100 lb. Club - Could I be afraid of reaching goal???




ubergirl
03-09-2011, 07:36 PM
I'm giving a lot of thought about why on earth I got so close to goal and then just lost my mojo to get any further. I lost over a hundred pounds and then stalled, and yes, that was frustrating, but was it really frustrating enough to make me start to backslide?


calluna
03-09-2011, 08:22 PM
When you find the answer, let me know because I have the same question. Maybe your answer will help me -

Arctic Mama
03-09-2011, 09:11 PM
I have found that my complacency with weightloss is indeed related, at least a little, to reaching goal. For me it is a combination of 'good enough', forgetting what being obese looked and felt like, and mental freak outs about losing perhaps my one social crutch/shield.

I just had to hang out for a bit right above a milestone before my reasons for continuing to lose outweighed my justifications for maintaining where I was. It took time, no forcing worked.

Good luck, sweetie!


abetterme
03-09-2011, 09:27 PM
I can relate. I'm going through that now myself. I'm only a few lbs from getting out of the 170s and everytime in the past I get this mental block that keeps me from reaching this goal. I don't know why but I'm starting to feel it now. I guess we just need to remember why we are here and push through.

luckymommy
03-09-2011, 09:55 PM
I feel the same way. I got down to 164, which is very close to goal and then, I started binge eating and I could see now end in sight. I put on 15 lbs. in about 2 weeks time (just to let you know how serious my problem is) and now, I've lost a good bit of it very quickly (I guess if you get back on track fast enough, it tends to go back quicker). It didn't help that I had injured my foot and a week later, I had a migraine of a lifetime and am still recovering from the pain.

I think I'm afraid of getting to goal somewhere in the depths of my brain, but I really don't know why. Part of it is that I feel freaked out when I get close to goal. I feel like I'm going to be sick or something. It's as if some part of me feels that being fat is safer. Really, I have no idea why. I'm trying really hard to overcome this.

I wish I had some answers for you....I think I'll take the above advice of just hanging out where I happen to be until finally, my own "mojo" comes back. In the meantime, I'm trying to eat healthy, counting my calories and keeping active. I would really loooove to get to goal by summer. I SO want to have a thin summer! ;)

Tai
03-09-2011, 10:16 PM
Uber, could it be the thought of maintenance that's troubling you?

seagirl
03-09-2011, 10:21 PM
Someone posted a thread last week about how they felt like now that they'd reach their goal, they had no more potential. Nothing to strive for. That could be what you are feeling.

So, pick another goal to carry you even after you've hit the weight loss goal. It could be some fitness goal - riding your bike or running a certain number of miles or minutes per month, or learning a new language, painting a room in your house, etc.

Just keep finding new goals so that reaching a "big one" isn't as daunting.

krampus
03-09-2011, 10:50 PM
Who knows? I got within 8 pounds of goal and nowadays I'm lucky if I'm within 15. I don't feel fear or apprehension or anything. It's like I'm a thing possessed if I drop below a certain weight, almost as if my body really wants to stay at a given weight and is fighting my mind to stay at that weight.

It's so frustrating and some days I just want to say "bah, good enough" and stop, but I can't let myself "give up" or I feel incomplete as though I've aborted an important mission.

ValRock
03-09-2011, 10:51 PM
The same thing happened to me!! I hovered within 8 lbs of my goal for weeks and weeks and then BLEGH. Here I am again. So annoying.

krampus
03-09-2011, 10:55 PM
Val! There you are! How are you doing? You still want those clothes I never sent?

ValRock
03-10-2011, 02:28 AM
Val! There you are! How are you doing? You still want those clothes I never sent?

Oh gosh, I totally forgot about that! :o They probably wouldn't fit me now :^:. Let me know how much you want for them... maybe they will give me motivation to get my behind back in gear!

Rosinante
03-10-2011, 03:42 AM
Yes, you could be afraid of goal. I am. Not consciously, not deliberately but when I get nearer, panic sets in.

Like the previous thread - no more to strive for.

Also, for many years, tho not any more, I 'knew' that life would be magically be better once I was thin. The nearer I get the more it's a case of 'what if it's not?'

