100 lb. Club - Uber in Trouble




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ubergirl
03-08-2011, 08:22 AM
Hello chickies,

I'm coming off a very very bad day. :( The last few weeks have just been AWFUL. I'm hyper stressed about a bunch of things, and for some inexplicable reason, after getting myself up to running 4 miles at a time with a good fast pace, all of a sudden, I just quit exercising. That was about 3 weeks ago.

I looks like when I stop exercising, I can't handle my stress any more.

I've been overeating every single day, and the scale shows it. I'm up FOURTEEN pounds from my lowest weight, from mid-October. Most of that gain has been in the last week.

Up until now, I was barely hanging on to my plan by my fingernails... overeating, yes, but still holding to the basic elements of my plan. Not binging. (I'm a binge eater...)

Then a couple of days ago, it all fell apart, and I started doing stuff like handfuls of Vanilla Wafers and crackers and extra slices of bread and peanut butter.

Yesterday, everything seemed fine but when I got home from work I was really hungry because I'd been on plan all day... I started a little nibbling before dinner, an orange, a crust of bread-- and then somehow, after dinner, I ended up in a FULL OUT BINGE. I felt completely sick and glassy eyed and JUST HORRIBLE. That is the first time I've done that since before June 2009.

So, here is what I think is going on.

My life is entering a phase where I'm very stressed and feel totally inadequate and insecure.

And I think for me, exercise is the key for managing my stress and managing my stress is the key for not binging.

So, here's my plan. Start exercising again. Go back on plan, but keep my calories relatively high and make sure I never get super hungry....

Start checking in here again.

That's all for now.


sept15lija
03-08-2011, 08:26 AM
:hug:, uber! I'm sorry you're having such a hard time and things are so stressful for you right now. Is there anyone you can talk to about what is stressing you so much? Exercise is an awesome stress reducer but maybe you need another helping hand as well. We're all here for you, keep posting!

Eliana
03-08-2011, 09:16 AM
I was just thinking about you as I was running on the treadmill this morning. :( I was actually going to PM you and was wondering if you would even get it. I've been worried because you haven't been here, not always a good sign.

Please check in more often! You had so much upheaval and now that the dust is settling I'm not sure you know what to do with yourself. I know how proud exercise makes you and you are so strong.

The one silver lining in this? BECAUSE you have gained 14 pounds, if you just get yourself back on plan, that weight is likely to just fall right off. I know you hit a plateau and I know you couldn't break it, but now...having been off...I just feel hopeful for you.

Tell me about your routine. How did you stop going to the gym at your favored time? What about your life disrupted your schedule? Was there just a day that you said, "No more"?

I urge you not to just say "I'm going to start exercising", but actually set a goal. Sign up for a 5K or even a half marathon!! Decide to do a pull up unassisted. Search for a new lifting routine and commit to 12 weeks of really giving it your all. Join a challenge here or set one up yourself with friends or colleagues. My gym spinning class just completed a challenge where we collected 1 "unit" for every 15 minutes of cardio activity we did. We put $5 each in the pot and the winner gets the pot and Subway gift certificates. It was amazing! We all got to know each other better, we all worked our butts off and were constantly asking, "How many units did you get yesterday?" We got really competitive with it. The nice thing was there was a timeline; an end date.

Come on Uber! Commit to 12 weeks of being totally on plan! 12 weeks! That is all. And after that, you WILL have renewed energy and a renewed spirit, guaranteed.

And come around here more! :D


time2lose
03-08-2011, 09:41 AM
Uber, I am sorry to hear about your problem but am so glad that you posted. Your plan sounds good and I know that you can do it!

If knowing that others are in the same boat with you helps, I have struggled too since the holidays and other long timers with large weight losses have posted with similar struggles. We all go through periods of great stress and I think that learning how to deal with them is something that we all need to learn. Something that is part of the process that makes weight loss permanent.

I am conflicted when I think of myself and other posters that have gained weight and struggled. Part of me wants to say to reassure myself, you and others who deal with it and say that it is OK. Then another part of me thinks about posts by Robin and Lori Bell who can dish out some tough love. There are times that I need that tough love. It is not OK for me to regain and it is not OK for me to eat off plan. I don't want to gain back the weight that I have loss and I want to lose more. Period.

So both you and I need to get ourselves in gear and do this. We have lost weight before so we know that we can do it! I know that it is not March 4 but I still want to quote Lori - Let's March Forth!

