Weight Loss Support - "Yeah, you're really fat"




View Full Version : "Yeah, you're really fat"


Thin Desire
05-13-2011, 09:38 PM
So, the other day, I was talking to an online friend of mine. I'm a guy and he's a guy, btw., and I've mentioned my weight to him before so he knows how big I am, but it's never stuck. So we're having a conversation and he casually asks my weight and I tell him, grudgingly that I'm 275 (right now), give or take.

So, he tells me: "Geez, you really are fat", which was just nice to hear, lol. But the biggest surprise was when he revealed his own weight. I knew he worked out, but I was expecting the usual - 160 or 118-120, whatever guys in their 20s are. And, he goes 240, and that just shocked me. And, then he asked me if it hurt when I walked, and I said yes. And, then he had to go.

Thing is, I don't think the whole weight thing is truly a big deal for this guy because he was never fat, and judging by his comment I really don't think he meant it as calling me "super morbidly obese" or anything. I actually told him that I was surprised he was that big. Why not.

It's really a testament to just how much I've lost really that I'm nearing that normal area where the normal (average/thin) people are/realm.

I dunno, it's just weird and frustrating because I've lost almost 185 lbs and kept that off. Not even counting the numerous diets I've been on. My highest weight was 448 lbs and I've lost all that since about 2004.

So I feel like I've been in this so long, and yet...still...I'm "humongously 'fat'". And, yet, just 30 lbs from now, I'll cross the magic barrier (And, I've found this to be true the first time I lost the weight), for my height it's around 260, where suddenly you aren't so "horribly fat" and just be "slightly pudgy" to normal people in the "not THAT fat" category and "thin" to super morbidly obese people. I'm 6 ft (1.83 m) tall btw.

And, I'm just aaaggghhh, over it because the line between "fat" and "thin" seems more fluid and more of a social construct still. To certain people now I will be "thin" or "fine" and to others "grossly, morbidly obese" and all that comes with it. And, I'm so tired of being judged by a number on the scale rather than just me, it's why I hate to reveal my weight online in most places, and I hate to reveal my past heavy weights in real life. Because it always seems to brand you, no matter what.

Anyway, can anyone relate, just a vent really.


Larry H
05-13-2011, 09:56 PM
Thin Desire

Your weight loss is an inspiration to me. Congratulations!!:carrot:

My highest was 360 about a year ago. I am now at 242 which is a 118 pound loss from my highest. I list 317 on my profile and weight ticker because that is what I was on January 6 of this year when I joined this forum. I was very discouraged and I was regaining my lost weight rapidly until I joined 3FC. This forum has turned my life around.

Another guy,

Larry,

fatmad
05-13-2011, 10:02 PM
It sounds rather ignorant for someone to make that comment period, I guess in very certain circumstances, (like diet group meetings) it might be ok, but I don't think its really ok to be so critical. I mean bmi is just a guideline, and some very fit and muscular people might have that weight. And I am sure people who have known you for a long time marvel at and respect your weight loss and maintenance. I know you are probably just "venting" and don't need much response, but you are a great inspiration to many people.
good luck


Lovely
05-13-2011, 10:05 PM
Not a dude. Totally understand regardless.

I guess I'm mostly curious as to why he was so concerned with how much you currently weigh?

Either way. "Weight is the eye of the beholder."

I can talk to some people who consider me super overweight. Others who consider me fluffy. Some who think I'm just chubby. Another dozen who think I'm pretty normal looking.

I could be down to 150 pounds and still have people call me pudgy or fat. *shrug* Maybe to them I would be.

I'm by no means saying it's easy to do, but it really and wholly comes down to how you feel about yourself. The number on the scale is not a judgement. It's just a number. You know what to make of it individually. You know that it's been a long road to make your way down to 275.

I do suggest that if your online friend asks, again, and you don't feel comfortable, you most certainly don't have to give it out. A simple "Oh, I haven't weighed myself in a bit so I'm not sure." will more than do.

Congrats on your success! It certainly makes me happy to see others doing well =)

runningfromfat
05-13-2011, 10:14 PM
So I feel like I've been in this so long, and yet...still...I'm "humongously 'fat'". And, yet, just 30 lbs from now, I'll cross the magic barrier (And, I've found this to be true the first time I lost the weight), for my height it's around 260, where suddenly you aren't so "horribly fat" and just be "slightly pudgy" to normal people in the "not THAT fat" category and "thin" to super morbidly obese people. I'm 6 ft (1.83 m) tall btw.

And, I'm just aaaggghhh, over it because the line between "fat" and "thin" seems more fluid and more of a social construct still. To certain people now I will be "thin" or "fine" and to others "grossly, morbidly obese" and all that comes with it. And, I'm so tired of being judged by a number on the scale rather than just me, it's why I hate to reveal my weight online in most places, and I hate to reveal my past heavy weights in real life. Because it always seems to brand you, no matter what.

Anyway, can anyone relate, just a vent really.