Loss of identity - we might have spent years (in my case, nearly half a century) trying to lose the weight but it is who we are/have been. Our appearance defines how others identify us and how we identify ourselves. When I'm in a Depression, then, fat or thin, my dread is the feeling of creeping non-existence. When I threaten my physical identity by losing 100+lbs, those feelings return with a vengeance.

The level playing field. Last time, when I got down to 16lbs off goal, I felt that I wanted to tell people I met for the first time that 'I used to be fat, you know'. I didn't! but I was a lot more comfortable among people who'd known me before and so who (in my mind, anyway) would view me as 'hasn't that fat woman done well' - but still be making the allowances I assume people did for fatme. By which I mean, a lot of people really do make assumptions that 'fat' = 'stupid', so I always felt people were surprised by my personality, which is not stupid but bright and smart and with a killer SOH. Once I got to 'normal' - well, no-one would be surprised any more, I suppose my personality was normal too, and I feared normal = mediocrity.

I hate putting on weight, I hate feeling bloated and fat but, in a weird way that I've never realized let alone vocalized before, I'm never happier than when I'm at the start of a Diet. I feel in control, I have a plan for my future. Once I'm at goal, I won't have those.

:hug:

Eliana
03-10-2011, 08:26 AM
Only you can answer that, but my first inclination is to say "no", I don't think you're afraid of goal. ;) I think you hit a wicked plateau at a really stressful time during your life. I think the one mistake you probably made was not looking at it as a sort of period of maintenance, each day being just like the one before for no other reason than to maintain that which you already lost. Mentally you were not prepared for a plateau and you fought it. And now you have that awful pressure to perfect. Who needs that? The rebellious teenager would come out of me in that situation. I'd put on 14 pounds too! I think you need to face that demon to figure yourself out.

I was the one who started to feel like I had no potential left once I hit goal. It was a concept that took me by surprise. I had no idea I'd feel that way. I discovered that all along I had "fat" to blame for all my inadequacies and now that the fat is pretty much gone, I'm left with just me. I felt like I had no more potential for perfection. I'm as perfect as I'm going to get and if you're not 100% satisfied (and who ever is) it's a pretty scary place to be.

ubergirl
03-10-2011, 11:15 PM
Thanks, everyone for all of the thoughtful responses.

Eliana, I DO relate to that idea of no more potential. It's as though there is this ideal person out there-- more successful, more beautiful, more amazing in every way than plain old Uber-- she's brilliant, she's admired by all. She doesn't procrastinate. Her house looks like a Pottery Barn catalog. Her children have perfect manners and keep their rooms spotlessly clean without being asked. And, she's thin. She is, in fact, normal weight. Well, to be honest, she's outright slender. She's the UBER uber, and as long as I'm fat, I couldn't possibly be her and so I'm not really EXPECTED to be her.

And I can actually pin point where this most recent backslide and binge-tastic couple of weeks have come from. I had to do this really important meeting where it was incredibly important how I looked and what I wore and how I acted-- it was totally stressful and I had to get professional hair and make-up and wear super sophisticated clothes that would never in one hundred million years have fit me one hundred pounds ago. So, for this fleeting moment, it actually seemed as though people actually believed that I was that other UBER--- the one who was beautiful and chic and sophisticated, and etc....

And I immediately came home and put on 14 pounds. There must be something to that... just not sure what it is, exactly.

bonnie2009
03-11-2011, 01:20 AM
I think for me getting to goal weight would/did make me feel exposed, exposed in the sense that there would be physically much less of me. Also, for me, I lost over a 100 pounds and did get to goal weight and thought all would be right with the world. There are many, many wonderful things about getting to goal weight but, I think, my head was so hard-wired as a heavy person I was lost when I got there. I overeat when I am stressed, tired, angry etc.. and when the excitement of striving toward goal weight was over that was stressful to me because I didn't know how to be at goal weight and live and think as a normal weight person. I think too I (my mind) was used to feeling unattractive, feeling invisible, less than etc.. the goal weight did not fix that.

I now am using visualization to visualize myself losing weight and getting to goal weight as a "normal"(whatever that is) person to begin with. A person with increased self esteem and other positive thoughts about myself. I think that will help me to be sane about losing the weight and realize that when I get to goal weight that I am not a heavy person with all the negative feelings that of come with it for me but a positive person that can slip into goal weight with little trepidation.

shannonmb
03-11-2011, 07:21 AM
It's as though there is this ideal person out there-- more successful, more beautiful, more amazing in every way than plain old Uber-- she's brilliant, she's admired by all. She doesn't procrastinate. Her house looks like a Pottery Barn catalog. Her children have perfect manners and keep their rooms spotlessly clean without being asked. And, she's thin. She is, in fact, normal weight. Well, to be honest, she's outright slender. She's the UBER uber, and as long as I'm fat, I couldn't possibly be her and so I'm not really EXPECTED to be her.

This is REALLY something to ponder on my way down. I appreciate your thoughts on this VERY much.

cestlavie22
03-11-2011, 09:34 AM
I usually only lurk but have been very interested in your thread because i totally relate to it. I lost well over 100lb and then got stuck between 180-190 for about 3 years. I kept trying to lose more weight to get to my goal of 155-160, would get down to 174 and then keep crawling back up into the 180s.

Over time i came to realize that i could maintain easily between 175-185 but to keep losing more weight was becoming more work. Also at this weight i could ski, i could run (but not as fast as i would like), i could generally do everything that i wanted to do and i looked good, not great, but good enough for a woman in her forties.

Today I am in the 160s! The long process of getting there has included realizing that i will always have to carefully watch what i eat and accepting that. I feel like this long period of maintaining while half-heartedly trying to diet has helped in this respect.

I have also had a change of focus. My focus is to now run a half marathon in May, and i decided that it would be a little easier if i was a little lighter. So losing the weight -not to get to goal but to achieve another objective somehow changed my focus and has helped me move forward in my weight loss. Because it isn't so much about weight loss as it is about running. Somehow that has helped me move around any mind barriers i had to losing the last 20lbs. Also the deadline and increase training have certainly helped. Every time i feel tempted to eat something off plan i ask myself the question: Will this help me run that half marathon? I don't have a specific weight loss goal but I see any weight loss as a plus

good luck with the struggle.

ubergirl
03-11-2011, 09:49 AM
C'est la vie! Thank you so much for sharing your story. That is absolutely fascinating to me...

Honestly, that is exactly where I thought I was... kicking around between 188 and 192 or so, a runner, fit and because of good old obese American, slimmer than most of my middle-aged women friends.... so after trying to starve my body into submission, I loosened up a bit and figured, well, I'll just maintain here for a while, this is a good weight...

But, then I didn't maintain and bounced up another ten....

I'm going to keep your story in mind because in the back of my mind, I had wondered about it. I figured that if I just kept my calories in check and kept exercising, without really trying to starve myself down that maybe eventually, my body would decide to let go of the rest....

You have given me hope.

silverbirch
03-11-2011, 09:54 AM
I had to do this really important meeting where it was incredibly important how I looked and what I wore and how I acted-- it was totally stressful and I had to get professional hair and make-up and wear super sophisticated clothes

This jumped out at me. You had to be very controlled. Then you went home and you weren't controlled. You rebelled.

Will you have to do this kind of work thing again? If you do, is there any mileage in getting a trainer for it? You know, to take control of the problem and neutralise it. It seems to me that the problem is centred on your work, with the binging stuff as a reaction to the work difficulty rather than the problem itself.

I like your posts, uber; thanks for posting this. :hug:

PS I know this is a bit terse but I was trying to get to the nitty-gritty. I'm warm and empathetic, really!

Sea
03-11-2011, 10:08 AM
I'm never happier than when I'm at the start of a Diet. I feel in control, I have a plan for my future. Once I'm at goal, I won't have those.

:hug:

I suspect that this is what it comes down to. We have learned that to accomplish our goals, and/or be happy with ourselves, we need a plan, and to follow that plan. How many times a day have we used the phrase, "on plan" ? Perhaps the solution is to be sure to develop goals and a plan for how we want to live our lives AFTER the weight goal is accomplished. What is next? What goals do we dream of accomplishing when our health will allow us to do more?