Weight Loss Support - I'm scared to really try to lose weight




berrykat
04-14-2011, 11:22 PM
Hi everyone,
I'm new here-- I decided to join because it seemed like a great and supportive community, which is what I really need.

I'm scared to try to lose weight, I realize. I've depended on food for so long that I don't trust anything else do do like it has done. When I feel any emotion, I eat. I feel soothed by doing this and I'm scared nothing else will feel this good. And that it will be too hard and I just won't be able to do it.

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you get through it?

Thanks,
Berrykat


Shytowngal
04-14-2011, 11:32 PM
YES, I know exactly how you feel. I started out by dedicating 3 months to REALLY following a weightloss plan (I started with WW, not I calorie count), I figured if I didn't like this new way of life I could always go back to my old ways (and really what's 3 months)?

The more I started eating right, the better I felt. My emotions got better in general. I started replacing emotionally eating with exercise. It only takes about a month or so and you WILL get used to it, and actually love it!

j0lamo01
04-14-2011, 11:53 PM
Yes I was afraid of failing. I didnt want to do all that work for nothing but I figured I have my whole life to eat food i want but I will only be young once and I want to be young and have a body I am comfortable in. I have only been overweight for a year but before that I was never happy with my body. Even though I have only been overweight for a year it feels like an eternity. My advice is to stick with it until you see results because once you do see results it will feel so good that you will want to keep going! You will feel so good about yourself that you have accomplished something that you wont want to go back to the way you were before Good Luck!


Nola Celeste
04-15-2011, 01:23 AM
It might help ease your mind to know that losing weight doesn't have to mean giving up a coping strategy with nothing to replace it. In fact, you'll learn to replace food with more effective means of dealing with things.

While I can't speak for everyone, I can tell you that no amount or kind of food has ever brought me as much serenity as taking control of my health and my weight has given me. In fairness, I've never been much of an emotional eater, so someone who is may find that her mileage varies--but I'm betting that if you commit to learning some other ways of dealing with what's eating you, you won't be eating as much.

Another thing that may help is this: you can change your mind. You aren't strapped into your weight loss like an unwilling passenger on a roller-coaster. You can try it, say "meh, it's not for me," and make the conscious decision to stop at any time. Weight loss is all about making choices--we make them several times a day when we eat this food and pass up that one--and one choice that you always have is to say, "Enough."

But I'm betting that once you get started down the road, you won't want to stop where you are until you feel your healthiest. :)

icedragon6669
04-15-2011, 01:30 AM
I have lost all the weight and am still scared, but I am determined to maintain and see if my mind/body adjusts.

I am scared of being noticed, and by god not a day goes by when someone points to me and says.. wow, you have lost weight.
I am scared of showing myself
I am scared of being cold (i have a real fear of being cold and know that without my fat insulation that fear is really intensified)
I am scared of missing out on the satisifaction stuffing my face gave me
I am scared of the feelings that I have to deal with, since I am not silencing them with food

Those fears and probably heaps more are still very real to me, But I love the me I see now! I am estactic I can RUN, PLAY and participate in things again, I can wear beautiful clothing! I am not scared of being the fat one, not scared of going to the movies and the seating, not scared of going clothes shopping and having the no choices but whatever 26's there were.

Every day I will sit and think about both sides, what do I want more, and am I willing to face my fears about my weight to gain all those great things.

shannonmb
04-15-2011, 06:00 AM
I've been a pretty anxious person historically. When I first got started on my weight loss, I actually didn't even realize how much I used food as a coping mechanism to soothe myself. I really thought I just enjoyed food a whole lot.

I got myself to the point of obesity where I was genuinely very scared for my health, and that got me started. So then here I was taking much better care of my diet and my anxiety really reared its head within a couple months. I was considering going on some kind of meds. And I was confused about why now that I was focusing on being healthier, now I have to deal with this anxiety! I finally realized, as you apparently are smart enough to know at the outset, that I had taken my MAIN coping mechanism away and didn't really know what to replace it with.

