Weight Loss Support - Trying to be objetive an thoughtful,and considerate, but,




shcirerf
05-16-2011, 01:08 AM
Warning, long rambling post! With no particular point, just venting.

I do love this site. I'd be lost without it. But, some posts, make me want to scream, grow some b**ls!

Don't get me wrong, I do understand where the young ladies are coming from. But, I've been through so much, and am still hanging on by a lettuce leaf, that I just want to have one of those 2 year old screaming, crying, fits. Bang my head, kick my feet, scream and cry in the middle of Wal Mart.

It isn't really the people here, it's the stress in my life. It's a long story.

I'm trying to deal with being molested as a child and all the junk that goes with that, the family knows, but won't admit it. OK. That hurts. Last year, I said ENOUGH! I will no longer attend that family reunion. Wonder of wonders, my mother and sisters, supported that and we did our own thing. That was a blessed relief.

The sisters were on board, Mom, well, we gave her an ultimatum. My father is not in the picture, he was killed in a farm accident in 1977. Still love that man. He had so much common sense it would scare the crap out of most of us.

So, fast forward, I"ve been married to the same man, since 1977. We have 2 great kids. One, with a degree, in business and finance, he is now a State trooper, DOT officer and SWAT sniper. Our other son has a degree in human biology, radiological tech, and has passed all the tests to teach jr high and high school biology and science and has his football and bb coaching endorsements. He is teaching and coaching!

I have great kids, great DIL's and the cutest grand babies ever! Devani and Allie! Love those little girls.

So, anyway, to ramble along. The dh had a nasty accident in 02 that took, 15 months, numerous surgeries and several amputations to finally recover from, while dealing with workmans comp. That was a joy.

Now he's had heart issues for the last year plus. Numerous ER visits, drugs, tests, and more tests, and x-rays, nuclear tests, cat scans, etc. and more this and more drugs and more that and it goes on and on.

Now, he's had heart surgery in January for his A-fib. The Dr. said it would take awhile for this to get better. OK. Now, he had surgery in Jan. ONe follow up appt. in Feb. The Dr. said they would send an event moniter in April, it never showed up. NO contact with The Dr. It is now May. He informed me he has quit taking his A-fib meds and his blood thinner.

Yay! Can you say mind blowing stroke!?

I do understand, that we are remiss in not making sure the follow up visits were scheduled. Our fault, but geez, you'd think when the insurance pays $78,000 to the hospital and dr., and you've met the deductible and out of pocket expense, for the year, they would love to see you all year long.

So now, DH informs me, he has a pain in his ribs, that hurts to breath. *rolls eyes* He is sure he has a tumor. He's had this imaginary cancer forever! So, I made him an Appt. with our GP. I already informed him I will not be there, it interferes with my WW meeting.

I am not trying to be selfish, but since 1995, I have spent all of my vacation days, either chasing the kids or chasing my hub and his issues.

I am tired. I actually have a Dr.s appt on Monday for the rash I have had on my back for 3 years, but simply was not as important enough to deal with, with everything else going on. Not to mention, I'm like 5 years over due for a mammo and Pap

As far as loose skin and saggy what ever. YOu have no idea. I had twin boys that weighed over 6 pounds each. My whole body sags. Thank you Mr. Newton for discovering gravity. *insert sarcasm* Then the stretch mark thing. I have them up the wazoo. They are what they are.

Now, if I could just find a bra that fits, that the girls don't want to escape from, that does not pinch, bind, bite, pinch, etc. I would like that.

Anyway, there is no particular point. I just needed to let off some steam.
Thanks for listening!:hug:


luckymommy
05-16-2011, 01:29 AM
:hug: You have definitely been through a whole lot! I certainly understand why you're frustrated with some of the posts here....loose skin worries do seem insignificant compared to some of your struggles. However, keep in mind that many of us have been through much deeper struggles, but we come here to focus on our weight management and sometimes, that leads to the realm of body image, etc. I really do feel for you though! :hug: I hope things will finally settle to the point where you can enjoy your life, rather than constantly putting out fires. :hug:

Lovely
05-16-2011, 01:56 AM
I don't have anything to say really, but I wanted to extend a hug. Or two. Or three. :)

:hug: :hug: :hug:


GlamourGirl827
05-16-2011, 10:33 AM
I can understand how reading a post where someone is venting or complaining about what seems insignificant can be frustrating, but as someone said, its important to remember we all have our crosses to bare.

When I first became a nurse, I found myself judging people's "situations" in relation to their "complaining or dealing with it". Thankfully, I realized that everyone has the right to be as upset as they want over something no matter how small I felt the issue was, because its not up to me to decide who has it worse.

I'm sorry that about all the stress you have had on your plate. Sometimes, when I find myself getting upset over that fact that my life has been nothing short of a nightmare from the beginning, and I see other people complaining about a life I would have LOVED to have because their life just seems so easy, I think:
1. I don't know their life is easy. I should not assume they had it easier than me.
2. I pat myself on the back, for being so strong. For being resilient. For not letting circumstances I had NO control over be my excuse to be a victim the rest of my life.

