I work as a medical transcriptionist and have for the past 5 years. Now, it's always been a bit of a rocky road here as I had some personality conflicts with my last manager (I wasn't the only one) and that always added stress (such as, when she accused me of fraud for making a mistake on one day of my time sheet and threatened to fire me over it), but lately it seems to be one thing after another.
We have a new manager, a girl that was our lead hand for years finally was given the position when our health authority went topsy-turvy and all the hospital systems merged. She's a wonderful woman, truly adores her job and is someone who found her true calling.
My performance review last month went less than stellar. Most issues seem to be from interpersonal relationships and the biggest one was my problem with the internet and lack of focus. Something I am well aware of and have been struggling to control most of my life. It affects other areas of my life than just work; I have a hard time doing any chores at home, any crafts, or anything that I'd like to do because my focus is so fleeting. There were some complaints by other coworkers complaining about how often/long I am seen on the internet (this is despite many of them talking and joking around with one another for upwards of an hour, taking extra long breaks, etc).
I was labelled, in the review, as not being a team player and when I expressed my frustration over how one can be a team player when we're plugged into our boxes, she gave examples about how we should offer help if it's needed (which I do), etc. So, not a very good review.
I have been working very hard on my focus and concentration, to the point that I am now producing at least 30 minutes more per night than the rest of the girls on average are. Our quota is 80 minutes and I am sitting around an average of 95. Awesome, right? No.
My manager pulled a random report for review and found (in a 4 page document) something like 30 critical errors (errors on my part, not the dictator's part) that I did not catch. On a returned report for correction, that was only 30 seconds long, there were about 15 errors that I did not catch. That report was done yesterday and I had one **** of a time with it; very difficult dictator. I even re-listened to it but still missed the errors.
On top of this, I work from home for an outsourcing company for the same type of job (different hospital/different province) and while I was released from training very quickly, the reports I've needed help on have had multiple errors in them (one that irks me is that I forget "Dear Dr." and "Yours sincerely" and it's marked a critical, patient-affecting error). The reports at home have all been relatively short by relatively decent dictators.
I feel like I can't do ANYTHING right. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm horrible at it and I'm just no good. That no matter how hard I try, I suck. I'm a horrible typist. I'm depressed, I'm stressed to the max, I'm angry at myself and I'm frustrated because I think I'm trying my best - and if THIS is my best then I really can't be any good, can I?
I feel like no matter which way I turn, I screw up. That I can't even complete simple tasks because of how horrible I am.
Every day I come to work wondering what I'll screw up this time; what mistake will I make? When will it be one mistake too many?
I'm frustrated because no one else seems to have the same problems, everyone else seems to do great, I'm the only one that can't do it, even after 5 years. I'm the only one too stupid to do it right. I'm the only one dumb enough to make these mistakes.
I don't LOVE this job; I like it. It's a decent job; it almost pays the bills (which is why I have the second job). And I'm too scared and too broke to try anything different because if I suck at this job, the chances of me sucking at something else are just as high. If I can't do anything right here, why would it be any different anywhere else?
I can feel myself being pulled back into one of my depression ruts, and they're so hard to get out of. But this time I really think I am that horrible; I am that stupid, if I can't even tell the difference between myoplasty and mammoplasty through a 30 second report. If I can't catch that the patient wasn't seen in the damn morgue. I mean, this is STUPID mistakes.. which makes me stupid.
I just can't take it.
I want to quit, but I have NOTHING else to fall back on to support myself apart from the second job which, well, is going almost as well as this one.
I'm too scared to quit because I'm scared of what will happen.
I don't want to move 4 hours away to live at my parents house and work a minimum wage job just to pay off my car and still not have a future by the time I'm 30.
I'm too scared to even make that jump, because maybe it would turn out well, but I don't think it will.
I'm almost at my last straw here, I really truly believe that I'll probably end up fired by year's end and I don't want to be fired but at the same time I don't really want to work here anymore either.
I have no training or education for anything but this, and I have no money to go back to school to get any more education.
Some days, if it weren't for my dog, I wish I could just disappear and be forgotten about. Because day's like this, I think people are maybe better off without me in their life.
