100 lb. Club - No Uber, you do NOT weigh 300 lbs.




ubergirl
03-24-2011, 11:18 PM
Well, those of you who know me know that I've had a pretty rough go of late.

Managed to gain back about ten pounds, and did not manage to stick to my exercise routine.

One of the things that is really hurting me is that those ten pounds FEEL like 100 lbs.

I just don't really remember what it felt like to be morbidly obese. I can feel the ten pounds and the ten pounds fells like 100 lbs.

I have to keep reminding myself over and over that I'm not back to being the same old UBER. I can still run. I can still wear normal-sized clothes. I'm not that lady who could barely squeeze into a 24, who couldn't walk up a hill without getting winded, whose lower legs used to swell every night.

I read something recently that really spoke to me. It discussed the difference between a lapse and a relapse. A lapse is when you temporarily screw up, but then you try to get back on track. A relapse is when you say "screw it, I messed up, what's the point...?"

I found that thought really helpful. Clearly, I've had a lapse, but I keep reminding myself that I still weigh less, by a whole lot, than I did at any point in the last 20 years. I was morbidly obese for TWENTY YEARS. And now I'm not. So, a lapse does not get me all the way back to square one.

When I was morbidly obese, I didn't really "get" how huge I was and now I don't seem to "get" that I'm really not huge just because the scale crept up a little.

So confusing.


gmailjunkie
03-24-2011, 11:45 PM
Ive been lurking for awhile, but I don't know exactly what's been going on with you...I hope whatever it was was becoming more manageable.

I totally what you are saying about not "getting" how overweight you were...I think I had that experience too until I "got it" and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I'm glad that you see it's just a lapse and not a relapse. PLEASE don't let wonky perspective let you self castigate yourself into more of a regain. You have been one of my inspirations ( I still remember the "Ubergirl does not eat almonds post") for awhile. It would break my heart to see you go back to where you fought so hard to go away from. It would break my heart for your sake and honestly a little for mine. You are one of the people that show me its possible- that it HAS been done.

Please don't let that idea burden you, you aren't put on earth to be anybody's hero except your own, I certainly don't think you are meant to be mine- but if it inspires you- I hope you hold on to that.

I feel like the minds of the obese have to be a little off kilter otherwise we wouldn't get that way- but the same mind that's a little off kilter now regarding keeping the weight gain in perspective is the same one that helped you NOT be 300 pounds in the first place so there's really good stuff there and I'm hopeful for you.

If nothing I have said is helpful please ignore it and let me offer you this :hug:

runningfromfat
03-24-2011, 11:55 PM
I had a mini-lapse (3lbs) about a week ago and I'm less than a pound away from my ticker right now (I'm actually pretty sure that will be gone tomorrow, though). My lapse was a lot of stress+an unfortunate timing of baking cookies=3lbs+.

What really helped me was:
1.) looking at old pictures seeing how far I came
2.) changing up my workout so I had something to look forward to
3.) cooking some of my favorite healthy meals (we had pizza last night, taco salad today and lots of good stuff)

Focus now and things that you LOVE about weight loss. Do you have any favorite healthy meals you could eat now or a workout that you'd look forward to?

ETA: I'm actually at my ticker's weight of 193lbs because I was too lazy to change that but I'm a pound above my "current weight" of 192...


Loving Me
03-25-2011, 03:45 AM
I know JUST how you feel Uber! I actually think once we've lost weight we feel every little gain even more. I know when I've had my bad days or weekends or whatever when I've binged, the next few days I've felt like all the weight has come back on, not just a few lbs of water weight.
You need to remind yourself of how far you've come, look at pics like others have said, and then get your head back in the game and start afresh. You CAN do this. We travelled this weight loss journey together for so long and I'm here to make sure you join me in the maintenance forum! PM me if you want to chat anytime.

ubergirl
03-25-2011, 09:30 AM
Thanks guys!

I am happy to say that I'm feeling better again. I struggle, but I'm not necessarily LOSING the struggle.

I've thought about it long and hard, and I realized that my life over the course of the past two years was just completely and totally overwhelming. The pace has just been unbelievable. I pretty much never took a day off because I worked two jobs, one Monday through Friday and one Saturday and Sunday, then I moved and took a new job, and didn't even take a day off between leaving the old one and starting the new one, and in the midst of all of that, I lost over 100 pounds.

Then, finally, I just hit a let down moment. It was like every shred of my concentration and self-discipline was used up, and one morning my mind just said to my self "enough." Enough making yourself do the right thing 100 per cent of the time...

So, in essence, I think I was sort of taking a maintenance break, which would be fine, except that my head is so confused about eating and weight and body stuff that the concept of taking a break made me start to get a little crazy.

