General chatter - My "secret" amusement




View Full Version : My "secret" amusement


FreeBird3
05-05-2011, 02:02 PM
I just have to share with the 3FC gals because I choose not to spill the beans to my fellow coworkers. I have a coworker, "Cindy" *name changed in case she posts on here* who has done a great job losing 25 pounds and keeping it off for the past few years. A few years ago, Cindy and I worked well together and even shared weight loss tips. She gave me the password to her FitDay profile because I asked her what she was eating to steadily lose the weight. I didn't know at the time that my personal laptop had a program that stored all passwords.

Anyway, it make the long story short, Cindy and I are still coworkers, but are no longer close. We are professionally polite at best. Cindy constantly talks about how much weight she keeps on losing. She says that she's down to 130lbs. Most other coworkers feed her ego and tell her how fabulous she looks.

A few months ago, I wanted to create my own FitDay account. It was then that I noticed that her username and password automatically populated in the text fields. I clicked on it and got into her account! She hasn't changed her password in 3 years. Anyway, I saw her actual weight. The girl is 145lbs. She posts her weight every other day as well as what she eats.

Yes, I get a sick pleasure of know that she's totally lying about her weight to others. She looks great regardless of how much she weighs. I don't like her on a personal level and she doesn't like me on a personal level. The reason why I don't tell any of my coworkers is because I don't want Cindy to find out that I have access to her FitDay account and then she changes her password.

Yes, I know that I'm "twisted", but I'm not doing any harm to her. I had to share though...with all my virtual "friends". Can anyone relate? What if you had access to your frienemy's FitDay account? Would you check it out ever once in awhile or would you delete their username and password from your laptop?


mandalinn82
05-05-2011, 02:11 PM
I would delete it. It's none of my business, and honestly, if I didn't like the person, why would I cyber-spy? Also, my personal moral code says that ALL password-type or other personal, non-public information you find should be deleted and disregarded. It's what I'd want someone to do for me.

4star
05-05-2011, 02:12 PM
For Karma reasons, I'd delete it and be done with it.

Consider this, as long as your checking up on her, you are giving her too much of your thought and attention. Living well is the best revenge. :hat:


Expunge
05-05-2011, 03:00 PM
Wow... what a horrible invasion of privacy. I'd be really hurt and feel quite violated if I found out someone was doing that to me.

beerab
05-05-2011, 03:01 PM
lol how funny. Some people are odd like that BUT then again when people try to talk to me about my weight loss and they say "oh you only have like 10 lbs to go?" I just say yeah but if someone saw my info they'd know it was more like 50 :) It's not that I'm lying per say I just don't want peoplle to go "OMG 50!"

I wonder why she's parading around her weight anyways?

bargoo
05-05-2011, 03:01 PM
.You never know when it will come back to haunt you. Delete it.

Hyacinth
05-05-2011, 03:22 PM
Delete the info and carry on with your own life. There's nothing dignified in your decision to snoop.

If you do find you are cyber-spying on her, maybe you need some closure and should have a talk with her?

MiZTaCCen
05-05-2011, 04:22 PM
Delete the info and carry on with your own life. There's nothing dignified in your decision to snoop.

If you do find you are cyber-spying on her, maybe you need some closure and should have a talk with her?

Agreed, what ever happened between you both still lingers with you, so maybe you need that closure in order to move on. :hug:

Gale02
05-05-2011, 04:35 PM
Delete the info and carry on with your own life. There's nothing dignified in your decision to snoop.

If you do find you are cyber-spying on her, maybe you need some closure and should have a talk with her?

^^^ This!

kaplods
05-05-2011, 05:29 PM
Yes, I know that I'm "twisted", but I'm not doing any harm to her.

I disagree. I believe you're not only doing harm to her, you're also harming yourself, all of us here on 3FC, everyone on FitDay and any other weight loss support site you may visit, and everyone you meet with weight issues.

