General chatter - Only 14!!!!!!




View Full Version : Only 14!!!!!!


NiteOwlMommy
04-28-2011, 10:48 PM
Hello Ladies,
So I have a younger cousin who likes to come to me for advice and normally it's normal teenage stuff like her first kiss with her boyfriend and the like. Anyway, this last weekend she starts asking me about being pregnant while on a period and I told her it has happened before but every woman is different. She kept pressing the subject till I asked if she had unprotected sex then I got the runaround from her saying not exactly but he was near her hole when he finished. So long story short no matter how many times I told her it was highly impossible she was pregnant she begged me to take her to buy a pregnancy test.

I was torn between telling her mom(my aunt) about what happened but I have a little girl of my own and couldn't imagine something like this going on behind my back. During our weekly Monday weigh in I caved and told her, turns out she already knew because she caught them! She said they were fully clothed and that both kids(because that's what they are!) started crying and apologizing. My aunt let them off with a warning and took away their alone time such as movie dates and school dances. But now I'm thinking that when she caught them it wasn't the first time but she won't tell me anything. Anyway, what do you ladies think? Is 14 too young to be fooling around and yet still be that naive to think that you can be pregnant when filling around fully clothed??? If you were the parent what would you have done? My aunt is currently paying a little over $8,000 for this child's quinceñera(a huge blow out when a girl turns 15 in Latin cultures) and said she didn't cancel it because people already know that the party is being planned. Maybe it's me and I'm overreacting but at 14 I was still playing video games. What do you ladies think?


Gale02
04-28-2011, 11:25 PM
I was having sex at 14 and YES it's absolutely, unquestionably too young!! Because of my ignorance I ended up with a (thankfully completely treatable) STD, not to mention the heartache that comes with thinking it's "just sex."

Anything that you can do to encourage her away from this I would do it. It starts a long, tough road.

bitetoobreakkskin
04-28-2011, 11:43 PM
tooooo young!! this breaks my heart :( i just feel so bad, they are babies!! but it is in everything, so i think kids are getting curious at a younger age. as long as she is WELL INFORMED about protection, and possibly even on birth control, i hope she would be safe. i dont think it is right for her to be doing this at such a young age, but it seems like she already is, and the best thing to do is to make sure she is protected. i hope i am not overstepping boundaries or offending anyone with my opinion :) and i also hope she dumps him and forgets boys til she is 25! lol


Rainbowgirl
04-29-2011, 12:32 AM
Way, way, way, way, way, way too young. Way.

Physically, their bodies are capable of it, but MENTALLY, they aren't. Even if they think they are. Gotta remember that during puberty, the frontal lobe is under MAJOR construction to ready you for adulthood; that's what leads to the emotional problems, the tantrums, the rebellion, it's all thanks to that reconstruction project.

On the other hand - education does not give kids the allowance to ACT on anything. Education goes a lo-o-ong way in preventing unplanned, teen pregnancies. Dispelling myths like "you can't get pregnant during your first time" or "if you stand up right after, you can't get pregnant" etc. Teaching the mechanics, the down-n-dirty biology of sex is uber important to help educate the kids on how dicey it IS.

Suggesting safER sex, rather than "safe" sex is good too. Nothing, birth controls, condoms, etc, is ever 100% and a lot of schools/parents/teachers etc will make it sound like they are. Sure, birth control is 99.8% and condoms, when properly used, are something like 98, but there's still a little wiggle room for those swimmy bast*rds to get through (no pun intended).

If I were the parent, I would have had a very long, serious talk about what my daughter wanted for her future and explained the hardships of potentially having a child at the tender age of 14. Yes, it is possible to do everything you wanted with a child, but it sure is a heck of a lot harder.

I wouldn't let the incident interrupt the party; that's something that happens once in your child's life and the incident is small in comparison. But definitely taking away "alone" time is a good idea. Heck, my parents didn't even let me go into my room with a boy (even my best friend's brother, who is/was like a brother to me) was allowed in there with the door shut.

