 12-1. I worked a lot of evenings too (to make up for the short day hours), but it was after he was asleep and my husband watched him. So, She watched him 5 hours a day without me. I watched him the other 19, And he only slept 9 hours a day. So, she had him 5 I had him 10 waking hours. Yet, she says (and believes) that she "raised him". with that two year arrangement.

It bugs me, I do not lie as I was an extremely hands on mom, but if it makes her feel better, whatever. She didn't raise my husband, her mother did and she really did.

My mother in law drives me NUTSO, but I knew he was getting better care with my mother in law than with a daycare. He wasn't getting sick, he was happy and I didn't need to worry about abuse or neglect.

Yes, she would let him eat 10 cereal bars 'because he wanted them' and stuff like that, but those are little things and not dangerous. You have to ask yourself if there are dangerous things you need to deal with or is she safe?

Is it an option for her to watch in your home so that you have more control? or what? You just need to give us more details.

06-01-2011, 07:11 PM
I don't see the staff being Spanish-speaking being a negative because in my opinion people should know more than one language.

Both situations have their pluses and minuses, but the security issue is a major concern. People should not be able to stroll into the facility without being stopped and questioned. You should feel 100 percent comfortable with the facility and people you're leaving your child with so if I were you I would seriously look around.

6 months is EXTREMELY young for daycare; I agree with the poster that said the older kids (2+) get more out of the experience than babies so the little one might be better off with Grandma until she's a little older. On the other hand, if you honestly can't stand your MIL and she's using this as an opportunity to throw shade I can understand wanting to have another arrangement. It's a hard decision, but at the end you have to do what you feel is right for your situation. Good luck to you!

06-01-2011, 07:48 PM
Hi Im rosey and live in alaska. I did daycare in my home for daycare kids still come back to see me and ive been at their graduations and weddings. is it possible to find a small licensed day care in home with more personalized care.

06-01-2011, 07:55 PM
Day care. Grandma is bad news. ;)

06-01-2011, 08:08 PM
I have a friend who wanted to be a stay at home mom but felt they needed the extra income she solved the problem by getting a day care license and taking care of children in her home. She says it works out pretty well except that she would like to talk to an adult once in awhile.
In my own case I didn't go back to work until my children were in school. I couldn't tear myself away from my children when they were so young.

06-01-2011, 08:58 PM
Well, being the Nana and MIL and having a DIL I can't stand and I am pretty sure she can't stand me...we have learned to get along for the sake of the grandbaby. I have been watching GD since DIL went back to work and in the words of DIL "I would rather have her with you all day than at daycare. I don't trust anyone with her." Of course I think we are the opposite of you and your MIL...she's the one who fed her crazy things at an early age (MM's even after choking on them numerous times) and I don't agree with the way she is and some of the things she does's her child and if I thought for a minute she was in danger of being hurt I would definitely say something. Of course I say stuff anyway, lol, just the way I am. We both just let it roll off our backs and look away and continue...there's nothing more important to either of us than that baby and so it has been working since she was 12 weeks...she is now 20 months old.

I say if you can't find daycare that you feel your baby will be safe at then possibly put your differences aside and talk to your MIL and see if she would be willing to stick with a list from you...what to feed baby, what not to do etc. if not then keep looking for a daycare you feel safe with.

06-01-2011, 09:27 PM
I just LOVE what bargoo suggested about opening your OWN daycare! There are also other options such as finding another mom who wants to earn some extra $ and has a child that is of a similar age.

I think grandma is ideal if you can talk to her about some basic safety issues. Each day, you provide food for your child in advance...tell grandma that she may only give your baby the foods that are located in a place dedicated for your baby. Regardless of her feelings that she knows better, she obviously doesn't if she thinks it's ok to give celery to a 4 month old. This is a safety issue.

The daycare you described sounds like it has some safety issues as well. The lack of security and the chemicals are horrible. So, if grandma isn't cooperative with your demands, you should have a talk with the daycare. If they also aren't cooperative, then perhaps find another daycare that is reasonably priced or find another mom that you can trust.

