Weight Loss Support - When people start thinking you're "too thin" when you're clearly NOT thin.




GlamourGirl827
05-15-2011, 08:45 PM
Well I knew it was bound to happen...

Just today I was thinking how I'm startin to feel "normal". I'm not saying its the same for everyone, its just my own personal point/size/weight where I feel like I blend in, that I'm not this blob in the room. For me my point is about now, comfortably in a size 12 and just a smidge above the 150s. (and I know everyone will have their own idea of when it is, I'm NOT saying my opinion is the only right answer, it just works for me)

So I'm just starting to feel good. I'm starting to like how I look in the mirror, I notice exercising is getting easier, ect...

THEN IT HAPPENED!!!!!! :o

My dad (who means well) and hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks, said as we were leaving that I need to come by so he can put a few pounds on me!!:eek:

Um, now if you look at my height and weight, I'm not even a healthy BMI yet! Sheesh!! And my dad, until the past few years has always been super thin. And even now he is NOT over weight.
I guess he's just so used to seeing me over weight, which aside from a few time in my 20s when I got down to like 155lbs, I've always been like 165 'bs to 170 lbs. (once I got down to 145 lbs, but did not maintain it for like more than a few weeks) Also, since having the kids, I notice I'm carrying my weight differently, and I seem to look better at my current weight 161, then I did before having kids and weighting 161...

The thing is I plan on losing MORE weight! I told him, which is true, that I got into running and I really love it, which is also true. He said that's good (and he sounded like he really meant it). But I guess I should get used to it. I've never maintained anything smaller than a size 10, (I've squeeze into a size 8 and even 6 ONCE many many years ago) but really I've always hovered around a size 14...guess I better get used to the comments. :(


bananafana
05-15-2011, 08:55 PM
Ugh, I know how you feel. Yesterday, a coworker asked me if I was losing weight in that shy way that people have when they're afraid of insulting you. When I gleefully told her that I was, she told me I look great. It bugs me, because I only look great in comparison to Me2009. I don't actually look great.

I think the thing is, relatives seem to associate weight loss with illness. This is why I am avoiding the Italian half of my family like the plague. The spicy, gooey cheesy, basil-scented plague.

Lori Bell
05-15-2011, 08:56 PM
Sometimes I think people just have a hard time at giving a complement so they say something like "you're getting too thin" in hopes that you take it as a compliment. I don't think they really think you are absolutely too thin...it's meant more like, "Hey, you are doing a great job at losing weight".


GlamourGirl827
05-15-2011, 09:02 PM
Lori Bell I never thought of it that way. Good point! Bananafana, i get htat actually with my husband. I know he's trying to be encouraging, but when I was at my highest, and I started trying to lose, like 2 days later he'd say how great I look. I know no one could see a weight loss on someone after 2 days. lol! But he was trying to help so I don't call him out on it...besides, now when he says it, after almost a year of losing and maintaining, I finally believe him!

runningfromfat
05-15-2011, 09:06 PM
I think the thing is, relatives seem to associate weight loss with illness. This is why I am avoiding the Italian half of my family like the plague. The spicy, gooey cheesy, basil-scented plague.

Ugh, this is DH's side of the family. I constantly have to hear comments about how I'm starving myself, too obsessed about my weight, working out too much BLAH BLAH BLAH :rolleyes: It's crazy because I still have a long ways before I get to a healthy BMI! Oh then I have to hear comments from FIL about how I eat too much (he's referring to veggies) and that I should just not eat hardly anything at all. :mad:

JohnP
05-15-2011, 09:21 PM
This is very common and as you get thinner it will get worse. Consider it a compliment and move on.

I've been called anorexic and my wife has been called sickly. We're both at healthy weights but both looking to drop a few more lbs of fat. Niether of us are obsesive but we have learned to not mention that we're on a diet because people look at us like we're crazy.

krampus
05-15-2011, 10:15 PM
I think your dad meant it as a compliment, I really do. I bet deep down you were flattered and happy to hear it. :)

TooManyDimples
05-15-2011, 10:26 PM
I'm actually looking forward to the day when this starts happening to me. =) Haha...

