General chatter - How do I "go out"?




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Eliana
04-09-2011, 12:37 PM
Ok, point me in the right direction! It's Saturday...my children are with their father...and I want to go out tonight by myself. What does that mean and how does one do it?

The bar is pretty much out...just thinking about it sends me into panic mode, and I pretty much don't drink. What does "going out" mean without a bar? And I can't dance either! I'd love to try line dancing, but I'm not particularly crazy about country music. :dizzy:

Am I doomed to sit at home because all my friends are married? :(


indiblue
04-09-2011, 12:45 PM
What about a lounge or coffee shop with live music? I feel like those are much more comfortable places to go alone. People who go often have the intention of meeting others, but many just go to enjoy the atmosphere and art, whereas a person who shows up alone at a bar usually comes with a specific intention (not that there is anything wrong with that, it just sounds like that's not what you are looking for). If you strike up a conversation with the person next to you, or end up sharing a table when the place gets full, you could meet someone interesting. If you don't you end up enjoying a relaxing evening in a nice atmosphere. Enjoy your night to yourself!

nationalparker
04-09-2011, 12:47 PM
Noooo... you're only doomed if you think you are. Check your local museums - maybe they have events going on. My art museum has a "first Friday" type event every month with loads of singles but not only singles - it's a fun time to just go out and meet folks. Even just hitting Barnes & Noble and walking around or sitting with a drink and enjoying a book if you enjoy that, is a good place to meet new folks - You'd be surprised how easy it is to talk to guys/be talked to there. Sports events tend to be family events - minor league baseball games, etc. - fun to go to but don't count on meeting guys there. I enjoyed those nights with groups of friends. Do you have a "club" in your city/town where it's ALL singles and you sign up for adventurous stuff - or mundane things ... cooking classes, canoeing, group hiking things (we have a club for that here, too!), you have to pay a fee up front for the membership but I've heard good things about those events.

Be up front with some of your friends and ask them if they have friends you'd be a good match with for company - doesn't have to be for life, but for a fun evening. Only ask those, though, who have made good choices themselves! :)

Get a copy of the newspaper and check out what actually IS going on this weekend and hit a few things - try a nice restaurant and sit at the bar if you like - get dressed up and be confident and treat YOURSELF - that's attractive in itself.


MonicaM
04-09-2011, 12:54 PM
My town is very social and has many local activities that people go to alone; plays, comedy nights, church dinners, fund-raisers, etc. Do you belong to a church and/or YMCA or other gym? Confide in another woman you know is single and ask her to do something. You might end up with a group of people.

LetsWorkItOut
04-09-2011, 12:55 PM
I have no valid suggestions, but wanted to comment because your question made me laugh. Sometimes I feel like everyone else in the world knows what common phrases like "go out" mean, except for me. The fact that you asked make me realize that there are other weirdos out there too. :p

Usually going out to me means dinner and drinks, but it's odd to do that by yourself. A movie? I dunno. I've got nuthin'.

Eliana
04-09-2011, 01:06 PM
The fact that you asked make me realize that there are other weirdos out there too. :p


:rofl: I feel like I should probably be offended but I'm just weird enough not to be! :rofl: I was never the type to go out. In HS and in college I just did things with my groups of friends. Usually that meant meeting up at someone's house. :dunno: I went to coffee shops in college and loved it! But coffee shops at college campuses are different birds than in the real world. All we have that I can find online are Starbucks type places, and who cares about that?

Good suggestions! Maybe this is just a dud of a weekend, but an online search brings up nothin'.

I've thought about the church thing, but I can't call myself a Christian. I'm not exactly NOT a Christian...I have weird beliefs and do not fit into any particular denomination well at all. My beliefs fall in line with Judaism far closer than Christianity. I don't want to find someone based on a shared religious belief because I don't think that would be a good fit. Does that make sense? A conservative Christian man is going to think my thoughts on religion are pretty out there. I love a good debate...but perhaps not on a first date. :rofl:

Maybe I'll just head to Barnes and Noble. I do like that idea! That fits me well! I just probably shouldn't look too engrossed in a book, huh?

Razorbackbritt
04-09-2011, 01:07 PM
I would second the coffee shop, museum, art gallery idea. I LOVE to go to coffee shops alone...and usually make a friend while I'm there. I've had people challenge me to a game of checkers (most have games in a corner to play) or sit and talk. If you want to meet people, don't read a book, newspaper or your cell phone. Look up and be alert. If you are looking down and reading, no one will approach you.

