Weight Loss Support - Beating myself up.....but picking up the pieces

03-30-2011, 12:44 PM
OK, I’m going to beat myself up here……and then calm myself down.

I hate that I feel like I lost control yesterday. OF ALL DAYS! Yesterday morning I woke up at 4am, weighed myself and saw 149 on the scale! I haven’t been in the 140’s since 1994. I got to the gym at 4:45am and worked out for an hour. Breakfast…good. Lunch…good. Then I offered to take a friend to Olive Garden for dinner for her birthday. I went online and printed nutritional values. Settled on an 800 calorie entrée and off I went. I had a little time so I went to a store and bought a new pair of size 10 pants. Another milestone. Then it came crashing down at Olive Garden. I had half the salad, a breadstick and my entrée…which I knew was more than 800 calories judging by the pool of butter sitting around the baked stuffed chicken. Yeah, ate it anyway. I did leave about ¼ of it though. Then Mr. Waiter brought out a little dessert for my friend. Had two bites of that. Then two cups of coffee.

On my way home, I stopped at the drugstore. Picked up a 24 ct of ex-lax. Took 3. I know this doesn’t stop calories from being absorbed but I wanted that food OUT of me ASAP. Never in my life have I abused laxatives…this is a first for me.

This morning was our monthly departmental get together. Bagels ….coffee ….muffins ….cinnamon rolls. No fruit, of course. I ate half a bagel with some cream cheese. And now I’m off to meet another friend for lunch. And I can’t work out tonight because I have a weekly standing Skype date with a long distance pal.

*deep breath*

I will NOT misbehave at lunch.

I will take a walk or use my elliptical at home after Skyping since I can't get to gym.

I will get all my water in this afternoon.

I will throw away the rest of the ex-lax when I get home.

I will NOT beat myself up about it anymore.

I will tell myself that this will NOT spiral out of control like it has in the past.

A new start begins in 5…4….3….2…..1.

03-30-2011, 12:48 PM
Kudos for knowing that although you made a mistake, you don't have to live it everyday and beat yourself up. You are doing amazingly, and congratulations about being in the 140's and being able to have size 10 pants!!!

03-30-2011, 12:55 PM
I've been there too. Social eating is so hard especially when you are talking with friends yet have to be mindful of what you eat. It's still a work in progress for me and I often succumb to peer pressure with little encouragement.

Don't beat yourself up but continue! This journey is not being perfect.. it's about staying the course when we hiccup.

03-30-2011, 01:16 PM
Get rid of the ex-lax. That will only tempt you more the next time. See that as a sign that you need to cut yourself some more slack. This doesn't mean that the 140s will never come. It means you're human. Success isn't found by never running into challenges but by working through them. But get rid of the rest of that ex-lax. That's not good.

03-30-2011, 02:13 PM
*hugs* I am glad you realize that what you did was a TINY bit cuckoo ;)

Life happens- social situations happen- you are gonna bounce right back no problem! :)

03-30-2011, 02:18 PM
I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but you are TOTALLY overreacting. By your tone, i thought you were going to say you ate 20 breadsticks, an entree, and 3 desserts! What you actually ate was not bad at all...maybe it was a few hundred calories over your plan, or whatever, but i would in no way call that "out of control" eating.

I faced the same thing yesterday...i ate 1050 calories for breakfast. Yeah...i know. I thought the day was doomed. I thought, there's no way i can keep it under 2000 calories today, so i might as well binge, right? Wrong. I told myself that if i go over 2000 calories, it's not THAT big a deal. If i eat 2400 i'd still a little under maintenance. And through that rational thinking, i was actually able to make it through the day with 1980 calories.

03-30-2011, 02:41 PM
I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but you are TOTALLY overreacting.

:) No, it's not harsh at all. And I know that I didn't go crazy with food. I guess I am beating myself up because since January 3rd I have NEVER gone over my allotted calories for the day. I have NEVER given myself a reason to not gain or maintain weight. I think it was just the timing. I agree....I'm totally overreacting! :o

03-30-2011, 02:49 PM
I'm glad you realize that :)

I used to start my diet saying "i am not going to go over x number of calories for x number of days," and think it was really important to stick to that. well, of course it is important to stick to the plan, but what usually ended up happening was either 1) i'd go over one day, give up, and just binge, or 2) i'd make it through 4 weeks, or 6 weeks, of perfect dieting...then, having met my time goal, i'd go crazy and binge for days.

i've decided to change that mindset. i'm trying to stay under 2000 calories every day, but if i go over, it's not that big a deal. as long as it's not 1000 over. 100-200 calories over plan is not bad...it's important to be flexible.

03-30-2011, 03:04 PM
It sounds like you've been doing really well. I don't think you should beat yourself up over this. I envy you being able to get into a size 10.

03-30-2011, 11:47 PM
I totally agree, I think you may have had a few bites over 800, but so what? You still did very well in that situation. I would have had two bites of the dessert and then turned into a raging monster and gulped down the whole thing :D. Hope it was a fun dinner and you're feeling back on plan today!