I'm 25, almost 26, and my mother still believes (and probably will until her grave) that I've never "done that"; it's a horrible situation to be in, not being able to talk with your mom about it, so putting down the foundation now at 14, not shaming your child, or representing sex as something "dirty" will also definitely help later on in case, god forbid, there ever is a need for help.

DZilnicki
04-29-2011, 12:56 AM
I was sexually active at 14. I don't have any regrets about it, and neither does my partner (we broke up ~7-8 years ago, but are still close friends).

We were both educated and understood the risks as well as the rewards. We used protection every time, and we didn't share any STDs (or babies) -- just some amazingly fun and rewarding memories. Our parents were both vehemently opposed to any sexual activity, which actually lead to several problems:

1) They lied to us about the risks of sex. Lying to your kids is not cool. I definitely lost respect for my parents because of the strongarm tactics they tried to implement. I no longer believed I had parents I could "talk to about anything."

2) We were afraid to ask them any questions. I had a dozen burning questions, but my parents were the last people I'd ask. Parents were a resource I could have used, but the combination of lies/the fact that I would have been busted had they found out meant I couldn't use it.

3) I was sexually active and my parents didn't know. Unfortunately, a few of my "friends" found out, and this lead to some blackmail-type situations that really added some unnecessary stress.

Bottom line: The choice to have sex is ultimately up to the teenagers, not the parents. If you don't talk to them frankly and openly, they'll google it. If you block their internet, they'll use the library (or worse, they get advice from their PEERS, and then you'll really have a problem). If you lie to them, they'll know. And if you try to stop them, they'll make it happen anyway.

Most everyone here is sexually active now. Yet the world keeps spinning for us, because we know the basics like that we should use a condom, how to properly fit a condom, what a broken condom feels like, symptoms of STDs, dangers of STDs, how to treat STDs, how to use a pregnancy test kit, what to do if you're drunk at a party, etc. If you know what you're doing, and you know it's a decision you want to make (and you've also planned for the future -- pregnancy, breakup, whatever), sex can be safe.

This is all information I wish I knew when I was 14, and it's information that I had to find out on my own, either through research or from screwing it up and freaking out. My only regret about sex is that my parents intentionally made it difficult for me to get this information and I took a few unnecessary risks because of it.


Since you asked, those are my experiences and my 2c. Although you're not a parent, you could still be a good resource.

krampus
04-29-2011, 02:24 AM
14 is pretty young, but it's old enough to get pregnant or contract an STD. That's a shame that you told on her to her mom because it sounds like she overreacted in a bad way, and now they will just be sneaking around. Kids will be kids and when you're young and in lust nothing can get between you and the object of your affections.

I'd say if your cousin comes to you in the future asking for advice, give it to her very directly. She probably won't though since you told her mom...

ERHR
04-29-2011, 04:59 AM
I fully attribute my not-having-sex in high school to 1) the comprehensive sex education I received plus my own internet research and 2) my (for lack of a better term) high self-esteem. I knew all about STIs and birth control (in fact I was on the Pill from age 16 on) and had a great physical and emotional interest in sex, and even though I knew the risks could be minimized I decided I didn't want to take any change at screwing up what I believed to be a very bright future. I knew I was headed to an at-least-good college and perhaps graduate school and I didn't want to take any chances, however slim, that had the possibility of derailing that.

Now that I have gotten older, become a Christian, and gotten married (my husband and I were virgins on our wedding night), I have given more thought to how to inspire the teenagers I currently work with and my future children to wait for marriage (or at least adulthood) before having sex. I agree with the above posters that it starts with giving them the facts, both physical and relational/emotional. But secondly I think you have to teach them about what they have to gain by waiting and showing some self-restraint. (In churchspeak I would call this "vision-casting.") Maybe that is college and a professional career, like it was for me. Maybe it is a healthier marriage in the future. A healthy body. Maybe it's simply wanting to have years of freedom from worry and anxiety about the possibility of getting pregnant before you're ready. (I'm not saying that these things won't happen for someone who is sexually active at a young age, just that they have to weigh the risks and rewards.)

