20-Somethings - Ex BF just got engaged...

My ex just got engaged to an absolutely adorable girl who looks like Audrey Hepburn and is working on a PhD.

Excuse me while I eat an entire year's supply of chocolate. Ugh.

The only thing keeping me from that is the hope that one day, I'll lose the weight and then be able to show him what he's missing. I know, so petty. Do you guys feel like you have to 'win' breakups? Right now, he looks the same as when we were together and he found someone beautiful and smart (and thin!). I, on the other hand, have gained twenty five pounds and am still single. :(

Probably the universe telling me I should stop stalking my exes on FB. Sigh.

Men marry the woman they're with at the moment when they start thinking they want to be married. I know it's hard, really hard, but don't take it personally. Your realtionship with him wasn't right for you.

Being single doesn't mean you're not enough. Because you are enough, all on your own. Look in the mirror. There's a whole woman looking right back at you. Be the best woman you want to be. Then someday, you'll find the person who loves that woman completely.

You're worth waiting for...

I completely understand that feeling of having to "win" break-ups! For me, this usually manifests as a desperate desire to start dating someone before the other person does and some sort of crazy new hairstyle. It is a little petty, but if you can use it to your benefit, I don't think it's really that horrible of a feeling. So he's won round one. But round two is yours! Maybe you can use this to motivate you in your weight loss. Take some time for yourself; becoming the person that you'd like to be is a much better victory than getting engaged, no matter to whom.

Hi, haven't been on here for ages, but really felt that this is something I can offer my 2 cents and a little support on.
I have just been through the same thing, but I've deleted the ex off FB and put all our common friends on the hide setting, don't need anything to do with him hurting my feelings or knocking my confidence.

I found the best revenge is just becoming the beautiful person you really are and come on here, join different challenges and get support to stick with your new lifestyle. You get so much confidence when you stick to following whatever plan you're on just for that day and before you know it days turn into weeks and months.
Big hugs and you can do this!!!
Also agree with Nienna, this is round one, but you can win the war :carrot:

Oh, hon, big big big hug!

Losing weight can't have anything to do with him. This is for you, and you alone. And even if you gain 50 more pounds, you are still a wonderful person. Your body, whether you are 100 or 300 pounds, does not affect your value. He's missing out because he isn't with a damned good woman, regardless of her dress size!

Don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason why they never made it to your future! Big hug!!

Probably not what you want to hear but let him be happy and accept that the relationship wasn't right. You're dwelling on it when he has moved on and look what he has to show for it!

You are going to find the person who is right for you. In the mean time, concentrate on yourself. If you really want to 'win' live well!

And for all that is holy, delete from facebook.

*hugs*
i always think that everything happens for a reason!! you will know the reason sooner or later!! just keep smiling :) and love yourself!

Probably not what you want to hear but let him be happy and accept that the relationship wasn't right. You're dwelling on it when he has moved on and look what he has to show for it!

You are going to find the person who is right for you. In the mean time, concentrate on yourself. If you really want to 'win' live well!

And for all that is holy, delete from facebook.
Ita with this! His getting engaged just shows that he wasn't the one for you. It doesn't reflect on you in any way. You're going to find that person for you.

Men marry the woman they're with at the moment when they start thinking they want to be married...

I disagree with this. Perhaps it's because I'm married, but it take offense to the idea that my husband marrying me is just a random result of timing and had nothing to do with us being right for each other or in love, etc..

*big hug* I'm sorry to hear that! It sounds like it's hard to not just say "whatever" about this girl because, dang, she sounds intimidating. Just use it as motivation though! I'm doing the same too (my ex cheated on me with a girl who's slutty, size 0, and I think prettier and now some girl's claiming she's pregnant by him so he's trying with her while still trying to get laid by me..idiot). I'm using all the feelings from ex's and their girl's to motivate me to be the best I can be and not let them keep me down.

and yes...fb can be deadly for self-esteem (at least in my experience) and so is talking to ex boyfriends :(

Thanks for all the support, everyone! It's really helpful to hear that a lot of you know exactly where I'm coming from.

You guys are right. I need to just defriend him on FB, and let them be happy, and work on improving myself for myself, and not for everyone else.

Good luck to everyone else on the same journey!

I totally get this. It's hard to just blow it off, but you're right, Facebook is detrimental to the moving on process!!

You will find the one. He is not the one for you! Focus on YOU. Your health. Your family. Your life. Your friends. Your puppy (if the gorgeous doggy in your profile happens to be yours-- Is it a Shiba Inu??).