I'm not trying to minimize your situation, but please don't minimize other people's posts either. :)

RachaelJ
05-16-2011, 11:06 AM
Vent Away! Sometimes we need that and it's okay that you did. Here's a hug!:hug:

TooManyDimples
05-16-2011, 11:07 AM
I can kinda feel your pain. There are some posts on here that drive me crazy. I have more of a problem with the "look at me, look at me" kind of post. I understand when people want encouragement and that's definitely a good thing around here, but when it's obvious someone is just looking for attention or compliments it drives me batty.

ButterCup85
05-16-2011, 11:15 AM
I understand! We all need to vent sometimes. Just remember we all have our own journeys of healing to go on. And, what may not seem important to you may be for others. Don't judge your story against someone elses, and try not to let their "small" problems as you may see it bother you.

We all have our own journeys to take, being on a forum for sexually abused children that are now adults, I had to learn that. I felt as if my 10+ years weren't compared to others who were molested by family, or repeatedly raped, or ones that actually remembered everything that happened.

But, I came to the realization this is my journey, it's my healing process and I don't deserve to have it made small by comparing myself to others. And, for ones who think they didn't have it as bad as me, they don't deserve to have it made small by me. We all have our journey. We all have our own healing. All we can do is try to understand and be there and encourage one another.

We're all in this thing called life together!

GlamourGirl827
05-16-2011, 11:17 AM
I can kinda feel your pain. There are some posts on here that drive me crazy. I have more of a problem with the "look at me, look at me" kind of post. I understand when people want encouragement and that's definitely a good thing around here, but when it's obvious someone is just looking for attention or compliments it drives me batty.

This really doesn't bother me. It used to. But when someone posts that kind of post, its probably because they don't have that positive encouragement or compliments IRL. People need positive attention, and maybe this website is the only place they get that. I don't mean to stir the pot, but I don't think a thread about how some people's posts are annoying is a healthy tone.
For some people this site might be all the support they have. (for weightloss and maybe personal life, since there are sections of this forum for non weightloss related issues) I think we should encourage people to post, not discourage it because someone might find the post annoying or a cry for attention.

And so what if someone does post a cry for attention, and we give them a little positive feedback? Then maybe we've made someone a little happier, or maybe we've let someone know somebody cares. Even if we are all just screen names on a forum, there are real people behind those screen names.

I'm sorry, but the direction this thread is heading, I find it non productive, and really not related to weight loss, which is the topic of this specific section of the forum.

ButterCup85
05-16-2011, 11:21 AM
This really doesn't bother me. It used to. But when someone posts that kind of post, its probably because they don't have that positive encouragement or compliments IRL. People need positive attention, and maybe this website is the only place they get that. I don't mean to stir the pot, but I don't think a thread about how some people's posts are annoying is a healthy tone.
For some people this site might be all the support they have. (for weightloss and maybe personal life, since there are sections of this forum for non weightloss related issues) I think we should encourage people to post, not discourage it because someone might find the post annoying or a cry for attention.

And so what if someone does post a cry for attention, and we give them a little positive feedback? Then maybe we've made someone a little happier, or maybe we've let someone know somebody cares. Even if we are all just screen names on a forum, there are real people behind those screen names.

I'm sorry, but the direction this thread is heading, I find it non productive, and really not related to weight loss, which is the topic of this specific section of the forum.

I agree with this. Not say you can't vent. But, imagine right now someone is posting how this person is complaining about their hard life when we've all had one. And even more they are complaining about what others complain about. It would probably hurt the main posters feelings. I really am not being mean, at all. We all just need to accept one another and be thankful for the support we have here. Whether it's asking for attention, venting, bragging, talking, etc. Love is really all you need. Towards others and especially ones self.

Emmy1979
05-16-2011, 11:22 AM
And so what if someone does post a cry for attention, and we give them a little positive feedback? Then maybe we've made someone a little happier, or maybe we've let someone know somebody cares. Even if we are all just screen names on a forum, there are real people behind those screen names.



^^ This. ^^

And also a big hug to you, shcirerf - because I think that may be what you need today. :hug:

beerab
05-16-2011, 11:22 AM
*hugs* I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope your husband is back on his meds and that it's NOT a tumor.

bargoo
05-16-2011, 11:33 AM
Janelle. life has handed you a lot. I can only say take care of yourself.Those children need you and DH, too . Sometimes I am reminded of the old song "Why is everybody pickin' on me". I wish I could help you someway. Keep coming here and vent all you want, if this is the only place you can do it. So be it. Good luck.

saef
05-16-2011, 11:54 AM
Did your husband make you feel badly for not attending his doctor appointment with him? Or rather, do you feel somewhat guilty that you can't go, and have put your health first & are headed to your Weight Watchers' meeting anyway? Are you dealing with an inner critic that is calling you "selfish"?

As for the posts here, I figure we're all just trying to make it through this life. And real life can be alienating. It can be lonely even when you're in the midst of a lot of people, if you feel they don't "get" you. If you feel misunderstood in your actual physical community, there's always the Internet, aka, The Island of Misfit Toys.

And some people really need validation badly, and aren't getting it, and are willing to go to the Internet to get it from complete strangers.