If your cousin is a Christian or a follower of any Abrahamic religion (and you are too) I think it may help to study with her the reasons why sexual activity is reserved for marriage. Sometimes in the church we are just told "This is how it is! Don't do that!" and there is no real dissection into why. Read the Scriptures together. Talk to her about her relationship with God and about the husband He has waiting for her. I think some people believe that they need to have their fun right now, in the moment, but don't understand what fun they have waiting in their futures. Married sex is amazing partially because of the security that relationship provides. Your sex life doesn't narrow when you commit to one person - it opens up. I thank God frequently that my husband and I waited for each other because I don't believe our sex life or married life would be nearly as good at this point if we hadn't.

Long way of saying - give her the facts, but don't limit those facts to how to use a condom. Remind her about the possibilities in her future that may be compromised by her actions now (not just by getting pregnant, but the emotional consequences of sexual entanglement). Express your love and concern for her. Ultimately it's up to her to make her choices, but try to help her become fully informed.

MaryOjo
04-29-2011, 06:22 AM
Long way of saying - give her the facts, but don't limit those facts to how to use a condom. Remind her about the possibilities in her future that may be compromised by her actions now (not just by getting pregnant, but the emotional consequences of sexual entanglement). Express your love and concern for her. Ultimately it's up to her to make her choices, but try to help her become fully informed.

I agree with ERHR. A child must be well educated and this includes the fact that the best form of protection is abstinece, not pills or condom. As a christian, i am totally for waiting till marriage, it's worth it and it's best if we start teaching our kids this from now.

nelie
04-29-2011, 07:53 AM
So I know it is difficult but your aunt should've talked to her about sex and consequences. You might want to ask your cousin about what she knows and talk to her about pregnancy, STDs and that pulling out isn't an effective method for either. My mom was very open about sex when I was young and I think that helped me to make informed decisions. Teenagers though think they are invincible.

shcirerf
04-29-2011, 01:17 PM
To young!

I had the talk with my boys, very bluntly and very honestly. Not just about the mechanics, but the emotions too.

One of the best things I ever did. Kids need to be able to go to their parents, and parents need to learn to be calm and rational and not judgemental. The kids are going to grow up whether you like it or not. I'd much rather they were comfortable coming to me than believing the myths or worse being ignorant.

NiteOwlMommy
04-29-2011, 02:17 PM
Thanks everyone for your opinions when she told me I was shocked but I did inform her of options for safe sex and of all the responsibility that having sex brings on I didn't scold her or anything it's not my place at least that's how I feel and she understands if I'm not all for the whole yeah go sex up a storm LOL I just asked her how it feels to be scared about possibly being pregnant and she said it sucked and I basically told her that it's not something she should have to worry about at 14.

To what I understand my aunt did talk to her about safe sex and all the consequences that can result should she not be safe about it but also told both of them that she understands that they are not thinking with their heads on straight and their punishment was taking their unsupervised dates away because they lost her trust. I just don't understand if my aunt was as nice and calm as she claimed to be why my cousin would be too afraid to talk to her but there are two sides to every story I guess.


@krampus her mom already knew she was the one that caught them and gave them a talking to way before I knew anything about the situation that's why she is afraid of talking to her mom now she told me just yesterday that she feels that my aunt hates her and her bf since they were caught so what I told my aunt didn't influence her reaction at all.

bargoo
04-29-2011, 02:30 PM
Not only is she too young for sex, she is too young to have a steady boyfriend. Suppose she does get pregnant is the boyfriend financially able to support the child, ? Who is going to take care of the baby if she continues to go to school. or is she going to quit school and expect her parents to support her and the baby? These are all questions that need to be considered.