I talked to my doctor, asked her if I should start on Paxil or something (took it back in the 90s with pretty good results), and she told me that while she prescribes those type of drugs on a daily basis and has no problem writing me a script, she was really encouraged by my weight loss and was hoping to avoid introducing any chemicals that might throw me off track. So in addition to "prescribing" me additional exercise, she signed me up for this mental training thing that I went to for 6 weeks where I basically learned how to meditate (amazingly, my health insurance paid for it, because the program gets great results).

For a long time, I just felt like whenever anything stressful happened, I was pretty much flapping in the breeze with my nerves, without my old go-to -- food. But the further I go on this journey, the more I'm noticing that the pull to something fatty/greasy/sugary when I'm stressed is definitely letting up.

I'm still constantly on the lookout for new coping mechanisms, but I have defnitely found that the exercise has helped immensely, and even if I don't meditate as regularly as I think I should, just sitting with myself in quiet helps, too.

Sorry for the long post, but I really relate! And I wanted to let you know that these demons can be faced head-on and you can fill up your toolbox with things besides food. It's exciting! :hug:

ShanIAm
04-15-2011, 09:53 AM
Mmmhmmm, welcome to the biggest club in the world! I am positive all of us had a fear (or fears!) at one time or another. But that is such a natural and normal emotion when you try and do anything new or different. Am I going to fail? Am I going to give up half way through? How am I going to make good food choices when I am stressed? Tired? Bored? Happy?

Only thing I can say is --- take one moment, one day, one week at a time. If you try a new coping skill and it fails, find another and then another. It’s all about trial and error. You are not going to be perfect and you can’t expect yourself to be. But at the end of the day you can legitimately say you did your very best, then you succeeded. And then you make that next day even better!

Embrace that fear, understand why it’s there and make a plan. I promise you, you CAN do this. It IS possible. You WILL find your path.

Hugs to you!

BrittanieYork
04-15-2011, 10:06 AM
Hey Berrykat! You and I seem to be in the exact same boat with our Heights/Weights/Goals. If you need someone to help you out, motivate you or just listen, I'm here!!

I have always thought that the best support comes from people who are going through the same ordeals. I get through the fears by thinking about how great it will be when I finally get to 165. I will no longer be Obese! I will even almost be out of the Overweight category!

I know that the feeling of reaching the end result will be well worth the struggles and ups and downs of the journey. Just set mini goals, when you reach one, treat yourself! Onederland is my first and I'm only about 7 pounds away, as are you!

Again, if you want to talk, or need support/motivation, please feel free to contact me! I'm here everyday! Good luck!!

jnhu72
04-15-2011, 10:56 AM
I have been an emotional eater all my life (I'm 20). I finally decided last December I was tired of depending on food to make feel happy, because in the end I was more depressed because of how fat I had gotten. I have had small slip ups, but when you are truly committed and ready to lose weight nothing will stop you! When I get to the point where I feel like I need to eat because I'm upset I go for a walk. It helps me clear my thoughts and makes me feel better. Good luck!

Txalupa
04-15-2011, 11:10 AM
I have lost all the weight and am still scared, but I am determined to maintain and see if my mind/body adjusts.

I am scared of being noticed, and by god not a day goes by when someone points to me and says.. wow, you have lost weight.
I am scared of showing myself
I am scared of being cold (i have a real fear of being cold and know that without my fat insulation that fear is really intensified)
I am scared of missing out on the satisifaction stuffing my face gave me
I am scared of the feelings that I have to deal with, since I am not silencing them with food

Those fears and probably heaps more are still very real to me, But I love the me I see now! I am estactic I can RUN, PLAY and participate in things again, I can wear beautiful clothing! I am not scared of being the fat one, not scared of going to the movies and the seating, not scared of going clothes shopping and having the no choices but whatever 26's there were.

Every day I will sit and think about both sides, what do I want more, and am I willing to face my fears about my weight to gain all those great things.


