carmenshine
05-20-2011, 10:45 PM
I work seven days a week, running my own business that I love. I work long and hard helping clients be the best that they can be, earning them much success. I am solely responsible for the financial and general well being of my husband, my mother, which lives with us, and our three beautiful children. I am very active in the community, helping non-profits wherever I can. I travel often as my business requires and I’m involved in everything.
As I sit here working another late night, missing my children, with my 10 piece chicken nuggets, quarter pounder with cheese, large fry and large sweet tea – again – I wonder with all the things that I give of myself “who’s going to help me”
Today I noticed myself in the rear view mirror driving in my car, as I frequently do, getting fatter. I noticed that my face has all but lost its shape and my second chin continues to grow. I used to be so beautiful…
In my early twenties I was a small and very petite size 4. I felt and looked amazing. These days at the still young age of 28, I’ve added a 2 in front of that 4 at the weight of 285 and growing. Did I really gain 150 pounds? Where did that girl go? The funny thing is, I still feel like that small girl. When I dream, I am still her, and I wake up surprised at the shocking difference. I still love being active, playing with my kids, working hard and getting things done. I’m not lazy. But I am tired. My body is so tired. Sometimes I feel like it can’t keep up with my small inner girl’s pace. I feel like it won’t be able to hold up at all… You really don’t see old fat people.
I am a photographer, designer, creative director, entrepreneur, avid learner, and lover of all things beautiful - except myself.
I am reaching out with a plea for help. I need a strong support group that will stand by me and hold my hand through all the difficult challenges I face to overcome my stress and obesity issues. I’ve of course tried, and tried, and tried to lose it on my own. I’ve lost hundreds of pounds actually. The SAME hundreds of pounds. I recently gained over 50 pounds in a four month period. I don’t see myself as different there. I know lots of people can say the same. But I have been told that one of my best and rarest characteristics is knowing what I am NOT good at and when to ask for help. And I WANT it! I want the change for myself so badly because I know what it would do for every facet of my life. I’m not seeking that size 4 again, I only want to feel healthy again. I want to get in the floor without worrying if I can get up again. I want to look up a flight of stairs confidently. I want to take a bath without having trouble covering myself with water. I’m tired of being embarrassed to show my arms. It feels silly covering myself from head to toe in the summer time.
I hope to find some support and camaraderie here - A place to come to when I’m thinking of a late night binge again. I have no one to talk to who understands. I've never been able to share these things before. I look forward to being able to speak freely and supporting where I can.
As I sit here working another late night, missing my children, with my 10 piece chicken nuggets, quarter pounder with cheese, large fry and large sweet tea – again – I wonder with all the things that I give of myself “who’s going to help me”
Today I noticed myself in the rear view mirror driving in my car, as I frequently do, getting fatter. I noticed that my face has all but lost its shape and my second chin continues to grow. I used to be so beautiful…
In my early twenties I was a small and very petite size 4. I felt and looked amazing. These days at the still young age of 28, I’ve added a 2 in front of that 4 at the weight of 285 and growing. Did I really gain 150 pounds? Where did that girl go? The funny thing is, I still feel like that small girl. When I dream, I am still her, and I wake up surprised at the shocking difference. I still love being active, playing with my kids, working hard and getting things done. I’m not lazy. But I am tired. My body is so tired. Sometimes I feel like it can’t keep up with my small inner girl’s pace. I feel like it won’t be able to hold up at all… You really don’t see old fat people.
I am a photographer, designer, creative director, entrepreneur, avid learner, and lover of all things beautiful - except myself.
I am reaching out with a plea for help. I need a strong support group that will stand by me and hold my hand through all the difficult challenges I face to overcome my stress and obesity issues. I’ve of course tried, and tried, and tried to lose it on my own. I’ve lost hundreds of pounds actually. The SAME hundreds of pounds. I recently gained over 50 pounds in a four month period. I don’t see myself as different there. I know lots of people can say the same. But I have been told that one of my best and rarest characteristics is knowing what I am NOT good at and when to ask for help. And I WANT it! I want the change for myself so badly because I know what it would do for every facet of my life. I’m not seeking that size 4 again, I only want to feel healthy again. I want to get in the floor without worrying if I can get up again. I want to look up a flight of stairs confidently. I want to take a bath without having trouble covering myself with water. I’m tired of being embarrassed to show my arms. It feels silly covering myself from head to toe in the summer time.
I hope to find some support and camaraderie here - A place to come to when I’m thinking of a late night binge again. I have no one to talk to who understands. I've never been able to share these things before. I look forward to being able to speak freely and supporting where I can.