100 lb. Club - Question for you....
04-23-2011, 07:40 PM
Ok - I have lost 135lbs and have 10lbs to go. Tonight my BFF told me I was selfish and that I did not consider anyone elses feelings in achieving my weight loss goals. My brother and sister in law to be get married in 5 weeks time, and apparently I am selfish because she hasn't lost weight and I have and I am "rubbing her nose in it". Not sure how thats possible as I started my journey 6 months before they got engaged.... But I am so not happy being called a selfish *****. My BFF told me I was trying to hijack the wedding and that I thought it was all about me. This is the same woman who has watched me go from 298lbs to 163lbs - Somewhere I believe she might be a wee bit jealous and that I am receiving the back end of that. Am I so bad for wanting to achieve what I set out to achieve ??
04-23-2011, 07:43 PM
WOW, you are definitely not selfish, you worked hard to achieve a goal! just because the bride could not lose weight was no issue of yours. I found as I lost weight there were people in my life who were jealous and felt they had to bring me down to make themselves feel good. Is your BFF jealous? (to me it does sound like she is) and trying to find a way to hurt you.
By the WAY! CONGRATULATIONS on your weight loss, you are an awesome inspiration!!!
04-23-2011, 07:48 PM
I'd say she is a more than a wee bit jealous. You are not bad and deserve to be proud of your accomplishment.135 pounds lost, that is more than I weigh now ! Anyone who has ever been on a diet knows how hard it is , to stick with it day after day, overcoming plateaus and resisting the food that people will insist on offering you. Congratulations, try to not let these ridiculous comments get you down.
04-23-2011, 07:54 PM
Is your BFF overweight?
You are not selfish at all! You should be very proud of what you have lost and you worked hard to do it.
When I lost 120 pounds (gained 100 back so here I am again) I had 2 overweight friends who would say some hurtful things to me. One told me I was anorexic ( I still could have lost 20 more pounds) and started telling me all the flaws I had in my physical appearance and the other just flat out told me she had no idea how to be friends with me anymore because I had lost the weight and she couldn't. Notice I said HAD in reference to them. I think people who want to lose weight and don't are jealous when their friend can lose weight. I don't know if this is the case with you BFF but even if not you are in NO WAY being selfish!
Congratulations on your weight loss:) It's something to be celebrated:)
04-23-2011, 07:56 PM
i think they need to set you as an example of what they (your bff, the bride or whoever else) can achieve with the right attitude towards life.
Ususally comments like that fuel my ego to try even harder, so let it work that way for you too.
Huge gratz to you , seriously.
04-23-2011, 08:20 PM
It's pretty sad when people put others into different classes based on their weight alone.
04-23-2011, 10:33 PM
You have done an absolutely amazing job and you have every right to be proud.
I would have questioned just exactly what it was I've done to be selfish or rub anyone's nose in it, other than the fact that I'd lost substantial weight? Seriously. This makes no sense. Also, perhaps you should suggest that you could wear one of those "fat suits" under your clothes at the wedding to make her feel better.
This is beyond ridiculous. I would treat it as such.
04-23-2011, 10:33 PM
Weight is personal. Therefore, yes, you're selfish for working to change your weight. It's not like you can be a communist about self-improvement.
Does that mean you've "ruined Christmas" because you lost weight? No. By that logic, you've been ruining Christmas since you gained weight.
Your BFF is going through something. My first thought is to ask her what she hoped to accomplish by bringing this information to your attention. Does she think 10 pounds will make the difference to these "others" you should have been considering? I doubt it. Does she think you should gain the weight back in 5 weeks in order not to upstage her or the bride? It sounds like her intention in saying these things was to undermine and hurt you. Not actually set out for conflict resolution.
If she really is your BFF, you might want to ask her how she feels that you are "rubbing it in her face." If it just by doing what you set out to accomplish, then she really doesn't have an argument. You might try to get to the heart of the issue -- does she feel excluded because your habits have changed to exclude her? Does she feel that she's not losing weight and is frustrated that you have a "secret" to weight loss that she hasn't been able to grasp? She's obviously feeling something.
People do dumb stuff when they're hurt and can't figure out how express themselves. Try not to take it personally. I try to think of it as a tantrum. Or you may want to reevaluate if she's someone who will be able to be your friend after your transformation. Maybe not.
04-23-2011, 11:09 PM
You know, maybe they could consider your feelings? You're making your life better by being healthier and feeling more comfortable in your skin. You're carrying less weight around and have added years to your life. Do they really expect you to hold yourself back from that for the sake of saving their feelings? It's sad that people want to take away victories from others just so they can feel better about their insecure selves.
04-23-2011, 11:37 PM
You are totally and completing receiving the brunt of her jealousy. Wanting to improve your health and lifestyle is nothing to be ashamed of. The very notion of you "showing up" your Sis-in-law is ridiculous. It's as if she expects you to go up on stage during the wedding, grab the mike from the best man, and say "Hey, I'm happy for you and your wedding and I'm gonna let you finish, but my weightloss is the greatest achievement OF ALL TIME!"
The world doesn't stop for a wedding. Other people will get engaged too, get pregnant, lose/gain weight, get surgeries that require them to skip the ceremony. It happens. It's never "selfish" (unless you get engaged during their reception... that's a bit tacky).
As for your BFF's jealousy, the best thing I think you can do is recognize it for what it is, and maybe pity her. This was never really about you.
04-24-2011, 03:53 AM
Wow guys - thank you so much. After a restless night, I have come to many of the same conclusions as you.No I am not selfish for achieving when others around me have not. I am also not selfish for wanting to celebrate that achievement. Boy oh boy, amazing how no-one tells you about THIS side of the weight loss journey ! BTW my BFF is a bit overweight, probably about 15lbs heavier than me. I think it has shocked her that I got smaller than her and continue to do so. I think she is definitely jealous, and I think she has been under a lot of strain lately - just a shame she wanted to use me as her whipping block :(
04-24-2011, 12:40 PM
Like most brides who live in a fairytale, she wants her special day to be ALL ABOUT HER. If you are there, there's a good chance people will take two seconds to tell you you look good, how much weight did you lose etc. and it WON'T BE ALL ABOUT HER. Yes she is being completely ridiculous. I hope you are even thinner by the wedding day. LOL
04-24-2011, 02:31 PM
I agree with much of what was said above...there is nothing wrong, at all, with you wanting to improve your health, well-being, etc., by losing weight. Definitely not selfish. But in my opinion, if they think that you should go back to being overweight simply to make them feel better, then they are being selfish.
Congrats on the weight loss, by the way! :)
04-24-2011, 02:39 PM
Sometimes our friends are our worst enemies. You are doing a great job, go to the wedding and enjoy yourself.