Weight Loss Support - Now I really hate myself....




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caramelkitty
06-01-2011, 09:09 AM
Itís at these times that I really start to hate myself.
Not that I am a negative person, not in any way actually.
I am just really upset at myself that I let myself get to this point.

I never shouldíve let myself get to 160lb, 170lb, 180lb, 190lb, 200lb, much less get to 214.8 without even realizing it.
I never shouldíve eaten everything people eat when theyíre just part of the lucky few that donít gain anything.

The reason Iím ranting right now is because itís summer. Itís hot. And all the pretty skinny girls are out in their shorts and tank tops and I have to wear long sleeves or long pants again. For another summer in a row. Why? Because my self-esteem is so low, that even ĺ pants as I am wearing today make me feel uncomfortable.

I keep feeling like everyone is staring at me.
I lost 20lb since the start of my journey, and at 194 I donít feel like I have had any progress really.

I work out, I eat properly, and yet I still feel like ****.
Especially when your fiancťís eyes keep wandering to the skinny girlís legs and bum :(

You know I had promised myself this would never happen again. I had promised myself it would be my turn to wear shorts and tank tops, and yet I still can't do that. And it burns me inside to know that I failed myself again.

Why is it so easy to gain the weight and so hard to lose it?
Why do I feel like everyone is staring at me all the time?

At least Iím lucky God gave me a beautiful face, because had I been ugly too Iíd probably want to cry all the time.

How do you girls do it? Not to give up? Not to let it get to you?
What has proven to be the best way for you to lose the weight?

I need all the tips I can get here :( .


TurboMammoth
06-01-2011, 09:21 AM
Awww poor thing :(

I think that it's useless to focus on ''why I let myself got here in the first place''. It's okay to know what happened and realized the fact to not go back there one day, but now, you really need to focus on the future and on the amazing progress you've made. Come on, you already lost 20 pounds!!! :) That is amazing and you're on the good way!!!

The thing is that you should be on this weight loss journey for YOURSELF. Because YOU want to feel better and healthier. NOT for the people that might look at you, not even for your boyfriend. your healthy should be the priority, not what other people might want to look and not want to look.

Be strong xoxo

caramelkitty
06-01-2011, 09:38 AM
Thank you Turbo *hugs* you're completely right.
I just had a bad morning and I guess 20lb is something to be proud of.

It's just a small bump in the road I guess, I'll be back up in no time! :)


Coondocks
06-01-2011, 09:55 AM
Darn rights 20 is something to be proud of . . so is taking the steps to say ya know what, i'm not letting this go any farther, it stops now.

Good for you! You can do this, and keep that positive attitude, it'll be a huge asset to you through the journey :hug:

jonco
06-01-2011, 09:59 AM
I felt the same way soon after I started. I thought "If I had started earlier I would be able to enjoy the summer more." But then I realized that another summer will come, and then I'll be where I want to be. The time passes either way. Plus, I'm looking forward to being a healthier me for the fall. Summer will be here again soon enough.

Hope that helps.

berryblondeboys
06-01-2011, 10:13 AM
And if you feel people might be staring - it could be because you are overdressed for the season? I don't know WHY women think wearing long shirts and pants make them look better. It just makes them look HOT. My mother in law does the same thing. It was 97 degrees yesterday and she was wearing long sleeves and long pants because she doesn't like her arms showing or her legs. She weighs 169 pounds! Yes, I was staring aghast because she looks ridiculous dressed for winter when it's summer!

Nothing screams CONFIDENCE than a woman who walks and dresses with confidence. I still weigh 205 pounds and I proudly wear shorts and sleeveless tops and guess what? People say I looke great! I don't, but I'm not cowering inside my skin. That lack of confidence takes away from your own beauty and how others view you. It's so true!

fatferretfanatic
06-01-2011, 10:47 AM
I am 237 pounds and honey, you couldn't catch me in summer wearing long sleeves!I know it can be hard on a person, wishing they could look cute in short shorts and bikinis and things-but you know, you'll get there. I don't look great in them, but you know what? Who cares? I'm going to be happy and comfortable no matter what. I work hard to be happy about myself, and you should too. 20 pounds is a great accomplishment. At my very highest I was 273, and I'm a long ways away from that now. You have made significant strides, so try to be comfy with yourself.

doopdoop
06-01-2011, 10:49 AM
Most people never even manage to lose 20 lbs. How many people have you seen start a diet, only to give up entirely 2-3 days later? 20 lbs is a huge accomplishment in this day and age. You deserve to feel awesome about yourself. :D

Beach Patrol
06-01-2011, 11:11 AM
I'm going to be happy and comfortable no matter what. I work hard to be happy about myself, and you should too. 20 pounds is a great accomplishment.