Let me tell you how you've hurt me and others like me on this and similar sites. We spill our guts here, exposing emotional and physical weaknesses to virtual strangers. We do it because we believe it's beneficial for us and for others like us. We do it here, and not "in real life" because we know it's not safe there (and you've reminded us all of that today). We expect this forum and others like it to be safe and supportive (and you've reminded us that we can't count on that 100% even here).

I trust all of you strangers to treat me with respect and courtesy, and hope you all expect the same. Although we're relatively "anonymous" many of us share too many private details to guarantee true anonymity. We all know that friends, relatives, coworkers, and acquaintences might easily recognize us from the details we share, but we trust that anyone coming here, would be too respectful to betray us (you've proved us wrong).

Is it "great" harm, probably not - but it's like casting a pebble into a pond - it causes far-ranging ripples - and you're (sadly) not the only person casting those pebbles. The moderators do a good job of damage control when those pebbles are cast, but you've reminded us that enemies can be lurking anywhere, ready to cast their stones, even here.

As to how you're harming her, regardless of your current relationship, you are betraying the trust she placed in you. Right now (because she doesn't know about the betrayal) this damages you more than her - it makes you the kind of person who will betray a friend when the friendship is over (knowing this about you now, I would never trust you with any sensitive information. That loss of trust, even though this is a relatively anonymous forum, damages us all, because it draws attention to the fact that not everyone here is trustworthy. It's relatively small damage, because most of us here are painfully aware of that fact - it's why we need to come here for support because true support and compassion regarding weight issues tragically rare in "the real world."

You may think I'm over-reacting (and if your actions were unique or rare, you'd be right), but it's the errosion of trust that makes so many people struggle in silence and solitude, because they know it's not safe to trust anyone with such a powerful weapon against them.

It's not a single large betrayal by someone close that perpetuates the petty cattyness that makes weight loss such a torture, it's the millions of tiny betrayals that can come from anywhere - friends, former friends, family, coworkers, acquaintences, strangers...

No one's perfect, and we all fall victim to the pettyness, usually during weak moments (not premeditated as you're doing). I find it sad and sickening that you're deriving pleasure from this, boasting about it, and the fact that you'ld love to do even more damage by telling coworkers (as you admit you're only holding back so that it doesn't put an end to your sickening fun).

I wish you would have kept your dirty secret a secret.

surfergirl2
05-05-2011, 05:36 PM
I won't address whether it's right or wrong of you to look at her account...

but that aside...

it's really not that amusing what her "real" weight is. i mean don't get me wrong...i lie about my weight by 2-5 pounds on a regular basis...but...suppose i were to lie about it by 15 pounds...don't i think people would know? people can see what i look like. and if i look like i weigh 135 pounds...**** yeah...that's good enough for me...so what if i actually weigh 150. as long as i look good.

WhitePicketFences
05-05-2011, 06:03 PM
Well, I can't say that I wouldn't have checked it out initially, upon rediscovery. But now, delete it and forget it.

She gave it to you years ago, and now you saw a secretly amusing thing. I think there's a difference between this human weakness and continuing to infringe on the daily minutia of Cindy's privacy. It's just plain wrong.

Don't tell everybody. Once the initial guffaw recedes, they will be more likely to doubt your story, and possibly being a stalker is the bigger deal here. After all, they've lied about their weights, too ...

WhitePicketFences
05-05-2011, 06:11 PM
Thinking about it, I'm not sure someone's FitDay account is all that exciting (but I have not been on Fitday). Though surely there are things I would check out, if suddenly they were right in front of me.

I do think you hurt someone by continuing.

mandalinn82
05-05-2011, 06:39 PM
The reason why I don't tell any of my coworkers is because I don't want Cindy to find out that I have access to her FitDay account and then she changes her password.

Aside from the fact that she might change her password...doing this will make you look unprofessional, petty, and untrustworthy. It will reflect a lot more poorly on you, and negatively impact your career far more, than on her.

Rainbowgirl
05-05-2011, 06:44 PM
Bad, bad juujuu.

XLMuffnTop
05-05-2011, 06:53 PM
The reason why I don't tell any of my coworkers is because I don't want Cindy to find out that I have access to her FitDay account and then she changes her password.

