Weight Loss Support - Does anyone else struggle with their weight loss not being "good enough?"




Linsy
03-30-2011, 12:59 PM
I've lost 70lbs since last August. I know it's a really good loss, but I can't get over the fact that I'm still FAT. I'm still obese, I still don't look good in my clothes, I still have a hanging stomach pooch and fat rolls on my arms. I don't want to sound rude because I know a lot of people lose a lot slower or still have a longer ways to go than me so I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. I just wish it would go faster even though I know faster can be unhealthy.

I understand that this is a lifestyle change and weight loss is learning experience and will probably help with lifetime maintenance. It's just that right about now I'm kicking myself for allowing me to get to 280 pounds in the first place.


shannonmb
03-30-2011, 01:21 PM
I have had those thoughts/days. Here I've lost 94 lbs since late May last year, and most of the time I feel really good about it, and really, really good about the fact that there's no stopping in sight. BUT...

Every once in awhile I get down about the whole thing. Like, here's how much I've lost!! and I'm still WAY morbidly obese, lots of people would shudder to think of weighing what I do now. Even you, Linsy, I'm not even much below your starting weight after losing 94 lbs! :mad:

Yeah, I can get pretty down about it if I dwell on that aspect of it. So I TRY (and usually succeed) at thinking of it in terms of how much better I feel now, and that I love my new way of eating, that I KNOW I will get there. I AM getting there! WE are! :D

niafabo
03-30-2011, 01:31 PM
I definitely feel that way sometimes and even though technically I am no longer obese as of this month I still feel like I am. I feel bad because I know I should be proud but I still see my faults and it drives my sister nuts because when I started she was smaller than me and now I'm quite a bit smaller than her and it feels like whenever ever I say oh man I still need to lose more weight I'm still so fat she gets super offended or if I mention my clothes are all huge and I can't believe I fit in some of this stuff she glares at me. I'm better about it then I use to be. I think that's one of the benefits of losing weight slowly you give your mind a chance to catch up to your body.


beerab
03-30-2011, 01:43 PM
I've lost 45 lbs and feel that way as well at times. This month I only went down 2 lbs but I remind myself that I'm still doing it, that the weight is STILL going down.

If you are feeling "flabby" maybe start encorporating some toning exercises to your workouts to help?

ShanIAm
03-30-2011, 01:55 PM
I don't want to sound rude because I know a lot of people lose a lot slower or still have a longer ways to go than me so I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad.

In my opinion, if you have 20 pounds to lose or 200, the struggles are still the same. The emotions are still the same. OK, sure, one's journey with losing weight will be "over" quicker than the other persons but that shouldn't minimize the fact that we are all on the same path. And I put the word over in quotes because we all know that maintaining the weight loss is for life.

What have you been doing for yourself lately? Are you wearing clothes that are flattering? That fit?

Believe me, I completely understand how you feel. I just posted something the other day wondering when enough was going to be enough. I am afraid that I will get to my goal and still not be happy.

As you can see from all your responses so far that your feelings are valid and shared with MANY of us. Instead of looking at what you have to still lose, look at how much you have lost already. And I mean WOW! 70 pounds since last August!

YOU, my friend, have done an amazing job so far and you WILL have continued success!!

Cheers to you!

amandie
03-30-2011, 01:58 PM
Linsy- Congrats on your amazing loss!! I totallly understand how you feel about letting ourselves get to a high weight even though I've not lost as much as you. I am 5'2 as well and currently 204- I still have a hanging stomach as well but I have to say it got a lot better compared to when I was 242! Look at some old pictures of you and compare, note the differences between then and now. That has helped me appreciate my weight loss. :)

All we can do is hope that the tummy area and non-favorite areas will improve with time and exercise (strength/resistance training specifically.) Also heard ultra moisturizing lotion helps too. Hugs, hang in there!!

Linsy
03-30-2011, 02:08 PM
How much has your stomach gone down? I HATE HATE HATE it--if I could change one thing it would be my stomach!

cherrypie
03-30-2011, 02:26 PM
I've had that happen with past weight losses. Weighing less actually made me feel fatter because I knew how much further I had to go.

surfergirl2
03-30-2011, 02:32 PM
It helps if i think of it not in terms of how i look, but how i feel. If i lose 2 pounds, it won't make much difference in my appearance, but i WILL notice it in my running. imagine running with a 2 pound weight strapped to your back. it is noticeable. Plus, what did i do to lose the 2 pounds? probably ate healthy and exercised. so i got healthier even if i can't see the results in the mirror.

