Weight Loss Surgery - Husbands Consultation

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12-18-2002, 11:39 AM
OK everyone Friday is the big meeting.

In preparation we have done a lot of reading and a lot of talking. Wrote down past weight loss and diets. We have even gone through the family history so the doctor can get a good overview and ordered copies of medical records.

So does anyone have any last minute advice?
Suggested questions?

12-18-2002, 02:09 PM
soooo... how comfortable are you two with this decision? is your hubby ready to take the responsibility for making sure he gets his protein? vits? exercise? water? forever and ever?

and about the emotional eating? does he have that well in hand? maybe the doc has some advice on that.

and the diet history is all ready to go? that's one of the most important things.

and ask the doc if your husband has to lose weight before the surgery, and ask about what he should be eating between now and then,. some docs are very strict and others are not. some simply say 'don't gain.' and others want a weight loss.

if you husband is on any anti-arthritis or pain medications, ask the doc about using them post op. most docs allow only tylenol for 3 months because most of the other meds have a risk of stomach irritation, not what anyone needs postop.

that's all i can think of right off the top of my head, but if something else occurs to me, i'll come back

good luck!!!

12-18-2002, 03:39 PM
Thanks for the reply! You have brought up some things that I never even thought of; like pain meds.

It is really strange to me how his mind works! Not that not being able to understand your husband is a new thing, but as we have traveled this road to possible surgery, it has been scary but defiantly eye opening for the both of us.

The first thing that John has really realized is how much more he eats than the ďaverage sizedĒ person. His sister just remarried, and instead of a reception at a hall they took us all out to a very nice restaurant which had a beautiful surf-n-turf style buffet. Everyone over ate and was discussing how good everything was. After we left he admitted that he was not at all full but was very self conscious about repeatedly going to the Buffett when everyone else was discussing how ďstuffedĒ they were.

I took this opportunity to again discuss the fact that he really has no idea of what a portion size is. Always before this was a huge opportunity for a fight. He finally admitted that he does not ever really feel full. He can just keep eating. And he said he feels that he really needs help on that.

I am concerned that he does not want to tell anyone about this. Including any family member.

As far as getting the protein, vits etc., I do not for see any problems. John is not a sweets eater, and would take meat over anything else any day. Iím honestly more concerned about him still overeating even after the surgery.

Water, again not a problem. But the exercise, that I am worried about. He like everyone else here it seems, has the bad knees which he does take pain meds for. Iím sure as he loses weight he will feel more like moving. But as of right now, this is one that I will continue to be concerned about.

and about the emotional eating? does he have that well in hand?

Honestly, does anyone have this well in hand? I guess this is one only John can answer, but as for myself, I would say NO! I hope the doctor can help the both of us with this.

Why would they have you lose weight before the surgery? If he could, Iím sure he would, but this is the reason he is coming to them for help? Is there something I donít understand here?

Again, to all of you, thank you so very much for all the help. I honestly donít know where I would be if you were all not so honest about your struggles. I know it has helped John a lot. He does not post but he has read everything that I have printed from this site. It has made him not feel so alone and be able to admit a lot of the feeling of helplessness, so from the both of us, thank you!

12-18-2002, 06:47 PM
luna... another quick answer... about ready to leave work. but let me just talk about the pre-surgery weight loss. actually, the main reason for the surgery is not because we can't lose weight, we've proven that we can over and over. 5, 10, 20 pounds. whatever. but we always put it back on and more.

there are two main reasons surgeons ask us to lose weight. one is to try to reduce the surgery risk. every pound that comes off is one that our hearts and lungs don't have to struggle against when we're under anesthesia.

the other reason is to show that we are motivated and able to make at least some lifestyle change. remember, this weight loss doesn't have to be permanent.

as for the exercise, let's hope barb chimes in with her experience with ole alvin. he's gone from whining and fussing and fighting it into the EXERCISE POLICE, and nags HER now.

and he MUST get up and move right after the surgery, as soon as the nurses tell him he can. and he has to KEEP moving, even if it's as simple as marching in place for a few minutes. it helps the healing, and helps the weight loss. in fact, for the first time in my life, an eating program plus exercise is actually working! so IT DOES HAPPEN!!!!

the surgery does something to the appetite signals. the docs have no idea what it is, but those of us who never got full before get full REAL FAST now. john's concept of a 'serving' will definitely change, big time. i now look at a chicken drumstick, a tablespoon of rice and 1/2 cup of salad and wonder if i'm going to be able to eat it all!!!!

and as for telling or not telling the rest of the family, he really doesn't have to. it's a touchy subject. he might be afraid that they'll try to talk him out of it, or he doesn't want to get into a debate, or he just wants to keep this decision private. as long as he has support in some form, like you and maybe a close friend or two and other surgery patients, that should be enough.

more later, i hope.

12-20-2002, 05:20 PM
Well we are back and all I can say is WOW!

We got to talk to some really great people. And we got a whole lot of information.

For Jiffy - I think some of these people were channeling you. As one lady put it, so what do you know about protein? LOL

They are also REALLY big into support groups. They gave us a local name and number to call to start attending.

The one thing I'm not really sure that I am happy about is that they only do "open". I really wanted him to get the lap so it would not have to be an open surgery. I do like that they keep them for 4 days after surgery. So I guess that it may be a trade off?

John told them to go forward with the insurance checks so I will keep you all posted.


12-23-2002, 12:04 AM
so glad everything went so well.. how is john feeling about all this? has it settled in yet?

as for the lap vs open.. isn't there someone around who will do it lap? or are you happy with this bunch of docs? it all boils down to confidence in the docs/nurses/support folks, and lots of research to be sure that this is the right decision for YOU. or in this case, john.

did he get to talk with any guys? my surgery buddy went on a second honeymoon with his lovely, long-suffering wife, and HINTED that sex was better and more frequent than before the surgery.. of course, he didn't come right out and SAY that [he's very much a gentleman,l which is one of the reasons i like him], but .....

and of course we all know what's first on a man's mind...