I really don't want to give up. I seem to say after every last try at losing weight that "this is my last attempt". But I do want to live. To finally see myself how I was always meant to be. So...
Can one keep being welcomed back when they constantly fail and fail again. I don't remember if I have ever simply given calorie counting a try. It's kinda like my doctor always telling me to simply push myself away from the table. That's how you lose weight. I would always tune him out. But maybe he's right. That plus calorie counting and exercising and patience.
I'm 53, old, divorced, depressed, lonely, fat, not healthy and trying to get the thought out of my mind that this is how the rest of my life is going to be. I'm really down right now but hope to get upbeat as time and weight loss marches on.
Hi JustMary! Keep your chin up girl and keep plugging away. I have "dieted" my entire life and seem to always fail. I am determined to not fail this time! I am on Weight Watchers and loving every minute of it! Maybe you should look in to that! It has a great support system! And I am always here if you need to talk/vent/scream! Good luck!
Can someone keep being welcomed back? Absolutely. You don't fail until you stop trying.
Sometimes we just aren't ready for the messages people and things are sending us. We can feel shame about that or we can realize that we can't change the past and try and do the best we can going forward.
There are lots of areas here you might want to check out, but I would especially recommend the 300+ section.
I know that the thing that has made this "diet" or lifestyle change different for me is having a "cheat day". I can eat whatever I want that day. That has helped make my temptation liveable. Then, after a while you figure out how much better you feel when you get healthy and lose the weight, and you will not want to stop. Please keep going! You can do it!
Your life does not have to be that way! You just have to decide to change it, and do it.
Do you have any hobbies that get you out of the house to socialize? If not, get one! That helped my mom when she was in your position. She started swing dancing classes which got her exercise and new friends.
First of all, 53 is not "old". 50 is the new 30, and this is coming from a twerpy little 21 year old.
Secondly, fat is not a permanent state of being. The rest of your life? Try 12 months if you start your journey now. If you don't look back, at this exact time in a year from now, you will be a whole new you.
I personally feel that the first month of dieting is a huge uphill climb, and after you have your food and exercise regimen down, it's a breeze (with the occasional slip up and trip along the way). I was also very depressed when I began this process, and what helped me the most was sort of diving head first into dieting, obsessing over it, and making it my reality despite how painful my emotions were. After two or three months I emerged, and suddenly things were much easier to handle, and I was 15 lbs lighter.
Of course you are always welcome! Dude it's taken me being here over 2 years to lose about 45 lbs!
Maybe what you are doing is simply too hard for you? You weigh 307 lbs, if you are trying to restrict yourself to eating 1200 calories a day that could be your problem.
Also I would remember to think of this as something for life (which I'm sure you are trying to do) but 1200 calories/day is not a "for life" thing in my opinion.
If you are thinking about counting calories I suggest starting at 2300 a day and then for every 10 lbs you lose re-asses that number.
I'm going off this formula my old trainer gave me:
Weight (lbs) x 10(calories/lb) x .75 (percent) = how many calories to eat to lose weight.
Keep your spirits up!!! You are always welcomed back! It's always a journey so don't give up! You have to stay tough and stick to it! We are always here to support you! Keep at it and don't give up.
Thanks everyone! I'm sick so that might be one reason I'm so blue today and with life. I had to go to the doctor yesterday morning and have to go back tomorrow morning.
berrab - wow! 2300 calories sounds like a lot but it would definitely give me enough food to eat (as long as it's healthy) to keep me from feeling starved. I might start off trying that and bring it down as needed. Thanks.
bluemonday - I don't really have any exciting hobbies to get me out of the house. I read, get on the computer, pet on my cat and that's about it. I'm thinking about going back to church again so that might help some, as far as getting out of the house I mean. I didn't mean that as far as using church as a social club or anything. Oh my! My whole world for 25 years was wrapped up in my now ex-husband. I don't really have any other friends. I'm open to looking for hobbies as funds permit.
runningfrom140 - I love the idea of a cheat day althought I will most likely make it a cheat meal. I love dreaming of the possibilities. Yum!
notthecheat - yeah, I think the 300+ was one section I tried before but wasn't on it long enough to do me any good. One of my problems...I always give up too soon. I will get back in there. Thanks.
Thank you all for your welcome and your support. I feel more upbeat just coming back here to see all your wonderful replies. I can't wait to see and feel the change.
I have been here so many times myself I know it can be discouraging to feel like you're having to start over again. You have not failed! You just haven't found what works for you yet, and you can't stop trying until you do.
Calorie counting is a great plan. It is simple, to the point, and free.
This forum is a great place for support, and it isn't only here for when you're "winning". We can all be honest with ourselves and each other here, and you certainly are not alone. It has been a great source of motivation for me, to be able to see others going through the same trials and struggles, and see those same people succeed reassures me that I can too.
I can't say enough good things about livestrong.com, but there are also several other sites to help you with the particulars of calorie counting. A good tracking site will give you guidelines and info about your daily calorie needs and help you keep up with all the numbers.
berrab - wow! 2300 calories sounds like a lot but it would definitely give me enough food to eat (as long as it's healthy) to keep me from feeling starved. I might start off trying that and bring it down as needed. Thanks.
