Weight Loss Support - Need some advice and serious motivation

04-22-2011, 12:26 AM
Hey everyone,

I have been on and off my diet and workout routine for a several months now...I was doing great and then (TMI but...) TOM never came. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. Its going on three months now and still no period, I took two more tests and still negative. This ENTIRE time I have been going through all the horrible bloating and cravings. Food has been the only thing I have been able to think about, even though I KNOW I'm not hungry. I found I've been Closet Eating which I NEVER did before! I don't know what the **** is wrong with me, if I'm just in a funk or stressed out or what; life has been rather stressful for me.

I have always had full control of what I ate and it feels like "I'm" not the one in control anymore. I even have fights with myself when making decisions on what to eat now. Why is this so hard all of a sudden?!

I was literally 1 lb away from my goal...the goal I made for myself when I first started my weight loss journey; To be 140lbs - A healthy BMI. I am now 167lbs, almost on the boarder of Obese. This is devastating to me. I know I can get back down, I have my whole life to reach my goal, but at the same time I feel so unmotivated and depressed.

I've restarted Jillian Michaels 30day shred: going to do 15days of level 2 and 15 days of level 3. I'm on day 3 today.

But its never been working out thats the problem, but the eating...I need some serious control over my eating...UGH. :(

Maybe I just need to spend more time here like I used to, I really do miss it here.

04-22-2011, 01:24 AM
Jennie you can do it. You owe it to yourself to try and figure out what is going on. Maybe if you can see a doctor they could help you figure it out.

PS I have to argue with myself ALL the time today the adult part of me lost most of the arguments, I seriously have conversations in my head with myself, and half to calm my urges down as if I'm talking to a young child sometimes. Whatever gets you through.

04-22-2011, 01:47 AM
Take it from one who knows here....you have to stop yourself now. You have to get back on track. You're lucky that you are asking for help. In the past I would just ignore the fact that I was regaining everything I worked so hard to lose. UNTIL, bam, I was right back where I started.

Girl...you have worked way too hard to slide back, and you will slide all the way back and then some, if you don't really get a grip on this. Do you have any pictures from when you were 300 lbs.? Do pictures motivate you? Just throwing out ideas here but maybe you could put one in the kitchen. You have to remember how you got there in the first place. You say this is devastating, but it's not devastating enough yet for you to stop and reverse. What made you start your journey in the first place? What motivated you to keep going? Did you write in journals, did you calorie count? Get everything out, all the big guns and read through everything. Remember why you did this.

You CAN get back on track. You know you can. You've done it. You have to be tough with yourself and not give up! I know you can do it. You are worth it.

04-22-2011, 01:49 AM
Subconciously, you can be thinking..."pregnant, so it's okay to eat for two". You might not realize that you're giving in to that deeper level of consciousness. I remember when it happened to me. I knew, intellectually that I wasn't pregnant, but missing my periods just invited the insidious notion that "what if" I really was pregnant and the tests are wrong!

I finally went to the gyno who confirmed no pregnancy but did tell me that my weight had stopped my ovulation. I was morbidly obese at the time. You should see your doctor about this issue. You are no longer obese, so my cause for missing periods wouldn't pertain to you.

I totally relate to your lack of self control in the eating department. I'm a binge eater and that insidious notion was my private excuse to keep binging! Good luck and let us know how things turn out!

04-22-2011, 02:02 AM
I have been where you are with TOM, though for me it happened when I was at a much, much higher weight than where you are at present (last fall, before I began my weight loss efforts). Same thing - no TOM for months at a time, and I felt VERY bloated and alternately hungry or a complete lack of hunger (because eating just made the bloating even more uncomfortable).

Please do see an OB/GYN about this. For some immediate relief, he/she may be able to give you progesterone to induce a period. More importantly, they should be able to help determine why this is happening, and how to resolve it so that it doesn't recur.

By the way, on the weight front, you may very well be carrying several pounds (5-10) of water weight at the moment. When TOM finally came for me in December after a few months without it, I dropped several pounds over the course of a few days.

04-22-2011, 02:23 AM
You mentioned Closet Eating - does that mean binge eating in secret? What is it that you're craving? Is it sugar? Junk food?

It is frustrating to regain weight and feel like you have to "relose," but you don't want to have to do it all over again. You mentioned you have your whole life to get to goal, but it gets harder and harder to lose weight as you get older. You also mentioned you feel depressed and frustrated; once you wrestle control away from the food and back into your own hands, the frustration and depression goes away. It transforms into a sort of "zen" determination. I know because I am there now.

04-22-2011, 02:57 AM
I haven't posted on here in ages, but I still come on here to read about everyone's progress to get my butt off the couch, but Jennie I just wanted to say you are one of the most inspirational people on here for me, I've followed your journey and was always surprised by your pictures! It's okay if you have a little setback and you will make it to your goal again! Maybe there's underlying issues with your relationship with food?! I don't really have much to say on that matter but I just wanted to tell you how much of an inspiration you were and have faith, you can do it!

04-22-2011, 04:19 AM
I can't normally find the words for posts like this, and I'll probably have a hard time trying right now, but I feel like I have to say something. I have followed your journey for a very long time. We're both rather young so I feel like I can relate to your journey moreso than others.

I have gained about 20 pounds over the past four or five months. I never in a million years thought I would do so. I was so determined and focused and close to wonderland. Somewhere along the line, I completely lost control and I am finally trying to find the track again. I never thought it could happen to me, but it did. So I understand why you're devastated right now, because I am pretty darn devastated myself.