I can feel that I'm almost ready to buckle down and lose the last thirty. In the meantime, I am trying to get my head around the fact that it is okay to stick here for a while, and that I'm still maintaining a 100 lb loss.

dancinginpaint
03-25-2011, 09:32 AM
Hey Uber i'm sorry that you are struggling but still your accomplishment is an awesome one and it needs to remain an accomplishment try not to down size your success. That would only make you feel bad.
I do agree with runningfromfat maybe you could take a look at old pictures or maybe make a list of things you can do now with or without that 10lbs, that you couldn't before. This might be weird but if you have access to a gym, maybe pick up some of the heavier weights, and just really feel what it feels like to have them, and then take joy that you have lost at least that amount and this time around? You can just set it down and focus on the extra bounce in your step. :)

runningfromfat
03-25-2011, 09:51 AM
Thanks guys!
I've thought about it long and hard, and I realized that my life over the course of the past two years was just completely and totally overwhelming. The pace has just been unbelievable. I pretty much never took a day off because I worked two jobs, one Monday through Friday and one Saturday and Sunday, then I moved and took a new job, and didn't even take a day off between leaving the old one and starting the new one, and in the midst of all of that, I lost over 100 pounds.

Then, finally, I just hit a let down moment. It was like every shred of my concentration and self-discipline was used up, and one morning my mind just said to my self "enough." Enough making yourself do the right thing 100 per cent of the time...

So, in essence, I think I was sort of taking a maintenance break, which would be fine, except that my head is so confused about eating and weight and body stuff that the concept of taking a break made me start to get a little crazy.

There is NOTHING wrong with taking a maintenance break and actually maybe take this away as a lessons because eventually you WILL get to the point where you're just maintaining so be aware that the pounds can creep up again if you're not careful. Taking a breather and reevaluating 30lbs away from your goal can actually be really helpful and help you get into the right headspace to be able to lose those last 30lbs and help you stay there.

I get what you're saying about the craziness that is weight loss and it can be overwhelming at times (I have a feeling that's why 3FC is so popular!). Also, there's is no rush to lose those last 30lbs so if you want you could do it slowly and just work on your eating habits. Remember the goal is not just to reach your ideal weight but also to maintain it so you want to build habits now that can stay in place down the road. If you feel your eating or workout routine is too much you can dial it down a bit. You might lose more slowly but if you're still losing that's what matters and if your routine is something that you feel like you can maintain for the rest of your life than you've won already. :D

Good luck!

caryesings
03-25-2011, 10:31 AM
Hang in there, weight loss twin. I know you've got it in you!

Thighs Be Gone
03-25-2011, 10:42 AM
Hi Ladies.

Uber, I understand. Completely. Why? Because like you, I have had a ten pound gain! :(

It started last year (12 months ago) with a move to a supposedly upscale area. It has been **** on the most part. My new home is currently on the market and I am going back to my old hood which suited me just fine. I am back on plan with my eating and running and have managed to drop two pounds this week.

I feel like a Jimmy Dean pork sausage in my clothing. Amazing how ten pounds equals 2 sizes at this weight. I feel every ounce when I try to on my cute things now.

I have learned so many things about myself this year and this hellish move (along with the hellish ten pound gain) has proven to me how important being fit is to me.

Eliana
03-25-2011, 12:08 PM
Ugh, I hate that feeling. How is it that we can remember how awful it was being morbidly obese, and yet feel all the weight has piled back on with a small gain? :dizzy: So you've gained 10 pounds...you can still tie your shoes, walk, sit with the seatbelt in the proper place, eat at any booth, sit in any chair and walk into any room with confidence.

It is a crushing feeling, I know. And it's hard to get back in the game. I haven't been totally out of the game, but I am in a "maintenance" kind of phase at the moment. I'm trying to kick myself out of it, but it's not working so well. The motivation to kick the chocolate to the curb is just not there. And there will be pizza and no other food tonight for dinner, and other crap I have little control over this weekend, so you know...I'll start Monday. ;) (I'm going caving with boy scouts, so truly, the food is out of my control. But I'm bring protein shakes!! :D I will not eat crap for breakfast. :no: I refuse!

Eliana
03-25-2011, 12:11 PM
Thanks guys!

I am happy to say that I'm feeling better again. I struggle, but I'm not necessarily LOSING the struggle.

I've thought about it long and hard, and I realized that my life over the course of the past two years was just completely and totally overwhelming. The pace has just been unbelievable. I pretty much never took a day off because I worked two jobs, one Monday through Friday and one Saturday and Sunday, then I moved and took a new job, and didn't even take a day off between leaving the old one and starting the new one, and in the midst of all of that, I lost over 100 pounds.

Then, finally, I just hit a let down moment. It was like every shred of my concentration and self-discipline was used up, and one morning my mind just said to my self "enough." Enough making yourself do the right thing 100 per cent of the time...

So, in essence, I think I was sort of taking a maintenance break, which would be fine, except that my head is so confused about eating and weight and body stuff that the concept of taking a break made me start to get a little crazy.

I can feel that I'm almost ready to buckle down and lose the last thirty. In the meantime, I am trying to get my head around the fact that it is okay to stick here for a while, and that I'm still maintaining a 100 lb loss.