It will probably get irritating after a while, but I'm pretty sure I'll like it when it first starts.

fatferretfanatic
05-15-2011, 10:32 PM
My poor mother and father lost a lot of weight and got down to about 200-190 before everyone started saying, "You're too thin", "Stop losing weight", and the all time favorite, "You must be sick". One person even told my father, quite irate that he must have had surgery because you can't lose weight in that amount otherwise. WTH? My grandmother on my mom's side even said that she wanted to do an intervention if she got smaller. I told her I would absolutely not be a part of that negativity. My parents are very healthy and are now running half marathons and doing triathalons. In no way are they 'too skinny'. It aggravates me when people say that to them, and I hope people don't say these things to me as well.

Thighs Be Gone
05-15-2011, 10:53 PM
Ladies, I must say that this is one more reason I don't like to discuss my weight with anyone except a safe group of two other friends and then of course, the 3FC. My weightloss was and IS a very, very intensely personal journey and one that definitely more than just about the weight for me.

Thighs Be Gone
05-15-2011, 10:55 PM
LOL, I had a chinese lady ask me if I had cancer! I also had the surgery question--not straight out but definitely and directly implied on more than one occasion. I also had a mom ask me at the playgroud how much more weight I wanted to lose--I told her something to the effect of wanting to keep going for the health AND the hawtness factor! She turned her nose up at me and said, "ugghhh...no, now I don't want to be that?" Guess what? She's not! :)

GlamourGirl827
05-15-2011, 11:36 PM
Isn't it funny (but not really) how people have this perfect idea of how you should look or weigh. If you are bigger than that, you are too fat, if you are smaller you're too thin.

Mishflynn
05-16-2011, 04:24 AM
now im a just over a third of the way to goal, im starting to get, "well you dont want to loose too much" etc etc. Usually from really naturally skinny girls.......who also seem to have feeder tendencies!!!!

its like i have enough to deal with , with sorting out my head & will power, let alone deal with whatever is going on with you!!!!!

RachaelJ
05-16-2011, 09:58 AM
My family which are short petite people are very conscious of size. I think they are just the opposite of your family. They notice when you've put on a few pounds and will not hesitate to mention it. They are well intended comments nothing malicious.

Most of my family is in a whole different state so I don't see them often but I know if I went hom with more pounds than normal I'll hear something or if I'm not I'll get you're maintaining you weight good or you're looking good.

To the OP, don't fret about you're family's suggestions. I think you know what you must do to be happy for you. I do that for myself.

wolflikeme
05-16-2011, 10:56 AM
Ugh, I know how you feel. Yesterday, a coworker asked me if I was losing weight in that shy way that people have when they're afraid of insulting you. When I gleefully told her that I was, she told me I look great. It bugs me, because I only look great in comparison to Me2009. I don't actually look great.

I think the thing is, relatives seem to associate weight loss with illness. This is why I am avoiding the Italian half of my family like the plague. The spicy, gooey cheesy, basil-scented plague.


Hahah! That last part made me chuckle.

I know how you feel. I'm hearing it a lot now, too. My initial reaction was defensive, but I agree with others: take it as a compliment and carry on! I have no doubt you're going to hear it a lot more.

saef
05-16-2011, 11:41 AM
All I have to say is, make friends with some people who work in the fashion industry, and you won't hear comments like that any more.

Or become good friends with someone who runs half marathons every couple weekends.

Their judgment of what is too thin is not the same as my family's or some of my female coworkers' views on that subject.

Seek out people who share your vision of what normal & healthy is. (Well, that wouldn't be my fashion industry friends, actually, but that's another story.)

No wonder that study found that your friends' weight can determine your weight. (See here http://www.suite101.com/content/factors-influencing-healthy-weight-a27242 and here if you have a NY Times subscription: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/26/health/26fat.html) Step out of line & they jokingly let you know it ... in the most friendly way of course, such that it can be taken as flattery if you so choose.

