General chatter - Worried husband
04-18-2011, 07:38 PM
Not sure what to make of this. My husband has been a great supporter throughout this whole weight loss. He has been complimenting me soo much on the different things he noticed has changed on my body. I know he is very happy for me but latley he will say, why am I losing weight, am I trying to get a new man. He will be leaving for North Carolina the end of next month for work and its a 3 year project. He seriously thinks I am gonna change my mind about him and hunt someone else. I have tried to tell him he is silly and to stop thinking that. We haven't even been married a year yet(in June) and he is worrying about that. I guess I would say the same thing if it was him. I just think it is kinda cute. Anybody else going through this? Love love love my hubby:carrot:
04-18-2011, 08:47 PM
I would probably have a serious problem with him saying that were it me. I guess, I value trust. I trust my husband and I expect him to trust me back unless he has a serious reason not to. Is he just chiding you? Like joking?
04-18-2011, 09:57 PM
This seems really weird to me, I can't wrap my head around a husband being so intimidated by his wife's weight loss that he really thinks she's doing it for any reason other than for her own health and happiness. But there are many, many cases in which husbands/boyfriends get paranoid and insecure that their newly slim wife/girlfriend is going to think she can do better and will flee the coop.
I'd say just reassure him it's not so, and if he continues to worry and stress about it then you might need to sit him down and lecture him like the baby he's being. ;)
04-18-2011, 10:19 PM
Realistically? He is about to leave for three years. That is a LONG time to live apart, even in a very strong relationship. You guys are just married. He's probably making little "jokes" about something that's actually got him (justifiably) worried - what it's going to do to your relationship to be apart for that long.
Even if you're visiting fairly often, that's still a long time to be in a long distance marriage. It's HUMAN to worry how that will impact your relationship with your new wife. I doubt he's ACTUALLY worried specifically that you're dieting to "get a new man" but you're going to be apart for a long time. It's reasonable and normal for anyone to worry about how that will play out in regards to your marriage.
I'm not saying you're in for trouble, but aren't you a little bit concerned about negotiating and navigating a long distance marriage for three years? Have you talked about what it will be like and how you'll both deal with it?
Instead of telling him he's silly, ask him what he's really worried about and then talk about it. Don't blow off his feelings anymore than you'd want him to down play yours.
04-19-2011, 12:12 AM
i've seen similar posts many times on here. i think that partners can start to feel a little left in the dust. especially if they are not on the weight loss wagon and know they have some improvements to make on themselves.
given your situation with him about to leave, i'm not surprised he'd be feeling insecure about it. here his wife is getting all hot and he's leaving her for three years!?!? the leaving alone would be enough to get someone worried. just reassure him and make sure you guys have a plan for keeping your marriage alive while apart.
04-19-2011, 12:38 AM
I am thinking he is joking. We have been together 8 years and married 1 year this June. So he should know about trust by now. He has been away for business before, nothing like 3 years but off and on quite a bit. He has always been one to joke but he brings it up a lot. I will get the whip out before he leaves just to reassure him;)
04-19-2011, 01:01 AM
Is he overweight? He is probably feeling insecure. I know when I was at my high weight, I got with a guy that was bigger because it felt right (physically and I love him). But when the weight loss happens you will get a LOT of attentions from guys who never gave you a second look. He knows this, it's even more worrisome for him if he isn't around when it happens.
Sorry if I'm being nosy... but why aren't you going with him?
04-19-2011, 10:56 AM
I think it is a fairly normal guy thing. My BF is doing WW too and I have heard him joke (?) about it too. I think he is a little worried that I will be all skinny (still ways to go!) and he will be fat and then I leave him. I keep telling him that I wouldn't but hey, if it helps him getting motivated to lose weight and get healthier I am good with it. And it is not like he is losing his sleep over it. I just can tell that there is a grain of truth in his jokes.
I have watched quite a few X-Weighted (Cdn. weight loss show) episodes and there is literally no case where the husband/BF is not worried about HER losing weight. Hardly ever the other way around though.
Guys, I tell you... *sigh*
04-19-2011, 11:30 AM
Reassure him as much as you can. Plan some trips before he leaves to visit him while he's away so they're on the calendar and it's reassuring to him. We all go through phases in our lives and now he just might need a little extra confidence. Nothing major but it's something that you're able to help him with, without making him feel needy.
04-19-2011, 11:40 AM
I don't want to be the devil's advocate, but is he perhaps cheating on you or thinking about it?
Some men fear from their partners most what they themselves do to them.
Perhaps he doesn't know how he'll manage three years alone?
Of course I hope this is all not the case. I'm just always cautious with jealous/insecure people.
04-19-2011, 11:54 AM
Personally I doubt that it really has anything to do with the weightloss, and more to do with the Timeframe he's leaving for. If you weren't losing weight, it would just be jibes about you going to look while I'm gone.
3 years is a long time......
04-19-2011, 04:24 PM
Shytowngal, he is a little overweight but still fine looking to me. I know he isn't cheating on me as he works 6 days a week 10hrs a day. We have a 2 year old together and are getting ready to plan for our second. I guess when I used to be skinny, he remembers the guys looking. We just moved Washington state from the east coast as most of his traveling would be over here but his company got a big contract back over on the east coast sooo, he gotta go where the money is. We will come visit him often but I don't want to disrupt my little ones schedule again. Took him awhile to get back to normal:) We talked about it last night and he said he don't want guys gawking but he knows that I am doing it for the sake of an easier pregnancy and not having a hard time losing it afterwards. Plus 2 kids, gotta be in shape!!!
04-20-2011, 12:59 AM
Since it's a 3 year job/mission/relocation or whatever, why aren't you going? Just wondering.
That said, there are only 2 things my DH of 33 years worries about and they are money/sex, or sex/money! Does he have or is getting enough of those 2. Outside of work, he can't seem to focus on much more than that. It's never changed, no matter what I've weighed.
I don't know if he's ADD or just not good at multi tasking.