I don't think the people who turn easily & frequently to other people are necessarily weaker than people who stoically soldier on without asking for anything. Both approaches have their drawbacks. It's just a different way of getting by, that's all.

DixC Chix
05-16-2011, 03:26 PM
I agree with you shciref. Sometimes the posts make me roll my eyes.
But before I read them, I take note of the author, read the little balloon preview and decide if I want to go further. Too much can be too much, for me anyway.

It sounds like you have caretaker burnout. You have been putting others first for a long time, way too long. DH is a grown man, an adult, he's invested in his health care more than anyone else. He should be more interested in taking Rxs. Can you sit down with him to find out why he did that? It seems really self-distructive. It may be he is depressed about having been chronically ill for so long. Get a dr appt soon to discuss this.

Does he know how important it is TO YOU that you go to WW meetings? Does he know you have let your own health care go in lieu of his?

NUMERO UNO - take care of yourself NOW in every way. Make this the month of shciref!! GYN, MAMMO, dentist, eye doctor, mani/pedi, massage, facial...top to bottom!!! You deserve it and need it. :hug: :hug: :hug:


The Island of Misfit Toys.

I love obscure South Park references.

Nola Celeste
05-16-2011, 04:30 PM
I thought the Island of Misfit Toys was an obscure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference. (That was the one, right? I know I loved those stop-motion animation Christmas shows as a kid, but they got a little scrambled up in my little kid brain.) Not that I don't love South Park, too, though--so either way, it's all good. :)

Yeah, sometimes other posts are frustrating or bewildering. I'm sure, though, that there are times people have looked at a few of my posts and thought, "Wow, whiskey-tango-foxtrot is this chick thinking to post something like that!?" Different camels' backs have different breaking points; you can carry more straws than most, but that doesn't mean others with fewer straws don't find them onerous, too.

Sometimes it helps to remember how I would've perceived some things at half my age and to realize that we ourselves may have been very different people before we had the heaping helpings of difficult crap to deal with served up to us. I remember thinking that looking comical in shorts seemed like a dire fate to me at one time; I'm not that person now, but I remember being her.

And yeah, there are a very few posts that make me think, "Oh, geez, grow a pair of ovaries!" But I don't have to read them or answer them if I choose not to. 3FC is a friendly haven to so many people; I don't need to make it feel unfriendly to others even if I think an unfriendly thought or three in the privacy of my own computer room.

LisaP916
05-16-2011, 05:27 PM
I thought the Island of Misfit Toys was an obscure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference. (That was the one, right? I know I loved those stop-motion animation Christmas shows as a kid, but they got a little scrambled up in my little kid brain.) Not that I don't love South Park, too, though--so either way, it's all good. :)

And yeah, there are a very few posts that make me think, "Oh, geez, grow a pair of ovaries!" But I don't have to read them or answer them if I choose not to. 3FC is a friendly haven to so many people; I don't need to make it feel unfriendly to others even if I think an unfriendly thought or three in the privacy of my own computer room.

It is Rudolph. You are correct.

And I generally think "Oh, geez, grow a spine already!" only because I don't have ovaries. LMAO!

Nola Celeste
05-16-2011, 05:29 PM
Ah, good point--everyone has a spine! :D

DixC Chix
05-16-2011, 08:34 PM
My mistake - South Park had the Island of Misfit Mascots!

Nola Celeste
05-16-2011, 09:39 PM
South Park and Rudolph are both excellent and make me crave a night of vegetating in front of the TV with some DVDs and some popcorn, so if I decide to do that instead of getting some work done tonight, I'm blaming you both. :D

txladymedic
05-16-2011, 10:38 PM
We all need to vent sometimes...I do at times feel like you do but on the other hand I do my fair share of complaining on here so I can't say anything.
On the other hand I sometimes feel like that's what the forum is for....to give us a place to vent...even if it does feel petty to us and/or others.
You've definitely had your share of struggles....and it sounds like you could stand a big hug! So here's a hug!

milmin2043
05-17-2011, 01:30 AM
shcirerf-I just wanted to give you several big hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:

What I read from your post is that you need a little TLC. That is totally understandable. Caregivers to sick people are some of the most overlooked of all. It's always about the sick person. I don't have a lot to offer except to say that I feel for you and hope that things start to look up for you very soon.

mandalinn82
05-17-2011, 02:27 AM
Lots and lots and lots of big :hug: for you.

First, I agree that you need some TLC. Make sure you're doing something, every day, that takes care of you, even for a few minutes. It's so important!

It's helpful for me, when I find myself feeling frustrated at other's challenges as they compare to mine, to remember this...the worst you've ever felt feels the same to everyone. Some of us have a lot more to get us to "worst". But that means we have additional resilience for those smaller issues. Some people's "worst" is, comparatively, less bad than what I have gone through. And there are always others whose "worst" is worse than I could even imagine. Having that perspective helps me to let go of the frustration...because if I'm at my worst, the last thing I need is frustration on top of what else is going on.

Focus on you and taking care of you, and be grateful that your life has given you experiences that made you resilient against the smaller stresses that others may be more upset by. And remember that, to someone else, your challenges might feel insignificant in comparison to what they are facing.