[Trolsk]

I've had a lot of negative thoughts about how I look, particularly about my face.

I've even gone as far as look up where to get plastic surgery, costs etc.

I always have these sort of feelings in the back of my mind, but it's strange; one minute I feel like the most beautiful person in the world and the next, I am the ugliest one.

I think that the feeling of being "beautiful" is misguided, at least for me. Because I'm not pretty.

As I've gained weight I've just felt more and more depressed and I feel as though the only way out is to get plastic surgery on my face.

I have no idea how to counter this, although I guess my feelings come from my fear of nobody loving me, not getting a boyfriend etc. It's just so frustrating.

[Ashley868]

I know what you mean. I actually just posted something similar to this. It's the reason why I gained so much weight. Because I have an ugly face. Even when I was tiny I didn't loook pretty. So why should expect once I get skinny again to look good? I know I will always be ugly. I've considered plastic surgury as well. I've a lot of advice about what attracts a guy to a girl. They always answer that they are attracted to the face first, and then the rest. So if I am ugly, how do I know a man will ever like me? I can have the best personality in the world, and thin body and still no man will like me because of my face. I absolutely hate looking at my hideous face in the mirror.

[marie81]

Trolsk, hi honey you need to read what I have put under Ashleys thread.
Its so sad you girls are feeling this way, this is going to sound cheesy but you need to love yourself, i highly doubt you girls are ugly at all.

I will tell you alittle about me, if thats ok and a few things that have opened my eyes to life since I started my journey to get better and beat depression.
I have always struggled with how I look, not being pretty and as I got older being over weight. Most importantly I dont fit in I am totally unique.
I was sent away to a posh bording school as my dad made a lot of money in the 80's, I have a awful common accent I only survived because I played
sports. once I left and started in the work place I went into construction where for years I was the only female in the company. I just didnt fit in ANYWHERE.
I had my 2 children and the weight started to pile on and my teeth have started to fall out.
Post natal depression lead to Bipolar and I got worse and worse everything got to be from looking at my wedding photo's (i am VERY unphotogenic) I still havent put the pic's up as I looked that bad. to being fat then to having no friends or social group to be part of.
I started on Anti depression and at 1st I got worse, I tried to kill my myself. Now I am getting real help and getting better.
I still hate my weight but I am losing it and coming to accept I will always have a big butt. My face will never be "pretty" and I still have to get my teeth fixed but I like me.
I am kind and caring and I love to have a good time, if its not fun its not worth doing right?
I still dont fit in with social groups but you know I have a couple of friends and my sister, thats all i need.
I live by the mantra if you dont like me its your loss, you dont know what you are missing.
This kick arse attitude has got me far.
My husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman on the planet, I dont always agree with this, but he says it's who I am that makes me truly beautiful.

I know its really hard girls but once you accept you for how and what you are you will feel so much better about things and not feel ugly any more because you really are not.

I was on the train home from work on day this week and a lady got on, I looked at her and thought wow she is gorgeous on 1st glance.
I looked more closely at her she was a big girl, her face was average but she had this air of confidence about her that was amazing, it truly changed her appearance from overweight average looking girl to a gorgeous looking women.
I cant stress enough girls that its who you are thats beautiful and once you accept and embrace it, the beauty will shine through.

Sorry to bang on, I just feel so sad for you girls, no one should be made to feel ugly.

Surgery will not make you feel any better about yourself, it will change how you look but your issues will still be the same. Work through them 1st and get better before you do anything drastic

Take care girls I hope you learn to love yourself soon and feel much more happier xx

[Trolsk]

Originally Posted by Ashley868

I know what you mean. I actually just posted something similar to this. It's the reason why I gained so much weight. Because I have an ugly face. Even when I was tiny I didn't loook pretty. So why should expect once I get skinny again to look good? I know I will always be ugly. I've considered plastic surgury as well. I've a lot of advice about what attracts a guy to a girl. They always answer that they are attracted to the face first, and then the rest. So if I am ugly, how do I know a man will ever like me? I can have the best personality in the world, and thin body and still no man will like me because of my face. I absolutely hate looking at my hideous face in the mirror.

I agree. It's exactly how it feels for me, too.

Originally Posted by marie81

Trolsk, hi honey you need to read what I have put under Ashleys thread.
Its so sad you girls are feeling this way, this is going to sound cheesy but you need to love yourself, i highly doubt you girls are ugly at all.