Emme
05-16-2011, 11:49 AM
LOL -- my sister told me that at 170 I looked too thin (back in the day) and I laughed in her face. I'm glad she saw that, but I sure didn't. Just take it as a compliment and move on. :)

GlamourGirl827
05-16-2011, 11:55 AM
Saef, its so true that its important to have friends and people in your life that share your vision of health. Most of my, ok all of my friends are over weight. None make healthy eating or an active lifestyle a priority.
Today when I dropped my son at preschool, the director (it is run by a Korean family) said I look good that I am finally losing the baby weight and to keep it up. Its been discussed on here, that Asian cultures have a different view of "fat and thin" than some other cultures.
I expect that my family will have their fair share of comments, however I have noticed that the people in my family that are thin and eat healthy/exercise make positive comments, and it seems to be the over weight people (like my aunt) for the most part that think a BMI of 26 is too thin! lol
As for my dad, that was the first time he's ever made a comment like that to me. :P

bargoo
05-16-2011, 12:04 PM
I make it a rule never to discuss my diet with anyone. This keeps the diet police off my back. Somehow people just can't resist commenting on a persons weight. I've heard the same story we all have. I ignore them as much as poossible. I think in most cases they mean it as a compliment. in a backhanded sort of way.

doinit200
05-17-2011, 06:08 PM
I recently noticed this phenom and mainly it comes from people who around the same weight I am now, I suspect they don't want me to get much smaller then them. First I tell them I am still over 200lbs, which shuts them up and then I say I have 15 more lbs to go, which keeps them shutted up. I don't mind people commenting because I would comment to if a friend of mine lost 100+lbs and I don't put much feed into where people think I should be. I may get more sensitive to it as I get smaller and hear it more often.

JEN3
05-17-2011, 06:37 PM
This thread made me laugh so much because I use to have someone harass me all the time they would tell me I was too skinny and that they could see my bones through my jeans. I was 110 pounds which is not even the lowest weight in my healthy weight range.

When I get thin again I plan on responding to such remarks with, "No, I'm in my healthy weight range according to the CDC. There's a formula to figure it out, would you like me to figure out your healthy weight range for you? How tall are you and much to do you weigh? ;)

fromthebox
05-18-2011, 06:12 AM
ITA and understand all of you. I am starting to worry myself as I haven't seen some friends since 20 pounds ago and they made a bunch of these comments then. (I think they come from that thin-means-sick culture) I finally get to see them in two weeks and I want to focus on catching up/hanging out and not get pulled aside and asked if I'm still healthy with my eating etc

zoodoo613
05-18-2011, 09:51 AM
I'm of the "prefer not to discuss it at all" camp, because you never can tell how people will take it. There is built-in to comments about weight-loss the fact that they noticed that someone was fatter before. I think in general people don't mind upbeat comments, but it's really up to them whether they want to discuss their journey.

I break my own rules, though. :D I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a while a couple weeks ago, and she'd lost a lot of weight, and I couldn't help myself and asked, "Have you lost a lot of weight?" She responded postively, saying, "I'm doing really good! I lost 4 pants sizes." So I said, "Good for you!" and left it at that.

I just had my first "noticer" and it was, of course, my mom. The first time she asked me, "Have you lost a little weight." I brushed her off with a, "I may have." and moved on in the conversation. The next day, she interrupted me to say, "I think you've lost weight." and I'm pretty sure that time I rolled my eyes and moved on. In my world, this topic is not open for discussion with her. She used up her comment quota while I was growing up. And I know that if she's noticing that I've lost these few pounds, she also noticed when I put them on, and I'd rather not be focused on that way.

GlamourGirl827
05-18-2011, 10:45 AM
When I get thin again I plan on responding to such remarks with, "No, I'm in my healthy weight range according to the CDC. There's a formula to figure it out, would you like me to figure out your healthy weight range for you? How tall are you and much to do you weigh? ;)

:lol::cp:I've been thinking, if anyone really tries to tell me I'm too thin, which might happen from an aunt of mine (whose obese) and they don't take a simple brush off, that I would bring up BMI.

RL1
05-18-2011, 01:20 PM
I am having a serious problem with this.

Yes, my family is of a culture where chubby means "thick and fine" and thin means "sickly". As soon as I began to get lower than 150, I began to get remarks from my parents such as "you are too thin, you're bony, you need to gain weight!." They have even gone as far as "forcing" me to eat fatty foods by talking and talking and nearly starting arguments around dinner time until I give in and eat what they want. Also, if I deny a dessert on a certain day, someone in the family will be sure to buy me a special dessert during the week and then pretend to be "crushed" if I don't eat it.