Eliana
04-09-2011, 01:54 PM
I found a coffee shop!! And there's a guy playing acoustic guitar there tonight!! And he looks like a hippy! :D (That just mean this just might be my kind of place.)

Thanks guys! Keep the ideas coming! I need a book about going out for dummies. :rolleyes: Feel free to tell me how to behave too! LOL! (Kind of like Razorbackbritt. ;) Thanks!)

jls0867
04-09-2011, 02:20 PM
Not sure where you live, but you might want to see if your city has groups with www.meetup.com. Loads of groups for you to meet people with similar interests. I hope it works for you!

eclipse
04-09-2011, 03:01 PM
I've thought about the church thing, but I can't call myself a Christian. I'm not exactly NOT a Christian...I have weird beliefs and do not fit into any particular denomination well at all. My beliefs fall in line with Judaism far closer than Christianity. I don't want to find someone based on a shared religious belief because I don't think that would be a good fit. Does that make sense? A conservative Christian man is going to think my thoughts on religion are pretty out there. I love a good debate...but perhaps not on a first date. :rofl:

Maybe I'll just head to Barnes and Noble. I do like that idea! That fits me well! I just probably shouldn't look too engrossed in a book, huh?

Do you have a Unitarian Universalist church near you? That my be an option for churches - liberal, people of a wide array of spiritual beliefs on their own path, etc. Most churches do have singles groups or other events going on, so if you find one that you mesh with, it might be a good way to meet people - both friends and potential romantic interests.

eclipse
04-09-2011, 03:02 PM
And I would have no idea how to "go out" either. :lol:

CanadianCutie
04-09-2011, 03:39 PM
Have fun. I think every woman should take herself out. So many people are scared to go places alone. There is no need to be in my opinion. You deserve to treat yourself, and going to a coffee house/or used book store is my perfect idea of a treat.

nina125
04-09-2011, 03:49 PM
have you tried meetup.com and find groups around you.. I met a lot of interesting people through meetup.

JohnP
04-09-2011, 03:50 PM
have you tried meetup.com and find groups around you.. I met a lot of interesting people through meetup.

Dangit. You beat me to it. I was going to suggest meetup. :D

manders01
04-09-2011, 03:53 PM
Eliana, I did reply to this question the last time it was posed though it was very, very late. Very sorry for the delay. :o Hopefully some ideas that will work in there.

Have fun tonight!

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/3790474-post20.html

nationalparker
04-09-2011, 04:48 PM
Have fun, Eliana! Enjoy the music and hopefully you'll meet fun folks of both sexes to join again at some point! Girl friends are good (though my guy friends are a lot less drama-filled - ha!) and might have good ideas of other places to meet folks. We have the generic Starbucks and Panera's but also have a number of the corner coffee shops - enjoy!

Eliana
04-09-2011, 06:25 PM
Eliana, I did reply to this question the last time it was posed though it was very, very late. Very sorry for the delay. :o Hopefully some ideas that will work in there.

Have fun tonight!

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/3790474-post20.html

Oh yes, you did! ;) I know! I think I needed yet more ideas and didn't want to completely hijack that thread. T'was much appreciated, believe me, and largely the reason for me doing this tonight!

If I'm being honest, I think what I REALLY wanted was for one of you to reach through my computer screen and drag me out the door. :p Now since that probably isn't going to happen, I'm gaining confidence by reading your responses instead. :^: Now I just have to figure out how to keep my head up and not immediately avert my eyes. :D

Eliana
04-09-2011, 06:30 PM
Have fun, Eliana! Enjoy the music and hopefully you'll meet fun folks of both sexes to join again at some point! Girl friends are good (though my guy friends are a lot less drama-filled - ha!) and might have good ideas of other places to meet folks. We have the generic Starbucks and Panera's but also have a number of the corner coffee shops - enjoy!

I have some of the best friends in the world, male and female. ;) They're just all married. My girlfriends would go with me, but they can't go all the time and when I'm with them, I'm WITH them, focused on them. And darn if I don't keep meeting the nicest of married men! :dizzy: LOL! I do get along great with guys and somehow I open up as soon as I see the ring on a guy's finger. They're safe, ya know? But if that ring is not there, I clam up.

However, you are indeed right! I do hope to meet some friends. I don't like to think I'm "trolling". But I DO need to get out, because there are literally 0 prospectives in my life. 98% of the people I work with are women and I've heard it's not such a great idea to date co-workers anyway.

