Weight Loss Support - Dieting with an Unsupporitive Spouse

04-10-2011, 06:57 PM
Hi everyone! I am new here :) I thought I would just start with a post on my biggest hurdle to losing weight.

My husband is in very good shape. He pretty much can eat whatever he wants and is fine. I on the other hand cannot. He is supportive of me, but at the same time he is not. I've told him countless times that I have to stop eating out because it messes up my diet plan. But he always wants to go to restaurants and he thinks it makes me happy. I've even told him to go eat by himself if he wants it. ughhhh! I have about 20 more pounds to lose that I feel will never come off if this doesn't change. Every pound is harder to get off. I am in a very stressful school program and sometimes caving into him is so easy. I need someone who will tell me "no, think about your goal" rather than "yes, it will make you feel better"

Anyone have to deal with this? Any solutions?

04-10-2011, 07:02 PM
It's hard to lose weight when little things end up sabotaging it. When you do cave in and go out to eat, what kinds of things do you order? It's always hard when you don't have full control of what goes into your meal but most restaurants are willing to do substitutes. If you don't have someone to remind you, maybe try a bracelet or a ring that you can use as a sort of reminder. I've heard it works for quite a few people. Sometimes it just takes a very long time to get someone to understand they aren't helping so all you can do is keep trying explain it to him.

Good luck with everything and welcome to the site :)

04-11-2011, 08:15 AM
It's a pretty fine line for me.

I don't like it when he doesn't realise how hard I'm working, how hard thoe temptations are.

But also, I actually really don't want him to 'help me' or mention my goal, or anything. If we would say 'Well, what about your weight", I would find it insulting or discouraging. (My own sensitivities :) )

It's been a tough double standard, here. We've adjusted by eating different meals together; And by no longer being able to afford to go out :)

04-12-2011, 03:21 AM
Ex actually had a Pringles shrine in a cabinet in the garage...that's how supportive he was. Now he supports me in other ways, monitarily, from a long distance. When I met him he was 6'2" and 145 lbs. When we split up he weighed 220 lbs. Last time I saw him he looked even bigger.

(Picture me smug here...)

My sons are my challenge. 18 and 13. Not slim and highly self-indulgent. I cook the healthy dinners, they blow it off and make something for themselves. I used to get offended, then I remembered that I was the one that taught them to cook...so, I had to decide if I could be happy that they fended for themselves or be upset/offended they didn't want to eat healthy with me. I chose to be happy, and I continued to cook for myself.

We still eat together at the same time most evenings. Sometimes they agree to eat what I'm cooking. The other night my oldest decided he wanted to try my kale. I ended up having to make more. He asked me when I was going to make it again. The youngest made a face, but he's still intrigued. He likes green beans and cucumbers now, even without ranch dressing!

We don't go out very much any longer. I'm allergic to soy and so much of what's out there has soy in it. Cheaper to eat well at home.

Does he say out loud that he believes going out makes you happy? And when you tell him it doesn't, why doesn't he believe you?

Find something else to do with him out on the town that's fun for both of you, that doesn't involve eating (or drinking). You live in San Diego, right? Have you gone sailing on one of those racing yachts? So much fun! Tell him you want to save the money from going out and apply it to one of those sailing trips. Find other things to do together.

04-13-2011, 08:57 PM
I am sorry to hear your hubby is not being supportive. If he still insists on eating out, plan around it. I would chose grilled chicken and steamed vegetables and drink water. This way you can still spend time with him and you are keeping up with your personal goals.

04-14-2011, 02:16 AM
Try home cooking? Maybe if the both of you experiment in the kitchen it will be like a night out... in... hehe. I've gotten really good at making chinese food and whole baked chicken with asparagus cooking in the broth. It may not be as healthy as you'd like; but you know what is in it because you made it, and you burned calories while doing it. I also find cooking to mellow me out. It is so much less stressful to just go half way with what he wants to eat but on your terms. :P

04-14-2011, 02:46 AM
My problem is similar- except my hubby weighs 320lbs! He's only 28 years old :( and his doctor says he has a fatty liver and put him on meds. I'm constantly worrying about him! We both love to eat but I know that it's time to stop and try a diet.... I buy fruits, yogurts, veggies... But he works long hours in a restaurant and I have no control over what he eats there! The worst part is he comes home late at night with leftovers... I eat healthy all day, and then pig out when I see his delicious food! He's such a bad influence and I have VERY little willpower. I tell him this but he's not getting the message. I wish he would be my partner in this and not continue to sabotage my diet! I'm also very worried about his health.

04-14-2011, 04:51 AM
and you burned calories while doing it.

LOL - I must confess I never think of cooking as a 'calorie-burning' activity!! ;)

04-14-2011, 06:45 AM
My Husband is supportive of me in most ways, but, he doesn't have a weight problem and he and the kids likes to eat junk mostly. I just have to remind myself (A LOT) to keep my long term goal in mind. It's better to put of want I want right now for what I want in the end. Plus, i can really tell a difference in how my body feels if i don't eat right. Good Luck!

04-14-2011, 06:57 AM
LOL - I must confess I never think of cooking as a 'calorie-burning' activity!! ;)

But it's one of those great activities that's better than sitting motionless on the couch! Articles like this one (http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/12/the-hazards-of-the-couch/) remind us ANYTHING is better than sitting in terms of heart health, muscle and bone strength, etc

That said I totally get what you mean ;)

04-14-2011, 06:59 AM
Well as a working mum with two kids, one who still needs taking upstairs to the toilet on a regular basis, currently training for a marathon and renovating a house, I don't do an awful lot of sitting on the couch! ;)