MablesGirl
03-08-2011, 09:41 AM
:hug:

Emme
03-08-2011, 10:24 AM
Uber, I'm sorry you are going through this rough patch! :hug: It's great that you checked in here ~ this is such a great and supportive area. I am a binge eater as well, so I am familiar with your feelings. I can only say that each day is a new day to start fresh and start anew. Good for you for knowing what you need to do as far as exercising and making sure you are getting enough food so you are not super hungry. You can do it! :)

Gale02
03-08-2011, 10:45 AM
Hey Uber,
The other chickies gave you wonderful advice, so I just wanted to jump in and say that I'm glad to see you back here. Struggle or not, I love seeing you post and having you around. :) :hug:

caryesings
03-08-2011, 11:16 AM
Sending along my encouragement and seconding your plan for keeping your calories fairly high right now. I too have entered a phase where eating behaviours I haven't had in years a rearing ugly head and having an awful time getting back on plan. Not doing much scale damage yet, but really don't like where my head is.

calluna
03-08-2011, 11:39 AM
Uber...many :hug: for you. Keep posting, ok? Let us know how you're doing...good, bad, and ugly. :)

Nikki6kidsmom
03-08-2011, 12:58 PM
Uber you can do this . Start today and focus on one day at a time. I miss you around here!!!

MissKoo
03-08-2011, 06:41 PM
I feel for you! I'm a total stress cadet right now, too and I'm having a hard time exercising because of physical pain. Ugh.

I won't give up if you won't!!

:hug:

Laffalot
03-08-2011, 07:36 PM
:) Uber I'm glad that you have decided to post........it really helps & everyone here is so supportive And we all have fallen off the wagon - I know I have. I too think that exercising is a great stress reliever. And maybe you do need to talk to someone. Don't give up! We are here for each other. Keep on keeping on, eh? :)

Sandi
03-08-2011, 08:12 PM
I am so glad that you posted. Sometimes just putting on paper is just what we need. So how did today go?

ubergirl
03-08-2011, 10:27 PM
Thanks so much everybody for chiming in with your words of support.

I'm feeling a lot better today even though unfortunately, I did not make it to the gym to work out. I had to take one of my kids to a nighttime soccer practice and it ate up all of my time.... poor planning. When I'm in the groove, I work around that stuff and prioritize. Foodwise, I was back on track, eating about 1500 calories and did not feel myself getting out of control.

Eliana, you asked why I stopped exercising... it certainly wasn't intentional, and I didn't actually flat out stop one day to the next. One week, I was really tired and felt like I was coming down with something so I skipped a couple of days, then the next week, I remembered how nice it had been to pamper myself and sit on the sofa reading instead of going out into the cold night air... then I went back and ran once, and I didn't feel that great because my cold was still there and I felt kind of wheezy, so I decided to skip again. Then I got kind of paralyzed and thought "oh no! I've abandoned my exercise plan. What if I never get it back???" then of course I didn't.

Lately, I've been feeling the absolute worst kind of pressure. I feel like people are expecting me to be perfect and beyond perfect-- in the way I look and in what I achieve-- and I'm just super overwhelmed.

And Eliana, I have been thinking of training for a 5k-- it is definitely on my to-do list....

I like the idea of committing to a specific period of time, and I'm thinking that the period of time maybe is from now until June 19th. June 19th is a big day in my life. It's the day that I started on this journey, back in 2009. I think it's probably reasonable for me to get back to my all time lowest weight by then-- I'm pretty sure some of the extra 14 pounds is just bloat and water weight....

I'll keep you all posted.

fattymcfatty
03-08-2011, 10:36 PM
Glad you are doing better, so many of us seem to be dealing with demons these past couple of weeks. Don't know if it is real cold where you are, but I think for a lot of folks, the winter weather dragging on sucks. Just think about all that outdoor running you'll get to do in the nice weather that is just around the corner...

Jojo381972
03-09-2011, 12:43 AM
^yeah, I hear you about the winter weather dragging on. We just got a load of snow yesterday and it is still so cold and damp. Grr!

--
Uber!! I hear where you are coming from. I was doing the exact same thing and totally off plan for like almost two months. I found that exercising helped reduce the stress of life. Remember your goals, and how great you felt when you were exercising? That is what usually motivated me to keep going.

Perfection is another theme I can relate to. No one is perfect, and to be perfect 24/7 is impossible imo. Just do the best you can everyday, and small steps to have a good day, one day at a time. Remember, YOU are in control. Hugs!

Rosinante
03-09-2011, 02:18 AM
Uber, your plan sounds excellent.
I'm sorry life has been throwing rocks at you recently too, I know how it feels and it's grim.

Have you re-set your ticker? I found the other week that when I was back to a total re-start, re-setting the ticker was actually quite calming, rather than having this added pressure of every time I looked at my posts, the words 'Liar' and 'Failure' were leaping at me!
:hug:

time2lose
03-09-2011, 08:11 AM
Rosinante,
You have a point. I just reset my ticker. Uber, it really did make me feel better.

Beverlyjoy
03-09-2011, 08:33 AM
Uber - I am sorry you've been struggling. I/we all have had these times. You've gotten much good advice. All I can add is... plan, plan, and plan some more.

You've got a good plan.

Every day I write these words in my journal - 'food does not take away stress or pain. Food is not an emergency.'

starbrite
03-09-2011, 08:34 AM
:hug: Uber- you CAN do it. You are aware of the struggle, and WILL get back on that horse :) Keep fighting girl! :sumo:

Eliana
03-09-2011, 09:37 AM
Thanks so much everybody for chiming in with your words of support.