Arctic Mama
04-29-2011, 02:52 PM
I was having sex at 14 and YES it's absolutely, unquestionably too young!! Because of my ignorance I ended up with a (thankfully completely treatable) STD, not to mention the heartache that comes with thinking it's "just sex."

Anything that you can do to encourage her away from this I would do it. It starts a long, tough road.

This completely. But then again, I think 28 is too young to be having sex if you're not married. Sex belongs in marriage, and at the very LEAST by legal adults.

ICUwishing
04-29-2011, 03:16 PM
Not sure how CA laws are, but here in Michigan, penalties for minors caught in compromising positions can result in 25 years on a Registered Sex Offenders list, regardless of consent. So, there are some serious long-term legal consequences to dropping your pants too, if one of the participants is under 16. It gets ugly!

Chubbykins
04-29-2011, 03:19 PM
I know 40 year olds that should NOT have sex. I don't think it is as much a matter of age as it is of brains and attitude.
If the lovers know their safe sex rules, respect and love eachother and also know fully the responsibility sex brings (I don't talk about kids, sex itself is a huge responsibility. You Are having fun with another human's body after all) then they should and can have sex.
Sadly this specific young woman doesn't seem to have these points checked out yet and so should be both taught how to have emotionally and physically safe sex and also be advised to refrain until she has her knowledge set. :)

ArcticFrogs
04-29-2011, 06:11 PM
Thoughts on whether she is too young or not are completely irrelevant - your cousin is sexually active. If she wants to be, she will find a way to make it happen.

You have the choice - be there for her and be that level-headed adult figure that she can come to with questions, fears, or if there is a problem...or, let her obtain her education from her equally-educated friends and the Internet.

I think you've made the right choice in being open and warning her about the complications and dangers of sex without being preachy or coming across as judgmental.

Suggesting safER sex, rather than "safe" sex is good too. Nothing, birth controls, condoms, etc, is ever 100% and a lot of schools/parents/teachers etc will make it sound like they are. Sure, birth control is 99.8% and condoms, when properly used, are something like 98, but there's still a little wiggle room for those swimmy bast*rds to get through (no pun intended).


THIS. This this this!

Do you have a Planned Parenthood in your area? Make sure that your cousin knows that she can get affordable birth control (such as the Pill...not just condoms, though both are important in young relationships) there, on her own. She needs to be informed, empowered, and in control of her own body whether or not she continues sexual activity.

A lot of (I'd even say most) Sexual Education and health classes in school are wholly inadequate (either attempted STD-shock/fear education or abstinence-only)...and sadly, many parents are not picking up the slack. Not to say that's what is happening in this situation, but the situation as a whole leads to a lot of confusion, broken hearts, and unwanted pregnancies. These kids are often not even being educated on their own bodies (I had to explain how menstrual cycles work to a handful of graduating female seniors this year...), and I'm terrified to think of the misconceptions they have regarding sex.

Knowledge truly is power. Empower the young ladies in your life.

bargoo
04-29-2011, 06:20 PM
Not sure how CA laws are, but here in Michigan, penalties for minors caught in compromising positions can result in 25 years on a Registered Sex Offenders list, regardless of consent. So, there are some serious long-term legal consequences to dropping your pants too, if one of the participants is under 16. It gets ugly!

In California it is a crime to have sex with minors , even if it is consensual. This guy could be arrested for statuatory rape and that carries a prison sentance.

ArcticFrogs
04-29-2011, 10:37 PM
In California it is a crime to have sex with minors , even if it is consensual. This guy could be arrested for statuatory rape and that carries a prison sentance.

Which is sad, really, as so many things go wrong. While I am not downplaying rape in any way, it often happens that a perfectly willing and consentual partner will cry rape when things go bad (unwanted pregnancy, got dumped, so on). It is unfair on both sides, with a bias against males (I understand the intent and how it ended up that way, but doesnt make it right), not to mention that it trivializes actual rape.

