General chatter - Need some guidance with my sister...




MindiV
04-11-2011, 07:57 AM
There's this big Renaissance Fair here in Texas that my sister and I enjoy going to together. After a break where we didn't go for a few years, we went again last year. It was my first trip since losing weight, and it was great. It was summer, but I wasn't as hot, I could get around and I didn't get nearly as worn out as before.

My sister, however...not so much.

During the years we didn't go, she gained a lot of weight. I've referred to her on here before. She's two years older, we're the same height, and she weighs, last she told me, 350 pounds. She's not getting around well, and last year had an experience that scared her at the Fair when her heart rate got way too high just from walking in the heat. It's her favorite event EVER, and she was ready to go after an hour.

Over the past year, nothing for her has changed. She hasn't tried to lose weight, or changed her diet even after being diagnosed as pre-diabetic. This year I thought she might not want to go to the Fair, but she does.

And this morning I get a snarky email from her, regarding how when we go we need to be sure we watch more shows because walking around for an hour isn't easy for someone her size.

:shrug:

I thought we watched plenty of shows last year. The Fair is spread over acres and acres of land...you watch one show and literally have to walk a long way to get to another, and if there's a break you have to walk to find other things to do. You have to walk to the shops and everything. There's no train or tram. It's all on foot. We sat plenty, and I took great care to make sure not to go too fast or to make her feel badly about being a little slower to get around. I even initiated some breaks when she was being too stubborn to stop.

And this year, I get attitude. :mad:

Here's my deal...I don't want to drive three hours to go and sit and do nothing all day, but I want to spend time with my sister. What can I do? How can this be more bearable for her, or is it just a disaster in the making?


seagirl
04-11-2011, 08:05 AM
I would write and say "I want to do such and such, and would like to walk a fair bit. Do you mind if we split up for a bit and meet back for meals? Is there another friend you can invite who would watch shows with you?"

You don't need to meet snark (which is probably hiding shame and frustration) with snark. Just lay out your plans, and suggest alternatives.

MindiV
04-11-2011, 08:13 AM
Thanks, Seagirl...her email really upset me at first, but you are probably right. I'm sure her inability to get around really frustrates her. And she's also made comments before about my weight loss, so I'm sure my being able to get around better makes it that much worse.

I'll be patient and we'll come up with a solution!


Sherrie568
04-11-2011, 09:02 AM
Any chance the fair would have a mobility scooter for rent? Some medical supply places also rent them out for the day or weekend.

MindiV
04-11-2011, 09:13 AM
They might...I don't know if she'll do it, though. She's still mobile, just gets tired easily. Pride may not let her go to a scooter yet.

MindiV
04-11-2011, 09:48 AM
Just talked to a co-worker about the situation and she jumped all over me. Told me to "suck it up" and do what I needed to do for her to have a good time....Guess that's what I'll have to do, regardless of whether I have one or not.

XLMuffnTop
04-11-2011, 09:57 AM
I don't necessarily agree with that. If my butt was too big to fit in most amusement rides, I wouldn't make my family sit out on my account. I'd go find something I could do in the meantime, then join up again later at a show, lunch, etc.

Unless you're going only to be with her, you are entitled to enjoy the event as much as her. Being understanding of her condition doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.

MindiV
04-11-2011, 10:03 AM
As of now it's only the two of us. A third friend has said she's going to go...but she's said that many times before and has yet to actually do it. So I'm planning as if it's the two of us.

I thought about dropping her off at the entrance and then parking, to save the half mile walk to the gate. But that's not possible - they park you when you get there. But maybe we can get a schedule ahead of time and plan what shows we're going to see, and make sure they're closer together to alleviate the long walk back and forth and back again.

kateleestar
04-11-2011, 10:13 AM
See, I'm completely on the other side as your co-worker is. I'm more of the 'she needs to man up and do it' side.. She knows what she needs to do, and she (hopefully) will eventually, but she's not at that point yet.

If you go the nice route, which is good, I would at least ask about the 'tude in the email. Maybe just to get it off your chest? So you can be relaxed at this awesome fair too?

If I don't say something after things like that happen, I get all weird around people, lol... :D

GL!

bargoo
04-11-2011, 10:16 AM
I like seagirls suggestion . You might remind her in a gentle way that after a 3 hour drive you want to see some of your favorites. It would be great if your friend can go, even two friends than you can split up and meet again.

MindiV
04-11-2011, 10:23 AM
We had the same thought at the same time, Bargoo....trying to get my niece on board so that way, if our other friend goes too, there will be four of us....

