General chatter - Because they were jealous...I don't believe that




GlamourGirl827
04-15-2011, 11:55 PM
A facebook friend of mine posted tonight that she went shopping (women plus size speciality shop) and there were "skinny" women there "just to make fun of the plus size women"...

Now I wasn't there, and while I have little faith in humanity at times, it boggles my mind that adults could do this. I do believe her, it just further lowers my feeling towards some people and how cruel they can be. Good thing I wasn't there, because I make no excuses about being an aggressive person and it would have gotten real in there! ...anyway...

Several people responded to her status, and of course there were the people that said (because we've all heard this about bullies) that they are jealous of my friend's "curves" (she's about 100 lbs over weight, but she has been working on losing weight)...

Ignorant? Yes ..Cruel? Yes... Immature? Yes... A disgusting display of pathetic people? Yes!! But jealous?...I highly doubt it. I'm not just saying its because she's over weight. I think 99% of the time when people "make fun of" someone, its not because they are jealous...Even I don't think people in the past (the school years) that made fun of me did it because they were jealous. They made fun of me because they got some pleasure out of being hurtful towards others.

Where did this jealous thing come from??

Do you think these skinny girls were jealous or just @$$holes?


nelie
04-16-2011, 12:00 AM
So what apparently did the skinny women do?

Kaonashi
04-16-2011, 12:01 AM
My vote is for *******s with extremely low self-esteem who have nothing better to do but to go to a plus-size store and make fun of people to get their self-esteem boost for the day. When you feel good about yourself you don't have the inclination to make fun of other people, IMO.


GlamourGirl827
04-16-2011, 12:14 AM
kaonashi, I agree. Nelie, she never went into detail, she just said made fun off...

Expunge
04-16-2011, 12:49 AM
Yeah, I don't buy the jealous thing either. While that can sometimes be a motivation for peoples' behavior, more likely it was just general self-esteem problems and their need to feel superior to someone else. (I think this is the root of a lot of different kinds of hatred and bigotry, actually.)

NorthernExposure
04-16-2011, 01:17 AM
"They made fun of me because they got some pleasure out of being hurtful towards others."

I think you hit the nail on the head there. Contrary to popular belief, most bullies actually have an INFLATED sense of self-esteem. They actually believe they are superior to others. It's really like being a low level sociopath. They don't feel bad about their actions becaue they don't care about your feelings. Thankfully, a lot of them "grow out of it" when they become adults. The real world hits them in the face and they learn they are not as special as they had once thought. Of course many don't, as evidenced by these women at the plus sized store. Though one has to wonder if it ever occured to them how lame it is that they don't have anything better to do with their time...

fitness4life
04-16-2011, 09:30 AM
My vote is for *******s with extremely low self-esteem who have nothing better to do but to go to a plus-size store and make fun of people to get their self-esteem boost for the day. When you feel good about yourself you don't have the inclination to make fun of other people, IMO.

I vote "arsewholes", too, but I question the low self esteem part. I feel like the low self esteem excuse gets over used. Perhaps they are feeling underappreciated or unrewarded for their size but they may have lashed out because they are over esteemed. Just a thought.

I cannot believe in this day and age that that happened. What a bunch of twits.

zoodoo613
04-16-2011, 10:00 AM
Unless they actually said something hurtful, it's possible they were neither. I know I'm pretty sensitive about my size, and it's possible that the skinny girls had some legit reason for being there but your friend resented their infringement into territory she normally considers safe.

In my experience, people DO grow up and don't actively try to hurt other beyond high school.

GlamourGirl827
04-16-2011, 10:08 AM
"They made fun of me because they got some pleasure out of being hurtful towards others."

I think you hit the nail on the head there. Contrary to popular belief, most bullies actually have an INFLATED sense of self-esteem. They actually believe they are superior to others. It's really like being a low level sociopath. They don't feel bad about their actions becaue they don't care about your feelings. Thankfully, a lot of them "grow out of it" when they become adults. The real world hits them in the face and they learn they are not as special as they had once thought. Of course many don't, as evidenced by these women at the plus sized store. Though one has to wonder if it ever occured to them how lame it is that they don't have anything better to do with their time...

I never knew that. I'm definitely no pysch major.
I just can't believe no one in the store said anything. I didn't ask her any details, I only know what she posted on facebook. Why don't these types of people every cross my path? I must give off some wicked body language. I know my friend is a bit more mild manored. Bullies know how to take advantage of less assertive / aggressive people. Sad.

NorthernExposure
04-16-2011, 10:25 AM
'Bullies know how to take advantage of less assertive / aggressive people. Sad."

Right again. Certain people just seem to be natural "victims." And yes, the bullies seem to have some sort of victim radar.