05-03-2011, 10:02 PM
And again :hug:
I'm sorry your review went so poorly. I've never down a job like yours, so have no tips to offer. But if there was one thing that might help, maybe it would be taking those extra minutes (you said you do 30 more than your coworkers) and instead of busting out another transcription, instead read over what you've written and double-check things to try to catch the errors?
It sounds like a horrible position to be in and I'm so sorry you're going through it right now. Hang in there! You're wonderful, even if you're boss doesn't know it, and I can assure you that you would be missed.
Have you thought about getting an ADD medication to help with your concentration? That might make a difference as well.
05-03-2011, 10:53 PM
:hug: Rainbowgirl, I think you are seriously stressing yourself out about this, and it's making it worse!
I don't work in medical transcription, but I do work for a company that distributes laboratory supplies to pharmaceutical companies and medical universities. I am actually the team lead and the accounts supervisor. I am a wicked typist. Extremely fast, and I know what I'm doing. But guess what? I still make mistakes. Stupid mistakes. All. The. Time.
My problem is that I'm going so fast- because my co-workers as sooooo slow. :lol: One of my co-workers on my team, she is a sweet girl, and I really love her, but if I give her 20 orders to place, it would take her 6+ hours to place them (yes, I've timed her). Where as, it takes me 45-60 mins to place 20 orders from start to finish.
So I always feel the need to push push push orders through because if the orders aren't placed, nothing gets shipped, no money comes in, business goes kaput. But because I'm going this fast, there are plenty of little mistakes along the way. And there have been a few doozey's too.
The more I stressed about getting these orders placed and out, the more mistakes I made. The more I stewed about the fact that my co-workers were incredibly slow, the more mistakes I made. Or that they were slacking off, or incompetent, or whatever.
When I finally went to our operations manager and said I had had it.. there was no reason why I should be placing so many orders when there are so many people working here... he ran the numbers and I was right. Turned out I was placing 80% of the orders. Once I felt the pressure off me, I was able to slow down. Once I slowed down a little... the mistakes got less and less.
My point is- You are putting so much pressure on yourself to be perfect and fast, and less "stupid" (which you totally are not!), etc that you are making this job A)Worse and B)Harder. Breathe. You are not stupid. And if you were that horrible, they would have let you go by now. What you have here is a chance to make it right. So breathe. And don't worry about what your coworkers do, or aren't doing. Just breathe, relax and ...type. :)
Oh... Did you know that people who take little "internet" breaks through out the day are more productive than people who go all gun ho and do nothing but work. Little breaks are good for your brain ;)
05-04-2011, 05:46 AM
Thank you to you both.
Ferumbras - what you said about the reading things over is more or less what the boss told me to do, and something that I do anyway. I only made 60 minutes tonight because I was re-reading each report about 3 times before I signed it off for distribution. It's tedious and frustrating because I know no one else but the "newbies" have to do it. I don't get why after 5 years I still can't catch the little words. It is a very stressful situation; to have a poor review one month and then be faced with all these errors a few weeks later when you thought you were doing so well at managing your lack of focus and internet addiction problems. It's a huge blow to one's pride and confidence.
As for the medication, I have a prescription for an antidepressant (I suffer from depression and anxiety) that I have yet to fill; namely lack of time and money (it's mostly paid for here in Canada, but there is still a slight charge for it). I am going to fill it on Friday when I get paid and hopefully it will help.
LightRaven - It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has rushed to get stuff done. There's such an underlying demand on production in this job that I do tend to stress out about it; whether I'm making quota; whether I'm falling behind, etc. Plus, I'm a fast typer (around 90-100 wpm) so when I really get going, I go even faster and that's likely where I make my mistakes. I also "zone out" a bit, focusing on typing rather than listening which is so important in this line of work that I guess that is how I overlook those little words (and, he, they, when, the, if, etc) that mean so much on a patient's record. I am definitely going to work on taking a deep breath and slowing down, even if that means typing slower, just so I can catch everything rather than rushing to get it done to move to the next report.