I'm feeling a lot better today even though unfortunately, I did not make it to the gym to work out. I had to take one of my kids to a nighttime soccer practice and it ate up all of my time.... poor planning. When I'm in the groove, I work around that stuff and prioritize. Foodwise, I was back on track, eating about 1500 calories and did not feel myself getting out of control.

Eliana, you asked why I stopped exercising... it certainly wasn't intentional, and I didn't actually flat out stop one day to the next. One week, I was really tired and felt like I was coming down with something so I skipped a couple of days, then the next week, I remembered how nice it had been to pamper myself and sit on the sofa reading instead of going out into the cold night air... then I went back and ran once, and I didn't feel that great because my cold was still there and I felt kind of wheezy, so I decided to skip again. Then I got kind of paralyzed and thought "oh no! I've abandoned my exercise plan. What if I never get it back???" then of course I didn't.

Lately, I've been feeling the absolute worst kind of pressure. I feel like people are expecting me to be perfect and beyond perfect-- in the way I look and in what I achieve-- and I'm just super overwhelmed.

And Eliana, I have been thinking of training for a 5k-- it is definitely on my to-do list....

I like the idea of committing to a specific period of time, and I'm thinking that the period of time maybe is from now until June 19th. June 19th is a big day in my life. It's the day that I started on this journey, back in 2009. I think it's probably reasonable for me to get back to my all time lowest weight by then-- I'm pretty sure some of the extra 14 pounds is just bloat and water weight....

I'll keep you all posted.
When I first started, a few years ago actually - the first real go-round, I went to the gym every single day no matter what. Even when I was sick, I still went. There were two days I got up, dressed, drove to the gym, walked into the locker room...and turned right around and came home. :D I was too sick to work out but I had to go because I couldn't have that excuse. I'm better now and no longer have to do that, but I had to make a no-excuse policy for myself. You're no newbie to this, so only you know if you need to be so strict with yourself or not.

I think your June 19th deadline is absolutely perfect.

Lately, I've been feeling the absolute worst kind of pressure. I feel like people are expecting me to be perfect and beyond perfect-- in the way I look and in what I achieve-- and I'm just super overwhelmed.

This part I get! But you know all that pressure really is coming entirely from YOU. You are imagining other people putting that pressure on you. I am terribly guilty of this! I've been posting a lot lately about a wedding that I made miserable for myself because of exactly this. As if the wedding was all about me! It wasn't, but I had to be perfect because "everybody expected it of me." :no: No, I expected it of myself. There's a difference. You can't control what others think of you, but you can darn well control what YOU think of yourself! I think this is probably coming from the fact that you let exercise go. Like you said in your first post, your stress levels rise when you aren't working out. Likely you feel imperfect because you aren't at the top of your game anymore. It isn't that others are expecting you to be at the top of your game, but you are and nothing but the top is going to be good enough. The good thing is that maybe if you set a goal and start working toward it you CAN start feeling good about yourself again.

Thighs Be Gone
03-09-2011, 09:45 AM
Good vibes coming your way. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction and I know the courage it must have taken to write your post.

Tai
03-09-2011, 09:47 AM
Uber, I'm sorry to hear things are so tough right now. Hugs to you that everything calms back down.

Rosinante
03-09-2011, 10:20 AM
Rosinante,
You have a point. I just reset my ticker. Uber, it really did make me feel better.

Hm. In that case, I've just re-re-set mine. :o Last time, though!

time2lose
03-09-2011, 10:25 AM
Rosinante, I so envy your 174. I think that you are doing great!

oodlesofnoodles
03-09-2011, 01:15 PM
Hey Uber, I was thinking about you the other day. We did the C25K at the same time, so I always felt like we were in this whole thing together even if we don't really "talk".

I'm really glad to see you reaching out. I sort of semi-fell off the wagon over the holidays and I didn't even do that, so you're doing the right thing. I know you'll be successful. And I like what Thighs Be Gone said haha, good vibes indeed!! :hug:

ubergirl
03-09-2011, 01:34 PM
This part I get! But you know all that pressure really is coming entirely from YOU. You are imagining other people putting that pressure on you.

Sigh. Yeah, well... I WISH this was true, but it's definitely not my imagination... :(

Regarding resetting my ticker-- I've promised myself to do it, but I want to give myself a chance to weigh in tomorrow morning first.

Eliana
03-09-2011, 01:39 PM
Sigh. Yeah, well... I WISH this was true, but it's definitely not my imagination... :(



No way! This makes me sad. Who would care as long as you are healthy?

ubergirl
03-09-2011, 02:22 PM
No way! This makes me sad. Who would care as long as you are healthy?

Not my family or anyone in my personal life. It's all professional. A lot of people are depending on me to be a star. It's scary.