is it that so many of us with so much to lose just cannot seem to do it? I have gotten to 252 - but just can't seem to get to 250. I'm trying so hard to figure out why those first 40 were so easy to lose, but now I'm stuck.
I seem to have just given up. Maybe its that there are so many other stressors in my life.. but I don't want to have so many excuses anymore! My life should NOT have to be perfect for me to be able to succeed at this weight loss thing. I look at Snowball and think - man Beth Anne, she is losing in the midst of life struggles, why can't you???
It seems every time I feel like I'm ALMOST ready to start again - something comes along. My latest excuse is "It's the holidays, you are NOT going to be able to stay OP - so you should just wait until after they are done."
Anyone else having this problem? Thoughts? Suggestions??
I'm open :)
12-18-2002, 05:05 PM
Beth Anne - I have the same problem as you, and can't seem to get with the program most of the time. Frankly, I know one of my biggest problems is that most of the time, I just don't care enough about myself to take care of myself. I know I can't be the only person in the world that feels worthless much of the time, and it's very hard to take good care of something that you feel is worthless. I've been seeing a therapist for the last year, and have come a long way on some long-standing problems, but this lack of self-acceptance is being the toughest nut to crack. And I know that I will not be able to lose the weight until I feel like I'm worth the effort. My therapist says the way to begin is to notice the behavior when it crops up, and try to imagine what it would like to not be so hard on myself. And to take time for myself. This is so hard for me to do. I care for my 82 yr old mother who has COPD (pulmonary fibrosis) and is on oxygen all the time (she lives with me), I babysit 3 of my grandkids (ages 3-12) several days a week (after school for the older ones), my oldest son's wife is in the process of leaving him (for a guy 12 years younger than she is) so I'm trying to be emotional support for him and his kids. I manage to take care of all these people and be there for them and yet, I can't seem to do the same thing for myself.
Thich Nhat Hahn (a Buddist monk) says: If you cannot love yourself, you cannot love another person. If you cannot accept yourself, if you cannot treat yourself with kindness, you cannot do this for another person. I guess this is true, because a lot of the time I DO resent having to take care of everyone else, and there is no one to take care of me. What I can't seem to get thru my head is that I'M the only one who can truly do that. Sorry for the long ramble, but this subject is one I'm very much aware of at this time of the year (looking at a new one, hoping it will be better than this one). Anyhow, I'd love to hear what some others have to say on this subject of taking care of one's self.
12-18-2002, 05:16 PM
Hi Beth Anne,
It's good to see you posting again. I wish I had some great advice for you, but I dont. Pretty much, you have to make yourself "just do it". What are the alternatives? Staying this same weight the rest of your life, or worse gain it all back plus more?? I have lost weight during the end of my marriage and now during my seperation and soon to be divorce dealing with my seven year old son and his issues with this and also he has ADHD to top it all off. Somehow during all this (the past two years) I have managed to lose weight. The current total is 76.5 pounds in two years. Not world's record speed but I am glad I havent made it an excuse to give up on my weight loss goals. Just do it!! You are worth it. Just maintain during the holidays if you dont feel up to trying to lose. After the holidays everyone will be wanting to lose and you can join them!! :)
36.5 to 200!!
12-18-2002, 08:40 PM
Don't forget that as you lose weight it does get harder, what you did to start off with won't always allow you to lose weight when your lighter, you are going to have to eat even less or exersize more. Your body just doesnt like losing weight and will fight you every step of the way. I've been beating myself up as for 6 weeks of trying dam hard Ive only lost a couple of pounds but really it's still good as I havent gained anything. Youve done amazing for losing so much weight, you need to focus on how well you've done and praise yourself. You will lose more weight it just won;t be as easy or as quick but keep up the determination and do what you've been doing to lose and you will get there in the end. I'm sure of this as there is no other way for me, I'm not going back and I'm not settling for the weight I am.
come the new year I'm just going to find ways to work harder and try diferent things. I think my body responds to eating different ways and I try trick it by using different programs.