Rape is horrible and tragic, but it is also a great tragedy to watch a bratty young girl cry "rape" after a sexual relationship ends or goes badly simply because she is no longer getting her way, embarassed, or in a difficult situation. Again, not saying that is what is happening here (or that it always happens that way), but these things do occur.

I didnt mean to derail this thread into ranting about fairly archaic age of consent laws. I do, however, think that the OP is going to play a crucial role in the life of the young lady we are discussing, and that there are many angles that the OP needs to consider.

Protect the young by providing them with the knowledge to help and protect themselves. One simply cannot expect that a young, headstrong individual will obey an ideal simply.because it is illegal or because an authority figure says that it's wrong. They will make their own decisions, and any attempts to ignore the issue can easily lead to lying, sneaking, and all other sorts of things that can result in harsher/more dangerous reprecussions than a broken heart. Better to educate the child and know that you have empowered her to make the best decisions that she can (including choosing not to put herself in.those situations to begin with), and know that even if she chooses differently than you hope, she at least has the knowlede to keep herself as safe as she can. That way, more likely to end up with a broken heart than an unwanted pregancy or STD with even more difficult adult choices to deal with.

OP, you are doing a great thing in being there for a young girl is going to need some guidance. To conclude...while the situation isn't desirable, it is only bad if handled in the wrong manner. Didnt mean to come across as lecturing or ranty, and I'm posting on my phone so here's hoping it doesnt turn into a giant wall of text!

NiteOwlMommy
04-29-2011, 11:43 PM
@arcticfrogs I agree with what you posted i basically told her that while the best choice is to wait that at the end the decision is hers and that she shouldn't be pressured by anyone to have sex but if she chose to that she be safe about it at all times. It may have been awhile since I was in that teenage mindset but I do remember that the more I heard no the more rebellious I was.

I let her know that condoms are accessible and unfortunately there is no planned parenthood in this town but I told her about birth control although around here her mom would have to take her to a doctor for that but at least in my opinion if she asked her mom about birth control pills it will show she is taking a step in the right direction meaning trying to be responsible. I feel that trying to scare her will only push her away and get her to sneaking around after all you don't need a bedroom to have sex you can basically just do it anywhere and I wouldn't like to see her with an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.

Reading all these posts has really shined a light on the situation making me see it a bit differently and giving me a good lesson when my own little girl starts asking about these types of things. Thank you for all your different opinions, you ladies have helped out a great deal! My cousin can get a bit bratty she is completely spoiled so I said hi to her today just a couple feet from her and she looked at me and ignored me! So I told her she had a certain glow about her and she immediately turned red and said hi LOL I couldn't help myself her attitude stinks sometimes.

nelie
04-30-2011, 07:30 AM
Reading all these posts has really shined a light on the situation making me see it a bit differently and giving me a good lesson when my own little girl starts asking about these types of things. Thank you for all your different opinions, you ladies have helped out a great deal! My cousin can get a bit bratty she is completely spoiled so I said hi to her today just a couple feet from her and she looked at me and ignored me! So I told her she had a certain glow about her and she immediately turned red and said hi LOL I couldn't help myself her attitude stinks sometimes.

I honestly think education about our bodies, babies, etc should start before questions but if questions come up, then those are good times for learning opportunities. Obviously the talks are different based on age, a 4 year old vs 10 yr old vs 14 yr old.

EZMONEY
04-30-2011, 08:26 AM
.....
Bottom line: The choice to have sex is ultimately up to the teenagers, not the parents......

Oh I sooooooooooooo Agree!

Just as soon as those teen-agers can fully support themselves and the baby/ies without the help from their parents/state or federal government....

not only emotionally and financially....

when that happens then parents/friends and family can step in and help in ways such as rocking the baby, giving the parents a few hours of R and R from time to time.....