I will tell you alittle about me, if thats ok and a few things that have opened my eyes to life since I started my journey to get better and beat depression.
I have always struggled with how I look, not being pretty and as I got older being over weight. Most importantly I dont fit in I am totally unique.
I was sent away to a posh bording school as my dad made a lot of money in the 80's, I have a awful common accent I only survived because I played
sports. once I left and started in the work place I went into construction where for years I was the only female in the company. I just didnt fit in ANYWHERE.
I had my 2 children and the weight started to pile on and my teeth have started to fall out.
Post natal depression lead to Bipolar and I got worse and worse everything got to be from looking at my wedding photo's (i am VERY unphotogenic) I still havent put the pic's up as I looked that bad. to being fat then to having no friends or social group to be part of.
I started on Anti depression and at 1st I got worse, I tried to kill my myself. Now I am getting real help and getting better.
I still hate my weight but I am losing it and coming to accept I will always have a big butt. My face will never be "pretty" and I still have to get my teeth fixed but I like me.
I am kind and caring and I love to have a good time, if its not fun its not worth doing right?
I still dont fit in with social groups but you know I have a couple of friends and my sister, thats all i need.
I live by the mantra if you dont like me its your loss, you dont know what you are missing.
This kick arse attitude has got me far.
My husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman on the planet, I dont always agree with this, but he says it's who I am that makes me truly beautiful.

I know its really hard girls but once you accept you for how and what you are you will feel so much better about things and not feel ugly any more because you really are not.

I was on the train home from work on day this week and a lady got on, I looked at her and thought wow she is gorgeous on 1st glance.
I looked more closely at her she was a big girl, her face was average but she had this air of confidence about her that was amazing, it truly changed her appearance from overweight average looking girl to a gorgeous looking women.
I cant stress enough girls that its who you are thats beautiful and once you accept and embrace it, the beauty will shine through.

Sorry to bang on, I just feel so sad for you girls, no one should be made to feel ugly.

Surgery will not make you feel any better about yourself, it will change how you look but your issues will still be the same. Work through them 1st and get better before you do anything drastic

Take care girls I hope you learn to love yourself soon and feel much more happier xx

I am so happy for you, that you got out of your depression and that you have people who are there for you.

Your comment really made me feel a bit better, as did Ashley's.

Thanks to both of you - it's somewhat lightened up my spirit.

[luckymommy]

I really think that beauty has much more to do with how you carry yourself than anything else. My brother had a girlfriend that most would not consider to be attractive, but she was his ideal woman. When you would talk to her, you would enjoy her so much that you thought she was the most adorable person! i have also heard that feeling like this can be attributed to body dysmorphic disorder? Something like that? Sorry, I haven't slept most of the night. I think it's important to complement yourself with positive self talk. For every negative you tell yourself, fight back with a few positives until they're all positive. Finally, maybe try to volunteer your time so that you can focus on helping others and see yourself as more than just a physical entity. You are a person with much to offer!

[marie81]

Trolsk, glad you feel a little better.
I am not over my depression buy a long shot and thanks to the bipolar disorder i will be on happy pills for the rest of my life, but one day at a time hey. I have just got over the hating myself, in looks and how i am.
I really hope you get some kind of self love soon darling, you are a human like all the rest of us and as beautiful in your own way.

Lucky, totally agree that you should compliment yourself and seeing yourself as more then a physical entity is so right we are so much more then the shell we live in.
Hope your ok with the lack if sleep, are you alright?

Reading this has helped me to I have realized alot about my self too, Im not normally so passionate about things but what you ladies where saying really made me feel sad and a kind of caring that you are alright and get over this awful time.

Take care xx

[Sparkly Blonde]

What about finding one thing you love about yourself and making it look amazing! For me, I've always loved my eyes. My (dyed) dark hair makes the blue in them pop and I buy natural looking fake eyelashes that I wear everyday (they're so easy once you get used to them) to draw attention to them even more. Sorry about the super up close photo - it's all I have on my computer right now. Even something as small as highlights in your hair can have a huge impact.

Drat! It's upside down. Just stand on your head

[Trolsk]

Originally Posted by luckymommy

I really think that beauty has much more to do with how you carry yourself than anything else. My brother had a girlfriend that most would not consider to be attractive, but she was his ideal woman. When you would talk to her, you would enjoy her so much that you thought she was the most adorable person! i have also heard that feeling like this can be attributed to body dysmorphic disorder? Something like that? Sorry, I haven't slept most of the night. I think it's important to complement yourself with positive self talk. For every negative you tell yourself, fight back with a few positives until they're all positive. Finally, maybe try to volunteer your time so that you can focus on helping others and see yourself as more than just a physical entity. You are a person with much to offer!

Thank you!

Now that you mention it, I also think that's quite true.