I love this! I feel the same way! As someone who has now lost past my original goal, I can tell you:

-Yes, you will be cold. Yes, shopping for sweatshirts and cute sweaters is much more fun when you're skinny.
-You will not miss the satisfaction of stuffing your face, because we all know that the guilt that comes afterwards is MUCH WORSE
-Yes, skinny people still have problems and feelings. You will still find a way to deal with them.
-You will not be the fat friend, the chunky bridesmaid anymore.
-Your feet might shrink (new shoes, woo hoo!!!)
-You will be HEALTHIER!! Get a blood panel NOW and compare it to 6 months from now, and in a year. If this doesn't cement your new lifestyle, idk what will


:hug: You can do this. You will be amazing. You deserve it.

sonickel77
04-15-2011, 06:11 PM
I used to be one **** of an emotional eater, too. I couldn't imagine life without eating half a pound of chocolate a day. But Jan 1 this year, something mentally clicked. I was my fattest ever and in terrible pain with my back.

It's not been easy, dealing with emotions without food. I've relied on other things (buying far too many cosmetics/ jewellery, taking sedatives) to get me through some bad times so far. But eventually, you get into better habits. I've been amazed at how easy it's been to resist the easter eggs this year, and how I've dealt with some bad feelings of shame by going to the gym instead of eating!

It's worth it!

berrykat
04-16-2011, 12:46 AM
Thanks everyone so much for your thoughtful replies! I feel heartened to hear how so many other people have gone (and are currently going) through this. Sometimes it feels quite isolating even though I know in my head how many other people struggle with similar things. Just reading one of the replies that mentioned taking a walk instead of eating made me squinch my toes together like "Noooooo that sounds so intense!" ;-) Which makes me realize how possible this really is, especially when it comes down to each small choice (and not having to even make the "right" choice every single time). One time I could take a walk instead of eating--I could really do that. And that feels really good just to know.

Truly thanks for all the support-- I really feel it. Here goes another day, another time to try. We are awesome just for trying.

Hugs,
Berrykat

ncuneo
04-16-2011, 10:59 PM
I have lost all the weight and am still scared, but I am determined to maintain and see if my mind/body adjusts.

Ditto...and now I'm afraid I'll regain it because I can't figure it out. But I just have to trust myself and this new lifestyle I've adopted and just do it.

Food issues can be so complex, and yet so simple. I've actually seemed to have come to terms and learned to cope with the complex issues? It's the simple ones that plague me now, i.e. Loving to eat, struggling with PMS/PMDD, etc. So just take it one step at a time, we're all a work in progress.

gardenerjoy
04-16-2011, 11:54 PM
I still miss the eating for comfort thing. But I've been realizing lately that it was never that great of a comfort, just a real convenient one. A hot bath and a good book is more comforting, but not always possible. I've found, though, that the promise of a hot bath and good book later can get me through a lot!

Also, since I stopped comforting myself with food, I find that I'm dealing with the underlying problems more. I'm more often asking myself "Okay, what's really wrong here?" and sometimes the answer is so easy! The food kept me from asking the questions and getting the answers that I really needed and, often, could easily implement.

luc4191
05-27-2012, 01:49 AM
I used to be one **** of an emotional eater, too. I couldn't imagine life without eating half a pound of chocolate a day.

This makes me feel so much better - just knowing someone else out there has had the same issues I have with chocolate and has been strong enough to deal with them. The fear really gets to me sometimes and I almost feel like running out the door and devouring the first unhealthy thing I can find to calm myself down. But I am adopting a motto of getting a little bit better every day - and I also seem to be accumulating a rather large supply of cosmetics as I turn to retail therapy to sooth me - but hey, its better than hurting my body with rubbish. :)

fatbookworm
05-27-2012, 12:22 PM
Oh, I know EXACTLY how you feel, berrykat. I stuff away my feelings with food, too. It was the only permissible way to feel anything growing up, and my various life experiences up to this point just reinforced it. I have been working on different aspects of a healthy mind for years now, and am doing so really good work about trusting myself right now. Realizing that no matter how bad any feeling gets, that I will be ok has really helped me. It reduces the fear about feeling my feelings.

Might I also suggest 50 Ways To Soothe Yourself Without Food, by Susan Albers. This might be a great way to deal with those emotions in a healthy, non-food way.

But keep it up, berrykat! And message any one of us if you need extra support! I know I definitely wouldn't mind having a support buddy!