12-18-2002, 10:14 PM
I think that to do anything effectively you have to be focused and motivated. If you have other problems bogging you down or at the very least giving you an excuse to not loose weight or exercise or drink water. For example I've been taking these school courses since September and they became a huge excuse not to do a whole lot of things. I just knew that I had all this school work to do and it became so overwhelming that I wouldn't do anything. I used the baby as an excuse for a whole year and then this school for the past 4 months. So here I have all these things around me that I can't focus on trying to lose weight. I have the baby at daycare so I have tons of time to exercise but there is this schoolwork that I don't do yet still somehow stops me from working out or doing other things that might help me lose weight. I'm not one of those people who can have all kinds of things going on and keep all the balls in the air. I need to get rid of some of these things that I end up using as excuses. so I'm not going to take any school courses until next fall and I'm going to write up some schedules for myself to follow so when I have all this free time I can organize myself.
I think we need to figure out what we are using as excuses and get rid of them so there are no excuses. After that then you have to decide if there is some other reason that you can't lose weight.
12-19-2002, 10:10 AM
I can't say that I'm one of those who is just whooshing down the scale ... it just plods along, and I seem to lose a few pounds, then waver around a certain number, then lose a couple more ...
I guess Soiley really made me think about this, with the comment about feeling worthless. I say this to her, but I think it could apply to you as well, Beth Anne -- Look at all you're doing! All that caring you're doing for others! You're certainly NOT worthless. That said, I know it doesn't really mean anything to read it, or even to say it to yourself. Heck, I can understand why Soiley is feeling so overwhelmed, taking care of everyone but herself!
So I don't have quite as many demands on me in terms of caring for other people as Soiley, but I do have them, what with caring for my daughters and husband and the house and work. And I'm familiar with that hopeless feeling, and truly I don't take care of myself as much as I probably should. The difference now from 8 months or so ago is that I've gotten into the habit of weightlifting 3x/week, and it has changed my attitude completely.
While just doing exercise is not going to take those pounds off quickly and easily, what it DOES do is release endorphins that act as a natural anti-depressant. I know this is working because I notice when I slack off a bit on my exercise (like last week when I got sick), I tend to have more episodes of feeling a little good-for-nothing or lazy. Getting through a really good workout leaves me feeling more confident, more content, less moody, more competent.
So, Beth Anne, I don't remember (and I'm sorry, I should!) whether you're getting in any regular exercise ... and Soiley, if you're not, maybe you could come up with something you can do while you have your grandkids with you, or something you could do first thing in the morning before they come ... But if you're NOT doing it, perhaps you should give it a try and see if it will help with your attitude. The hardest part is starting, and I'll admit you really do have to just make yourself do it. (and I'll say, for me, lifting weights gave me the boost more quickly than walking ever did)
BUT, most of all, I hope that everyone who is having a hard time right now can relax a bit, stop beating yourself up, and enjoy spending time with family and friends during the next couple of weeks.
Big hugs for the holidays,
12-22-2002, 12:33 AM
first, bethanne... you've lost a lot of weight rather quickly. and unfortunately, your body is probably taking some time to adjust to the loss. one of the most frustrating experiences known..
there are some tricks that people give to break plateaus, but i'm not entirely convinced that they work until your body is ready to let go of the weight again. all i can suggest is that you keep OP as best you can... OR, now here's a revolutionary thought, focus on maintaining what you've lost. just go for no gains for awhile. and then try a weight loss cycle again.
as for the psychological aspects. oh dear. i'm heading for couch time on this issue as well!!! and this is such a stressful time of the year. and why do we have to be so damn hard on ourselves???? we wouldn't EVER do this to a friend, or even a stranger, or, heaven forbid, someone we didn't like.. yet we treat ourselves worse than we'd treat anyone!
SO, why am i sitting here eating 3 tbs of mixed nuts at 11:30 pm?? knowing they're so high in fat??? well, i didn't hit my protein goals, and i've been so stressed i'm having trouble keeping things down fromtime to time. but why the nuts when i could have cottage cheese or a hard boiled egg or some chicken???
beats me!!!!! and i REFUSED to have a protein shake today. and staying OP for me is a real MUST because of the WLS.. so.. why am i just making such wrong choices? stress? rebellion? dread of next week with the more-awful members of my family??
sure wish i could help... but all i can really offer is sympathy..
12-24-2002, 10:18 AM
I needed this post...I was thinking the same exact thing.
New Years 2000 I began a weightloss journey. Yeah, it was tough, But I was so determined and confident. I lost 68 lbs. And I felt great. Well..am back up. Not to my highest. But am well on my way. I have to stop this insanity.
I am not waiting for January 1st. December 26th. I just have to do it. Just one good day, really really good day. I have to get my butt out there and exercise and then I will remember how good it really does feel. No more of this. The depression just sets in with my weight gains and before I know it, I will set a new high weight.