I'm sure you'll figure something out! :)

06-02-2011, 01:11 AM
I think both of your options are bad. I wouldn't trust either. I definitely wouldn't leave my child with someone even I couldn't stand to be around. I also think it's a bad idea to have family act as daycare. You should never hire anyone that would make Thanksgiving awkward if you had to fire them.

06-02-2011, 10:48 AM
I found two excellent home daycares in the past two years for my daughter (first one closed, second has been open for 23 years) by calling 211 Infoline for a list, bringing my daughter to visit, and trusting my gut and the references. I've had no bad experiences, my daughter is well cared for, it's cheaper than traditional daycare, and we're on our way to preschool in the fall with some advanced learning that the daycare provided.

06-02-2011, 06:04 PM
I have more than one friend that runs an in-home daycare. Several are unlicensed (because they are under the legal limit for number of kids in order to have to be licensed), but they provide the best care I've seen. I was watching a friend's daughter in addition to my two kids for a short period of time so that her parents didn't have to put her into daycare.

Personally, I'd keep looking. And, consider the possibility of taking on other people's kids, too! I know it probably seems overwhelming since this is your first child, but the daytime stuff is easy and the parents come get them before the evening/nighttime stuff starts. :)

06-02-2011, 07:48 PM
when my kids were little a friend and I babysat for each MIL..I would have NEVER trusted to watch my infants...

if you dont feel comfortable with your MIL and the your will find someone better

I am a grandma of three boys...I have the oldest two every weekend whether my kids work or not, I am on the other side...I feel they dont want the responsibility on the weekend and now I dont have any me time...its work or grandkids...I love them but I wish my kids would grow up and realize they are parents sometimes...

06-03-2011, 12:10 AM
My children (now 7 and 4) have done both: daycare part time and part time with both gmas. I still can't afford daycare all week, so I do 2-3x a week. I dont blame you for not trusting either source. I don't now how it is by you, but in PA we have a thing called keystone stars. It's an accreditation for the daycares through the state. There are also different things you can apply for for funds, though they're not always to get. (We always make too much in theory). I would also check around churches. I know ppl who have had luck with small daycare programs that are cheaper, especially if you help volunteer when possible.

Good luck :)

07-08-2011, 12:26 PM
Hi GuamVixen! It's been a while since we chatted! I definitely understand what you are going through, DS stays with my MIL 4 full days of the week, and sometimes it's rough on me, but if I had to choose, I would keep him with her. She is talking about moving to FL in February, and if so I will need to find a daycare for him at that point, but right now I'd rather him be with her. She adores him, even if sometimes there is a little tension between us.

07-08-2011, 01:30 PM
i agree with the others...neither option sounds very good to me...that daycare sounds very unsafe...i manage a state-licensed childcare program for elementary students during the school years and i have to meet all those licensing thing i wanted to mention, parents and relatives (approved by the parent of course) as well as state child protective staff and foster families are encouraged and allowed to visit our program whenever they want to...we encourage parental (and others) involvement and love it when someone "drops by" to see their child....because me and my staff know these people, we don't stop them or ask to check their ID every time they show up....i can see how, to someone else, it might look like we have "unknown strangers" wandering in and out....however no one can take a child from our program and leave with them unless we have specific permission from their parent/guardian (unless it's by court order - yes we have ALOT of foster situations)

during the summer months, i do childcare at home for some of the students that i see during the winter months at work...i only take a few, typically the ones who won't function well in the extra-large summer program setting that my work offers....i dont work summers for work, though, as i have a 10-month contract, not 12-month...i am not licensed for home childcare, it's not worth the time and hassle when i'm only open 2 months out of the year...i am an approved provider for the native corporation here, who provides childcare assistance for low-income native families, and another families pay me full price without assistance for themselves

i chose not to do home childcare full time because i want my raises at work, i am paid very well at work, i want my retirement 401(k), i want my health insurance for me and my kids, i want to be around adult co-workers and i want the professional growth that comes with conferences etc at my work