I also applied for another job. I had applied for a program clerk position a few weeks ago but I don't have the program clerk course under my belt and so I couldn't be hired for that. The job I applied for this time is a clerk/secretary at an long-term care facility in my health authority. The pay is a dollar or so less an hour, but it's a day shift (I've been steady evening shift for 5 years) and that would give me more time outside of work and more time to do my second job and thus help even out that slight pay cut. I'm hoping I get it; it can't be that hard, can it? Answering the phone and whatnot lol
Thanks again for letting me rant. I felt better as the night progressed; I was still teary and weepy at work a bit but it lessened and now, while I'm still frustrated, my head is back to where it should be. I have options should I lose this hospital job, they're just not options I would really, really like to take (moving back to my parent's house and working a minimum wage job to pay off my car and then go back to school when I'm 29 being one of them). It's not the end of the world if I lose this job, and I still think I'm a pretty great person regardless of my shortcomings in this field.
It's just trying to convince myself of that when you're in "crisis mode" and in full blown panic attack lol
05-04-2011, 09:26 AM
You are not stupid. And if you were that horrible, they would have let you go by now. What you have here is a chance to make it right.
I agree, if you really were as bad as you say, instead of making it seem like you were that bad the company would have already let you go. Maybe instead of taking the review and critisim the wrong way, turn it around and think of it in a positive aspect to CORRECT your mistakes. You say you ask people if they want help and so on but if you were a "team" player then the issue of not being one wouldn't be on your review. I'm not saying you are and you aren't, I don't know what goes on at your work place.
I also think maybe this just isn't the right job for you, the fact that you just "like" the job could be the reason for your suffering? If I personally don't like a job and especially a job I don't see any advancements in, I really don't care to go above and beyond because what's the point? Theres hardly a raise, and when there is, it's not THAT great and I'm stuck in the same position for years after years because no one can advance and move up within my "company" the only thing I gotta make sure is I do a well enough job for when I need a reference to move to another company that offers more advancements and so on. I'd say continue to work where you are but also start looking for things you enjoy doing and looking for a job that you would love in the long run. Maybe try taking online courses and such so you can get a better career advancement or switching careers all together.
I think you just feel like your in a rut and the world around you is crashing down, when in reality it's the same world it was before you got that horrible review. Everything will be fine, don't you worry. Just breath and reboot.
05-04-2011, 10:26 AM
I'm going to give some tough love, mainly because it's something I've had to face in myself over the last several jobs.
At my last three jobs, during my reviews, I heard strikingly similar criticisms from three different managers. After the first review, I blew it off, because I had issues with the female manager already. After the second review, I thought, "Huh, this guy said some of the same things she did... Ah, but he's a jerk. What does he know?!" After the THIRD review, I had to stop and think, "Maybe there is something to all this... Maybe I need to take a good long hard look at myself."
Sure enough, I found that I had let these negative habits, mannerisms, and responses creep into my attitude. The quality of my work was EXCELLENT, but my attitude sucked - and given that I'd always taken pride in my interpersonal skills, that was a harsh blow. When I started in my current job, almost a year ago, I started to notice when that negativity was creeping in and cut it off at the pass. I'm not always successful, but my manager HAS seen me working on it and credited me for that. It's a work in progress for sure, but now that I recognize the truth in those reviews, I can correct the behavior.
It might be time to accept the criticism as valid, whether you want to agree with it or not. And it may be time to ask them to help your focus by eliminating your internet access at work. Be proactive and ask your manager to set up personal goals for YOU to achieve. Ask for concrete suggestions on how you can improve your performance.
You're never done learning in life or on the job, no matter how old you are or how long you've been in a place. You can either take steps to make it better, or you can continue to be unhappy. It seems like an easy choice to me.
05-04-2011, 03:25 PM
MiZTaCCen: The issue of being a "team player" was brought up because I do not do extra work for everyone. I do not make up sample reports of difficult dictators, I do not organize after-work events (one coworker had a bowling night when the girls from 2 other hospitals merged at our site), I don't bring cookies or cakes in (actually, I used to. Every couple of weeks I'd bring in home made cookies, or get donuts, or muffins for everyone and 9 times out of 10 they'd go uneaten), I don't send mass e-mails to everyone with cutesy pictures wishing everyone a happy Monday. These are all examples of "teamwork" that my manager brought up. I don't do the sample reports because I don't know how and it's not part of my job to do it. I don't organize after work events for the same reason and there are many others who don't do it either. I brought the food in as mentioned above, and I have sent out mass e-mails a few times with limited success. When I was first hired at this job, that Christmas I tried to organize a Secret Santa utilizing gifts under $10. Our lead hand, who incidentally is now our manager, is the one who told me "we don't do stuff like that here; we don't want to have to worry about that kind of socialization." I tried to organize a Thanksgiving potluck in conjunction with Health Records, who has an adjoining office with us only to be told by the girls in my office (most of whom are still there) that they don't want to do be involved in that because they're focused on their work, not eating. When I brought all this up to my manager, she brushed it off and said I wasn't a team player, that everyone wants me on their team, and wants to support me, but I have to make the effort. After 5 years of trying to make an effort, I don't know what else to do.
