I'e done it all on my weight loss quest. You've all heard this story a million times before. Ive tried atkins, weight watchers, southbeach.. Most recently medifast; only to find myself a big FAT failure time and time again.
My depression gets worse, I sleep until 11. My anxiety attacks become more frequent, I have nightmares. I sit in a room feeling like everyone is looking at me thinking how fat and disgusting I am. I dont look people in the eyes, I used to be thin and pretty. People used to be nice to me, open doors, let me in in traffic. Now..Im invisible and through all of this I realize; I need help. Therapy wise, maybe overeaters anonomous? Im not sure but I know that what I feel; the self loathing and hatred are FAR from normal.
So I picked myself up, found a list of eating disorder therapists on my insurance website and began to call the numbers. I left message after message last week most never called back. The ones that did couldnt get me in for months. So here I am typing out what probably looks like the words of a crazy person to strangers on a weightloss website asking for help to continue on my journey to health. Not to give up. Words of encouragement.
Maybe, just maybe someone out there knows how I feel? Maybe..
You don't sound crazy. And we're not as strange as you might think
Battling with so many things at once can feel overwhelming to say the very least, but I do know one thing about it. You are not alone.
There are whole sections on this forum dedicated to those losing weight while also coping with depression and eating disorders. (Depression and Weight Issues & the Chicks in Control section if you're considering OA.)
Not having found the right program for your life does not make you a failure, and being overweight does not make you unworthy nor does it make you disgusting. Your weight NEVER equals your worth in life.
You're doing what you should be doing, and that is taking the first steps to recognizing there's a problem and now reaching out to find help. Check some more among the forums. And maybe broaden your search for therapists. They don't necessarily have to specialize in eating disorders to help you get to the root of your anxiety, and depression.
Best of wishes for you! No matter what, keep making forward steps!
Last edited by Lovely; 05-09-2011 at 02:02 PM.
Reason: Spelling.
I find it's so much harder to stick to plan when you are feeling depressed Maybe what you need to do is concentrate on just making healthier choices until you get things more under control?
We've all been in your shoes- you have to start believing you are worth it and treating yourself better and soon you will feel better.
It is so hard to stick to a plan when you are depressed... the best advice that I can tell you is that if you start eating right and exercising you will feel better. Try to stick to something easy for just 1 week. When I started my first week I just gave up: bread, pasta, rice, potatoes and sugar. Stick to that for one week and you will see results and feel better about yourself. and once you start losing and the fog lifts you will wonder why it took you so long to make the change!
Maybe look for a general therapist if you can find one who can see you right away? I started seeing a therapist at the beginning of the year and it is one of the best things I have ever done. I just wish I hadn't waited so long.
Depression and anxiety can cloud everything and make the simplest thing an epic feat. Give yourself credit for taking the first steps.
Something else that has helped me a lot is the Inside Out Weight Loss podcast. It has been really helpful in finding the positive motivations in what I am doing and getting better and stopping my black and white thinking.
Reading this post absolutely broke my heart. Seriously, I am sitting here in tears. Perhaps it’s because I understand and felt every ounce of your pain when I hit my rock bottom. I had no motivation, no life, no joy, no real friends, no nothing. Just me, my TV and my food. But I have to tell you……the day after the first day of my journey I woke up with a new resolve. I was not going to be a prisoner in my own body anymore. I researched the best sustainable eating plan that would work for me and I went for it. That is the first step you need to take. Do not get sucked into these too-good-to-be-true weight loss “programs” that have you eating 500 calories a day and tell you to inject some asinine hormone into your body!
There is a ton of information on this board, each of us following dozens of different programs that WORK, and choose one that fits your lifestyle best!
You are in good company here! Sometimes I feel like I "hit rock bottom" at least 2/3 times per month! When I get that "why bother" feeling of despair, I remind myself with this quick anti-dote, which I keep on a 3x5 index card in my purse:
Weight Loss is a hard road to travel! But being healthy is worth it!!
Always Remember:
* There is no one-size-fits-all weight loss program.
* There are no magic bullets or miracle instant cures.
* There is absolutely EVERY chance that you can transform yourself.
* It is completely possible for you to lose the fat and get healthier.
* Believe in yourself.
I've been exactly where you are and still end up there some days. You said some days you don't get up till 11 well what is the rest of your day like? Do you work or get out of the house? When my husband was deployed and I wasn't working just sitting around alone all the time I basically just gave up. My mom kinda gave me a verbal kick in the pants and started pushing me to get going and I guess it was just what I needed cause even though some days I still feel like hiding under the covers and just completly hate what and who I've become more days than not I'm ok. Just keep your chin up big women are beautiful too and anyone that says different is just weird. Keep smiling the clouds can only hang around so long then comes the sun!
I borrowed a line from stop smoking campaigns about "don't quit quitting". Even though I had never successfully lost a large amount of weight, I knew I had to keep trying. Suddenly at age 49, I finally got it right.
you guys made me cry! I feel like such a sap right now. Thank you to each and everyone of you who read my post and replied. I know you didnt have to do that and you all have no idea how immensly appreciative I am to READ that im not only not a failure but absolutely not alone. Thank you.
Try a "regular" therapist, too -- it's not just about the eating disorder, at least it wasn't for me. I had base issues that caused (and still do cause) me to binge, to use food as a substitute for other things, to completely abuse it and to hate myself, to not care what I was doing to myself and to hope and pray that it would kill me early -- not normal at all. I tried the eating disorder route and was extremely disappointed with the therapists I found. I had one even give me diet tips, like I had never thought to just eat less and exercise, right? DUH!
A good therapist can help you, even if her speciality is not "eating disorders." And do not be afraid to shop around, if you have a session with someone and you don't like them, don't go back. You should not have to "force" yourself to do this -- it's not easy, but you should at least like the person trying to help you!!
Your post just really struck me, as I went through all that, too. I had even stopped going to the doctor, even when I knew things were wrong because 1) I didn't want to get weighed in front of anyone and 2) I really just didn't care about myself.
Get in to see someone -- even if you have to go to different therapists to find one that works -- because just the act of going, having faith in yourself and caring about what happens to yourself with HELP you.
First off, I want to commend you for coming to a forum and trying to get help. Sometimes its hard to put yourself out there....sometimes you feel like no one else should worry or want to worry about your problems. But this is one place where i actually feel comfortable voicing my concerns, and I hope you'll be just as comfortable one day.
I have dealt with depression...i dealt with suicide..went to therapy...i went through wanting to sleep all day, and not enjoying activities, and putting on a happy face for those around me. But there is hope babygirl...you just have to remember that. Its not going to come to you...you have to believe it. You need to remember that those fad diets arent for everyone. We look for the easy way out sometimes and that usually fails us. In the past 3 years i gained 25 pounds. And ive been trying to lose weight since highschool. BUt what you need to realize first is that YOU MATTER. Worry about yourself first, love and commit to yourself first. I would worry about what everyone else was thinking or doing..and I JUST realized...(not too long ago)...that it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks....I spend more time worrying about everyone else that i forgot to take care of myself. and ever since then, ive been able to start focusing on myself and moving forward.
Take things one day at a time, or even one week at a time. Set little goals for yourself. Even if you want to start out by saying you are going to try to lose 2 pounds this week...do it! And when you do...you are going to feel amazing and want to continue. You can do it! =) i hope this somewhat helped!
When you've hit rock bottom..
Maybe what you need to do is concentrate on just making healthier choices until you get things more under control?
