General chatter - Um....




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Serval87
04-10-2011, 02:16 AM
This may seem insignificant to most people, but it struck me rather strongly. Okay, first off, I'm on a new diet. I'm announcing that, because it pertains to my story. :D

Anyway, today my Mom opens a box of nutty buddies. She offers one to everyone (My brother, Husband, and me). Everyone takes one, but I refuse. I planned today to be a cheat day, but I wanted to indulge in my dinner (pineapple pizza/leafy green salad) instead of waste nearly 400 calories on a small ice-cream cone that NEVER tastes nearly as good as it looks or smells.

So, later I raise my hand, and Mom gives me a funny look. She asks what I'm doing, and I say "High-five! I turned down ice-cream and it was hard." Then she goes and says something like "Well, you could have had one." Then SHE OFFERS ME ONE. And I'm thinking, "What??? You're supposed to be happy for me turning down temptation!" Then she goes on to say how one won't hurt me, and I have to explain how they trigger me, and I'll be craving ice-cream for a long time if I have one. To that, she just gets irritated.

Sorry, I just had to rant. It kind of ticked me off a little bit. I guess I really have no reason to be complaining. I went over my calories today by a lot anyway. I started out okay, having an almond-butter sandwich and a small serving of chips before going to town. But later (after not eating for a couple hours, and becoming very, very hungry) I had a couple pieces of Easter candy and three more servings of chips. Then I had 4 slices of pizza plus salad greens for dinner. Bad. Bad. Food day. But the ice-cream would have only added to that and made it worse. It's not a "you've already messed it up, you can't make it worse" kind of thing. And I plan to go right back on my diet tomorrow, and my next "scheduled binge/aka cheat day" won't happen for a long time. Soon they won't happen at all, but I'm just not that strong right now.


thelast20
04-10-2011, 06:50 AM
Most of my family have not been supportive in the manner that I have needed them to be. They just don't get it how important extra weight has been in my life. They are either overweight or have medical conditions attributed to lifestyle. I have had to just learned to say "no, thank you" and celebrate my own successes or shared with people in this site for encouragement.

Sometimes, my cheat becomes emotional eating...being angry or stressed out probably did not help in your situation. I have learned that I need to eat regularly on my cheat dy...not save it for one meal. Eat normally throughout the day and then have your cheat meal....you probably won't go so overboard if hadn't been deprived throughout the day. Stay postive, you can do it!

DrivenByAmbition
04-10-2011, 06:58 AM
My hubby likes to eat in front of me... And when I mean eat, we have a meal together, me with a small portion him with a large portion and goes for seconds. Then 30 minutes later he wants to eat another large meal in front of me. What's wrong with this picture?


Ruthxxx
04-10-2011, 07:04 AM
I've learned it's best to just keep quiet about personal victories. I think this fuss could have been avoided if you had not called attention to it by "high fiving". I don't know your family situation but sometimes their own guilt and insecurities make people react defensively.

4star
04-10-2011, 11:43 AM
Good for you! It's very hard to turn down ice cream. You were practicing self control and using the calories towards something you'd rather have! That is a NSV in itself, even on a free day, being selective about what you put in your body and making better choices. :carrot:

love02
04-10-2011, 02:27 PM
Darn those temptations. :rollpin:

ilidawn
04-10-2011, 02:38 PM
Hey, I think passing up the ice cream is a win even if you've already gone over! It's annoying when the people close to us aren't supportive. They usually mean well by offering and trying to say it'd be okay (my roomie says it thinking it would make me feel better). I guess it's mainly up to ourselves to be strong and at least we're supportive with each other on 3FC :)

fatferretfanatic
04-10-2011, 02:40 PM
I am so sorry-My parents faced the same kinds of temptations, and proudly stand with me in their refusal. I love that, but my grandparents on both sides get rather irritated when I refuse things. My grandma on my dad's side will tell me how fat I've gotten and then offer me some pie-where is the logic in that??

ParadiseFalls
04-10-2011, 03:15 PM
Have you asked her to be more supportive? It might sound obvious (what with the high-fiving and such), but maybe she thinks by offering you food she's making you feel like she accepts you the way you are?

I don't know what the explanation is for this phenomenon, but some people just do not get it. They just can't handle being supportive, and I have no idea why. I'm lucky enough to have parents and a boyfriend who are supportive to the point of being annoying, but I've read enough stories on here to know that unfortunately some of us just have to deal with that crap. :hug: We're here for you, and we won't offer you ice cream!

jojotheyoyo
04-10-2011, 03:25 PM
This may seem insignificant to most people, but it struck me rather strongly. Okay, first off, I'm on a new diet. I'm announcing that, because it pertains to my story. :D

Anyway, today my Mom opens a box of nutty buddies. She offers one to everyone (My brother, Husband, and me). Everyone takes one, but I refuse. I planned today to be a cheat day, but I wanted to indulge in my dinner (pineapple pizza/leafy green salad) instead of waste nearly 400 calories on a small ice-cream cone that NEVER tastes nearly as good as it looks or smells.