...You have made significant strides, so try to be comfy with yourself.

Agree!

Comfort before vanity! - that's my motto! :D
I still try to dress appropriately for my weight, but be dammed if I'm gonna wear long sleeves in the heat of summer! Nuh-uh! No way! It's one thing to be fat, but to be fat AND sweaty? Ack!

And super double woo-hoo yay for your 20 lbs down! YOU CAN DO THIS!! :yay: :cp: :woohoo:

dancinginpaint
06-01-2011, 11:33 AM
There isn't much to say that has not already been said but 20 lbs is worth being proud of. You have a body, but you are more than just a body, you have worth, and can allow yourself to feel good. Having bad feelings about yourself does nothing but breed more bad. Allow yourself to be comfortable if you can, really its true I think its odd to see winter wear in summer! Its hot out and the sun is shinning! So don't deprive yourself of the same summer joys, because YOU think you shouldn't its not fair to you. I wear tank tops and you can from my ticker the I am not a thin girl, so what i'm working on it and so are you! You keep up the good work and start loving yourself!:hug:

bama girl
06-01-2011, 11:53 AM
I'll agree with pretty much everything that has been said.

You have lost 20 POUNDS! That is two 10 lb bowling balls off your body! That's 80 STICKS OF BUTTER! You are already an awesomely strong person for doing that!!

Self-confidence is easier said than done. I've pretty much wallowed in self-loathing at every weight from 90 lbs to 160. I've dealt with eating disorders off and on for 10 years, and overall I've discovered that affirming yourself, even if you feel like you're lying to yourself, helps me. Eventually you WILL believe the positive things you tell yourself, just like you started believing the negative things.

Rewarding myself with non-food stuff has been the best thing I have done to aid my weight loss. Why not treat yourself to some summery clothes (clearance racks are your best friend during weight loss) when you hit your next goal of 190?

My boyfriend looks at other, thinner women as well and it drives me insane... a lot of times I don't think he realizes he is doing it. I deal with it by joking with him about how obvious he is being. He usually gets the hint and knocks it off. It also helps to mention to him that it makes you uncomfortable to see him looking at other women, if you haven't made him aware of it. If he respects you, he'll make an effort to stop. Remember, though... your fiance asked YOU to marry him! At the end of the night, no matter what he looks at, he's going home with YOU!

Just don't give up. Don't let the negative voice in the back of your head get the best of you. Stay active here, if it helps... You have a whole bunch of chicks here rooting for you!

(PS, sorry for the novel... I am really wordy...)

fattymcfatty
06-01-2011, 12:36 PM
How about a compromise? Try some bermuda shorts and a short sleeved top. I was never comfortable in a tank top when I was heavier, but there are more conservative options where you won't be burning up! There are also nice sundress options that are more conservative that you could wear around. I agree with berryblondeboys that people might be noticing you are dressed for Alaskan winters when it is sweltering.

Chubbykins
06-01-2011, 01:30 PM
So what if you don't look like a model in your tank tops?
You can at least wear them like one: proud and confident.

Belly rolls and floppy arms aren't the end of the world. And be sure most people do not give a damn and those who do have nothing better to do which is sadder than extra fat.

If what bothers you is the lack of admiration then just keep going and you'll get there. But rarely one admirers the shy person with the lack of confidense, no matter the weight. You have to work on your mindset.

kaplods
06-01-2011, 02:11 PM
Do you hate every woman your size or larger? Would you walk up to one of those ladies and tell her you hate her, that she's ugly, that she has to wear winter clothes in the summer, that she should be ashamed for forcing her appearance on decent folk?

I sure hope your answer is no, and if it is - why on earth would you treat yourself with less respect than you'd give anyone else?