You are right though. There is no advancement. We work in a hospital. We're unionized (which I have only a few problems with; namely representation) and there is no where to go from the job of medical transcriptionist. You could advance to Lead Hand, but you're still a typist first. That's about as far as you can go. Every review, the manager always mentioned about what a great "career" this is, but it isn't a career in my opinion. It's a job. I have already started looking at other places to work. I almost had an interview for a program clerk job at the same hospital but because I don't have the program clerk course under my belt, they couldn't even interview me (they failed to mention that as a requirement on the job posting). Last night I put an application in for a clerk/secretary job at a long-term care facility. I'm not looking for my niche right now. I know what I want to do but I can't even begin to do it because of a lack of money. I want to be a respiratory therapist; but I need to pay off my car and my credit card debt first, then move back to my parents because they live in the only city in Western Canada that offers the course (for real). It's a 2 year course, and then 2 years of clinicals down here on the coast. The pay is great and after 4 years you can upgrade to be an anesthesia assistant (when I told my manager this during our review, she laughed at me and the idea of being an anesthesia assistant; said it was too hard for me to do.)
I am in a rut; I'm not happy with this job and I haven't been for a long time but, I've also been applying for other jobs with no success. I educated myself into a corner by only having my grade 12 and a medical transcription certificate. It basically means to other employers that I have no other skills or assets, when I know I do.
LisaP916 - I have brought up the issue of removing my internet access before, but because it is imperative we have it to do our job (for researching terms, etc) they have refused to disable it for me. I have had to deal with it on my own and I am, successfully, through sheer willpower. Going from only doing about 30-40 minutes a night to 95 minutes clearly indicates to them that I'm not online as much as I was, so that is a good thing. The only help I got from the manager yesterday in regards to the mistakes on the reports was "please read them over before you send them out" which is something I already do, but keep missing those little words that make such a big difference.
The manager (as other ones have) said she's not concerned about productivity, but I guarantee you if I drop below 60, there will be issues. When I had my blood clots in 2009, I was off for 2 weeks. Then I was there for a week in December (and as you can imagine, still not all there mentally; I quite literally almost died afterall), and then I was on vacation for 2 weeks. During the 2 weeks I was on vacation, we had our yearly review with the previous manager. I had mine in January and the bulk of it was that when they looked my productivity for December, I was typing less than 80 minutes a night. It was a huge issue; the old manager demanding to know why I wasn't working hard, lecturing me on the importance of meeting daily quotas to remove the strain from other girls and to keep the department in good graces with the doctors, and then being only mildly sympathetic to the reason, and then requesting that she audit me in 2 weeks' time when I told her I believed I was doing better. Lo-and-behold, 2 weeks later the audit showed an average of 85 minutes. She wasn't concerned about the quality, she was concerned that I wasn't producing, even though I had just gotten back from sick leave and was still (and would be for another 7 months) quite sick.