About body dysmorphic disorder, I've checked it up although I'm not really sure if I have something like that.

I'll try fighting back the negative thoughts as much as I can, but it's no easy. It's strange how you value other people's opinions more than you value your own, you know.

Originally Posted by marie81

Trolsk, glad you feel a little better.
I am not over my depression buy a long shot and thanks to the bipolar disorder i will be on happy pills for the rest of my life, but one day at a time hey. I have just got over the hating myself, in looks and how i am.
I really hope you get some kind of self love soon darling, you are a human like all the rest of us and as beautiful in your own way.

Lucky, totally agree that you should compliment yourself and seeing yourself as more then a physical entity is so right we are so much more then the shell we live in.
Hope your ok with the lack if sleep, are you alright?

Reading this has helped me to I have realized alot about my self too, Im not normally so passionate about things but what you ladies where saying really made me feel sad and a kind of caring that you are alright and get over this awful time.

Take care xx

It's still great that you've managed to get over such a thing. I feel as though I'll never get away from this feeling, somehow.

Originally Posted by Sparkly Blonde

What about finding one thing you love about yourself and making it look amazing! For me, I've always loved my eyes. My (dyed) dark hair makes the blue in them pop and I buy natural looking fake eyelashes that I wear everyday (they're so easy once you get used to them) to draw attention to them even more. Sorry about the super up close photo - it's all I have on my computer right now. Even something as small as highlights in your hair can have a huge impact.

Drat! It's upside down. Just stand on your head

You have very beautiful eyes indeed! I wish mine were as blue as well.

[Scoot]

I can relate to all this. I can relate to all this so much.

It is so hard not to get outrageously bummed out when you don't feel good enough to face the world. I'm working on my depression, but there are still plenty of days when I decline to go out socially because I feel - almost literally - that I don't want to subject the general public to my appearance. Like the men I'll meet would be laughing behind my back for even bothering to smile at them. Like the men I already know don't think of me as a woman (they don't). I too have those random moments where I feel like the hottest thing since the sun, but unfortunately that usually only happens when I'm sitting around the house alone, and vanishes quickly. I can become totally overwhelmed by feelings of physical inferiority around other women. I'm not sure what the solution is - if I find it, I'll let you know - but you're certainly not alone.

To the ladies who are worried about not having a pretty enough face where men are concerned - First, EVERYBODY has something beautiful about their faces! I have NEVER seen any woman and thought, "Wow, she doesn't have a single nice feature." Find it, and play it up. Play it up so much that it distracts even you from the stuff you don't like as much. And honestly, regarding men, I feel like things are completely the opposite way around! I believe that an average-to-good body will get you farther in terms of raw sex appeal than a pretty face will, so I think fitness is still an incredibly important goal for me to work toward. I look around at the ladies my male friends are dating, and while they're all sweet girls, they've all got more going on in the body department than the face department. And none of them are really above average in the body department either.

BDD is definitely a legitimate thing. I believe a great many of us have completely skewed perceptions of what we look like. Sometimes I'll feel completely hideous, but accidentally catch my reflection in a mirror somewhere or someone will take a photo and I'll think, "Wow, that doesn't even look like me. I look good!" And conversely, sometimes I leave the house feeling like I look fierce, only to realize later (mostly through unflattering photos) that I was very wrong. So as odd a thing as it is to say, you can't always trust what you think you look like.

What kills me is that everybody says - correctly - that confidence is priceless when it comes to attracting potential partners. If confidence is the key, then I'm screwed! I could fake it, but I'm pretty sure it must be genuine.

[hatgirlie]

Just chiming in to say that I can relate to all f this. It's a horrible way to go through life.

[marie81]

Trolsk, are you on any meds for depression? if you are go back and get them changed if not then i strongly advise you go talk to your doctor, you cant go on feeling like this and dont be afraid to ask for help.

Sparky, your bang on darling about making your best feature even more amazing, your eyes are beautiful such a gorgeous colour.

scoot, honey your not ugly if the pic you have up is you, you have that little cute look going on, your eyes look naughty and pixi like. hope you get what I mean.
Your confidence will come honey when you start to shift the depression, and you know we all fake it at times

My thing is my eyebrows I keep them short and have a high arch, ok i have to draw them on but i think it works my face, my husband thinks I look like a clown at times, but I like them so I am keeping them.

Dont be afraid to be yourself girls, if its like me covering my face in a tonne of make up or dressing quirky, if it makes you feel good ROCK IT LADIES!! Just try it at home get dressed up or down if thats your thing make yourself feel good and comfortable then have a look in the mirror, it works for me when I am feeling crap, even if I would not leave the house in the outfit.