It is SO much better in life to do something right than to do it right now.

Good luck. :hug: !!!

Big hugs to you. :hug: I know exactly how you feel...I joke with friends that if a guy wants to get married all he has to do is date me then break up with me (almost all my exes found their wives right after dating me). It sucks but I try to remeber that I could have married a few of them if I wanted to compromise what I wanted/who I am. You'll find the right guy, just hang in there and don't settle.

:hug:

Ex boyfriends are stupid, if he's on your facebook. Just delete him and move on with your life. No reason why you need to torture yourself over it. I know how you feel when I got a nice slap in the face from my ex on Valentines day to say the least. (but I know he misses me and just sucks donkey balls) Then a creditor found me and I finally just blocked his damn email address so I never have to hear from him again because it reminded me how much debt the facker put me in. Focus on yourself, keep yourself busy and forget him.

I'm sorry to hear this. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to win the break up. It is petty, but it happens to the best of us. *hugs* Lots of love coming your way. Enjoy being young and single.

Sam

I know what you're saying in terms of "winning" a breakup; I have to admit that I get a little satisfaction in knowing my ex has been out of school a year and STILL doesn't have a job (while most of his former classmates/friends do). He started dating his current girlfriend two weeks after we very sloppily ended our 18-month long relationship (in short, he was a huge jerk...an understatement). As soon as they made it "Facebook official," I flipped. Bawling, I blocked both him and his girlfriend.

That was last September, and I can't stress enough how good of a decision it was. Even though I'm still single, I'm MUCH happier without him. I deserve someone who wants to be with ME like I want to be with him! And you do too, love! We all do. :) So take him off Facebook NOW! It makes everything a whole lot easier. Focus on YOU--trust me, being happy is the best revenge. Good luck! <3

I'm a pretty firm believer in dropping exes like bad habits. I've never maintained a friendship with any ex and I spurn any advances attempted on their sides to do so. It's not always them doing the break-ups, sometimes it's me, but if we weren't "friends forever" before we started dating I definitely don't need them after we break up. I have plenty of friends to take up my time without any of the exes hanging around trying to lower my self-worth with snide facebook statuses about "wonderful girlfriends" or "official dating/engagement" updates with new girls skinnier/"prettier" than me. Good for them; it's not my business.

I agree with everyone else, remove him from facebook quickly!

I totally agree w/ deleting him from your facebook.. and trying to resist the urge to "FB stalk" him or the new chick. It is not good for you, or healthy in your progress of getting over him. I know how hard it is, I always want to "win" breakups too. BUT everything is about timing, when you are ready you will find the replacement for him.

I broke up with a boyfriend a while ago, couldn't get over him (yes, facebook stalking did not help) for a long time. We're talking 6 months after the last time I heard his voice, I was still all hung up on it.
Then I woke up one morning and un-friended him on facebook. Just like that, he disappeared from my life. A week later, this guy I totally had the hots for asked me out. We've been dating a year now. Fate? YES.

We've all got those stories. But if you're feeling like you aren't good enough, then use that as motivation to push yourself to be the kind of woman you'd want your daughter to be.

I know that sounds cheesy, but that's what I did, and I like myself much more now than before. Just thought it might help.

Can I make a little confession?

I saw this thread and just thought yes, this is me. Around Christmas, I saw my ex. I've moved on and am with someone else now, but he treated me poorly and our breakup was...less than amicable. I've gained a lot of weight since I knew him and he saw me and he got this smirk on his face and EUG. So much progress since we split up went straight down the drain. I just remember thinking, how DARE he stand in judgement of my weight after how he behaved towards me? Eug. And that was a big part of me wanting to lose weight, because I never want to feel that way again.

Yes, I want to 'win' the breakup. I know that's an ugly way to feel but I'm sure I'm not the first, or the last. I just want the next time I see him to be like YEAH. This is what you lost. And even though I know that in the longterm I need to lose weight for myself, at this moment anything that provides me with impetus is worth using.

I'm a pretty firm believer in dropping exes like bad habits. I've never maintained a friendship with any ex and I spurn any advances attempted on their sides to do so. It's not always them doing the break-ups, sometimes it's me, but if we weren't "friends forever" before we started dating I definitely don't need them after we break up. I have plenty of friends to take up my time without any of the exes hanging around trying to lower my self-worth with snide facebook statuses about "wonderful girlfriends" or "official dating/engagement" updates with new girls skinnier/"prettier" than me. Good for them; it's not my business.

I agree with everyone else, remove him from facebook quickly!