I think this is the most telling part of your entire post. Maybe an intial look our of an insatiable human curiosity once you found on it was there. But now, you don't want to stop and you're intentionally doing things that would remove any risk of making you stop (i.e. "Cindy" changing her password).

Second, I think it's wrong that you would tell others how much she actually weighs if it weren't for her knowing you had her FitDay login information. Even if she tells people she's 130, it's her decision to tell and to (perhaps) look foolish for lying to others. It is not your place to out her.

You may not like her and that's ok, but there's no reason to invade her privacy. Even if she gave her log in information to you once, there's still a reasonable expectation of privacy and rights (this happened with a man who found out his wife was cheating by checking her email that she gave him the password to... she's now suing for invasion of privacy!)

You seriously need to stop, delete all passwords and log on IDs of hers. There is zero good that can come of this for either you or "Cindy."

JoJoJo2
05-05-2011, 06:56 PM
This whole thread bothers me a lot. I find it hard to visualize anyone getting amusement out of this kind of "spying."

fatferretfanatic
05-05-2011, 07:34 PM
It is nobody else's business what weight she is, and that includes you. Especially you, since you are privvy to her information that she trusted you with and you're using it maliciously, a way to look down on someone. It's not fair or right. I am not religious, but I do follow the golden rule. Would you want someone to spy on you? Respect is something you have to give to get. This isn't respect. I know you guys aren't on good terms, but that doesn't give you the right to spy. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my most supportive friends spying on me only to laugh at me later. She's got no obligation to be completely honest about her weight. I used to lie about mine. Did that make me bad, or something to laugh at? No, just insecure-like everyone else in the world is about something. I sure as heck don't tell people what it is now. Just delete it and have done with it. This is bad, bad stuff.

cbmare
05-05-2011, 08:14 PM
As to how you're harming her, regardless of your current relationship, you are betraying the trust she placed in you. Right now (because she doesn't know about the betrayal) this damages you more than her - it makes you the kind of person who will betray a friend when the friendship is over....

Kaplods, You have certainly yanked my thoughts out of my head and put them here through your fingers.

There was a time when I had my FitDay account set so people on here could view it. That was my choice and my choice only. There were times when I would ask people to look at it and help me. Again, my choice and my choice only.

How would you feel if she did that to you?

bargoo
05-05-2011, 08:24 PM
A few words from your post stand out" I get a sick pleasure " and the other is " I know that I am twisted ", these say a lot about you. If you think you will get sympathy here you are looking in the wrong place.

CrystalZ10
05-05-2011, 08:34 PM
I agree...not cool at all to spy on anyone for any reasons. :hug:

eclipse
05-05-2011, 09:00 PM
Wow. That's just. . .mean.

Serval87
05-05-2011, 09:31 PM
I believe it lies with closure. Like someone else said, you need to talk to your friend/ex-friend. I have a similar relationship with someone. They used to be a wonderful friend, but now they've sort of turned into a frenemey (at least from my point of view). It can be heartbreaking to watch a once healthy relationship deteriorate over time, but doing things like this makes you dwell on the negativity, and transforms you into another person also (one that is bitter and jealous and mean). I should know, this has happened to me, and it's not at all pretty.

My advice then, is to just delete it. If your relationship isn't worth saving, forget her and move on.

fitness4life
05-05-2011, 10:22 PM
Ok - I get everybody's reaction and totally agree with the "back off" reaction. However, when you already don't like someone and you know you're a good person, it is human nautre to "Aha!" when your nemesis does wrong.

Her frienemy is a total bullsharter. She knew that long ago and now she sees it for real.

Now that you know...you know. Delete, let go, move on. But also never forget that your gut was right all along. A gut feeling is often never proven and this proof is pirceless. However, once you've seen it...it's worthless.

But I totally get where you're coming from.

nelie
05-06-2011, 12:05 AM
I think the OP may have her answer. I think the best course of action is to respect the privacy of others.