Hate should be reserved for evil. If you wouldn't hate a person in your situation, you shouldn't hate yourself for it either. In fact, you should reprimand yourself for being so cruel to yourself. Stand up for yourself, even TO yourself.

You deserve respect, not only from others but most especially from YOU.

For all the things a person can hate themselves for, eating isn't one of them (unless you're eating people).

Are you kicking puppies? Smacking babies? Drowning kittens for the fun of it?

You're creating a world in your head that isn't reality. A world where you don't have a right to be comfortable because you carry a few extra pounds. A world were being fat is a worse crime than deliberately hurting people (or even just not helping them - if you said you hated yourself because you haven't been working on a solution to world hunger it would still be silly, but would make more sense than hating yourself for being overweight).

Give yourself the break you would give to someone else in your situation. Treating yourself worse than you would your worst enemy does absolutely nothing for you or for the world. It doesn't make the world a better place, and you're creating a world for yourself that is literally a ****. You're choosing to damn yourself to living **** for being imperfect. If you wouldn't wish that on anyone else, stop wishing it on yourself.

I've struggled with weight all my life, and I've been morbidly obese most of it. I don't deserve hatred from anyone - even myself. I've done a lot of amazing things, despite my weight. And it was hard, especially at first because I thought everyone was staring at me, hating me, thinking I was obnoxious and disgusting and beneath contempt (because I thought so too), but I wanted a life more than I believed the lies I'd been telling myself, and I learned that most people don't give a rat's pattoot about me. They're wrapped up in their own heads.

A few years ago I bought a bike. I weighed about 350 or 360 lbs at the time. It was an impulse buy, and our neighborhood was so quiet, I didn't think "people watching me" would be a problem. When people say "you never forget how to ride a bike," they're full of crap. I looked like a ginormous 5 year old trying to ride that bike. And people did stare. It's not every day you see a ginormous woman trying to relearn how to ride a bike.

In hindsight, I'm kind of surprised no one laughed. They had to be really working at that.

As I got the hang of it and started riding around the neighborhood, my face was bright pink (and not just from exertion). I was sure that everyone inside of their homes were looking out the windows staring at me, and laughing (if they were I never saw it). But I remembered what I told probation and counseling clients "act as if." So I pretended I was confident, and I smiled and waved at the staring neighbors (and they smiled and waved back).

Eventually I got comfortable on the bike, and realized no one cared that a ridiculously fat woman was riding the neighborhood on a bike, like some weird circus act.

Rotten people don't matter. And they're the only ones who will care whether or not you wear a tank top and shorts. Rotten people are evil, and letting rotten people win, is evil.

You don't have to radically change who you are - you don't have to be comfortable in a tank top and tiny shorts in public, there's a huge social taboo against it. It's more acceptable to have a shaved head and dozens of piercings than to be a woman with flabby arms in a tank top. Seems kind of funny when you think about.

By our current culture's values, I'm a lot more confident and self-liking than a woman my size has any right to be, but it was hard-earned. I had to stand up to myself and tell myself to stop being a bully. I had to defend the part of me that the other part of me was bulling.

I had two personalities inside my head - the bully and the victim. I had to create a third personality to be parent/teacher/referee/arbitrator.

The bully still sometimes wins, but rarely completely. The bully won't let me wear tank tops and real shorts. The arbitrator suggested a compromise - capri pants (at first barely showing a little ankle - woo hoo daring of me) and 3/4 sleeves tops - as long as possible. I'm now brave enough to wear calf-length capris. I'm really daring today, my capris barely cover my knees (the bully still insists that I keep my knees covered). Tank tops and cap sleeves are still too daring for the bully, but short sleeves are ok. I'm even starting to consider a tank with a little short sleeve shrug - or tops with sleeves, but a little bit of bare shoulder, or the new cold-shoulder t-s with cutouts at the shoulder.

Lovely
06-01-2011, 02:18 PM
/copypaste what Kaplods said.

onthedietagain
06-01-2011, 02:19 PM
How do you girls do it? What has proven to be the best way for you to lose the weight?

I need all the tips I can get here :( .

So sorry you feel so bad at the moment :hug:, but in the same time it can be great motivation to keep going. Get angry and keep going and you will have the body you want to have.

To be honest with you, there is no secret for weight loss. There is no magic pills, no super diet. The math is simple. You have to eat less then your body need for the day and fat will melt.