I am currently at 140, although I'm pretty sure that I might be 139 as we speak and I am constantly chided for being "bony" and "not eating". My family will eat plates of fried chicken and ice cream bar after ice cream bar. However, if I eat a few vegetables, fruits, and a granola bar in order to avoid their fatty foods, they call it "not eating" and say that I'm "unhealthy". Furthermore, eating any meal without meat is "not eating". I constantly tell them that I barely have a healthy BMI; if I gain just a little weight, I will not be healthy at all and 90-100 is the best weight for my height. Yet, they tell me to gain the weight back and try to concoct methods to "trick" me into doing it, such as adding unnecessary oils to foods or arguing at dinner time until I get frustrated and eat what is being asked of me.

In addition, I was at a plateau - I think it may be over now. Most of it is my own fault because I sometimes do not have time to do as much exercise. Plus, I have to hide to exercise anyway. If my family knew that I exercised, things would become much worse. Yet, some of it is their fault, because I have had to bend to their meals to avoid arguments. Even today, they are planning to go out for pizza and literally eat and eat and eat. When I said "that's fine, but I'll eat here", they said "today is a holiday!" There is no event to be celebrated today in our family - they are just trying to trick me into overeating with them.

However, because I am finally breaking a plateau, I will stick to my guns or go to another restaurant where I can select something healthier. If they try to force me to eat the pizza, I will eat only one slice. Yet, even this will make them angry. :(

I'm sorry about the rant, but I need some support. I know that being 140 at 5'3" is not skinny and I need to lose more weight. I just wish that my family could see that.

Beach Patrol
05-18-2011, 01:48 PM
I

I'm sorry about the rant, but I need some support. I know that being 140 at 5'3" is not skinny and I need to lose more weight. I just wish that my family could see that.

I'm 5'3" (& a half!!!!)...and 140 lbs on me is a GOOD weight. But I wouldn't smirk or curse the scale goddesses if I got down to 130...or even 125 ;) :D

Is it possible that your idea of "thin" or "not thin" is skewed? Of course, age has something to do with it too...I was fine at 22 years old and 115-118 lbs. Now at 48, I think that would be WAY too thin for me, even tho I haven't gained or lost any height ;)

This is me.... 6 years ago... at 138
and yes, that is the goal I want to reach & STAY AT again :^:

http://img383.imageshack.us/img383/841/avatar5411311eh3.jpg

Arctic Mama
05-18-2011, 04:06 PM
Uh yeah, at my height anything below 120 would really be uncomfortably small, but I have a broad, muscular frame and always have. Each person defines a healthy weight for themselves differently, the bottom line is that we CAN'T define it for anyone else and they can't do it for us, either!

AnnieDrews
05-18-2011, 05:08 PM
I have put on about 6 pounds (up and down) since Christmas. I recently mentioned this to my fiance and he said, "Good, last time I saw you you looked like you needed to eat a sandwich." :dz: I am not too thin by any means. I still plan to get down to my goal, at least, and hope he doesn't think it is too thin....heck, I'll barely be out of the "overweight" BMI range then.

RL1
05-18-2011, 07:41 PM
@ Beach Patrol...

Wow! You look great at 138! I don't think that I would look that thin at 138, given that I'm 140 right now and I still have flabby abs...

Maybe you're right... it might have something to do with age, but I still think that I would feel better at 100...

JEN3
05-18-2011, 10:55 PM
RL1,

I feel for you. Have you showed your parents a BMI Calculator? Maybe that would prove you can be lean and not unhealthy. Your healthy weight range is your personal choice. If you want to be ultra-lean, then do it. You can be just as healthy at your lowest healthy weight range, as at your highest healthy weight range. You just have to know how to eat properly. Your lowest healthy weight is 105 pounds.

You should educate your family on the dangers of Bad Fats = saturated fats, Trans fats, hydrogenated fats. These fats will clog your arteries and kill you. Salt and sugar can cause bad health problems if you eat too much of them.

I would encourage you to stick to your guns about your weight loss program you won't be living at home forever.