You were right in my other thread, we are in a similar situation head wise. That is a lot of change and I don't think it can be underestimated. And whereas you probably had time to obsess about weight loss and make it your top priority in your "previous" life, a move like that requires putting other things on a lower shelf. The move itself, the adjustment, the new routine all have to take priority for a while. It's hard to shift back.

I think it's easy to lose yourself for a while when life is in that much flux. You get to reinvent yourself, in a sense, but in doing so, it's pretty easy to get lost.

saef
03-25-2011, 01:27 PM
Sounds like you're at some kind of tipping point here. You know you want to get back to where you were & to take it even further, but those 10 regained pounds make you feel as if you're being dragged in the other direction.

I have faith in your ability to stop it here. And yes, I think you can pick it up where you left it & continue losing weight.

But do you have faith in yourself?

I'm hoping you experience a renewal of energy, and I'm thinking this time it's going to have to come from a different direction. Rather than taking it on as a part-time job, an effort of willpower, you're going to have to see it as a pastime that can be fun, that will replenish you & renew you. Because right now you sound like you just want a break from feeling like life is all about fulfilling a series of duties. And if you feel that way, you need to go about this in a way that doesn't make it a task or to-do item.

Since the post above reminded me that you like affirmations, I can think of a couple:

Uber runs because she finds joy in running. It keeps her sane & reconnects her with the outdoors & shows her what her body is capable of.

Uber eats healthily because she finds an outlet for her creativity in finding & preparing new, healthy foods.

Then bye-bye to the those 10 pounds.

HeyPhatty
03-25-2011, 01:41 PM
can I just say, WOW! You have done so well with your weight loss and I can't wait until the day I can say I've lost a hundred pounds. I know that won't be for awhile because I am just starting out here, but still lol
YOU CAN DO IT!!

Arctic Mama
03-25-2011, 01:44 PM
Yup, I'm with Saef. You know what to do, it's just a matter of enacting it (simple, but not *easy*). Taking a break is fine, relaxing is fine, regaining is not. You have to parse out with yourself if you can change a few small things to lose, or need to get back on a stricter plan, but whatever was going on isn't working (hi, been there done that!).

You can do this, but it is a matter if committing to not gaining anymore and doing the mental work to sort out what went nuts to begin with. Ten pounds is easily lost again, you know how to do it, it's just a matter of buckling down and doing it. Commit to changing and you'll be back down that small amount in no time. I know it feels huge, but you're right - it isn't 300+ again. It's probably not even a dress size. But what it IS is an opportunity to rededicate yourself, with your new schedule and less craziness, to a healthy lifestyle.

You can do this!

ubergirl
03-26-2011, 12:17 AM
I think it's easy to lose yourself for a while when life is in that much flux. You get to reinvent yourself, in a sense, but in doing so, it's pretty easy to get lost. So true, Eliana. I mean, what a heady feeling, to get to play act that I was this pretty confident person-- I sort of took a spin as the kind of person that people admire... but it can be exhausting too...and a lot of pressure.

ubergirl
03-26-2011, 12:28 AM
Rather than taking it on as a part-time job, an effort of willpower, you're going to have to see it as a pastime that can be fun, that will replenish you & renew you. Because right now you sound like you just want a break from feeling like life is all about fulfilling a series of duties. And if you feel that way, you need to go about this in a way that doesn't make it a task or to-do item.

Wow. So much wisdom on this thread! And you know when somebody says something that just HITS you? Well, reading this comment was a bit of a eureka moment for me.

Honestly, I'm a hard core over-achiever. I do this to myself. I love challenges. I seem to always want more, more more. It's a fundamental fact of my personality, my greatest strength and also my greatest weakness.

And, yes, exactly as you described, I got TIRED of listening to my inner martinet. I told her to EFF off for a while and I could bloody well sit on the couch when I was tired instead of dragging myself off to the gym at 9 o'clock at night.

I think you have just shined a spotlight on a very fundamental fact about Uber. I'm always pushing myself hard to do things, and sometimes what feels like pampering myself is actually kind of self-destructive.

I am trying to imagine an entire mind-set shift, where I went running for the joy of it and ate healthily because it was a joyful thing to do. But really I approach everything else-- determined and **** bent to not only do a good job but to be astonishingly outstanding.

Yikes.

I guess I have a lot of mental baggage to unpack.

Meanwhile, I just found out that I have to go back to New York to be video taped in mid-April and I found that that MAGICALLY restored my ability to stay one hundred per cent on plan.

Lyn2007
03-26-2011, 11:59 AM
I totally relate to this feeling! I too have had a small regain, and wow, it feels like I am morbidly obese again. I mean it doesn't *really* physically feel that way but mentally I feel like I am back to square one. When, in fact, we are not! Ten pounds does seem like 100 though, for some weird brain reason. I have to force myself, close my eyes and remember how it *really* felt 100 pounds heavier, and then I realize there is no comparison.

We'll get there! Just keep plugging along.