I drive by several high schools on a daily basis...I see many...MANY young girls pushing kids home in strollers....

I don't see any husbands with them....they all must be at work ;)

Pretty sure most if not all of these young girls are headed to their parents homes....

:(

Chubbykins
04-30-2011, 08:55 AM
Oh I sooooooooooooo Agree!

Just as soon as those teen-agers can fully support themselves and the baby/ies without the help from their parents/state or federal government....

not only emotionally and financially....

when that happens then parents/friends and family can step in and help in ways such as rocking the baby, giving the parents a few hours of R and R from time to time.....

I drive by several high schools on a daily basis...I see many...MANY young girls pushing kids home in strollers....

I don't see any husbands with them....they all must be at work ;)

Pretty sure most if not all of these young girls are headed to their parents homes....

:(

Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

bargoo
04-30-2011, 09:34 AM
Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

The problem with that theory is that teenagers think they know everything.

EZMONEY
04-30-2011, 12:04 PM
Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.


:D Yep...I know a lot of people with kids that thought the same thing!

I am sure for every one of the many-MANY high school girls I see pushing those strollers there are many-MANY more that got :lucky: lucky...

so far....

Pint Sized Terror
04-30-2011, 06:50 PM
Sex does not equate having children. Teenagers can have sex without getting pregnant and many actually do. With the use of a simple condom, cheap and easy, they can have fun and freedom at the same time.

The problem is not sex, but attitude and knowledge.

True, you can have sex without getting pregnant, but condoms break or leak, especially if it's put on by someone inexperienced with their use. Or, even worse, they get condoms from a gas station or a friend and it's expired or damaged. Condoms aren't a fail safe. Sex is never just "fun and freedom" when you aren't in a position to deal with the consequences of having sex. Pregnancy is only one consequence.

As for my opinion, yes, it is too young. I became sexually active at 14. I wasn't having intercourse, but we were messing around with oral sex. That relationship ended up with him dumping me and spreading rumors. I found out later that the girl he dumped me for, who I later became friends with, got an STD from him after he cheated on her. That's just TOOOO much drama for a kid to deal with.

ready4skinny
04-30-2011, 07:17 PM
The one option that no one has brought up is - self-help :o

Why not talk with her about toys, or other options to have fun, that don't have some of the consequences of intercourse.

Just another suggestion.....

EZMONEY
05-01-2011, 08:17 AM
The one option that no one has brought up is - self-help :o

Why not talk with her about toys, or other options to have fun, that don't have some of the consequences of intercourse.

Just another suggestion.....

:) Good answer :)

Chubbykins
05-01-2011, 08:52 AM
I think people tend to think teenagers are idiots.
I grew up in well educated circles and not one of my many friends got pregnant or had stds, while most had sex from as early as twelve. I do not know details but they considered themselves sexually active.
From my experience good education equals the best possible safety.
As for condoms that break or have expired... well you can teach even an eight year old to check out expiration dates or go to the pharmacy instead of shady places to buy birth control. And the same goes on how to wear a condom. I didn't have sex until I was twenty, but my mom still taught me when I had my first period how to put a condom on a banana. She made it a really funny experience for me, about which I still laugh when I remember it. Condoms are tools and parents should teach their adolecent kids to use 'em like they teach them to use the lawn mower etc.
And my mom never gave me the birds and bees crap. I knew what sex was when I was six in all its scientific and true glory. I still did not become a nympho and have had sex only with the man I am going to marry.
This is of course all my own opinion on how I experienced such things. The only girl I know that got gonoreah and another one who got pregnant before 16 were not educated by their far too prude parents, who didn't tell them anything about sex hoping that this is a good birth control method. Ignorance kills and traumatises.

