General chatter - Anyone fancy critiquing a woman's fiction novel?

05-06-2011, 06:11 AM
Or at least, the beginning of one?

I am about 35K words into my latest book - which I initially dubbed a chick-lit, but it is a little darker than that. It has being overweight and weight loss as a strong theme so far, and also delves into the idea that simply losing weight doesn't magically solve all your problems.

I have posted the prologue and first chapter on my blog, if anyone woud like to have a look at it and tell me what you think.

Title: All That Glisters

Blurb: Leanne Hughes has it all. She is beautiful, thin, rich and famous! So why is she found in the bathtub of her luxury mansion, wrists slashed? 'All that Glisters' is a dark look at what happens to a normal girl who unexpectedly wins the lottery and finds that money and fame doesn't necessarily bring happiness.

All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.

The Merchant of Venice, Act II Scene VII, William Shakespeare


Chapter One:

05-06-2011, 08:31 AM
Sounds interesting to me. I might be more of the type to edit rather than critique writing style but I can tell you if I like it or not and if I'd read it in full.

05-07-2011, 12:34 AM
First off, I think it's awesome that you've gotten so far into your story. My longest is close to that, but it's far from done. I fear it's going to be a monster once I'm done with it. lol.

Do you want someone to just read your story and comment on what they like or don't like about it, or do you want real constructive criticism? Well, either way, I'd suggest posting a couple chapters up on You will get a fanbase in no time, so when you do decide to publish, you'll have a good chance of people buying your book. I've been on that site for over 5-6 years. There are a lot of people on there that will offer VERY good feedback instead of your usual "That was good. I liked it" comments. I write regularly and I also help edit people's stories.

Your story sounds interesting, so I will probably check it out.

05-07-2011, 05:28 AM
Thanks for that link - I'll check it out. My first book was sci-fi and I belong to a sci-fi/fantasy forum, but they don't critique other genres.

Feel free to comment however you like. All feedback is good. Someone on another forum mentioned that it start out like a Mills and Boon so she instantly switched off. I think she meant it as an insult but, as it is so far from being a Mills and Boon, it's a worthwhile comment as I don't want to create that impression at all - so I may have to look at changing those aspects she pointed out.

Yet another reader liked that about it. I guess you can't please everyone.

05-07-2011, 09:05 PM
Translation from the Queen's English to the President's: Mills & Boon in the UK is like Harlequin in North America; in fact I think the two companies publish some of the same titles