I went to "meetup" (thanks for the suggestion everyone) and came across the same hiking club I've come across several times now. I finally signed up. I'm excited about this because I'm going to see new places, meet new people and will have something to DO that doesn't involve drinks or food. Even the coffee house is going to be difficult because I only drink water! What am I going to order? I refuse to drink pop and I do not like coffee. So likely I'm going to buy coffee and water and ditch the coffee. :rolleyes:

manders01
04-09-2011, 06:39 PM
Oh yes, you did! ;) I know! I think I needed yet more ideas and didn't want to completely hijack that thread. T'was much appreciated, believe me, and largely the reason for me doing this tonight!

If I'm being honest, I think what I REALLY wanted was for one of you to reach through my computer screen and drag me out the door. :p Now since that probably isn't going to happen, I'm gaining confidence by reading your responses instead. :^: Now I just have to figure out how to keep my head up and not immediately avert my eyes. :D

I know the feeling. I almost said no to a girlfriend that asked me out for drinks last night. I wanted to stay home and watch baseball. :D But despite the fact that I overindulged in food and drink, I had a great time! I found a new band to see and I even gave my number out! :eek:

I'll keep thinking of new things to do. I think you and I are in a very similar boat. Hmmmm, how close to we live to each other? :p

Eliana
04-09-2011, 07:00 PM
I know the feeling. I almost said no to a girlfriend that asked me out for drinks last night. I wanted to stay home and watch baseball. :D But despite the fact that I overindulged in food and drink, I had a great time! I found a new band to see and I even gave my number out! :eek:

I'll keep thinking of new things to do. I think you and I are in a very similar boat. Hmmmm, how close to we live to each other? :p

You gave your number out! :yikes: That's awesome!! You were lamenting before that you hadn't yet been noticed! I'm glad you ditched the baseball game!

And yeah, I'd love to live in CO, but I don't. ;) I'm in Ohio.

manders01
04-09-2011, 07:13 PM
You gave your number out! :yikes: That's awesome!! You were lamenting before that you hadn't yet been noticed! I'm glad you ditched the baseball game!

And yeah, I'd love to live in CO, but I don't. ;) I'm in Ohio.

I wasn't noticed, I approached. I'm not holding my breath for a call either but can't deny that I'm still hopeful. The only reason he has it is he asked me if I was going to the bar on Wednesday night. I didn't want to show up on Wednesday and either him not be there or him be there but not want to talk to me. So I told him if he was going to go and wanted me to come to call or text. So it wasn't even that he really asked for it. Okay, I'm a little embarrassed admitting that. :o

Well darn! :)

Smiling_Sara
04-09-2011, 08:36 PM
I found a coffee shop!! And there's a guy playing acoustic guitar there tonight!! And he looks like a hippy! :D (That just mean this just might be my kind of place.)

Thanks guys! Keep the ideas coming! I need a book about going out for dummies. :rolleyes: Feel free to tell me how to behave too! LOL! (Kind of like Razorbackbritt. ;) Thanks!)


have fun! tell us how things go

Eliana
04-09-2011, 11:18 PM
I am so proud of me! It was downtown and very unlike me to try something like this. I went in and immediately an older man and his wife asked me to sit with them. :D Not exactly what I was going for! LOL! But they were so nice and told me a lot about the place and the area. This was a very artsy, casual kind of place. I loved it! The music was a mellow acoustic guitar and the singer had written most of his own music. Just right up my alley.

I only talked with the kind couple that invited me to sit with them, but at least I got myself out there and enjoyed a very pleasant evening.

indiblue
04-09-2011, 11:20 PM
That is awesome Eliana! What you did sounds like my ideal evening. I'm glad it worked out :D

manders01
04-10-2011, 01:40 AM
I am so proud of me! It was downtown and very unlike me to try something like this. I went in and immediately an older man and his wife asked me to sit with them. :D Not exactly what I was going for! LOL! But they were so nice and told me a lot about the place and the area. This was a very artsy, casual kind of place. I loved it! The music was a mellow acoustic guitar and the singer had written most of his own music. Just right up my alley.

I only talked with the kind couple that invited me to sit with them, but at least I got myself out there and enjoyed a very pleasant evening.

Awesome! Good for you! Very glad it was a good night. The first of many!