Good start is take your weigh in pounds multiply by 14 and deduct 20% from it. This is how much calories you need to eat. It is the formula I used before and I use now, right or wrong it does work for me.

Exercise is good, but you will not lose weight if you don’t eat less.

Skinny girls aren’t lucky, they just don’t eat much. When people tell me I am lucky as I don’t gain weight, they have no idea how much I can gain if I will let myself go. I love food, I love wine, I love cooking and I can eat a lot….I constantly have to force myself to stop eating , so we all are in the same boat, no luck, just self discipline.

My sister lost tons of weight this year, she was over 200 lb , but I guess one of the days she just kicked her own a$$ and got mad and started working towards her dream body and OMG does she look gorgeous now. I am so proud of her!!! No luck, but only hard work.

You can do it too, just believe in yourself!:carrot:

Good luck!

AriRuns
06-01-2011, 08:19 PM
Everyone else has offered great advice and there isn't much more I can say, but I will add this: today I wore shorts for the first time in years (literally, years). Normally I'm one of those people in jeans all summer long, or if I'm feeling really crazy, cropped pants.

My legs still don't look perfect, but the 20+ pounds I've lost has given me enough confidence to wear shorts without being too self-conscious, and it felt great sitting out in the sun and not dying from the heat.

Gaining confidence in yourself is far easier said than done (this coming from someone with serious self-confidence issues). But, if you can fake it for awhile, eventually it becomes second nature.

Perhaps try buying yourself a pair of shorts and a tank top and first wearing them around your house for awhile to get comfortable in them. It's much easier to gain confidence when you aren't comparing yourself the people sitting next to you. This has helped me more than anything!

And know this, no one is judging us as harshly as we judge ourselves. Personally, I rarely notice whether someone is wearing shorts or what their arms/legs look like, much less examining them for stretch marks, cellulite, etc.

krampus
06-01-2011, 08:35 PM
I hate tank tops and shorts, I feel exposed and like I've suddenly put on all the weight I've lost and more. However, lightweight dresses are modest, flattering and provide the same level of "cool" against the heat. I'm not saying "YOU MUST NOT WEAR LONG SLEEVES" but you sound pretty unhappy with the discomfort factor. Just an idea...

As for the self-hate, no one can fix that but you. You have to step back and realize that hating yourself isn't going to take the weight off, it's not going to solve all your problems, and ultimately life is too short to spend it beating yourself up over the past. You don't have to love your body so much you want to parade around naked all the time, but for your own sanity please at least be at peace with it - it's the only one you've got, and you've already made great waves in improving it.

As for your guy, mine checks out girls who weigh 40 lbs less than I do, but guess who he takes home at night? It's human nature to look, but your bf's love and commitment to you is strong since he chooses you over them each and every time!

*e-hug*

astrophe
06-01-2011, 10:02 PM
What are you doing to work on your self esteem?

Because you can diet well, and exercise well to aid your body... but you can achieve your goal and still be hiding yourself in long sleeve shirts, pants, and talking down to yourself because you did nothing for your other areas.

I believe to be healthy we have to be in balance across the whole board -- body, mind, heart, spirit.

GL!
A.

Riestrella
06-02-2011, 05:09 AM
You know what's sexy? Confidence.

Sure, there are little skinny girls walking around showing off - but if you have confidence and show yourself living life to the full and loving every minute no matter how you look - THAT'S attractive.

I've seen girls who are bigger and they dress so well, have such a big smile on their faces and I think "wow, they're really pretty."

I'm not saying go and wear shorts and tank tops if you feel super confident in them, but wear something that suits you are your body type and that you can carry with confidence without having to drown yourself in layers.

You've done so much so far, congratulations. Sure you're not at your goal weight this summer, but it does not mean under any circumstances that you can't enjoy yourself. You know how much weight you're going to lose and you're going to do it, let that motivation inspire you and keep you going.

iHeartU
06-02-2011, 10:57 AM
Honey, I am 344 pounds and I wear shorts and a tank top when I go out in the summer. If they look, who cares? I REFUSE to make myself uncomfortable just so people won't have to look at my fat. If they don't wanna see it, well they got 3 other directions they can look.

jacymacy
06-03-2011, 11:54 AM
Wow, kaplods - what an awesome post! I am going to take your suggestions. I am going to make a new personality/voice in my head to be my own cheerleader!
Caramelkitty, please take her advice and run with it. Losing 20 pounds is HUGE! I'm having a hard time losing ONE. Mostly because I beat myself up, just like you were doing. I will not give in! I will keep fighting for myself and for my goals!