Yes it does sound like a lot but your body needs more calories a day just to survive. A 1200 calorie/day diet is very little calories for someone your size.
Try it out for a week or two- see what happens. And every 10 lbs adjust that number. So at 297 that'd be 2228 and at 287 that'd be 2153.
Mary, my mom got divorced at 57. She was married for 35 years. She had a REALLY hard time with things. She went to divorce care and it helped her out tremendously. I think they are six week sessions. She went to three of them. I am pretty sure it was free. http://www.divorcecare.org/ She lives in a town of 6,000 so it's definitely available in rural areas.
I think what you need to do is create a life for yourself. It doesn't have to be about dieting at all. I think you just need to get yourself out there. The weight loss at first will come naturally if you're getting a bit busier than you are right now. And, as you work on making positive changes in your life you'll love yourself more. And as you love yourself more you'll want to take better care of your body!
I would definitely think about what you like to do and find a way to make it a social thing that gets you out of the house. Book Club? Gardening Club? Church Choir? I, myself, have tried ALL SORTS of activities in order to increase my social activity. Some of failed me a bit. I did soccer and just never really got into the clique. Some have been great, though. So, if you don't fit in immediately with something give it some time, and if you still don't fit in try something else. There's things out there for you, though, I promise.
Really, what someone already said, you don't fail until you stop trying! Check out divorce care, though. Both of my parents swear by it.
I've been overweight or obese (mostly super morbidly obese) and dieting since kindergarten. I'm 45 and on disability due to health issues some caused and some made worse by my weight and yoyo dieting. Before I found what worked for me, I had given up all hope of ever finding something I could stick with.
This is the first time I've ever kept any amount of weight loss off for more than a year (I've been on a six year downward trend, though it's been an odd ride. 20 lbs lost accidentally the first year after sleep apnea treatment - then two years of trying to figure out how to lose more, and finally in the last three years getting in the groove enough to lose 90 lbs - very, very slowly).
Weight loss really is a unique journey for each of us. What works for someone else may not work for us. Heck what worked for us in the past, may not work that way today.
But I do think we tend to work at weight loss in black and white mode - fast and furious or not at all. We're taught to do it that way by watching those around us. Oh, we hear that that's not the route to go, but just as children learn by watching (telling them "do as I say, not as I do is pointless), so do adults.
We do what we've learned, and most of us have learned ineffective ways to diet. Mostly the crash and binge cycle.
It's hard to break the cycle, but it's necessary for permanent weight loss. HOW you break the cycle though is up to you.
For me, breaking the cycle meant accepting slow weight loss. Deciding on changes I was willing to make regardless of weight loss. That for me clicked, because the intense pressure and guilt was off. Weight loss was my reward, not a goal I was obviously failing at (though I had a whacky but common definition of failure. Whenever weight loss slowed, I'd feel like slow weight loss was nearly as bad as gaining. I'd make myself so miserable, that giving up seemed like the only sane option).
I don't know how you will break your own cycle, but know that it can be done. Not finding success isn't failure until you stop looking.
Restricting carbs was necessary for me. I was astonished to discover that what I call "rabid hunger" disappears on low carb dieting. On high carb foods, I just can't get enough. I'm hungrier on 3000 calories of carby foods than on 1000 calories of very low carb (I'm not advocating very low carb or such a low calorie diet).
Support for me is very important, which is why I'm here and have joined TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly - it's an inexpensive alternative to WW). The cost is roughly $50 to $85 per year ($26 to join, and then $2-$5 per month for monthly dues - and this includes a very nice monthly magazine).
To find chapters near you, check out the website, tops.org
Most chapters run motivational contests, and you can sit in on a meeting free at least once (many will let you sit in on several meetings free, you just can't get weighed in or participate in any of the contests until you join).
Late Spring through Early Fall is my best time of year, but for the rest of the year, I don't get out of the house much, because of my health issues.
You can lose weight mostly in your own home, but it's much more difficult without a support system. I highly recommend tops, your church group, anything that can get you around other people. The more you stay home with your cat, the easier it is to think "who do I have to impress but the cat," and decide that eating is the only pleasure in life you have.
Have you considered learning to knit or crochet? Knitting and crochet groups are getting quite popular in many areas. Churches often have prayer shawl ministries. In some churches the knitters/crocheters meet every week to work on the shawls together, in others (mine) shawl makers make the item at home and then donate it to the church. In my area there are quite a few knitting, crochet, and generic lap-crafts groups. I found my first on ravelry (it's a knitting/crocheting/spinning/weaving/needlefelting group). Several churches have groups, some of the yarn shops, several of the retirement communities, even the YMCA.
The hardest part of successful weight loss (and the only secret to permanent weight loss) is refusing to give up. What it takes for you not to give up is unique to you, but the great thing about this website, is you get exposed to so many other people's success stories, that you're bound to find inspiration for your own.
I love crocheting also it keeps me away from food cuz you have to use both hands AND you don't want to get your projects dirty with food AND when you get into the flow you don't want to stop!
I Have To Keep Trying
That plus calorie counting and exercising and patience. 