Good Luck,
Kit

BMI Calculator
http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/

The Harvard School of Public Health
http://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/recipes/home-cooking/index.html

Mayo Clinic Healthy Weight Pyramid tool
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/weight-loss/NU00595

JEN3
05-18-2011, 11:17 PM
Here's another good link on weight loss.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/calories/WT00011/NSECTIONGROUP=2

Deena52
05-19-2011, 10:13 AM
RL1~

Your situation is quite common and there are probably several factors involved.

Cultural background-one of my grandmothers, an immigrant from Eastern Europe (back in the early 1900's)...continued, for years, to buy the fattiest piece of meat she could find....having come from deprivation...so that the more fat it had, the more valuable it was to her. And this continued for years, even though she was living here where she clearly did not have to worry about not getting enough food.
It can be very difficult to change beliefs one got from childhood, especially cultural ones.

I had a friend back in the 70's, who I believe came from a Bedouin family...where being overweight was prized. She was of a normal weight but her looks were considered, by her family, to be far inferior to her extremely obese sister's....and she was considered by them to too thin to be a good marriage prospect......even though they'd been living here for quite a few years.

There are usually issues involved that come from them having a fear of acknowledging that they should probably change the way that they are eating. It's a common human fear that we may have to admit that we are doing things the wrong way and should really change to things we don't really want to do. Most people don't really want to change what they are doing...or in this case, eating.....and resent anything they see as a threat to that. And I'm sure there is some of this in your situation.

But there also may be the factor that to them, you really are getting too thin. And/or that to them, you are not eating right....due to their entrenched beliefs from childhood. They may see losing weight or depriving oneself of certain kinds of foods as being "bad" or "unhealthy" or "abnormal".

I think the best way to handle this would be to not allow them to deter you....but at the same time, do not allow it to cause conflict with them. Basically, go along your merry way, whistling as you go, doing what you do.....and avoid conflict with them over this as much as you can. Don't take it too personally and don't let it derail you.

I just tuned people out when they did this to me.
And I have to admit that I have quite a difficult time understanding why so many here have problems saying no to anyone who is trying to push food on them....food not on their plan.
That never even fazed me.....and believe me, I am one of the most non-assertive, co-dependent people you could meet...but had absolutely no problem saying "no, I can't have that...sorry" and didn't blink an eye. And amazingly, nobody argued or gave me a problem. They sensed, I guess that they weren't going to get anywhere with me regarding this.

Ohhh.....if ONLY I could apply this to all the other stuff in my life. All the things I can't say no to when others ask me to do something or expect me to do something.:(
But with this particular issue, I had no problem, for some reason. I think I may have to give that some thought.:D

deena :)

RL1
05-19-2011, 12:25 PM
Thank you all for the advice. I am going to try to stick to my plan and try not to let it affect me when others try to 'push food on me', etc. By the way, I made it through yesterday's lunch without eating anything unhealthy ;)


Thanks again! :)

mzKiki
05-19-2011, 07:50 PM
I figured this out when i lost 60lbs. When you lose weight ppl feel self conscious because to them it spotlights how they are not taking care of themselves. I usually just laugh it off or give a vague answer "Oh I haven't lost that much."

Snoofie
05-19-2011, 08:15 PM
I haven't had the "you're getting too thin!" remark from anyone yet, but it's funny that you've made this post, because I have recently had people ask me what my ultimate goal weight is...and when I tell them, they freak right out: "Oh my God, that's too small! You'll look sick! That's going way too far."

I have to laugh, because it's like....I mean, I'm five feet tall and right now I weigh 177 pounds. That's a BMI of 34.6, which is obese. In order for me to reach even the high end of a normal BMI, I'd have to be about 130 pounds. I mean, I know that dropping nearly 75 pounds is a big deal (which is the amount I'd ultimately need to lose in order to get to 130) but really, if I'm doing this for health reasons (which I am) then what's the point of getting to, say, 150 pounds and giving up?