Santa is bringing me the determination and confidence that I CAN do this. I am so proud of so many of you. I want to be proud of myself again.
I hope some of you join me. I need alot of hands to hold.
BA? You in?
12-24-2002, 10:23 AM
Jennifer, you're so right! I'm planning to begin a 12 week Body for Life challenge on January 6 - but I've been ignoring good eating for a few weeks now (keeping up with my exercising, I'll at least give myself that!), and there's no reason I can't jump right back on good eating habits December 26.
Let's do it, gals.
12-24-2002, 11:48 AM
Hey Jennifer -
I am absoultey behind you, however due to CRAZY family events and the 12 days of Christmas (or at least it seems like it!) it will be really hard for me to get completely back on the wagon until January 1st. There is no room to exercise in my house until the christmas tree goes away, and I feel guilty going for a walk alone because the dog is not allowed to go. And if she sees us go outside but doesn't hear a car leave she FREAKS and tears up the house. Her stitches come out on Friday (the 27th)
I will commit to start exercising, 3x per week, starting December 28th.
I plan to be fully OP Starting January 1st. I have my grocery list and 2 weeks of meals lined up and ready for shopping.
12-24-2002, 11:50 AM
BethAnne...poor puppy! What kind of surgery did she have?
Someone tell me more about Body for Life challenges...
12-24-2002, 01:22 PM
Hi Bethanne (and everyone here)
I SO know what you are going through! I'm starting again on New Year's ...sigh...I'm sick of having the same resolution every year!!!
You should be so proud of yourself, though! Look at how well you've done-you've lost close to fifty pounds!! That is amazing. Don't beat yourself up for not being under 250. Just think of what you might weigh if you hadn't worked so hard all year, and be proud of your accomplishment so far.
My goal for 12/31/03 is to be under 200 lbs. Even if I end the year at 199. I think I'm just at 250 now-although after all the eating between now and new year's who knows.
Here's to all of having a fantastic 2003!
12-25-2002, 11:31 PM
Jennelle - take a look under Body for Life under Diet Plans (I think!) on the main board. Those ladies can answer a lot of questions. Really briefly, it's a plan that involves a focused workout plan of alternating weight lifting and aerobic exercise (6x/week, pretty intense but not long sessions) and "clean" eating ... this is simplifying it a lot, but 6 small meals a day, cutting out the complex carbs (like sugar) ... and one free day/week. There are websites out there you can search out as well, but the best way to learn about it is to read the book, Body for Life by Bill Phillips - if you're interested, see if they have it at your library (I usually try to do that before buying!).
All that said, it's not a quick weight loss plan, and I've noticed that a lot of the success stories are from people who didn't have 100+ pounds to lose, like most of us ... It's more of a shape-up plan. But again, check out the BFL section on the board.
12-26-2002, 10:25 AM
Hmmm. Body For Life....
I think her name is Mrs. Jim? Maybe? I dunno. Something like that. Her success story is amazing and she did have quite alot of weight to lose. She is in the body For Life boards here. If your interested..she will inspire you and am sure she can help you with any questions.
12-26-2002, 02:52 PM
i saw her ... she went all the way down to a size 4. VERY inspirational!
12-27-2002, 10:34 AM
Hey Jennelle - Coda had her "spay" surgery - we don't want any little Codas. :)
12-28-2002, 09:01 PM
Beth Anne...Our bassett hound, Ted, is scheduled for a neutering after the first of the year. Poor little guy won't know what to do without balls to lick, but I'm tired of him marking his territory all over the house. :)
Everyone: I looked into the Body for Life plan and I really like it. I'm going to do my first challenge starting Monday, December 30. My only goal is to stick with it.
12-30-2002, 09:43 AM
Beth Anne... the only thing magic I know is this... Just don't quit.
Sooner or later your body will respond like you want it to but only if you don't quit. I've been in the 290's forever but that's okay because I was in the low 300's forever too wanting badly to be in the 290's, LOL. Now, of course, I long for the 280's and I know that sooner or later... I'll get there.
SO will you : )
12-30-2002, 10:23 PM
BethAnne I am there with you stuck then so much stressort to throw me off and work has been wonderful to give me cash but it has taken any me time i used to have and threw it all away s now there is no more me time and that leads to no exercise and (imangine me not going to the gym) WELL GIRL I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU LETS TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME!! (STARTING JAN 1!)