If your really down about your faces, us bigger chicks have large chest's make them your feature because believe me, you have a lager rack the guys will not be looking at your face.
(this was not meant in a pervy way just trying to give you something else to focus on)

Ok i will stop being mother hen, i just wish I could make you girls see how beautiful you are.

[surfergirl2]

How old are you? I think age has a lot to do with this. I used to be the ugly duckling in high school and college. I felt so inferior to everyone around me. As i got older, my confidence grew and at the same time, i cared less what people thought of me. That changes everything. Now i consider myself "hot." i would have never, ever thought i would say that when i was 18. You do have to work on changing your attitude...but that gets easier with age.

[Trolsk]

[QUOTE=Scoot;3841183]...I too have those random moments where I feel like the hottest thing since the sun, but unfortunately that usually only happens when I'm sitting around the house alone, and vanishes quickly. I can become totally overwhelmed by feelings of physical inferiority around other women. I'm not sure what the solution is - if I find it, I'll let you know - but you're certainly not alone.
QUOTE]

That's how it feels all the time. Sort of changing opinions all the time.

Originally Posted by hatgirlie

Just chiming in to say that I can relate to all f this. It's a horrible way to go through life.

Originally Posted by marie81

Trolsk, are you on any meds for depression? if you are go back and get them changed if not then i strongly advise you go talk to your doctor, you cant go on feeling like this and dont be afraid to ask for help.

Sparky, your bang on darling about making your best feature even more amazing, your eyes are beautiful such a gorgeous colour.

scoot, honey your not ugly if the pic you have up is you, you have that little cute look going on, your eyes look naughty and pixi like. hope you get what I mean.
Your confidence will come honey when you start to shift the depression, and you know we all fake it at times

My thing is my eyebrows I keep them short and have a high arch, ok i have to draw them on but i think it works my face, my husband thinks I look like a clown at times, but I like them so I am keeping them.

Dont be afraid to be yourself girls, if its like me covering my face in a tonne of make up or dressing quirky, if it makes you feel good ROCK IT LADIES!! Just try it at home get dressed up or down if thats your thing make yourself feel good and comfortable then have a look in the mirror, it works for me when I am feeling crap, even if I would not leave the house in the outfit.

If your really down about your faces, us bigger chicks have large chest's make them your feature because believe me, you have a lager rack the guys will not be looking at your face.
(this was not meant in a pervy way just trying to give you something else to focus on)

Ok i will stop being mother hen, i just wish I could make you girls see how beautiful you are.

I am not on any meds, and I don't think I really need them, somehow... or maybe that's just because I don't wanna reveal this weakness I have. I guess I'm the sort of person who's a bit hard to get to know, through and through.

I have tiiiny breasts though, 80A haha

Really glad you've been giving such good advice, I think I can perhaps leave this part of me soon ^^"

Originally Posted by surfergirl2

How old are you? I think age has a lot to do with this. I used to be the ugly duckling in high school and college. I felt so inferior to everyone around me. As i got older, my confidence grew and at the same time, i cared less what people thought of me. That changes everything. Now i consider myself "hot." i would have never, ever thought i would say that when i was 18. You do have to work on changing your attitude...but that gets easier with age.

Going to be 17 this year. I hope I'll feel way different about my looks in time, perhaps my hormones will calm down or something haha.

@Everyone: Thank you SO MUCH for your support, experiences and advice! I never thought I'd feel much better, but thanks to you my feelings have changed a bit, at least. This thread was sort of a last resort as to vent these frustrating feelings.

Thank you, once again, and I hope we can all look back at this one day and laugh at how vain we were x)

[surfergirl2]

Oh...17...you are young...it will still be at least 5-10 years before you gain the confidence that naturally just comes with old age haha. All the cheesy stuff they tell you when you're a kid...to love yourself, that you're unique, all that crap...you really start to realize it's true when you get older. I used to think i was nothing more than what other people thought of me...that was the most important thing. Now, i really don't care that much...i do care, but it's completely different than how i felt when i was 17.

Oh...and i never had a boyfriend (or anything remotely close) until i was 19...i NEVER thought it would happen to me...but it will.

[marie81]

Trolsk, so glad your feeling abit better about things. i would love to be 17 again try and enjoy it you never get these time back. Im 30 in a few weeks its such a depressing though, I may have gotten over my looks but I am so not over my age problem.

Surfergirl is so right as you get older your confidence will grow not just with boys but about life in general.

One last little marie tip, i wear large dark shades when I am out they mask me and it really helps on days when I am not feeling confident, and they look sexy (well i think so)

Good luck darling xx