MissSMcC
04-10-2011, 05:38 AM
thats great Eliana, im in kind of the same situation. i have a 10 year old and im recently single, whereas all my friends have babies and are recently married! and i live in the back of beyond so its pants sometimes. who'd of thought being a normal human and leaving the house would be so darn awkward lol :)

Prism21
04-10-2011, 11:53 AM
The gym seems like a good place to meet people with similar interests. (fitness) I do my own thing with my hubby but I avoid eye contact with people daily who look like they want to strike up a conversation.

The grocery store is another place that would be easy to strike up a convo.

Eliana
04-10-2011, 12:07 PM
The gym seems like a good place to meet people with similar interests. (fitness) I do my own thing with my hubby but I avoid eye contact with people daily who look like they want to strike up a conversation.

The grocery store is another place that would be easy to strike up a convo.

I have to say REALLY to both! LOL!

My gym is great, but not so much for meeting people. Well ok, not true. I've developed some very good friendships there. But it's not so great for meeting men I'd like to get to know better. Most of them are married and the guys I lift with wear headphones and I don't get a second glance. I make sure to not wear headphones when I'm lifting so I am more approachable. It seems like the gym would be the ideal place to find someone for a couple reasons. One, I am a ridiculous morning person and anyone there at 5:00 AM is going to be a morning person too. This kind of person would already be in stark contrast to my ex, as in someone who actually sees the sun before noon. A person coming to the gym every morning shows dedication and just coming to the gym shows a general desire to be healthy and fit. These are all things that have become very important to me, so in all honesty, I MOST want to meet someone at the gym. But it doesn't seem to be happening.

And the grocery store? LOL! I'm there all the time and no one ever talks to me! Do people really give out phone numbers and stuff at the grocery store? I only see that on TV. I guess I'm just not that seductive. LOL!

Prism21
04-10-2011, 12:29 PM
I am totally serious about the gym! Why not just try a different time of morning? Or pop in one night with the cutest of workout outfit and hair and make up done. Not overdone! LOL I get a giggle out of the women (and there are a LOT!) that come in to work out with full on makeup and hair. I think they work up to the point of almost sweating. And me, I roll out of bed, brush my teeth and work until I'm almost passing out and drenched in sweat. Or if your gym isn't good for that, do a trial membership at a different one. The crowd changes at different times of day.

The grocery store totally does happen. I've been approached by men asking how to pick out fruits and veggies in the produce and how to cook meats in the meat dept. It's not gone so far as passing out phone numbers but I don't really encourage conversation because I'm happily married.

I have to say REALLY to both! LOL!

My gym is great, but not so much for meeting people. Well ok, not true. I've developed some very good friendships there. But it's not so great for meeting men I'd like to get to know better. Most of them are married and the guys I lift with wear headphones and I don't get a second glance. I make sure to not wear headphones when I'm lifting so I am more approachable. It seems like the gym would be the ideal place to find someone for a couple reasons. One, I am a ridiculous morning person and anyone there at 5:00 AM is going to be a morning person too. This kind of person would already be in stark contrast to my ex, as in someone who actually sees the sun before noon. A person coming to the gym every morning shows dedication and just coming to the gym shows a general desire to be healthy and fit. These are all things that have become very important to me, so in all honesty, I MOST want to meet someone at the gym. But it doesn't seem to be happening.

And the grocery store? LOL! I'm there all the time and no one ever talks to me! Do people really give out phone numbers and stuff at the grocery store? I only see that on TV. I guess I'm just not that seductive. LOL!

LetsWorkItOut
04-10-2011, 12:53 PM
The grocery store totally does happen. I've been approached by men asking how to pick out fruits and veggies in the produce and how to cook meats in the meat dept. It's not gone so far as passing out phone numbers but I don't really encourage conversation because I'm happily married.

LOL. I'm picturing you standing with a random person feeling up cantelopes. It's like getting to first base within the first two minutes of meeting someone.

eclipse
04-10-2011, 01:15 PM
When I was much younger, I got hit on at the grocery store all the time - but I worked there, so it gave guys a good "excuse" to strike up conversations. Of course, most of them were creepy older guys who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs, but it did happen :lol:. I married a guy I met at the grocery store, but he worked there too (and managed to at least be discrete about staring at my boobs :lol:). I will say, though, that I saw a lot more conversation amongst customers at the kind of store I worked at (smallish health food grocery store) than I've ever seen as a customer at the big chain stores like Vons or Albertsons or something. I think the atmosphere was more conducive to customers asking each other for help - like if you were in the supplement department staring hopelessly at all the protein powder choices and a guy comes up who seems to know what he's looking for, it would be easy to say, "Hey, what kind of powder are you buying and why? I'm trying to decide what to get" - that sort of thing.