In 2008, I was having a lot of trouble with this one vascular surgeon who has a very difficult accent. He also had a habit of dicating 18 minute long complicated vascular surgery reports at 10 p.m. The one coworker I had at the time who was there until 11 p.m., would end up with these reports in her queue and instead of doing them, she'd decide to stop working, surf the internet etc (which is fine - she was working all night). At 11 p.m., she'd close out of the program, the reports would be dumped back into the "pool" and at 11:10 or whatever the time was that I signed off the job I was working on, I'd get them. Because they were always long, I rejected them. Well, the old manager caught me and gave me **** for rejecting jobs. When I explained why I did it, without mentioning that the coworker was holding them for an hour, her response was (and I'm directly quoting her here) "you should have the time do them. You're there the longest." No, I'm there 7.5 hours like everyone else. I cannot do an 18 minute complicated vascular surgery report in half an hour. I asked for help. I asked her to manually assign me his work so I could practise on it. She said no, she can't do that. It's against the rules. I asked for overtime if I should have one of his reports fall into my queue at 11 p.m. or later. She said no, if it takes longer than your shift, you will not get overtime for it. I then asked if I could put the job in pending and finish it the next day. She said no, because they were often stat reports they needed to completed that night. Finally, she decided to send me for updated training with our QA woman for a week of dayshift at another hospital. During that whole week I didn't get a chance to do ANY of this doctor's reports because he almost always puts them in as stats and they are either done at night, or at 6 a.m. when the first girl gets there. After a week of day shift and doing the same work I would normally do, I went back to night shift and back to problems with that doctor. I typed the reports as fast as I could, I left a lot of blanks where I had to, and I sent them to him for review just to get them done before the end of my shift.
Just last night, my manager assigned me all the work for the extended care home we type for but because we each only do this work once a year, I had forgotten how to actually do it (and the manual offers only limited instructions). I did the first report in the program we generally use for most work. It was 18 minutes long and I couldn't find the patient. Only after leaving it in pending and printing it to be sent to the dictating doctor, did I realize something was wrong. The next report had the same issue; couldn't find the patient. I asked my coworker for help (as I always do when I need help; and I give help when others ask for it) and we figured it out.
I sent an e-mail to my manager explaining what happened. She sent me over a paragraph about how asking for help was the best thing I could have done, it shows real teamwork, etc. etc. I'm sitting here a bit dumbfounded because I already DO it all the time, and I told her that in the review. I'm just kind of laughing at it right now because it's so silly, but it also feels like talking a brick wall sometimes.
Anyway, the only thing I can really do, because I'm not getting the help I did ask for, is just be more diligent and review, review review my reports, and not get upset if/when the issue of quota comes up.
And, in the meantime, look for another job.
05-04-2011, 03:41 PM
Get an windows office program to correct your mistakes?
05-04-2011, 03:50 PM
We use Microsoft Word, combined with multiple medical dictionaries.
For me, I miss the small words (and, the, he, they, in, out, of) and sometimes Word doesn't catch those errors. I have pretty impeccable spelling, it's just not skipping those small words that I have trouble with.
05-04-2011, 03:52 PM
Rainbow... Do you have adhd? Because, WOW. You could describe me lol, when I dont force myself to pay attention. It's pretty crazy. I used to take meds for it, but I've learned to control it pretty much. If other methods dont work, try a doctor. ....or at least some online tests. PM me if you want some focus-tips.
Oh, coffee helps me calm down and pay attention to things I miss... :D
05-04-2011, 08:29 PM
Something to think about...
Why are you concerned about not having a future by the age of 30? I'm assuming you have lived independently no longer than 12 years, if you lived with parents until you were 18. You will be in the workforce for (at least) another 35 years. Think about that for a second...35 years.
I'm not sure where this idea that we need to be established by a certain age comes from. I know I did the same thing when I was in my twenties, and my sister is still doing it in her thirties. But at 27, I decided to go back to college and get a degree in education. I had no money to do this; just a desire to change the direction my life was headed and the ability to complete Stafford Loan applications. I graduated when I was 30, a year when ALL of my other friends had moved way beyond the point I was at; they had spouses, established jobs, kids, homes, etc. But I realized that life was not a race and the path I had previously taken was not important; but the path my future took was. Now I work at a job that I LOVE, which pays my bills, including a huge student loan debt. But I'm ok with that, whereas before I was miserable with the dead-end jobs and micromanaging of power-hungry supervisors.
There was not an "aha" moment when I realized that I should get an education degree; in fact, it was a path that I previously dismissed as a job I wouldn't like. However, I analyzed my strengths, weaknesses, and general aptitude, and looked for a career that "fit" and that would generate a sufficient income for my needs.
Don't let fear, anxiety, and a preconceived notion of what you should be doing now stop you from making life changes. I wish you luck.
05-04-2011, 10:56 PM
Something to think about...
Why are you concerned about not having a future by the age of 30? I'm assuming you have lived independently no longer than 12 years, if you lived with parents until you were 18. You will be in the workforce for (at least) another 35 years. Think about that for a second...35 years.