BrittanieYork
04-11-2011, 10:39 AM
You know... I find it strange that your sister saw you lose all that weight and she did not get motivated to lose as well. You said she hasn't tried at all. That, to me, is kind-of sad. If I saw my sister steadily losing weight and I weighed more than 200 pounds more, I would get motivated to lose as well. I would be asking my sister for help and inspiration and ideas to lose too.

I don't mean to sound rude here at all. I'm sure I sound like a total heifer... Would it be rude if you reminded her of how miserable it was last year. Just say, remember last year we went and it was hot as sin... almost just try to talk her out of it. If that doesn't work and she still wants to go, I guess just make sure you take plenty of water (if it's allowed) and try to stay in the shade, if possible. I live 30 minutes away from the Ren Fest and have never been, so I don't know if there is shade. But I'm sure they have rest tents set up around the place.

About the trip from the parking lot... you should be able to drop her off at the entrance. There are plenty of handicapped or pregnant people that go to the Ren Fest, so there should be accommodations for that. That way she is not worn out as soon as you arrive and maybe you can get in an extra hour...

I think you could even use this experience as motivation for her. See if she will try to lose the weight and tell her that next year you both can go thin and have a fantastic time! Well, good luck!

bargoo
04-11-2011, 10:43 AM
I had an experience when I was 18, I went to the Califortnia State Fair in Sacramento , it gets really hot in Sacramento in the summer. I started to feel ill and actually fainted, I spent the day at the fair in the First Aid Tent. Feel free to share this story with your sister.

MindiV
04-11-2011, 10:45 AM
You don't sound rude at all, to me. I worry about my sister all the time for this same very reason. She's asked me and I've told her how I lost weight, and I've given her cooking tips and even tried to get through to her that "working out" doesn't mean hopping on a treadmill for half an hour...that for her, walking around the block is an excellent first step.

But nothing. She makes comments about how I'm "anorexic" and "don't eat" when in reality I do eat a ton. I just don't eat the junk anymore. I hope one day she'll get motivated to do something about it...I don't want to push too much or I'll push her away entirely!

There's some shade, and plenty of benches and places to sit. It'll be a lot of stop and go. And the hotter it gets between now and then, the more she may second-guess the trip.

I'll check, as well, on dropping her off at the entrance. Or even springing for VIP parking, if we can, just to get closer...

MindiV
04-11-2011, 10:48 AM
I had an experience when I was 18, I went to the Califortnia State Fair in Sacramento , it gets really hot in Sacramento in the summer. I started to feel ill and actually fainted, I spent the day at the fair in the Medical Tent. Feel free to share this story with your sister.


She was VERY close to this last year, with all of our stops. For her to be ready to go after an hour was crazy...in the past I had to drag her out of there so we could get home!

CrystalZ10
04-11-2011, 01:35 PM
Just talked to a co-worker about the situation and she jumped all over me. Told me to "suck it up" and do what I needed to do for her to have a good time....Guess that's what I'll have to do, regardless of whether I have one or not.

Tell your co worker to stick it where the sun doens't shine...You worked hard to lose weight and this is your favorite event too. So why should you cater to your sister and only do what she can do?? Seagirl has the best idea to just split up at certain times. Plan out what shows you wanna see together and when you will part ways and do your own thing. This way, you both have fun!

nelie
04-11-2011, 02:13 PM
My perspective, in terms of someone who used to weigh 350+ lbs is that it isn't so much the weight but lack of fitness. I've always walked a lot and even at my highest weight, I could walk for miles and miles. Even now, despite still being overweight, I can outwalk people that weigh a lot less than me.

So my suggestion is maybe offering some gentle encouragement to your sister in terms of preparing for the fair. Tell her that you guys can schedule breaks but possibly a walking program might prepare her for it and either walking outside or something like Walking Away the Pounds would help towards that goal.

digitalrequiem
04-12-2011, 04:33 PM
My perspective, in terms of someone who used to weigh 350+ lbs is that it isn't so much the weight but lack of fitness. I've always walked a lot and even at my highest weight, I could walk for miles and miles. Even now, despite still being overweight, I can outwalk people that weigh a lot less than me.

So my suggestion is maybe offering some gentle encouragement to your sister in terms of preparing for the fair. Tell her that you guys can schedule breaks but possibly a walking program might prepare her for it and either walking outside or something like Walking Away the Pounds would help towards that goal.


I agree with Nelie about the walking program. Last year, before I took my vacation, I knew that I would be walking a lot more than I was used to in a single day. So I started taking extra walks around the neighborhood every afternoon for about a month before my vacation to get me prepared. I didn't do that this year and I definitely could tell a difference.

Do you live close enough to your sister to take a daily walk with her?