bubblebutt99
03-30-2011, 02:36 PM
About 4 years ago, I lost 40 pounds. I was so proud!! Then I got pregnant with my son....and I gained it ALL back. So, I'm starting all over again. (and then some)
Only been at it for a few weeks, so I know exactly what you mean. Summer is so close and even though it's only been about a month, it seems like I'll never reach that goal. :(

sept15lija
03-30-2011, 02:48 PM
I can empathize with how you feel! And I still have a belly overhang (I'm almost at goal now) but it is so much smaller and is pretty much hidden in clothes. One of your thoughts resonated with me, about letting yourself get to 280 in the first place. I've been 280 in the past too, and this time I started at 233. I get a lot of people congratulating me for losing weight, whereas I feel like I should congratulate them for not getting up there in the first place! :dizzy: Anyways I know how you feel, it's a long road but you will get there - and I still have days where I think I look fat. It's a neverending battle with our minds I think.

Emme
03-30-2011, 02:53 PM
Yep. When people say "wow it's great that you've lost almost 100 pounds" I cringe because I still want to lose another 25-30 and where I am at right now just doesn't seem good enough. I know that losing almost 100 pounds is a lot, but to me it's Just. Not. Good. Enough. Sad, right?

OhMyDogs
03-30-2011, 03:09 PM
When I first started my weight loss journey, I had lost 6lbs, and it seemed like SOOOO little.

I went into my fridge, and I pulled out a 1lb brick of butter and just held it for a minute and thought "daaaaaaaym, I've lost SIX of these". It really helped me put into perspective how heavy 1lb really is!

stacygee
03-30-2011, 03:29 PM
It is disheartening that I have lost 80+ pounds yet on the BMI I am still considered obese! It is also disheartening that I still feel as though I shouldn't wear shorts... ON SOME DAYS...

on other days I am so proud of them huge change I have made in my life and I feel so very good about EVERY pound!

shellsbrood
03-30-2011, 03:35 PM
I do struggle with this often. You are not alone!

berryblondeboys
03-30-2011, 04:20 PM
When I lost 50 pounds over a decade ago, I would step in front of the mirror and not see a woman who had lost 50 pounds. Basically, my body all the same imperfections it had when I was 50 pounds heavier. 235 and 185 seemed the same in my head. I didn't have before and after shots. I hadn't taken measurements, so all I could see was my reflection in teh mirror and the dropping numbers on the scale and clothing size.

I think I was remembering the 'me' before I had aged and before I had children. That me at 185 looked a lot different than the 'later' me and I wasn't happy with what I saw. My tummy sagged, my thighs were dimply and I had stretch marks EVERYWHERE on my tummy (from pregnancy) that when less filled out, looked worse. I was extremely disheartened.

Now, I'm over 40 and have matured a bit and I realize that my prebaby body will never be again. Yes, I will always have bigger upper arms as everyone in my family does. Yes, I will always have a saggy, wrinkly tummy as I've had two huge babies and my skin didn't stretch. Those are my life's battle wounds and I just have to accept it for what it is.

What I do like seeing, when I'm dressed, is that I'm getting my hour glass figure back. That I'm losing my huge double chin, that my eyes seem bigger and brighter and that I feel lighter and able to move around more and I still have more than 50 pounds to go!

I've given up the idea of having a beach body. I won't. That is gone with youth, babies, weight gain and age - life basically. It's just something I had to come to terms with.

amandie
03-30-2011, 04:31 PM
How much has your stomach gone down? I HATE HATE HATE it--if I could change one thing it would be my stomach!

Sorry but was that question directed at me? Noticed you posted right below my post but didn't specify who.

kaplods
03-30-2011, 04:44 PM
We're taught to feel this way. We're taught to diet this way. You're supposed to kick yourself.

It's a lousy strategy, and it doesn't work very well. In essence, we're taught to fail. We're taught to make ourselves miserable (because if you're not making yourself miserable, you're doing it wrong).

You're supposed to kick yourself for being lazy, crazy, and/or stupid. Unfortunatley, in order to kick yourself for being lazy, crazy, and/or stupid, you have to believe that you are lazy, crazy, and/or stupid. And when people believe they are lazy, crazy, and/or stupid, they act as if they are lazy, crazy, and/or stupid.

Who you believe you are IS who you are. If you believe you're worthless, you act the way you believe worthless people act.

I've found that you don't have to kick yourself. You have a choice, and it's a choice that makes weight loss easier and a whole lot more pleasantly.

Weight loss doesn't have to be difficult and miserable. It's difficult and miserable only if we make it difficult and miserable (and unfortunately most of the popular ways to lose weight are difficult and miserable). We set ourselves up for failure, by making weight loss so unpleasant that you have to be crazy or self-destructive to stick with it.