VegDay
06-03-2011, 05:39 PM
I'm so sorry you are feeling like this. And I certainly don't think you need to wear long pants and long sleeve shirts all summer. Get yourself some new clothes. (I don't know what your budget is) But even if it's just a few pieces. Get some knee length shorts and some light tops. If you are not comfortable with sleeveless, try cap sleeves.

You have as much right as anyone to feel good in the heat and to feel good about yourself.

I'm 51 now so I don't care anymore. I dress appropriately but I'll wear sleeveless now when I would never have in my 20's. Yes my arms are not thin and pretty but they are not the ugliest thing on the planet either. I've been where you are. Wearing heavy jeans in the summer. I think back and wonder why I did. Not anymore. I even go to the pool now. Forget the skirt-tini bathing suits. I won't wear them But I do keep myself wrapped in my beach towel until I get in the water. I still have a little insecurity but I don't let it stop me from enjoying the things I too have a right to. Please don't either.

caramelkitty
06-16-2011, 10:39 AM
Wow @Kaplods.

I am honestly bowing down to you for that post.
I completely agree with everything you said.

And in the last 2 weeks since I posted that, I have had a complete transformation.

I also started a new job which I am completely happy with and the people around me are EXTREMELY positive.
And I do believe that is what I needed.

I have since then lost some more weight and have never been happier with myself.

I started wearing summer dresses.
Short sleeves.
Bermuda shorts. (@fattymcfatty) --> Smart ;)

And honestly, I am getting so many looks, and the difference is i'm not thinking "OH THEYRE LOOKING AT ME CUZ IM BIGGER" I am now thinking "DAMN RIGHT IM HOT :)"

Im gonna post some pictures soon, of the progress :) not much, but still a beginning! Thanks for all the support girls, and guys, you're all amazing! <3

mamakat
06-16-2011, 01:48 PM
I will add one thing only. It's something that I've learned over the years. Sometimes we see ourselves differently than others do. My husband's business partners wives have each had weight loss surgery and in my opinion they didn't have 75lbs or more to lose (which is a requirement from our insurance). So I was a bit bemused. Turns out they did!
I only have two mirrors in my house so I don't see what I look like from the neck down and for the most part I find myself a pretty curvaceous woman. But then I'll see my reflection in a shop window or something and reality will get me :p I see myself different than others.
When people ask me how much I weigh (as a curious thing) I tell them and they are shocked. To them I don't look THAT heavy. So just a suggestion when you're getting low and you think people are looking at you because you "big" they may not see you as you see yourself.
I wish you all the best on your journey. It's hard and sometimes we do get down when we stall or we see others losing it faster than us (remember I'm reminded of the other wives loss daily) we just have to remember how far we've come and that we are definitely worth it.
Be strong and healthy :)

lin43
06-16-2011, 01:59 PM
Nothing screams CONFIDENCE than a woman who walks and dresses with confidence. I still weigh 205 pounds and I proudly wear shorts and sleeveless tops and guess what? People say I looke great! I don't, but I'm not cowering inside my skin. That lack of confidence takes away from your own beauty and how others view you. It's so true!


I think you're onto something there. My husband has always insisted that a woman who wears sexy clothes with confidence---regardless of her size---is going to be perceived as sexier than someone who tries to cover themselves with [in my husband's words] "tent-like clothing." I do not have that kind of confidence, but over the years, I have realized that clothes that fit me look so much better on me than clothes that I might use to "cover" myself (as if that's really possible).

caramelkitty
06-16-2011, 02:34 PM
I do agree with all you guys are saying.

My fiance (though I do get insecure that he stares at other girls) will ALWAYS look. It's human nature. But he tells me when I wear black, (because I seem to think its slimming) that I look sloppy. He says I look radiant in color and in sexy clothing.

He's right. :) I will work on my self confidence and everything else will follow.