ArcticFrogs
05-01-2011, 06:47 PM
I think people tend to think teenagers are idiots.
I grew up in well educated circles and not one of my many friends got pregnant or had stds, while most had sex from as early as twelve. I do not know details but they considered themselves sexually active.
From my experience good education equals the best possible safety.
As for condoms that break or have expired... well you can teach even an eight year old to check out expiration dates or go to the pharmacy instead of shady places to buy birth control. And the same goes on how to wear a condom. I didn't have sex until I was twenty, but my mom still taught me when I had my first period how to put a condom on a banana. She made it a really funny experience for me, about which I still laugh when I remember it. Condoms are tools and parents should teach their adolecent kids to use 'em like they teach them to use the lawn mower etc.
And my mom never gave me the birds and bees crap. I knew what sex was when I was six in all its scientific and true glory. I still did not become a nympho and have had sex only with the man I am going to marry.
This is of course all my own opinion on how I experienced such things. The only girl I know that got gonoreah and another one who got pregnant before 16 were not educated by their far too prude parents, who didn't tell them anything about sex hoping that this is a good birth control method. Ignorance kills and traumatises.

Well, some teenagers ARE idiots...but then, there are plenty of idiotic ADULTS, too. I work around alcohol - ask me how I know! *grins*

You've absolutely hit the nail on the head in your post...the key to all of this is education.

EZMONEY
05-01-2011, 07:47 PM
:D Hilarious! :D

As the husband and father of teachers and father of children/nephew that all went to school in recent years I can assure you that most if not all of those girls I see pushing strollers to their parents homes, without the fathers, have been "sex" educated in the school system....

So...I am still :?: as why some think it is ok for 14 year olds to have sex since they know they will have a chance of having babies that they cannot provide for....

ArcticFrogs
05-02-2011, 06:39 AM
:D Hilarious! :D
So...I am still :?: as why some think it is ok for 14 year olds to have sex since they know they will have a chance of having babies that they cannot provide for....

Honestly...the 14-year-olds that have babies are usually (though not always) the sort that were told by their parents that abortions were "murder". This whole subject (including abortion) is a HUGE drama trigger, and I'm just not willing to go down that road...but, if a woman (even a very young one) is taught to understand her rights to choice (regardless of the views/dogma/religious ideals expressed by her parents, or without being forced), better choices can be made.

The education that children are receiving at schools regarding sex IS NOT ENOUGH. A school's sex ed should be supplemental to the education that the parent started at an early age. Unfortunately, a lot of parents are leaving it entirely up to the schools to cover these subjects, and the education provided is not only insufficient, but often comes too late for a great deal of teenagers.

Some schools are being forced to teach abstinence-only sex ed curriculum, which is essentially saying "OH SH!T DON'T DO THAT!" and trying to shove the kid's head into the sand. Scare tactics, while often effective in the short-term, do not create healthy individuals. Sex is not something to be ashamed of, nor is it "dirty" or "immoral". Implying such causes a myriad of issues for a teen, many of which carry on into adulthood. Many of us can relate to the feeling of insecurity one can feel without clothes on - that feeling is only magnified by erroneous scrutiny from a somewhat delicate age.

I agree that virtually all young teens are not capable of being the sole care providers for infants (there are some few and far between exceptions). However, if abortions were made mandatory for people under the age of 18, people would be just as upset about that as they are about young people having sex. There is no winning, as everyone sees this subject a bit differently.

I'm trying to avoid ranting (can you see me stepping on and off of the soapbox here? *laughs*), and this is such a divisive issue that I really think we shouldn't plunge into it (the thread will be shut down if we do, and I think that's unnecessary)...but I think we can all agree that keeping our young people in the dark about their anatomies and sexualities can only lead to more trouble.

nelie
05-02-2011, 07:42 AM
I think the OPs question has been answered. I personally think you can't determine if someone should have sex based on their ability to take care of children. If someone wants to have sex, they will find a way. Better sex education is what we need, more for STDs than anything. I've also known some young girls that have had children at a very young age and flourished without as mothers. On the other hand, there are some women older than myself who are a mess.