It hurts to feel like this. It really does. But this isn't a matter of can't, it's a matter of will. Will you refind that strong person that lost over a hundred pounds? She isn't gone. I know deep within me that I have lost this 20 pounds once and I can lose it again. It's not a matter of if I can't or can, because I already have. Same goes for you, I think.

The second time around for any amount of weight gained back, big or small, is so terrifying. But it's a different kind of journey this time around. I can't explain it, but I'm sure you understand.

People look at those who have gained weight back and they can't really understand. The thing is, we haven't failed. Even if you had gained back every single pound (which you didn't, and kudos to you for admitting you need help) you would still be able to fix this. Sometimes we don't learn everything we need to in one giant swoop. Sometimes it takes stepping back into our journey, to relearn and grow even stronger.

You will be just fine. I know this because I have seen your posts here, and you are strong. You can do anything you set your mind to!

04-22-2011, 09:12 AM
Jennie -- Yes, you can get back on track, it's yours for the taking! Please make an appt to see the doctor to find out why you've missed your periods. Check in more often here, check in on the daily weigh in post if that helps. Go back to your old eating plans and exercise plan and follow those like you're being tested on it. :hug:

04-22-2011, 01:00 PM
i also recommend going to the dr, and id requedst a blood panel pegnancy test, i have a friend that has 2 children and a couple of miscarriges and has NEVER had a positive urine test for preganancy.

04-22-2011, 01:04 PM
Could you check with your ob/gyn? Pregnancy tests are sometimes wrong, especially the at home ones. Have a blood test done before ruling it out.

04-22-2011, 01:07 PM
You have come such a long way! WTG on the loss! Dont let this derail you. Now is the time to get back on and get this off again! You can do it!

04-23-2011, 05:10 AM
I didn't read the replies so if I am simply repeating stuff already written, I'm sorry.

You absolutely HAVE to go to the gynecologist. Like immediately.
All reasons that make your period stop are serious business and I do hope it is only the diet that caused it. But even if that is the case you absolutely have to find a diet ballance that allows you to have periods.

You can actually stay infertile/less fertile if your periods stop for too long. You will go through **** when you wish to have a child if you do not fix that quickly.

I don't mean to scare you but it IS serious. It means your body is shutting down non-vital parts for you to survive.

04-23-2011, 01:31 PM
Don't give up, sweetie. This happens to a lot people with significant amounts to lose. It also happens to people at maintenance. At some point, a sort of fatigue sets in.

Take it from someone who has not only dealt with food and weight issues for most of her life, but has also had a few other addictions to contend with. I've come to the conclusion that I will ALWAYS have to fight this fight. Fair or not, being an addict means a lifetime commitment to recovery. Fortunately, I don't have to think about 40 years from now. Neither do I have to beat myself up for yesterday to be successful. I only have to fight this fight TODAY.

Sometimes, as has been the case for me in last 5 months, the best I can manage is to fight to a draw. **** yeah I'm frustrated that I haven't lost anything for 5 months, but I know if I just don't give up, I can't be beaten.

You're obviously not ready to give up because you're here asking for help. Draw that line in the sand and hold your ground. Anything is better than going back to where you were. Regroup, reassess your food and exercise plans ( maybe they need tweaking to prevent boredom? ), then restart your program. Just don't retreat.

04-23-2011, 02:03 PM
Jennie, your story is not really uncommon of people who reach goal & need to switch to the maintenance mindset.

You started at 300lbs at 5'3 - if you are at 300lbs, then there are food issues. people don't accidentally eat their way to 300lbs without SOME form of unhealthy food relationship. While you can diet down to 140lbs and be physically healthy, the mind doesn't always follow the body. And sometimes the body may be healthy in weight but not in other functions (ie. menstruation).

I really suggest aside from the gynecological aspect, that you look into some form of eating counseling. You may be like the alcoholic that stopped drinking but never really got to the core of the issue as to why you drank too much in the first place.

Good luck.

04-24-2011, 04:47 AM
Good news everyone, lol TOM finally came!!! AND OMG am I relieved...I do plan on making a doctors visit as soon as I have the money too (No Insurance ATM).

Thank you everyone for the advise and kind words. I know most of you know I have always been dedicated to my weight-loss journey and had always been a very active forum member and I've come to realize that the sad part of gaining weight wasn't so much IN gaining it, because I KNOW I can lose it, but in that I felt like I let everyone down. I still get messages from good forum friends saying how I have been an inspiration to them and I don't want to let them OR ME down. You guys mean so much to me and are just as much MY Inspiration.

sacha - I DO definetly have issues with food, always have and to be honest always will; I don't believe anyone who loses as much and more than I have will ever truly "get over" their old relationships with food, but that will learn to control it which is what I will be learning and dealing with till the day I die. Thankfully I did not gain all the weight back, I am currently 165lbs which is already 2 lbs down since this post - WHOOHOO.

I do agree food is an addiction, and there are of course many deeper meanings behind reasons for overeating (like alcohol to an alcoholic). I also think you need to remember thats alcoholics don't NEED alcohol to live...We face food 3-5 times a day so the comparison differ's just a little.

04-25-2011, 04:17 PM
I am so glad to hear a positive update! :)

I do agree food is an addiction, and there are of course many deeper meanings behind reasons for overeating (like alcohol to an alcoholic). I also think you need to remember thats alcoholics don't NEED alcohol to live...We face food 3-5 times a day so the comparison differ's just a little.

I agree with this. ^^^ When I quit smoking, it was hard- but being able to completely avoid it is SO much easier than having to manage to only smoke 13 a day- or whatever would be considered 'moderation'. With food you would have to do that- losing weight has been MUCH harder than fighting my nicotine addiction. I know it can be done, so we keep trying!