I think part of the problem with it is that, when someone has been overweight for a long time, family members and friends have a hard time picturing them as being at a normal, healthy weight. I know that's the problem with my friends and family. I say "I want to be 130 pounds" and they can't even *imagine* what I'll look like at that weight, because they haven't seen me at that weight since I was, like, 10. *L*

The important thing to remember, I think, is that for the most part, family and friends are just saying these things out of concern. (I know mine are, anyway.) They know I'm doing this for health reasons and they don't want me to end up becoming sick.

ADL
05-20-2011, 01:05 AM
I think people just feel bad about themselves. So in order to normalize their own size, they try to make the thin people feel like they are abnormal. Although I have the opposite problem, everyone I know is a health nut. I feel fat putting dressing on my salad because my friend (who is a nutrition major) is having almonds with yogurt for lunch. My other friend was complaining about only burning 600 calories at the gym. You might think this would give me motivation to eat better but it doesn't (because the same emotional issues still exist) so I just end up feeling embarrassed being the biggest one at the table.

MiZTaCCen
05-20-2011, 01:35 PM
I'm the same height and a few pounds less then you are. I understand where you are coming from completely! I know I'm "thin" but I def don't think I'm too "thin" guys I'll date say I don't need to lose any more weight I look fine the way I am, but at the same time I'm like hmm, yes I can admit sometimes I do look fine and I look like I'm 10 pounds less then what I am, but I'm still not where I want to be. Also given I know what I look like at 140 which is skinny, flat belly, no love handles I know I'm not fat some days chubby, but not fat at all. To other people they say I'll look gross that thin, then again it's because they've never seen me that thin. (except for my family and friend that know me well) so they'll tell me I need to fatten up a bit. All in all though I don't think you dad ment anything by it take it as a compliment and keep working towards your gold, you're not doing this to impress anyone, you're doing this for yourself! :D

Sunshine87
05-20-2011, 01:45 PM
A strange approach, but I think other people see it as a compliment. They are so shocked and they make a big deal about your weight loss (as encouragement) but it comes out wrong.

Cali Doll
05-20-2011, 02:31 PM
Eh, that's all about how they're used to seeing you bigger. Though, I will say, this is why it's important to feel somewhat confident in your weight loss goals. Because, there will be so many well-meaning folks giving you their opinion on what's the right weight for you.

It could keep your head spinning!!

jenjen
05-20-2011, 02:50 PM
I can so relate. The other day, right at the end of the day, one of the doctors I work for came in with 1/2 a sheet cake that someone had given him and he asked if the staff in our building would eat it. I told him I'd put it in the fridge and let everyone know the next day. He says to me, "You need to eat some of the cake. You're getting to skinny!" I laughed and said, "Thanks, but no I'm not." I know he meant it as a compliment. He's tall & thin (and so is his could-be model wife!) He's just not used to seeing me this size.

ValRock
05-20-2011, 03:08 PM
Maybe it's shocking to people to see how much you've changed? I lost about 40 of my lbs. last summer when my husband was deployed. When he came home he told me I was too thin. It hurt! I realized that his response had more to do with getting used to how my body had changed and less to do with me actually being 'too thin'. He's more used to it now and likes my new figure ;).

Kery
05-20-2011, 03:29 PM
I'd also say it must be in the eye of the beholder, in how people are used to see you. If you've always been overweight, or for a few years at least, they've grown so used to that weight of yours that anything 'normal' appears 'too thin' by comparison. But this should change with time, when they get used to your new weight.

Mickeypnd
05-20-2011, 03:54 PM
whenever I tell people I need to lose around 50 pounds they give me the stink eye and tell me I would look sickly if I did so.

so i just stopped telling people how much i wanted to lose

Beachplum
05-20-2011, 04:14 PM
I hear this all the time and it really bugs me! Even though I haven't actually lost any weight yet..people say, oh you look fine you don't have to loose weight! ahem! I am closing in on 200lbs and I know what I see in the mirror for Pete's sake! I think I carry weight well and dress so I hide it, so it could also be my fault...but, please, support me when I want to loose weight and don't try and talk me out of it! yesh!

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

ShyHeather
05-21-2011, 01:52 AM
Well I knew it was bound to happen...