First off, my DH is little taller than you and started at your current weight. Yeah, he was overweight but not huge horrendously fat. Now, it would totally depend who you asked, though, because in the states he'd be pretty normal but going to Europe or S. America he'd get a lot of very mean comments. :(

He's now to almost 250 but he really has to get closer to 200 (maybe 220?) before those here in Europe or S. American or going to consider him normal. In the US he'd be normal still. :dizzy: So totally relative.

I feel I'm also on that border between something. I'm not horrendously fat anymore but definitely not thin either (I still have a long ways to go before I get there!). It's a weird continuum to go down...

kaplods
05-13-2011, 10:18 PM
Just had to say, the cut-off between "average" and "Geez, you really are fat" is not 35 lbs.

Most people have no concept of what fat looks like (and doesn't). Also, muscle mass (especially for guys) can vary tremendously. Two guys can (at least in clothes) be exactly the same height and size and yet have a 50 lb weight difference.

One of my husband's friends is uber-buff. The kind of guy men AND women, regardless of sexual orientation give the double take because every muscle is defined (the tribal tattoos, sleeveless t-s and the kilt don't hurt, either).

He's so muscular that his weight falls into the obese category. When he learned that, he asked his doctor whether he should lose weight, and his doctor laughed. The doctor told him he could lose some weight without endangering his health, but that there was no health reasons to.

bargoo
05-13-2011, 10:40 PM
ThinDesire, You are doing great, congratulations !

fatferretfanatic
05-13-2011, 11:45 PM
You're doing great, ThinDesire! Seriously, you're doing a great job and are a real inspiration. I definitely don't think you are horrendiously fat. Keep doing what you're doing, it is obviously working, and I wouldn't worry about your friends comment. Not that I really think you are, but even so, I have some guy friends that tend to be very blunt and tactless. It seems like maybe that's what he was doing-stating what he thought was his obvious. However, I really don't think you're seriously huge at all.

cherrypie
05-14-2011, 01:42 AM
really fat = 35 pounds? that's just ridiculous.

Chubbykins
05-14-2011, 05:10 AM
My family called me fat at 140 pounds because I had a very feminine bottom, you know like aphrodite in the shell :D They called me fat at 150 because my tummy was pronounced and not flat, thay called me fat at 160 because I was fatter than I used to be, and finally as I really begun to become fat they called me fat.
So I was on my way to becomming obese and they thought I was just as fat as ever. Thankfully I decided to lose weight before that, but I could just as well have become 200+ had I continued eating like I did. I think this teaches a lot about human perception of another's body. These were supposed to be my loving and supporting family I am talking about, not model agents.
And yes one of the reasons I never took care of my diet when I was 140 pounds was because I was already treated like a fat person. They didn't even buy me sexy clothes so my fatness wouldn't show. How weird is that?

aggie2006
05-14-2011, 06:18 AM
2 things, 1. how is your 275 ''really fat'' and his 240 not in his eyes? i dont get it....its not like hes 150 and anything in the 200's may seem large. you are very close in weight for him to say that.
2. how long is he your friend? hasnt he seen you're phenomenal loss? im shocked he didnt say, daaaaamn! your almost my weight, way to go?

anyway, you're an inspiration!

aggie2006
05-14-2011, 06:23 AM
chubbykins, i come to find in my adulthood, you cant count on anyone...not even your parents. somewhere along the way they will hurt you and dissapoint you. its so unfortunate that the closest people around us arent supportive of us! i just hope i can be a better mom to my daughter. as for now the only person i can trust, and have full support from is my husband. thankfully!

Riestrella
05-14-2011, 06:44 AM
Words and numbers can never define a person. It can label you into a category (and really fat isn't one of them for you lemme tell you!), but that doesn't mean much of anything.

You've done an INCREDIBLE job losing 185 lbs!! I'd be yelling my starting weight from the rooftops if I were you! Seriously...you're amazing!

Cali Doll
05-14-2011, 08:57 AM
Words and numbers can never define a person. It can label you into a category (and really fat isn't one of them for you lemme tell you!), but that doesn't mean much of anything.

You've done an INCREDIBLE job losing 185 lbs!! I'd be yelling my starting weight from the rooftops if I were you! Seriously...you're amazing!

I agree 110%! You've done an amazing job. Try not to let the numbers get to you (though I do understand this isn't always easy).

dragonwoman64
05-14-2011, 02:13 PM
you know what's funny? when I first read your post, I read it fast and missed the part where you said you were male. I was like, omg, you don't have to tell anyone your weight! and a guy shouldn't ask! then when I realized you were male, I thought, well, it's not that big a deal to tell, one guy to another.

sheesh. why's he so curious about your weight? could be that he has a hard time dealing with his own weight and that makes him more sensitive to your situation.

I'll tell you, some people react to me as if I'm really large, and then from others I don't get that vibe -- maybe they're more used to larger people, maybe they don't see me as that large, maybe a mix of the two. I do think there's something of a social construct, which depends on a person's experiences and background.