That is such an excellent and insightful comment Zeitgeist. One that I wish I would take to heart more often!
It is unfortunate that society, or media, or family and friends have pounded into us that there are certain things in your life that must be in place by such and such an age. Like you've failed at life if not. And I know for myself, I'm in constant conflict with that. Because I went to school for something entirely different (music), and I can't even practice it (carpel tunnel/not stable enough to raise a child), and now I'm at a job that I generally like and am good at, but it's not what I want to do. I'm just biding my time until I figure out what I'd like to do (either psychology or education) and also waiting until my daughter is older.
But I always feel static because all my friends from college and highschool are out and about with careers and families and yada yada. I always feel like I'm behind them. :(
Rainbowgirl, do you think your manager feels a negative vibe from you (because you are stressed about work) and is just picking up on it and claiming all this stuff on you? I often throw off a negative vibe at work. It comes up at my review almost all the time, but my company uses it to it's advantage as well. Like, when someone owes us money, it's me they want to make the call. Or if one of our vendors is being really difficult and not helpful in trying to resolve a situation, besides having the most product knowledge, I'm just downright b*tchy sometimes and so I get to haggle with vendors on defective items. So while my company is like "Mind your attitude!" they turn around and say "oh! Can you call this company and shake some money out of them. Their account is past due"
Also, and I don't know if this is possible in your field.... there is a reason why novelists and magazine editors hire someone in a little position called "proof reader"! Your manager can say all she likes that you have to re-read your work.. but the simple fact is is that we can't proof read our own stuff. The brain is an amazing machine. And before we even know it, it fills in the blanks for us. Especially if it's written by us.
Ever play one of those games where there is a sentence and you have to count all the "f"'s? And have you ever noticed you'll count like 7, but there are really like 12? You have to imagine that at any given time the brain is filtering out millions of pieces of information and stimuli. It sorts out what it wants us to know and discards everything else. Pertinent information, etc. Otherwise, we'd all be paralyzed by the amount of information and stimuli that is always coming into our brains. The brain filters. Which is why you miss to, the it, her, etc.
I see timing is off the essence with your job. Is it possible that you request a SOP change? That once you are done with a report, it is dumped into someone else's que just to proof read. That all reports are done this way... for everyone? How long would it take to read someone else's report real quick? 10 mins?
I might be worth bringing this up to your manager. May get you some brownie points. Mention the brain automatically filters out inane BS and that it might be beneficial- company wide- if proof reading was done before transcripts are sent. Hey, it might even put your company into better favor with the doctors, etc, when all their reports come back nice and right :) Just a suggestion!
05-05-2011, 12:29 AM
Zeitgeist, I don't know why I feel like I have to do things by a certain age; but I am 25 and in relation to a lot of people my age that I know, I'm lagging and that really annoys me. I'm still single, I rent, I can just barely support myself, I work 2 jobs, and I don't have much of a social life thanks to them. People I grew up with have kids, own houses, have travelled all over the world, - most of them anyway, or are in university DOING something with their lives. And I just feel.. left behind. I know I'm going to end up as the 30 year just going to university and that, too, irritates me. I had enough troubles in high school with social phobia and general abuse, and I know that's not going to be the same in university, but it's still a cause for hesitancy.
I am working towards what I want, but the journey is a rocky one and some days I just want to cave, you know? I know what I would be good at now - I didn't 5 years ago - so I have 5 years of bills and saving to catch up on. Hence, the second job.
LightRaven, your analogy of the paragraph with the f's in it is exactly what I was trying to think of yesterday with the manager. When you read your own stuff, it's really hard to catch things you miss.
Unfortunately though, because we have quotas (daily) to meet and because some reports need to be done yesterday (I seriously have been typing a report that had been dictated 3 minutes prior, only to get a phone call from the attending doctor saying the patient was in the ambulance waiting to be transferred to another hospital and they need the report NOW - oh and sorry that it's a 15 minute long report during half of which I'm talking into my armpit lol), it wouldn't be feasible to be reviewing each other's work. On top of that, depending on how short the reports are, you could be typing upwards of 80 reports a night; it would bring productivity to a significant crawl.
I'm doing better tonight, I'm on the extended care facility work tonight and they're semi-difficult doctors but there's nothing URGENT, so I can take the time and review everything and that should help.