Zoodoo also brings up a good point. I don't know what these women were saying/doing, but I suppose it IS possible they weren't there just to "make fun of' people. Maybe they were there to buy a gift for a larger friend? Perhaps their being in and reacting to unfamiliar territory while also being oblivious to people around them could have been misinterpreted as malice when perhaps it wasn't meant as such. If you've never been overweight and never been in a plus sized store, I can imagine that everything would seem strange and/or funny. Looking at a huge pair of jeans might make you laugh or say OMG! Of course someone SHOPPING for that huge pair of jeans would see that as a reflection on themselves, when in reality the women were reacting to the JEANS, not the other people shopping in the store. Just a thought.

Edit: that's not to say they should be excused for that kind of behavior. It is still insensitive and immature to react that way (especially while you're still IN the store.) But I know when I was biggger I had days I assumed everyone was staring at me, judging me and making fun of me. In reality, I'm sure most of them were going about their own business and not giving me a second thought, lol.

NiteNicole
04-16-2011, 10:26 AM
I think some people are paranoid and see offensive behavior where there isn't any. If the same person is always running across "offenders" then it's probably more in their heads than reality.

As for why people would do stuff like that? I read something recently about how bullying actually feels good to the bully. It makes them feel powerful, they get a laugh. If they're feeling bad, it feels good to bring someone down to their level.

Kaonashi
04-16-2011, 04:35 PM
I vote "arsewholes", too, but I question the low self esteem part. I feel like the low self esteem excuse gets over used. Perhaps they are feeling underappreciated or unrewarded for their size but they may have lashed out because they are over esteemed. Just a thought.

I cannot believe in this day and age that that happened. What a bunch of twits.

This is true too. People with superiority complexes are the devil! :D But it always comes back to boosting your self-esteem at the expense of someone else. Otherwise, what's the profit in it?

It took me a long time to realize that some people simply don't mature past junior high, and as a result I'm in a permanent "You said what? Oh." frame of mind whenever I'm confronted with such people. I tend to be very sensitive and was spending waaaay too much time internalizing other people's ignorance to the point that it was hurting ME, not them. Now I refuse to let people like that rent space in my head. Garbage in, garbage out.

ilidawn
04-16-2011, 04:46 PM
I've been hearing more of the "jealous" thing lately. People can be cruel about weight but I highly doubt it's out of jealousy. Seems like people want to attribute anything they don't like to jealousy anymore.

On another site I was on a girl asked for her pic to be rated and I gave her a low rating (and explained my reasons) because she's pretty but the makeup was caked on. She drew her eyebrows on thin and above her actual brow line and had an unflattering shade of eyeshadow from her lids to her eyebrow line. I told her less makeup and a different shade would help but she automatically was calling me a "hater" and that I was jealous...I was like really? If I was trying to be mean I'd tell her she looked like a creepy clown D: I suppose a lot of people just like to call things jealousy to make themselves feel better. (sorry for rambling)

Heather
04-16-2011, 05:04 PM
As a social psychologist I know that self-esteem is notoriously hard to measure. There's a concern that when asked about self-esteem that a number of people give scores that make their scores high, but that those scores are actually inflated because of social desirability effects (people want themselves and others to think they have high self-esteem).

I honestly don't think people who have a both a healthy and secure sense of their self-worth develop it by putting others down. But I may be wrong...

ilidawn
04-16-2011, 05:14 PM
Heather, I think you're right. It's not a healthy and truly secure sense of self-worth at all. I personally think it's kind of a front...I just wonder if anyone that act's like they're that confident actually truly feels that way. It'd be wonderful for them though to be that confident. I've been told by people that I seem so confident and secure with myself (one girl actually said she was jealous of that!) and it just floors me because I'm so horribly insecure it messes with my mind every moment of the day. I think for some people (like me) it's a self-defense (probably the wrong term, sorry) thing where I put off an air of confidence that I rarely truly feel.

niafabo
04-16-2011, 06:15 PM
Am I the only one wondering if these women were really that skinny? I mean if they went to a plus size store it's likely that they would probably fit in some of the clothes. My guess is the chicks were 12-14s but in the other lady's eyes they were "skinny" and because they were fit into the smallest sizes at the stores the other chicks felt superior. Just a thought. I find it hard to think that grown adults would just hang out in that store and not buy anything and talk smack and not be kicked out.

MissSMcC
04-17-2011, 07:21 AM
niafabo im wondering the same thing.
the most popular plus size store here had a mjor overhaul recently, it went from selling drab 'older' styles to younger fashionable styles. since then a lot of women that are too skinny for the clothing go there just for the shoes, bags and accessories. the smallest clothing size they do is UK 14 (US 18 i think?)

niafabo
04-17-2011, 08:58 AM
UK 14 = US 12 i believe. which is the same size plus size start offering at out here too.

AZ Sunrises
04-17-2011, 04:05 PM
Unless they actually said something hurtful, it's possible they were neither. I know I'm pretty sensitive about my size, and it's possible that the skinny girls had some legit reason for being there but your friend resented their infringement into territory she normally considers safe.

In my experience, people DO grow up and don't actively try to hurt other beyond high school.