@mamakat me too I get that alot. No one ever believes that I weigh 193. Even at 220 no one believed me. I know I wear them well, (my weight is in my butt and boobs) because I always had a flat stomach.

Here are 2 pics that were taken recently....

Just so you guys know what I am talking about :)
http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m259/mizz_pimpetta/caramelkitty/IMG00067-20110521-1903.jpg
http://i106.photobucket.com/albums/m259/mizz_pimpetta/caramelkitty/IMG00165-20110523-0958.jpg

HMM3
06-16-2011, 02:56 PM
Wow you have a shape to envy! My husband would be looking at you!

Thanks for starting this post ... the replies have been quite inspirational ...

Kaplods .... wow .... you certainly take the time and care to answer posts so eloquently and thoughtfully ...

Good to hear you have more confidence ...

Take care

mamakat
06-16-2011, 03:02 PM
You're gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

psuajblue
06-16-2011, 03:04 PM
The past is the past. What matters is the fact that you're doing something about it in the present!

caramelkitty
06-16-2011, 03:29 PM
I honestly would love to meet you all in person so I could give you all a hug. *e-hug*

I have never seen such positive and inspiring people, and YOU (as well as myself of course) are my motivation !

Thanks for everything xoxoxoxo

dragonlady1978
06-16-2011, 03:37 PM
Caramelkitty you look great!!!

Thank you for posting your pics, they reminded me that I probably should cut myself some slack, too. I think ALOT of us have insecurities that make us have skewed perceptions of what we actually look like, thinking and feeling like we are much bigger than we actually are.

I would not see you on the street and stare at you thinking you are fat, I'd be envious ;) I'd trade away a higher number on the scale for a flat stomach any day of the week!

I wish the emotional part of this were easier. I think it does help to be able to relate to so many people here going through the same, though.

caramelkitty
06-16-2011, 03:45 PM
I agree. I do think that first and foremost I need to work on the inside, before I even worry about what the outside looks like.

Yeah the outside has a couple pounds to lose...
The inside has a lotttttt more work that needs to be done.

I have been self-destructing since I have been unhappy in my relationships.
But here I am with a guy who loves me enough to put a huge rock on my finger, and I still see myself the way my exes made me feel.

I know I'm lucky that I have a flat stomach, and I guess I should take that to my advantage and focus on the rest.

I don't want to be skinny, I think I want to feel skinny. That's my thing.

@Dragonlady, I started around the same weight as you, I look forward to seeing your number on my scale. :) And I'll have a little victory dance in the bathroom! Lol

luckymommy
06-16-2011, 04:42 PM
Hey there,

I'm really glad that you posted your photos. I can tell you now FOR SURE that you are beautiful and have nothing to worry about! Also, just so you know, you may hit your goal and your man may still be looking at other women! Some men just like to look because someone is attractive. Honestly, I also look at people who look good....I don't know why and I'm not as visual as a men. Men are much more visual then women. You ARE beautiful so don't worry that he's looking at others because he's not happy with you! :) Also, I think you should take photos with ever 10 lbs you lose so that you can see the difference. Some women get to goal and they still feel like they're overweight and don't see a difference and photos help a lot. Take care! :hug:

greenlove62
06-16-2011, 05:15 PM
I found the secret to permanent weight loss success!! It's all in the mind!!

I know exactly how you feel, listen I was doing so good with my exercises and eating all the right foods and losing the weight then it was like I hit a brick wall! Everything started falling apart.

My friend Sherry told me to read this article ďThe Weight Loss Management PsychologyĒ by Malcolm Baptiste. I typed the title of the article in and the article came up and it is GREAT!!! Itís was like he was writing about my story! I followed the advice and Iím back on track stronger and the weight is dropping off!!!!!

I love this forum because it allow us to come together and support each other! We are able to share what is working for us! Please hang in there because you can do it! Knowledge is power!!

Check out my blog at newme62 on 3fatchicks!!

caramelkitty
06-17-2011, 11:26 AM
Wow it really is a great article.

Here it is in case anyone wants to read it as well:

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Psychology-Behind-Weight-Loss-Management---What-Is-It-and-Who-Needs-It?&id=6344853

Thanks for all the support girls, I really do appreciate it! I'm down 23 lb since this morning and it feels great!