My manager and I went over a few of the reports that she had brought up yesterday as being serious red flags and I went over an 18 minute report from last night that I had messed up a bit (not critically) and she was (surprisingly) really impressed that I was re-listening to the whole dictation and editing what I had typed the night before (why wouldn't I? lol).
So, new day, new ears (rested, not as stressed) and carrying on.
I'm going to look at the book store this weekend to see if I can't find any books on proof reading or stuff like that.
I know I'll improve if I put effort in to it and try not to get stressed. Deep breaths!
05-05-2011, 10:29 AM
Rainbowgirl - I know how you feel I'm 25, and I am def NOT where I expected to be at this age, and the last relationship I was in I racked up a bunch of debt (stupid move on my part for the guy, took 10 step back wards, moved back to Ontario from Alberta to start over and then moved back from Ontario to Alberta because I realized I found my home etc so the last couple of years of my life had been about re connecting with myself and finding myself all over again and growing and starting over, and over which has sucked, but at the same time been a wonderful experience.) and now I'm paying it off.
I feel for you when you say you feel stuck, I as well have my car payments not to mention my insurance is sky rocket simply because of more mess ups I did the first time I moved out on my own, as well as my debt which screws everything up because I can't buy a house, get a loan or do anything at this moment but I'm doing baby steps which is two jobs to help me get out of debt and eventually I'll move on to schooling again I'm giving myself by the time I'm 28 I should be back in school to do what I really love or have wanted to do and I know a lot of people will bring me down and say oh 28 is so old don't go back to school, because your just going to set yourself back...well that's there opinions and sometimes it's annoying hearing them but I know what I want and unlike a lot of people I've met or come acrossed they don't follow their dreams, they don't follow anything but living a content comfortable life.
There is SO many things I want to do, and there are so many things I feel are holding me back, but the only thing I can do is bust my *** off for a year working two jobs, get out of debt and one that's cleared I can move forward to do some schooling (in the mean time I can figure out which career path I want to go on whether it be, psychology, Social workings, Saftey inspector or HR Management.) TO be honest I went to school to become a cop (which I clearly don't want to do anymore) and having a psychology degree or social working diplomia will probably open up so many more doors along side my police foundations diplomia which I currently have and for some reason my passion has always been wanting to "help" people but when I was younger I was stupid and listened to people tell me not to get into social working because lack of money you make, when in reality looking at it now I could have been well established in my life and not be in the rut I am in now.
Set up goals, start working towards them, it's sure as **** isn't going to be easy, but maybe check out some online courses for the clerk thing? Start working towards that for the mean time while you finish paying stuff off and continue working towards whatever your heart really wants to do. Trust me don't have a set goal to have stuff done before your 30, I'm turning 26 this month and I tell myself have all this done by the time when I'm 30 and I know I am setting myself up for failure at the moment because i'll be adding too much pressure on myself. Yes I can be out of debt by the time I'm 27, and yes I can be back in school by the time I'm 28, but to also have a condo of my own, backpack around europe and so on I do not believe I can have done by the time I'm 30 unless I hold off schooling and what not. But right now my top two are Debt cleared and schooling so I can have an established career by the time I'm 33 I'll say.
When they say patience is virtural it really is...but I myself do not have a lot of patiences when I want things I want them now...but I'm learning along the way you can't always get what you want now...
haha holy crap this was long! I do apologise!
05-05-2011, 05:23 PM
Facebook has allowed me to reconnect with people from my past that I had lost touch with. Many of these people were ones that I had envied for living a life that I wanted, but didn’t have. Surprisingly, my interpretation that they must be happy or successful because they had “moved on” and I had not, was mostly wrong. I was jealous of their house, car, career, and kids and they were feeling tied down, buried in debt, and regretful for not having pursued other paths. I think we need to keep in perspective that just because we are not where we are “supposed to be” (and again…where do we get this idea?), it doesn’t mean others are somehow better or happier than us.
Plus, Raindbowgirl, there are LOTS of older folks on campuses now. While it was not the norm in the early 90s, it is not abnormal at all now. Don’t think that you will be the oddball, because the odds are that many people will be your age and older. Maybe it was the university I attended, but my courses, especially the junior/senior leveled courses were 50/50 with traditional and nontraditional students.