My first thought was that their fat friend was trying on clothing. Second thought was that they were trying to buy something as a gift. Unless something was actually *said* to or about an individual, I'd guess the victim in question was just feeling insecure and overly sensitive.

theCandEs
04-17-2011, 04:37 PM
Well, I've noticed something now that I've lost some weight. The people I used to think were "skinny" are not really. It used to irritate me when "skinny" people would complain to me about their weight. Now that I'm closer to their size, I understand.

It is entirely possible these women were not too skinny to be there. It's all a matter of perception. Of course, if they were really making fun of other people, then the management should have been alerted. That kind of behavior is inexcusable in adults.

To the question, I think no. They were not jealous of heavier women.

MiZTaCCen
04-18-2011, 10:48 AM
Jealous no, sorry but people don't usually get jealous over curves unless you have a J-Lo butt, I've always wanted her butt. Anyways I think they were just being jerks because it makes themselves feel good to be little other people, not because of jealous issues but because they are loser's and hate themselves more then anything and it makes them feel better about themselves.

fatferretfanatic
04-18-2011, 11:26 AM
I doubt it was because of jealousy. I think that is just a pacifying answer to help to make the person feel better. However, those women shouldn't have been making fun of people; they're grown. In any case, it is unfortunate for your friend that people are like that. But jealous? Probably not.

Chubbykins
04-18-2011, 12:08 PM
Well I have two things to add

First I have a friend that is morbidly obese, still mobile though, who has a handsome boyfriend, a good job and seems to burst with self-esteem. I never heard her talk about diets either. My other friends and strangers talk awfully bad about her behind her back and it so happens most of them are less happy with their partners, jobs and lives. Jealousy CAN be a factor sometimes and weight the only thing you find to tease on the other person.

Secondly perhaps those women who bullied the heavier girl just giggled at something random or made one or two nasty, badly hushed comments. They might have been ashamed to be in a shop to buy baggy clothes for themselves and were happy to vent their shame on a heavier person. It is nonetheless pitiful, but not exactly as bad as deliberately stalking fatter people to tease. Many people can be *******s when nervous.

bargoo
04-18-2011, 12:16 PM
I wonder about the age of these "skinny people" , were they bored teenagers with nothing better to than to wander into a plus size shop out of curiosity ?
Teenagers can often come out with nasty remarks, do they think it is cute ? I don't know. Whatever the age it was very immature.

aphil
04-21-2011, 09:18 AM
Unless they actually said something hurtful, it's possible they were neither. I know I'm pretty sensitive about my size, and it's possible that the skinny girls had some legit reason for being there but your friend resented their infringement into territory she normally considers safe.

In my experience, people DO grow up and don't actively try to hurt other beyond high school.

I think some people are paranoid and see offensive behavior where there isn't any. If the same person is always running across "offenders" then it's probably more in their heads than reality.

As for why people would do stuff like that? I read something recently about how bullying actually feels good to the bully. It makes them feel powerful, they get a laugh. If they're feeling bad, it feels good to bring someone down to their level.

Am I the only one wondering if these women were really that skinny? I mean if they went to a plus size store it's likely that they would probably fit in some of the clothes. My guess is the chicks were 12-14s but in the other lady's eyes they were "skinny" and because they were fit into the smallest sizes at the stores the other chicks felt superior. Just a thought. I find it hard to think that grown adults would just hang out in that store and not buy anything and talk smack and not be kicked out.

There are a lot of things at play here...for instance, I am wondering the ages of the supposed "skinny girls" who were in there, and also, what actually they did. At my highest weight I wore a size 2X/20W...and now I am down to anywhere between an 8-12 depending on the brand and how their sizing runs. There was a time where I was in that inbetween area, where I could wear the smallest size (14W) in Lane Bryant, and an XL (16-18 Misses) in the regular stores....so depending on what I needed, I could shop in both places. When I was in that area, as a size 14W, I might seem "skinny" to a woman who wears a size 3X...do you see what I mean? Just like right now, I might be able to wear a size medium, but girls who wear a size 4 or 6 look skinny to ME.

For a while, I was still wearing bras from Lane Bryant. For a time I was a 36D and a 36DD...even while wearing a L or XL in the Misses department. The bras at Lane Bryant were prettier and better made than what I was finding at Target, etc...so I bought them there, even after I was too small to wear the tops and pants there. A lot of plus sized shops carry awesome jewelry, purses, etc. as well...and another thing...I have large calves. I always have, and always will. 11 years of dancing has made them even more so...so I ALWAYS have to order boots from a plus sized catalog or website...ALWAYS. My calves don't fit into knee high boots anywhere else....so even now, at a medium...I still have to buy wide calf boots. I would hope that if I went into a plus sized shop, that the other customers would not view me as a "threat" and look at me like I didn't belong there. Hearing this almost makes me feel like I need to wear a sign saying "I used to weigh 233.9 pounds...I still need wide calf boots. I am not the enemy." :dizzy: