Weight Loss Surgery - Not sure who to tell about surgery..

I got my surgery date:carrot: and yesterday I got my liquid diet in the mail (2 weeks before and 2 weeks after with the liquid diet). My surgery is on the 29th so I start the diet Monday. Im getting the "Sleeve" :D My question is who did you tell you were getting surgery:?:? My mom and my sister are not very supportive, my Husband and Kids are (my husband has the lap band)..Im not sure if I want EVERYONE to know..

aaaaah. first of all, Tiff, welcome to our corner of the world. and second - there is no right answer to that question. some people NEVER tell anyone, just letting the world believe that they've simply found a diet/exercise plan that worked [and in a way, they have!].

others tell the whole world [i was one of those, but i was VERY ill going into the surgery and everyone was really pleased that i finally had a good chance of getting healthy].

still others just tell spouses - or their mothers- or some other limited group of people.

my recommendation: do what's comfortable for YOU. bottom line, it's nobody's business but your own. If you choose to share, that's for you to decide.

what kind of liquid diet did you get in the mail? most of us are given a list of things to do/not do before and after surgery - i didn't know that there were specialy liquid diets out there!

Dish, darlin!!!!

The bariatric Center im going to (Hurley in Michigan) starts you off with a 2 week liquid diet from Better MD (and 2 weeks post opt). Its just shakes, puddings and jello but packed with vitamins and fiber. My Husband did the diet before his surgery and lost 50 pounds in 4 weeks..

As for telling anyone your right! Between my Mom, Sister and I, I have always been the fat one until about 7 years ago when my Mom got sick and gained 100 pounds plus because of the medication she was taking and my sister, well she just got big. Anyways, my sister, I know, will say she supports me but will be upset. My Mom will blab it to everyone under the sun. Oh and yes it will get thrown in my face im sure. So I guess I just answered my own question hu? LOL!

Thanks Jiffypop for the welcome!!! :)

Hi there. I am in the process of getting WLS but it will several months likely. I am not planning on telling anyone. My husband knows of course but that's going to be all. I know there are going to be people who are judgemental, that I am 'cheating' though if they knew what we go through with WLS they wouldn't think that! I don't need to put up with any negativity or people trying to talk me out of it or whatever. Sure there may be some supportive people but I find that negativity is more likely to overshadow the positive stuff.

I was the open book type, especially when I started to lose quickly and people started to notice. I had to deal with people being rude about it but you have to know you are doing the right thing by yourself and let the rest of the negativity go AND I was helping people, even the ones that were negative. Those that were thinking about having surgery, those that thought it was the easy way out, those that had it and had questions. Being open about it was right for me, but you really have to feel your way through it. Tell the ones you trust, everyone else knowing is not important anyway.

Good luck honey! Come here often, by helping other people, you get through it more successfully yourself.

Angela :hug:

I tell whoever asks what I did to lose. I am a terrible liar and also I feel like people who are asking are usually looking for something that will work for them and I feel bad not telling the whole truth.

Thanks Guys, I was going to say something to my Mom tonight, but then I changed my mind. I have been talking to a therapist, I feel it is a much needed step to get to the heart of how and why I got to this point. Im learning to use the 5 second reaction tool: Tell someone something and whatever they say in the first 5 seconds is usually a pretty good judge of how they truly feel. So tonight I said to my Mom, "I lost 25 pounds since you saw me" there was silence then she said "I'm not worried your just going to gain it back". That was enough for me THEN she told me "your sister is going to be pissed if you look better then her BUT im so proud of you" WTH:?: I was done.

Tiffrutherf: That 5-second reaction tool sounds like a really good idea! I'm sorry you had to use it in that circumstance :( but thanks for sharing it with us here.

<3 You know you're just doing what you need to do to get healthy. Good luck continuing your journey with good hearts supporting you.

I agree with Jiffy, tell whom ever you feel comfortable with. I personally did not tell anyone, my inlaws don't know and only 2 people at work know. I did not want people watching every morsel I put in my mouth or saying gee, she should be skinny by now. IMHO its nobody's business, and I'm very glad I didn't tell anyone.

I agree with Jiffy, tell whom ever you feel comfortable with. I personally did not tell anyone, my inlaws don't know and only 2 people at work know. I did not want people watching every morsel I put in my mouth or saying gee, she should be skinny by now. IMHO its nobody's business, and I'm very glad I didn't tell anyone.

I haven't had WLS surgery but I have dieted and I have found that once people ( I call them the diet police) find out that you are dieting, however you do it, they WILL monitor every bite you take. Somehow they just can't resist making unwanted comments. You can either turn a deaf ear to them or make a snappy comeback of some sort. The wittiest thing I can think of , "Yes, I should be eating food that doesn't make me (or keep) me fat ." That will answer the question of "should you be eating that ". ? Good luck .

I not telling more then 3 people (all men!);) . I started the liquid diet today, it was not hard until I had to cook dinner for the kids. I started craving the simplest of things..a bite of this a bite of that, but I did not give in. Honestly I cant, failing may mean that I will have to reschedule the surgery or cant have it at all and Ive come too far for that. Its 14 days (but I started a day early) I can DO THIS!!

[QUOTE=Tiffrutherf;3754064) My question is who did you tell you were getting surgery:?:?[/QUOTE]

I tell anyone who asks, though most people don't. If they are supportive that's great, if not then it's my health and well-being not theirs and I could care less.

My one regret is that my mother will never see me thin. She nagged me constantly for YEARS about my weight. She passed away a few years ago.

You are doing it for you not for other peoples approval.

Good Luck.........

Second day of the liquid diet..Im hungry! but i lost 3 pounds..I also had a meeting with the dietitian..14 days till surgery!

I'm another who told/tells anyone and everyone. Not only am I a bad liar, but I would eventually lose track of who did and who didn't know and mess it up anyway. Plus, it's a way for me to share information since most people don't know about the DS or the VSG. I can't think of a single time someone said something negative about the surgery to my face, and if they are saying it behind my back, who cares? I've had people make very uninformed comments, but I just correct them. People were generally very supportive, and many have been genuinely interested in learning more. I have yet to encounter any food police. I've had people ask me if I can eat certain things, to which I respond that, yes, I can eat anything, just not in mass quantities.

I needed my mother and my sister to help me recuperate after my surgery. I can't imagine how things would have been if I hadn't told them and something (god forbid) went wrong. I've also been honestly able to share my successes with them along the way. My sister now struggles with weight more than she ever has, and I now weigh less than her for the first time in our adult lives. I know she's a bit jealous of this, but I remind her that she can't compare herself to me because I have an additional tool to help me that she does not have. I would feel horrible if she didn't know about my surgery and just watched me lose weight and wondered why it was so much harder for her to do the same.

Liquid diet, today is the 5 day, my weight is 263.0 WOW!! 11 more days until surgery!!!

Day 7 of the liquid diet before sleeve surgery down to 261.5 :carrot: 10 days till surgery! (I know no one is reading this but it feel good just to type it..Im proud of me!)

whaddaya mean, nobody's reading this???? i'm so proud of you for sticking to this liquid diet -

you might as well update your ticker - it'll make you feel better <is that possible?? you already sound pretty darn happy!!! :cheers:

Thank you Jiffy, its hard having to cook for your family and not being able to taste anything...but Im doing ok!

tiff - after the surgery, you're still gonna have to deal with cooking for your family with you not being able to eat quite so much, or the same things. after all, sometimes kids just want mac and cheese, and that might not sit well with you at some points.

is there any way your DH could help with the cooking, even a little bit?

Good Gawd I need to edit this post: yeah, I've done pretty good at resisting so far. Ive got pictures of the old me in a book by the fridge. So when ever I think of giving in, I just look through it. Hes ( DH) there if I get too weak, but for now, I'm facing my temptations and I journal after words, its getting easier, oh and a good food therapist helps!

BTW Day 9 of the diet I'm at 260.0! 8 days till surgery!

Very good question! And here's an answer from someone who is not in a position to consider having this surgery - I am an outsider - I'm one of those in the community who may judge.

It is your RIGHT to keep it to yourself but you will be judged...by the ignorant. If that happens, just know that they just showed you their true colors and IDK what the color of stupid is, but that's their color.

However, it's like ANY plastic surgery. Most keep it to themselves. People (outsiders) notice a change in you and they wonder and gossip (feeble mindedly). When they find out it's true, the proceedure was done, you may be looked upon as, well, maybe not an all out liar (coz it's your own very personal business) but you may lose a notch in the trust/truth department with them.

Some plastic surgery ppl tell those close to them and usually have their support because they were honest.
What do you respect more? A person who tried to hide their plastic surgery or one who is upfront about it and wants to celebrate the change with you?

Either way, though, surgery is sometimes viewed as "cheating". They've altered the body God gave them and without being up front about it, it may appear you are trying to take credit for an A when you really cheated on the test.

That said, weight loss surgery is different. Many who choose surgery are in life or death situations, which is NOT true for most boob jobs and nose jobs. So do what you need to do and consider the consequences of the opinions of the ignorant.

I get where your coming from. But I've been an overweight person for so long and I've dealt with the mean comments and looks (from family), so I would welcome gossip from the other way. At first I was wondering who I should tell? But now I see; No One needs to know. Why? Well, No one cares that I have to give myself insulin shots everyday, No one cares when I cry because I feel like a prisoner in my own body, No one cares that my back hurts every morning, instead they say things like "Just put down the fork or pull away from the table". Well guess what, I found a tool that will help me do just that, because what Ive been doing for 20 years has not worked and I am honest with myself, I NEED HELP. So why they are spending their time judging me, I'll ask "Why do you care so much?"

I love that 5 second rule - it works for almost any situation, doesn't it?

With all the press about getting healthy, you would think you'd have a lot of people onyour team - but there are so many "haters" out there you just don't know what to say to who. Good luck, you're in my thoughts,

with my own weight loss, I've just learned to develop a thick skin. I know there is nothing I am going to do or say that will please everyone, so, I'm doing it for me!

Man, I wish they had a "like" button on here! ^^^^:hug:

Tiff Come here and often as you can to talk, share, commiserate, etc. We all will be here for you. I hope you don't mind that I sat in here and listened to all of you talking. I have seen programs on WLS, although I do know they have tweaked the procedures and the new ones are different than the ones in the past, and I don't plan on having it done myself for one reason: I don't want to give up the "control" (even if it might be illusional) over what I can and can't eat. And, again, this is probably just another "myth" about life after WLS.

In fact, a good friend of mine daughter, Angie, had the lapband and my friend was saying how her daughter, Angie, would still eat more than she (my friend) did although it made Angie really sick. Finally, the dr told Angie that it was all in her head. :?: Obviously, Angie didn't receive the much-needed therapeutic support she needed to adjust her portion control and visual cues about food. I don't blame Angie. I blame the support network that should be there for WLS patients.

I hope whomever you are seeing will help you deal with the how and why you got to where you are but having said that, we all are emotional eaters to some extent especially those of us who have to lose 100 lbs or more. I also "belong" to the Beck Diet Solution here on 3FC. That is the tools for losing and sticking with a weight lose plan, whatever that entails. Check us out later if you wish to.

Right now, I have a catalog from some place in NC regarding bariatic supplements and foods. Now, I did not order this but I did leaf through it and I am seriously considering on getting some of the Vitamin B supplements since that helps with stress and for me I am a stress-induced overeater, at times.

I too decided that I wouldn't tell but a few people close to me. Let the others guess. It's not their business unless you want to make it their business. I have lost 30+ lbs but after the initial once over people usually go back to whatever their business is. Another reason why I haven't told anyone other than my DH and sister is because if I have something that would be considered "non-diet" food I don't want "Should you????" No, probably not but I want to and if I gain a lb or two that is also my business. Either way I am the one who is going to have to live with the results-one way or the other.

Here is another illustration: I am close to 58 years old and you can see that I am a light blond in my photo. Well, in my Friday night Bible study the grey/white haired ladies are always asking me a ton of questions about my haircolor. First, I get compliments then it is "what color is that?" I say, "whatever the label says on the box". Then, I have had them touch it thinking I am wearing a wig. I let them do that. They are nice woman. Then, I have one woman who says "So, how old are you? I really don't know." I just say "I don't look my age". (we'll see when the fat cheeks thin out). I have asked my DH if he thinks I "can" wear my hair longer. I have since grown my bangs out although it is still the same length as this picture. I finally said, I want to wear my hair longer as long as I like it and it looks good on me. Why not? Who says I have to be gray (which can be drab and lifeless looking)when I don't feel drab and lifeless otherwise? Who says I have to get the "usual" short haircut just cause I am a certain age. I'm not trying to hang onto a certain age (you will never see me in skin tight jeans or boob tubes no matter how skinny I may ever get!) but if I can enjoy the compliments because I tweak my hair color so what? It makes me feel good and when I feel good I am nicer to me and to you as a result.

Give yourself this gift. I am cheering you on, tiff, you can do this. The best of the best to ya, sweetie!:hug:

Thank you so much Pam :hug:!

Oh I am a binge eater, big time!!!! On my "last" day before I had to go on the liquid diet I ate :

2 sausage McMuffins, 3 hashbrowns and a large pop.

For lunch I had 1 large fry, 1 fo-lay-o-fish, 1 double fo-lay-o-fish and large diet pop..

For dinner: 1 Nacho bell gr., 1 5 layer br., a side of rice and cheese and 3 chocolate chip cookies

I was so ashamed, and the sad thing was, I was not even full..I have a problem, a big one.

Pam you are so right about people being nosy with the questions..I know I'm going to get a bunch but I look at it like this, at least I'll be alive and healthy enough to hear them :)!

Im getting the sleeve so they are going to cut 70 to 85% of my stomach off (and the part that contains the hormone gelling (sp) which makes us want to eat). Unlike gastro-bypass I will be able to eat any food I wish, just less of it so I have to be careful:o.

BTW day 10 of the liquid diet 258.0!! 6 days till surgery

When I had my band I didn't tell anyone other than one sister and one friend and the only reason I told them is because I was gonig to Mexico for surgery.

When I had my revision to a sleeve I told anyone who would listen.

Just remember, once you tell someone there is no taking it back but you can always tell them later.

So true Ifellicantgetup! Good point!

Still holding at 258...4 days until surgery! :carrot:

I tell anyone who asks, though most people don't. If they are supportive that's great, if not then it's my health and well-being not theirs and I could care less.

My one regret is that my mother will never see me thin. She nagged me constantly for YEARS about my weight. She passed away a few years ago.

You are doing it for you not for other peoples approval.

Good Luck.........

Wow, I can so relate to what you said about your mom. My mom passed away in 2009 and while she wasn't on my back about losing weight I know she really wanted me to be successful at losing weight. She knew how much better I would feel when I lost weight. The way I look at it both our moms are up there cheering us on! :)

There is another web site you might want to look at (not that this site isn't fabulous seeing as I've been a member since 1999 and still coming back). This site though has a lot more about weight loss surgery. www.obesityhelp.org Have a look at it!

Hi,
I think you tell people who you feel comfortable with. It is totally your decision.
I think it is great your husband and kids are supportive.
Mom and sister don't need to know. It is really none of their business.
Congratulations! I hope all goes well with your surgery!:carrot:

Drama with my Mom and sister again..Ughh. I stop talking to my sister months ago..been doing fine..Life has been good. yesterday My mom came to visit me and and she kept bringing up the point that my sister "Loves" me. Then later that day, my sister text me with all the details of my mom's visit..I did not respond. Im done. This is a big step for me (Im keeping the story short because it would take a small book to explaine) 20+ years of this crap, I so over it! Anyways, Less the 48 hours till surgery and Im down to 257.0!

WOW that went fast! you've done a GREAT job here. don't swallow your anger [you know what i mean]. that's a really hard lesson to learn, and it doesn't happen overnight.

MWA MWA MWA!!! is your hospital bag packed? are you ready??? honest?

Jiffy, Im kinda ready but not all the way packed.

I called yesterday and they moved my surgery up to 7:30am which means they want me there at 5am!!! ( 2 hours from now):o. Im so scared, I pray everything goes well. I am sad that I have to leave my kids (9,4 and 18 months) for a couple of days BUT because I was going down such an unhealthy road with (I am a type 2 diabetic, high blood pres. and high colst.) I would much rather spend 2-3 days away to add years to my life.

I ended the pre liquid diet at 257, so I did good..The first couple of days were ok, those last few were HARD!

No one knows Im going in except DH, my brother and my Father in law (all men, all supportive). Well thats it, the next time you hear from me I will have surgery:carrot: Love to you all!

Good Luck!!!!!! Let us know asap!! :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I'm back home! I must admit it was hard. I remember reading a post about a person who got depressed after the surgery and wondering WTH? I would kill to be in their shoes, I would be so happy. But I DID get depressed for 2 to 3 days after the surgery. Not because the surgery itself, but because of the healing process. I felt like I was "out of it" for 2 days and that made me very sad. I remember praying to God in my hospital bed "please let me feel better". Then I said enough, So I got my *** up and started to work, I started walking in the hospital, when I got home, I took my meds, and asked for replacements for those meds that made me drowsy. I did not use the pain meds, my incisions never hurt (thank God) I was never in pain. I just felt "sick" for lack of a better word. You know when you feel like you could vomit at any point? When you dont feel much like interacting or talking? Kinda like that plus I was always cold. Also (when I got home) i had the erage to walk, I could not sit still for more the 5 mins. I would time myself and try to force myself to stay seated but I would have to get up and do something every time.
Today is the second day that I have felt like "me" 5 days post opt. so what ever the depression issue was it passed quickly for me. If I had to do it all over again I would (so far) and I am so happy I kept a journal to follow my progress and remember on my darkest days what bought me here.;) (this is quick post so sorry about the errors)

so glad everything went well for you. keep up the posts, and just know you're still in my thoughts. Hugss!

((hugs)) back!

Tiffrutherf I too am keeping my decision a secret. I am telling only my husband. I have a thirteen year old daughter at home and plan to send her to Kansas to visit her sister when my surgery is scheduled. My adult children are all over, thus one in Kansas, one about 90 miles from me and one in town. But, we are all so busy, we don’t get together regularly. I go to school and will not tell any of my class mates as I don’t want to deal with their judgmental attitudes. This is mine to tell and that’s it. Yours is yours to tell and that’s it. You can always say you’re a new and healthier eating plan. That will be the absolute truth and it’s what I plan to tell others IF AND ONLY IF they ask. You can always try to schedule your surgery s around the slow time of your employer or shut down if that’s an option. Bottom line is, this is for you. You answer to yourself and any religious deity you may believe in. Good luck to you…….
I just finished your last post. I’m so happy for you and that things are going well. Please keep us posted. And thanks for sharing about the depression. I was wondering about that. Sometimes I wonder if it just has to do with all the meds you get when you have surgery?? Who knows, not me, that’s for sure.
All~ I go for my very first appointment next week, Thursday, April 28 at 6pm. I’ve read a lot about the procedures and I’m really interested in the sleeve. I like that it’s permanent, and you don’t lose quite as much of the nutritional factors. Sadly, that means you don’t lose all the calories with a bypass too. But, I’ll have to decide for sure after the seminar. I’m a bit scared, ok, really scared, but it’s time. I’ve battled with this for decades now. I’m in my 50’s and it’s starting to affect my health. I have pseudotumor cerebri …..stated plainly, high cerebral spinal fluid pressure in my brain. One dr says it’s cuz of my weight. Others do not agree. I also have fibromyalgia. We all know losing weight will help that too. So, I’ll be checking on all of you from time to time and let you know how my appointment goes next week. Thanks for making this available. I used to post of 300+ Club a very long time ago. But I am back here now. Thanks again.

Sandy-good luck! Ask questions and maybe start a pro/con list with the different procedures including side effects of each one to help you decide. Also-find out the total # of each type of surgery the surgeon has done-don't rely on percentages. You want a surgeon who has done A LOT (as in hundreds, hopefully) of the particular procedure.

May I ask why you don't want to tell your daughter? She seems at an old enough age to be told and understand what's going on. Are you worried about her worrying about you?

Sandy- This was the best choice I have ever made for myself so far. I am a little over 3 weeks PO and I feel so good. I can see my body changing and food does not control me anymore. I can't believe I waited this long. Now the day after surgery I was singing a different tune but now..Im so happy! Everyday I feel better and everyday I could care less and less about what people thing. My weight has kept me prisoner for so long and slowly Im braking free of my cell..