Frankly, I wouldn't discuss my weight loss with anyone that didn't know about it already. I consider it personal, and there are way too many prejudices and preconceptions out there. Major congrats on your weight loss, that's an amazing feat.

Thin Desire
05-14-2011, 10:31 PM
Thin Desire

Your weight loss is an inspiration to me. Congratulations!!:carrot:

My highest was 360 about a year ago. I am now at 242 which is a 118 pound loss from my highest. I list 317 on my profile and weight ticker because that is what I was on January 6 of this year when I joined this forum. I was very discouraged and I was regaining my lost weight rapidly until I joined 3FC. This forum has turned my life around.

Another guy,

Larry,

That's wonderful progress, congrats! Yeah I regained a little more than 100 lbs from the beginning two years ago. I've gotten most of that regain off, just about 30 lbs to go. It's hard, but it can be done, I just keep on truckin. You're in inspiration, yourself!

Thin Desire
05-14-2011, 10:42 PM
First off, my DH is little taller than you and started at your current weight. Yeah, he was overweight but not huge horrendously fat. Now, it would totally depend who you asked, though, because in the states he'd be pretty normal but going to Europe or S. America he'd get a lot of very mean comments. :(

He's now to almost 250 but he really has to get closer to 200 (maybe 220?) before those here in Europe or S. American or going to consider him normal. In the US he'd be normal still. :dizzy: So totally relative.

I feel I'm also on that border between something. I'm not horrendously fat anymore but definitely not thin either (I still have a long ways to go before I get there!). It's a weird continuum to go down...

Yeah, I'm totally feeling this. This is my big issue at the moment. I'm American and live in the U.S., so when I got down to 260, I was "normal fat" to most people and when I got to the 240s, I was being called "thin" by a lot of people and in all seriousness would have comments from average weight girls tell me they wish they were as "thin" as me, and I was like...uhh...I weigh over 200 lbs, and they wouldn't believe me.

Yet, I have a Filipina stepmother who is really condescending and rude toward my weight and it's very hard. To her, even after I'd lost over 120 lbs, I was seriously "super obese" and called "lazy" and that I "have no respect for myself" because of my size, etc. amongst other things by her, I think because the Philippines has one of the world's lowest rates of obesity outside of sub-Saharan Africa. Something like 2.9%. Japan's is somewhere around 4% in comparison, and they are notoriously "anti-fat" (sumos excepted).

So this reason is one of the main reasons my ultimate goal weight is somewhere around 165 when most people would recommend 200 or so. But I don't want to use her as a crutch, it is also my ultimate desire as well, it just so happens that we "agree" on this issue. But, it's one of the reasons why I am posting at a diet forum, so that when I reach a healthy weight I can have a healthy perspective on that weight and what looks good on me, I don't want to get too thin, and it's so hard to know because it's like two worlds - out in real life (when I am in the 240s), I am called "thin" (as opposed to fat), not thin, thin. And, fit in with the average-size crowd (overweight BMI), but when I'm around her I'm "grossly obese" and feel like a freak. She even held a "prayer ceremony" to cast the "demon of gluttony" from me. Long story. She's very religious.

My own mom passed away five years ago, and I was my greatest friend and supporter.

It doesn't help that I went down from 6x and 4x shirts to 2xl and xl but remained in "3xl" sizes from her country because of the sizing difference between her country and the U.S. when I'd receive clothing from there. A Philippines 3xl is the equivalent of a U.S. xl. It was very damaging to my morale.

At any rate rambling, lol.

Thin Desire
05-14-2011, 10:49 PM
2 things, 1. how is your 275 ''really fat'' and his 240 not in his eyes? i dont get it....its not like hes 150 and anything in the 200's may seem large. you are very close in weight for him to say that.
2. how long is he your friend? hasnt he seen you're phenomenal loss? im shocked he didnt say, daaaaamn! your almost my weight, way to go?

anyway, you're an inspiration!

I don't think he really meant anything bad by it. He just said it in passing. In fact, I don't think weight's really a huge deal with him. He mentions food a lot but has never had a problem with his weight in the past, and he works out now and then, so I'd mentioned my weight in passing before.

But yeah, I was surprised with how tactless his comment was, but some guys just last tact, lol. What really surprised me though was how big he was. I know he's been working out lately, but he mentioned he's been eating lots and it's hard on his feet, so I don't think it's all muscle. I think I was just surprised at how big he was himself, I think that's what shocked me, the disconnect there.

I think it's because in his mind, he is still a skinny guy, and I have the opposite problem, in my mind, I am still the 400+ lb guy. I think I will always have an internal fat guy in my mind even when I hit 200 or 180 or whatever my final weight will be at, since I've been fat all my life, it's a part of my identity, whether I like it or not. I will need to retrain myself. It's hard because when you get thinner, people really DO treat you way different than before. And, as an innocent, you find the world is even a bit...crazier...than you'd imagined. So it's a big adjustment taking in comments people make and such.

Thin Desire
05-14-2011, 10:50 PM
Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement! It means a lot to me! {{{}}}