BowandArcher
06-17-2011, 11:50 AM
step one:take a deep breath, close your eyes, and remind yourself that you are not (by far) the only overweight person anyone has seen. fun tip: NO ONE IS WORRIED ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO DISTRACTED WITH HOW PEOPLE THINK THEY LOOK!

step two: center yourself, take plenty of slow deep breaths and tell yourself you are beautiful even if you dont think so at the time. self hate and pitty will get you no where. Only through self love will you lose your weight and keep it off.

step three: Think of something that makes you happy that has nothing to do with body image. us women OBSESS about self image and we NEED to be distracted with other thoughts otherwise we would go crazy and kill our boyfriends without them ever knowing what they did lol

repeat if necessary... hang tough, even the worst feelings will pass.

caramelkitty
06-17-2011, 12:06 PM
@Bowandarcher -- you're right.
We do need something to think about.
I started this morning to just feel ....overly confident.
Not to the point where I push people out of my way cuz im royalty (lol)
But You know, if someone looks at me (or if i just think they're looking) I just think, yeah, well, I am pretty so why wouldnt they look? :)

One step at a time, I think I just realized what my problem was - I was hoping I'd melt. In a week.
Lose all my weight. Which is ...impossible!
So now that I realize that I need to work on some confidence issues as well as my state of mind, and my diet and exercise program, the weight is coming off.
I should be at a reasonable weight in no time!

dragonlady1978
06-17-2011, 12:09 PM
Congrats on 23 pounds!! You are already more than 1/3 of the way to goal, that's great! :)

I read the article, it was very perceptive to have been written by the spouse of someone going through this. I wish my hubs could understand that well. He just isn't bothered by thoughts about food or weight at all, and while he tries to be understanding that I am....I know he really doesn't get it. Sometimes that makes me feel even more weak/pathetic, but I know it's kinda unreasonable for me to expect him to just automatically relate to my unhealthy mindset.

I can't really imagine what it's like to not feel inadequate about my weight. Even when the scale says a number I should be satisfied with I am still always a fat chick in my head. There has always been something I cringed about when I looked in the mirror, even at 120 lbs...which is probably exactly why I'm doing this again. I'm still hopeful that this time will be the one that I let myself get in the right mindset and stay there. I'm not giving up!

BowandArcher
06-17-2011, 12:13 PM
EXACTLY! I have to tell myself that I'm doing my best, and if someone else doesnt like the way I look they probably have ALOT more self esteem issues than I do. Sometimes you just need to have the "**** you, I'm sexy AND beautiful as a big girl and when I lose this weight I'll be BANGIN!!!"

greenlove62
06-17-2011, 03:05 PM
Hello ladies,

Glad you liked the article and hope you get the free steps he's offering! This stuff is no joke! It's not enough to just wish ourselves thin, or say a few affirmations, we really have to get to the root cause of these self sabotaging thoughts.

Because like it or not the thoughts are real! It's not the looks from other people it's the thoughts that raise up on the inside of us when people look!

Have you ever been in a room and people started laughing and for a second you thought they were laughing at you? This happens to me, but now I know that is a ridiculous thought, because they don't even know me!! They are not even thinking about me!!

The role our thoughts play in us gaining the weight, losing the weight, and maintaining the weight is more important than the foods we eat. Because we can put the fork down or never pick it up when we understand what is forcing us to try to use food as more than what it is FOOD! Nutrition, Energy!

I love the book The Mind is the Battlefield, by Joyce Myers because she also talks about how our thoughts can do us in!

Here's to our empowerment, our victorious thoughts, and our success!!

mzKiki
06-17-2011, 04:21 PM
We all have bad days (hugs) and just like everyone else said 20 lbs is a lot of progress and you should be proud!!!
I bet you look awesome in your 3/4 pants.
As far as guys are concerned they like to look I'm sure he's very much attracted to you, but maybe you can have a conversation with him about how it makes you feel when he looks at other women when he's with you.

mzKiki
06-17-2011, 04:24 PM
Oh wow, I just saw the pics. It's always so funny how most people have a distorted sense of self!
Now if I ran into you on the street I'd think wow she's hot (seriously).
You are curvy and pretty and there is absolutely no reason why you cant wear shorts! GO GIRL!