Just today I was thinking how I'm startin to feel "normal". I'm not saying its the same for everyone, its just my own personal point/size/weight where I feel like I blend in, that I'm not this blob in the room. For me my point is about now, comfortably in a size 12 and just a smidge above the 150s. (and I know everyone will have their own idea of when it is, I'm NOT saying my opinion is the only right answer, it just works for me)

So I'm just starting to feel good. I'm starting to like how I look in the mirror, I notice exercising is getting easier, ect...

THEN IT HAPPENED!!!!!! :o

My dad (who means well) and hasn't seen me in about 3 weeks, said as we were leaving that I need to come by so he can put a few pounds on me!!:eek:

Um, now if you look at my height and weight, I'm not even a healthy BMI yet! Sheesh!! And my dad, until the past few years has always been super thin. And even now he is NOT over weight.
I guess he's just so used to seeing me over weight, which aside from a few time in my 20s when I got down to like 155lbs, I've always been like 165 'bs to 170 lbs. (once I got down to 145 lbs, but did not maintain it for like more than a few weeks) Also, since having the kids, I notice I'm carrying my weight differently, and I seem to look better at my current weight 161, then I did before having kids and weighting 161...

The thing is I plan on losing MORE weight! I told him, which is true, that I got into running and I really love it, which is also true. He said that's good (and he sounded like he really meant it). But I guess I should get used to it. I've never maintained anything smaller than a size 10, (I've squeeze into a size 8 and even 6 ONCE many many years ago) but really I've always hovered around a size 14...guess I better get used to the comments. :(

Makes me think of stuff my mom says. She keeps telling me I won't look good in any size under 14. I don't know how to take that. I've seen her when she was in a 14, and she and I have the same exact build and everything, I could pass as her overweight twin (trust me, the Doctor's use to joke that we could be twins....until she got a little older...)!! But for you, I think that's a compliment. Just an odd way of complimenting as someone else had stated.

gagalu
05-21-2011, 02:58 AM
well, congrats!! that's great to hear, anyway. :)

JEN3
05-21-2011, 10:15 PM
JOKE:

“How are overweight people like a bucket of Crawdads? When one tries to get out the others try pull him back in.”

Crawdads are little fresh water lobsters.

We should all know when to cut the wheat from the chaff. Meaning when someone is awkwardly trying to compliment us and honestly not trying to injure us, let us be courteous and gracious.

I think if we all look at the science of what is a healthy weight we'll be able to find rational reasoning. I think I’ll print out this weight chart and whip it out when someone wants to "discuss" my weight. Then we can talk about their weight too. :hug:

Choose a Healthy Weight (http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/NCR455.pdf)

oxymoronica
05-22-2011, 01:10 AM
I get that sometimes from my boyfriend. He and I met about 30 or 40 pounds ago in my weight loss, so he has seen me at my most obsessive, where I weigh what I eat, take my measurements, get depressed if I miss a workout, etc. I think in his case he is just concerned that I will take it too far eventually, though he knows I am not too thin at the moment.

In other cases, however, I really believe that these comments stem from other peoples' insecurities. I have noticed that, when people like my mother who genuinely care for my health see me, they say I look fantastic and I'm doing a great job. When people I know to be insecure about their own weight see me, they usually comment with raised eyebrows about my weight loss.

A third option is that less health conscious people who are used to eating unhealthy foods without a second thought, or being naturally thin without having to exactly portion out meals, may just see our attempts as "extreme," and be concerned about us going overboard.

Esofia
05-22-2011, 09:02 AM
Speaking of odd compliments, I used to have mid-thigh length hair (cut it to my waist the other year). I got compliments all the time, btu about half of those was people saying, "You have such long hair!" Which isn't really a compliment, it's an observation. I didn't mind, I've been known to say, "You've had a haircut!" to someone instead of, "Your new haircut looks lovely!" I think it's a surprise thing, and I always thank them nicely. So the people who blurt out, "You're thin!" probably mean it as a compliment.

I constantly tell them that I barely have a healthy BMI; if I gain just a little weight, I will not be healthy at all and 90-100 is the best weight for my height.

I get that your family are a bloody nightmare in this respect, enough to mess with anyone's head, but this statement of yours worried me. 90-100 is absolutely not the best weight for your height. I'm 4" shorter than you (small-boned but big-bosomed) and those weights would be thin on me. 100lb on someone of 5'3 gives a BMI of 17.5, which is well into the underweight category and at the threshold for anorexia, and 90lb gives 15.8, at which point you would be well into the "serious anorexia" category.