I agree with not staying friends with exes in most cases, especially right after the relationship ends because emotions are still so raw. Everyone is hurt and trying to heal/move on.

After my first bf and I broke up after five years of dating, we didn't talk to a loooong time. I dated another, then got married. He contacted me again and it was just little chit chat, nothing significant.

Then I found out he was engaged. Even after being married, with kids it still stung a little. What did I think? He'd be hung up on me for the rest of his life? Once we talked a bit more and decided that we're both good people, no hard feelings and just weren't right for each other we started to hang out (with our SO's as well).

So, I guess my point is, you can continue to be friends with an ex but not immediately and under rare circumstances. Hanging on to them immediately is a recipe for disaster - you need to move on.

I'm sorry. :(

I have to agree with the relationship not being right. Sometimes it takes a long time to accept it. I was in a bad relationship for 6 years and we finally called things off in August of last year. Apparently, he's getting married in December. I immediately felt bad for the girl!

I definitely use him as motivation though. Hey, whatever works right? xD

I once went out with a guy for a few months. I ended up finishing with him, as I met someone else who I fell for very heavily - far more than I felt for my poor bf. I didn't cheat on him - I finished with him first!

I later found out that my ex-bf had gone out that very night and met someone else who he later got engaged to.

My first thought was one of insult - "How dare he get over me that quickly? Obviously he didn't like me that much to begin with!"

And I was IN a relationship with man number two!

The emotions involved with breakups are manifold and complex. When I later found out that bf number one had got engaged to this girl, I was even more upset - he had never asked ME to marry him. What did she have that I didn't?

He phoned me several months later - apparently she had called it off, saying he never showed her any emotion. He wanted to know was he the same when he was with me - which he was! I was smugly pleased that it hadn't worked out, even though I was still with man number two that I had ditched him for - and stayed with him for seven years.

It's more a reflection of our own insecurities than the way we actually feel about the chap in question - I wasn't even in love with him, and I still had all sorts of feelings about him moving on, when I should have been happy that he found someone nice and upset for him when it ended.

Many years later, after I had split with chap number two, quite amicably, I met the man who was to become my husband. I later found out that it was fairly soon after his wife had left him, and he was struggling to understand why she was so cut up about him having moved on and found someone else i.e. me! After all SHE had left HIM.

I did try to explain how the female mind works in these situations but he never really got it I don't think. It's not a logical reaction, but it is a normal one - and you are not alone.

But for your own peace of mind, you need to delete this man from your life until your feelings have calmed down and you are truly over him. I am not friends with any of my exes, except man number two - and only because he is the father of my eldest daughter so he is still in my life. But it took a while for our feelings to settle to the point where I can call it a friendship.

My ex just got engaged to an absolutely adorable girl who looks like Audrey Hepburn and is working on a PhD.

Excuse me while I eat an entire year's supply of chocolate. Ugh.

The only thing keeping me from that is the hope that one day, I'll lose the weight and then be able to show him what he's missing. I know, so petty. Do you guys feel like you have to 'win' breakups? Right now, he looks the same as when we were together and he found someone beautiful and smart (and thin!). I, on the other hand, have gained twenty five pounds and am still single. :(

Probably the universe telling me I should stop stalking my exes on FB. Sigh.

Oh honey i feel for ya... and i can relate... i work with my ex and the night he got engaged we were both out (both teachers celebrating last day of school)... he's always been weird with me about the new gf, and we were chatting for a good 20 minutes together, playing songs on the jukebox when his friend comes over and informs me they were out cuz greg got engaged..i wanted to die... i was just soo shocked, he had started dating a girl ten years younger than him, she was 21 and had just graduated college in may and then a month after living together they were engaged.. literally couldn't breathe, had to pretend i was happy for him, hugged him and whispered congrats but wanted to die.. then that same night he stayed out while the new fiance went home and he told me he missed me and lets hang out this summer... ummm WTF...

anyway, this was 2 years ago, he got married last year and i still wonder why it wasn't me, he married the next girl he went out with and ya she's skinnier than me but not prettier or smarter.... it has nothing to do with you... anyway i have gained 100 pounds since he and i were dating and i too say oh wait til i lose the weight, he'll realize it should have been me...like i said we work together and it's hard because i hate him seeing me this way and even tho he's married i still like him and miss him and i have been single forever :(

my advice, delete him and end contact, trust me seeing someone you can't have is the worst... and eat chocolate for one day but then don't waste time crying over him... i'm sure you can do better! big big hugs!!!! :)