So, later I raise my hand, and Mom gives me a funny look. She asks what I'm doing, and I say "High-five! I turned down ice-cream and it was hard." Then she goes and says something like "Well, you could have had one." Then SHE OFFERS ME ONE. And I'm thinking, "What??? You're supposed to be happy for me turning down temptation!" Then she goes on to say how one won't hurt me, and I have to explain how they trigger me, and I'll be craving ice-cream for a long time if I have one. To that, she just gets irritated.

Sorry, I just had to rant. It kind of ticked me off a little bit. I guess I really have no reason to be complaining. I went over my calories today by a lot anyway. I started out okay, having an almond-butter sandwich and a small serving of chips before going to town. But later (after not eating for a couple hours, and becoming very, very hungry) I had a couple pieces of Easter candy and three more servings of chips. Then I had 4 slices of pizza plus salad greens for dinner. Bad. Bad. Food day. But the ice-cream would have only added to that and made it worse. It's not a "you've already messed it up, you can't make it worse" kind of thing. And I plan to go right back on my diet tomorrow, and my next "scheduled binge/aka cheat day" won't happen for a long time. Soon they won't happen at all, but I'm just not that strong right now.

I just had to let you know, you are not alone. (You've probably got 100 replies by now.) How can anyone understand what dieters go through? I am so glad to have found friends and supporters at 3FC. They give me a virtual high-five every day.
I have never gotten into a diet discussion with a non dieter that ended happily. I don't know how it happens, but it usually becomes insulting in the first 3 minutes. Now, I just don't mention I am dieting. When they pass around the goey stuff, I say, "Ugh, no thanks, I am just too full to eat another bite."

You can do this! Never give up!:soap:

JenMusic
04-10-2011, 04:17 PM
I have never gotten into a diet discussion with a non dieter that ended happily.

Wiser words were never spoken. I needed to see this in print today. Why can't I learn this lesson?!?!?!?! :dizzy:

Serval87
04-10-2011, 04:24 PM
Thanks, everyone! Hearing that you are all in the same metaphorical boat as me really makes me feel a lot better!

Honestly, I really think it was my fault. My mom has been wanting to diet, and has been complaining about her recent weight gain. I believe I may have triggered a soft spot with my wanting to celebrate a small victory. Next time, I won't say anything like that. It was way too awkward.

I've learned it's best to just keep quiet about personal victories. I think this fuss could have been avoided if you had not called attention to it by "high fiving". I don't know your family situation but sometimes their own guilt and insecurities make people react defensively.

Exactly my thoughts. I really wish I hadn't brought attention to it. I feel kind of bad. It was like rubbing it in her face (well, she didn't have one, either. She's good at turning down food when she's not hungry. She's not an emotional, or bored eater like I am, so she doesn't completely understand my struggles).

Have you asked her to be more supportive? It might sound obvious (what with the high-fiving and such), but maybe she thinks by offering you food she's making you feel like she accepts you the way you are?

I don't know what the explanation is for this phenomenon, but some people just do not get it. They just can't handle being supportive, and I have no idea why. I'm lucky enough to have parents and a boyfriend who are supportive to the point of being annoying, but I've read enough stories on here to know that unfortunately some of us just have to deal with that crap. :hug: We're here for you, and we won't offer you ice cream!

No, I believe it would make her irritated. She is on edge a lot, because she has stopped smoking. Also, she is one of those people who associate food with love. She thinks it is very polite to offer me whatever is available at any given moment (even if I have just eaten). She doesn't make mean comments about my portions, and gladly offers more. For the longest time, I've liked that about her, because at least she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but now I wish she would motivate me a little more to not indulge at every given moment.

ParadiseFalls
04-10-2011, 07:19 PM
. Also, she is one of those people who associate food with love. She thinks it is very polite to offer me whatever is available at any given moment (even if I have just eaten). She doesn't make mean comments about my portions, and gladly offers more. For the longest time, I've liked that about her, because at least she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, but now I wish she would motivate me a little more to not indulge at every given moment.

Ah, now I get it. I guess it's just one of those maddening things you'll have to try to ignore until you can talk to her about it. :hug:

Theyda
04-11-2011, 04:35 AM
I get the same thing sometimes from my mum, but I know it's because she doesn't want me to miss out on something, it can be annoying though. I've started not saying anything to anyone apart from my husband about weightloss, just seems easier than having to have 'the conversation'.

MrsMomOrtiz
04-11-2011, 07:56 PM
I totally understand! My MIL is like that with me and it irritates me! Once she starts, my husband defends HER and then I simply get ticked! I'll politely turn down the fattening sweets she offers, or the huge second helpings she wants to shove in my face. She doesn't get upset but she start laughing at me and says stuff like, "No, no ,no ,no, eat this, you'll be fine! You look wonderful!" I've learned to stand my ground against her though and I refuse until she gets that I'm not going to eat it just to humor her. Then my husband will proceed to put me on a guilt trip by reminding how his mother was just trying to be nice. The whole time I'm thinking..."Where's the applause for the discipline I just practiced?!" They definitely DON'T GET IT!
Way to go to you! For getting through that moment! I know it can be tough, especially when something you REALLY want is put in front of you. Great job of saying no!

God bless!

Serval87
04-11-2011, 11:31 PM
Thank you, MrsMomOrtiz! Your situation sounds very similar to mine.

4star
04-12-2011, 07:27 AM
Feel free to get your :high: here though b/c you definitely deserve one! :)