So I'm rather worried. Thankfully you're nowhere near that at the moment, and incidentally at 139lb you're just inside the "healthy" BMI range, but people can be anorexic at any weight and I'm alarmed to see anyone thinking that a BMI that low is something they should be aiming for. Could you talk to us a bit more about this, hon?

RL1
05-23-2011, 02:56 PM
Hey...

Thanks for the concern. Mainly, I want to be 90-100 lbs so that I have a "cushion" (no pun intended) for the rest of my life. If I gain a few pounds, I'll have a chance to notice it and regain control before I'm overweight. For instance, if I'm 90 pounds and after Christmas, I'm 95, I could lose the five pounds quite easily. 100 lbs could be the weight that I never go over... (It seems that everyone needs to decide to never be higher than a certain weight...) I knew a girl who weighed 90 lbs at 5'2" and she looked great! I also overheard a girl at a supermarket talking and saying that she was 100 lbs at 5'2" and she also looked great. I'm hoping to look as great at they do at 5'3" and 90 - 100 lbs. In addition to self-assessment, I picked this weight by observing others, etc.

At the moment, I'm a size 4/6 at 139 and I still have very noticeable fat around the stomach area. (I don't know how I am a 4/6 at a such a high weight, but I've tried clothes from several designers and I wear either a 4 or 6). Because of this, I'm thinking that I have quite a bit of weight to lose in order to be healthy. For a while, I thought that I might look healthy around 120, but now I'm thinking that it will not be enough.

However, I am quite happy to be a 4/6 right now. When I started, I was a 14/16! I have finally broken the plateau, but the weight is still slowly coming off. I'm not even losing 2 lbs a week anymore... :(

Thanks for your advice and support... :)

pacman12
05-25-2011, 01:06 AM
As stated previously, you really need to review those weights. I wouldn't base your goal weight on what someone in a store said they weigh - who knows if that was even accurate? A BMI of 15-something is not healthy and not safe. The BMI scales are already low, without building in a 20% lower "cushion".

jessica2231
05-27-2011, 07:44 PM
I have only lost 10lbs so im not ecen close to my GW. It has taken me four weeks to lose that 10lbs because i am doing it healthily.

Well my mother seems to think i am becoming anorexic and keeps telling me"you look good and then saying are you eating? do you want a cookie?"
1. you cant even tell that ive lost weight yet
2. i am flippin eating!
3. no i dont want the dang cookie cuz its not worth the calories!


I think she might have some jealousy towards me though. My mom grew up just like my sister as a bean pole and was able to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. After having three kids she has been on yoyo diiets ever since. I have been chubby and then obese most of my life. (22)

Im also the type of person that analyzes everything psychologically. (thanks to two college psych classes) my mom has failed time and time again at diets. i failed a few times cuz i never really committed fully. I have tried to tell her about 3fc and calorie counting. But she wont listen. She thinks im starving myself and that im not really going to the gym.

But something i do love is that even though she has her own insecurities and her own ideas rolling in her head she is still trying to be supportive.

its only been a month though. maybe soon i can invite her in more and we could even do this together! that would be awesome!

thanks for listening guys.

sniperhil
05-27-2011, 08:30 PM
Rl1

I am your exact height and your CW is my GW. You have to realize that those girls you overheard, have NO muscle! I know that once you start your weight loss journey, you don't want to give up b4 you feel thin enough. I do know that 90lbs at our height would make us look emaciated! You should have your body fat % checked, and then you'll know where to go from there.

Family can be a pain though! Your family is not living healthy at all! It's hard to be healthy around people pushing their unhealthy habits on you!

scarletmeshell
05-28-2011, 09:33 AM
Congras on you weight loss! I come from a big Italian family and everyone has an opinion! My father recently told me that if I reach my goal weight I will be to skinny and I have 60lbs to loose! My mothet tells me every week I shouldn't loose much more because my face will be to thin and I will look to old! I know they love me and I know that I am doing what is best for me so I don't let it bother me.