Eliana
04-10-2011, 02:36 PM
Eclipse, you're making me think I need to be helpless at Lowe's or Home Depot. :D

saef
04-10-2011, 02:48 PM
After reading this thread, I realized that I "go out" all the time, but I don't think of it that way. I mean, I don't go out for the sake of "going out," if that makes sense. I'm pursuing a particular interest, whether that's at a gallery opening of a friend of a friend, or a very small documentary film downtown that will only be showing for a few weeks, or to hear a particular poet whom I admire, or to a museum exhibit, or to a play. I often chat briefly with people around me, but I've never chosen to contact them again afterward. Since I'm not particularly looking for anyone, but involved with the thing I'm doing, I may actually give off a standoffish vibe. (Well, maybe I don't, since I do chat with people.) Anyway, Eliana, the weekend & art section & event calendar are your new friends. Get familiar with them. Bulletin boards at coffee houses of the type you visited also can be helpful. Do you have an alternative newsweekly in your area? They're usually good about arts & events coverage. (For myself it's the Times, the Voice, Time Out NY & NY magazine. There has to some equivalent where you live.) Artists & creative people always find one another, no matter where they live, and you just need to find your own kind.

Eliana
04-10-2011, 05:20 PM
... and you just need to find your own kind.

And what would that be these days? :p I've always been the artsy type myself, but I'm not necessarily looking for that in a partner. I have that side of me, but it no longer makes me who I am. It used to. It's what I defined myself by. These days I define myself more as an outdoorsy, adventurous type. I've always had THAT part of my personality too, but was too afraid and/or too fat to tickle it. I was thinking about that at the coffee house. I'm sure I'd have some fascinating conversations and meet some fascinating people, but they're not the type of people I'd partner with. I hate to base things on appearance, but at first sight that IS all you have. As I looked around, none of the men interested me. They were all the casual, laid back, musician type. Nothing wrong with that! It's just no longer what I'm looking for.

In short, Saef, yep. I love everything you described and intend to get out there and enjoy the culture in my area. But I need to switch my focus to just having fun and meeting people. Right now there's almost a need in my brain to find someone to validate all the changes I've made. It's horrible, and I hate it, but I need someone to find me attractive. I don't even care if it goes anywhere. I'd almost jump for joy to be able to say, "Nope, sorry, not interested." :D Once I get over that hurtle, I think I can go back to being me. I know exactly where this stems from too. Some of my ex's issues have had a major psychological impact on me, more than I had realized. I feel very unattractive, unloveable, undesireable...

Wow do I sound shallow. I do not like this phase in my life.

krampus
04-10-2011, 10:29 PM
Listen up Eliana, there is nothing shallow about wanting to go out and get noticed, especially when you're coming out of a divorce and newly single. There is a very strong urge to improve and change your life after a split, which is why a lot of people find motivation to lose weight or get that edgy haircut or take up a crazy new hobby from breakups.

Also, I don't think most of us would wear nice clothes or makeup if we weren't all thinking "I hope a man does a double-take or a woman compliments my outfit" somewhere deep down within ourselves. Sometimes it's really fun to get completely dolled up before going out in public for no reason at all. I'd be willing to bet that the confidence that comes from within would be more than enough to get heads turning.

XLMuffnTop
04-11-2011, 02:33 PM
I don't know who mentioned it way earlier but Barnes and Noble isn't a bad place to meet someone. My ex met his fiance there.

Second, I do really really like coffee shops (non-Starbucks/chain places). Ours always has music, art exhibits, literary crap, etc. Tons of tables, chairs big comfy couches and a nice patio that's usually packed (which we can hear from our backyard :( ).

I also agree with First Friday, then there's usually art classes, pottery, dance lessons, etc at the community center for very little money. At one point, there was a big inflatable movie screen put up in the middle of a park and they were viewing a new release movie. Also, keep in mind a lot of places do "Shakespeare in the Park" during the summers.

Basically, do what you find fun and you'll end up meeting guys with similiar interests unless it's geared only towards women. I don't think you're going to meet many willing met at a Mary Kay meeting or anything. :D

Shannon in ATL
04-11-2011, 02:49 PM
Is there a running store in your area? My local one has runner's groups, and one is specifically for single runners. Do you have a dog? If so, maybe a dog park.

There is nothing at all shallow about wanting to go out and get noticed, not at all. :)