Of course 90% of weight loss attempts fail, because 90% of weight loss methods are self-torture. And self-torture is very difficult to keep up. Eventually you start to doubt that you deserve it. You get tired of hitting yourself (metaphorically) in the head with a hammer.

It is possible to lose weight in an easy, low-key, low-stress, altogether pleasant way, but it yields slower results, and we're taught that slower results aren't acceptable. We're taught to do it the hard, unpleasant way (and if it's not hard and unpleasant you're failing, not only as a dieter but as a person). We're taught to fail for a good reason, rather than risk succeeding for a "bad" one.

For the first time in my life, I've chosen the easy way. The fun, happy, loving way. I like who I am. I like having a life while trying to lose weight. In the past I had to sacrifice most good things in my life in order to lose weight, because I thought only losing as fast as possible was ok. I didn't want to sacrifice joy for weight loss, but I thought I had to (otherwise I was lazy, crazy, stupid, and bad).

My doctor put it this way, when I griped that I wasn't losing 2 lbs a week like normal people.

"Normal people don't lose 2 lbs every week. Normal people don't lose 1 lb a month (which is what I was losing at the time), because normal people give up after a few weeks or months. Normal people lose nothing, because they give up. You're doing what most people don't, just by sticking with it."


It's like running in the Boston Marathon and deciding that you're "losing" because you see hundreds of people ahead of you, when you don't see the tens of thousands of people behind you.

Comparing ourselves to others usually backfires with weight loss, mostly because we don't have an accurate picture of how everyone else is doing. We think we're failing because we see people who are doing better than we are (never even looking for the people behind us).


It's why I love my TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly) chapter. Because the leader announces the total losses and total gains, I get a more realistic picture of how everyone else is doing (I subtract the gains from the losses and then divide by the number of members present to get the "average" loss).

We also have a contest every month in which your name (on a paper apple) stays on an apple tree until you have a gain or miss a meeting. Then your apple falls off the tree. At the end of the month, the people whose apples are still on the tree, split $10. The group has about 25 members, and about 20 who almost never miss a meeting. Sometimes there's no one left on the apple tree. Usually there's one or two. Very rarely are more than two people left (We meet on Tuesdays, and last night 4 people were left, and each got $2.50. Everyone was excited because it was such a rare event).

It puts things into perspective. When we see people lose 30 lbs a week on a show like The Biggest Loser, we can think that those results are more typical (and possible for the average person) than they truly are. We start to see phenomenal success as abject failure.

Stress hormones slow metabolism. In the natural world (the one we as humans no longer live in) it makes sense from a bio-physiological viewpoint. When times are tough, conserve energy.

Kicking ourselves adds stress (and it hurts, so we're going to be tempted to stop. And sometimes the only way we know how to stop kicking ourselves is to quit - and that's not good. It just means more and harder kicking later down the road). Easy no-stress weight loss is possible. And it's even fun, so there's never a reason to quit.

It's "normal" to kick ourselves, but it's also "normal" to quit. Learning to be abnormal (and feel good about it) has the bigger pay-off in the long run.

nuumite
03-30-2011, 05:20 PM
I just felt this the other day when shopping. Extra large in "regular size" is snug. I feel like i'm come so far (size 28 to size 16ish) but i still have so far to go. I have mentioned to people who say i'm "skinny" now that it just seems like that because i was SO fat before. I'm still overweight and working hard at it.

Elladorine
03-30-2011, 05:32 PM
I've been stressed about a lot of things in the past year and half, and a portion of that is feeling like my weight loss hasn't been good enough. I feel I should be ecstatic about a 113 pound loss, right? But I'm still in a size 22/24 and still want to lose nearly 100 more, and to top it off my weight has been lingering around 250 for all this time.

But I've been relaxing my train of thought these past few weeks. I've realized that I'm smaller than I was in high school (I've had issues with weight since I was 12). I think I've managed to drop the bad cravings again, and since I started taking vitamin D supplements I've found I have more energy. So I'm relaxing and just making sure I'm doing the right things. I haven't gained any of my weight back and have no fears of reaching my high point ever again. If I keep working at it, I'm bound to get stronger and lighter. I started taking walks early in the morning and plan on building myself up to running, and I also started a new exercise video. Many of my health problems have vanished! I've made a conscious choice not to stress myself over it anymore, and it has made me feel so much better. I'm not sure if I'll ever be a size six, but that's ok. I've probably added many quality years to my life by making the better choices even throughout this plateau.

DixC Chix
03-30-2011, 06:36 PM
I've lost 70lbs since last August. I know it's a really good loss, but I can't get over the fact that I'm still FAT. I'm still obese, I still don't look good in my clothes, I still have a hanging stomach pooch and fat rolls on my arms. I don't want to sound rude because I know a lot of people lose a lot slower or still have a longer ways to go than me so I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad. I just wish it would go faster even though I know faster can be unhealthy.