I'm coming late to this thread, but I didn't tell anybody but close friends and family at first, but now (a year later and at goal weight), if anybody asks me how I lost all that weight, I tell them the truth. I do not care one single bit about the judgmental attitude of ignorant people who might think it's "cheating" or whatever. If you haven't walked in my shoes, your judgement about my choices is utterly irrelevant to me. (And oh by the way, I'm having a facelift in July, too! LOL)

Welcome to the losers' bench! My sleeve has been a miracle for me, and I hope yours is a miracle for you, too!

Sandy, pseudotumor cerebri is most definitely linked to obesity.

The way I figure it re telling people - if it's someone who is close enough that they were prepared to say "gee you are getting fat, you need to do something", then I will tell them. My family and 3 close girlfriends know. If it's some random person at work, it's none of their business. I find it so rude that people even comment on the weight of colleagues that they don't even know well, it's certainly not their business what I eat or what I weigh.

Of course I appreciate nice feedback that I am looking well etc, but beyond that I just say "Oh goodness, that's a personal question!" when someone asks how much weight I have lost or how I have done it.

I had a sit down with my dad and his girlfriend. I come from a 1/2 Italian family, and since he's retired, his main hobby is cooking. So I had to explain I may not be able to enjoy some foods (triggers for overeating/heavy carbs) and showed him print-outs of medical diagrams. He was worried, but is very happy for me. His GF is very worried about the pain of recovery, but is just as understanding.

My aunt and uncle were at a dinner, and know about it too...my uncle's like 'meh' :D lol which = good with it. My aunt was very fascinated.
My hubbie's side does not know, and won't. They are not as open-minded.
2 Co-workers know, a close friend and her bf too.

I know these people won't blab or judge me. They would be the kind who saw me loosing that much weight and get worried. :hug: So to keep them worry-free I told.

I have my initial appointment with a bariatric nurse in a couple weeks. I'm terrified of telling my husband and parents. But I know I'll have to, I mean someone's going to have to help me the first few days after surgery, right? I'm hoping to build up my own cash reserve and time off from work in the 6 months of doctor assisted weight loss I need to do before surgery. That way I can at least justify it as that I'm doing this on my own. My money, my time, my body, my health, my decision. Right? Oy.... too many secrets.

you're not keeping a secret - you're having some THOUGHTS, and you don't have to share them unless you want to!

:hug:

Well, I am keeping a secret. It's beyond thoughts. I have literature from the intro class that I have hidden away, and I've been keeping a close eye on the mailbox because I'm expecting the 15 page patient history I need to fill out before my appointment with the bariatric nurse. So yeah, it is actually a secret that I'm keeping for now. Especially since right now I would probably lie to him if asked about it. I feel like I need to get further along in the process before I let people know. I need to be able to prove my resolve, and how much research I've done. I need to be able to show them that this isn't a whim, and it's not me taking "the easy way out." (I know we've all heard that before and we know it's not true. I myself was guilty of that mindset in the past...) I just need time before I feel like I'm comfortable letting others in on my plans. And this is not normal for me, I'm usually an open book. I'm the Queen of Self-Disclosure to the point at times I think of making others uncomfortable. Which is another reason I'm playing this close to the vest. I'm trying to be a little more conscious of how much I talk about myself.

See? Again with the talking about myself too much. ;0)

honey - talk away!! that's what we're here for!

:hug:

Just because you are gathering information on this does not mean that it is a secret. You are being daring and right now you don't need the negitive responses that truly will come your way when you do open up about this. You have to understand that no matter how much info you get or know you will face the negitive comments. If you have someone that you are in a relationship with and he is not willing to understand this process that you need to go through then you have to understand that this surgury is such a SMALL part to ALL the work that needs to be done. I am coming upon my 10 year anniversary and I have kept off 75 pounds. I was not married at the time and will tell you that my marriage would not be today if we had to go through that. Why? Because I needed to work on me. I didn't need the distractions from someone else. Get a good counsler and know that this surgury is such a small part to the work that needs to be done. If you need to get info. . .ask. If you need to know when the time is to talk. . .we are all here for you!