I understand that this is a lifestyle change and weight loss is learning experience and will probably help with lifetime maintenance. It's just that right about now I'm kicking myself for allowing me to get to 280 pounds in the first place.


Linsy - are you living in my head? This is exactly how I feel. Just the other day I was checking the scale thinking "When am I gonna start to really lose weight?"


How much has your stomach gone down? I HATE HATE HATE it--if I could change one thing it would be my stomach!


Yep, same here and I don't have any children to justify my stretchmarks.

I went shopping for exercise/yoga capris. There were none in the plus size section. I tried a XL and it was awful. My stomach looked the same as it did at 285. It looks the same no matter what. And I can't help but think it will never look any different. And that just makes me so sad.

CherryPie99
03-30-2011, 06:37 PM
Gosh, I know just how all of you feel. This hit me really hard when I hit 100 pounds down. I was mentally praising myself for having lost 100 pounds. So I allowed my husband - even asked him in fact - to take a picture of me in one of my new dresses. I have avoided having a picture taken of me for years. So hubby takes the pic and then puts it on my computer and I almost started crying. Here I've lost 100 pounds and I still look like crap. It felt like it was all for nothing and there was the brief thought of just giving up.

I am still battling myself every day, because I know that berating myself doesn't help. Only hard work does. So I'm trying to keep on keeping on.

Linsy
03-30-2011, 06:42 PM
I'm glad other people feel the same way. It's so discouraging to be 80+ lbs away from goal when I've already lost 70. I don't know when I'm going to start LIKING my body. For some reason I've thought for a while that 180 was going to be that magic number where I start to feel slimmer, but now I don't really see that happening anymore.

spixiet
03-30-2011, 06:53 PM
I'm adding my name to the list of "I totally feel that way." For me, it's all focused on the stomach (with an occasional trip to the arms). I've lost twice as many inches off my hips as I have from around my belly. If this keeps up, I'm going to look like a lollipop... It's my saggy over-hanging two-roll belly that keeps me from feeling confident in clothes when the bad days hit :dizzy:

However, eventually the good days do come back. For me, I do my best to enjoy those moments when I realize I can now do something that I couldn't have done six months ago...or when I realize I genuinely am craving an orange, or spinach, or cheeseless veggie pizza. About a month ago, I took a flight to Michigan, and it was amazing how much more comfortable the seat was being nearly 50 pounds lighter.

Whenever the bad days hit, I do my best to spend extra time on these boards, and I make sure to write in my journal. It's certainly not a perfect solution, but most of the time, it keeps me from turning to food for comfort :hug:

bellona
03-30-2011, 08:48 PM
Congrats on losing 70 lbs! That's amazing :)

I always go in cycles. I feel good about myself for losing some weight, and then comes the negative feelings of still not looking good, etc. I look at pictures of myself 40 lbs heavier, and I can obviously see the difference. I also try to think of non-weight related accomplishments, like how I can now do so many push ups or run so far. I think that helps me a lot when I get in those moods :)

amandie
03-31-2011, 01:54 AM
Linsy- You know what's funny? I was gonna tell you the last time I felt "good" was at 180, not so much bothered about my body or stomach. I feel the same way you do about your stomach- only thing that really bothers the frak outta me and has me worried about it often than I'd like.

In regards to my stomach- it doesn't stick out as it used to and I've noticed in my "before" pictures that I took, I have somewhat less hang in the lower stomach so I am taking that as a good sign! :crossed:

Remember 30lbs can make a world of difference for us, especially being 5'2. Just keep going!!! You've done so well!

Kaonashi
03-31-2011, 03:51 AM
Add me to the list as well. I've lost close to 60 pounds, and it seems like everyone can see it except me. I still see the same body I had when I was 306. Logically, I KNOW I've gone down from a 26 to 18-20 so I HAVE to be smaller...but I can't see it when I look in the mirror.

Does this ever get better?

ShanIAm
03-31-2011, 09:03 AM
Logically, I KNOW I've gone down from a 26 to 18-20 so I HAVE to be smaller...but I can't see it when I look in the mirror.

Does this ever get better?

God, I hope so! I'm sure you also feel differences in your body as well. That some places are just not as "cushioned". But for the life of me I'll never understand why I can't see it in certain areas. I hate the phantom fat syndrome! Even before and after pics don't do much for me. I'm constantly lowering my goal weight because of it. It used to be 149...dropped it to 144....and dropped it again to 139. Now I'm thinking 135.

I'm over it.