[bunnythesAINT]

I'm not going to lie;
My eating problems have not really gone away. I peaked out at about 202 in January but was able to get back into the 190's and have mantained that for a month and a half. That's about the only accomplishment.
But it's been a major crap week. Yesterday I had a second gallbladder attack. It was horrible; I was throwing up all over the place, was in a crap-ton of pain, and was stuck at the hospital all day.
But the thing was...I think I needed it. I mean the first time I had a gallbladder attack I didn't really care to do much research but then yesterday I did for a while when I got home from the hospital;
Gallstones can be caused (or something along those lines) from overly restricting calories (as I had done last summer).
So too much control has contributed to it?
But then there's the issue of needing to be IN control at all times. For instance;
I workout at school now every free study hall I have (so 2-3 times a week depending on the schedule). I go up there with three teachers, one of them the health/phys ed teacher, and two other students who are made to go up there for various reasons. I'm up there of my own free will and want to work out. Well last week one day I was starting a warm-up on the bike with my friend when one of the teachers (and NOT the health teacher) came over and told me I wasn't working out hard enough. She started pumping up the speed on my bike to one that I couldn't even maintain for more than like a minute and told me I needed to start working out harder.
I was pissed. This lady had the audacity to tell me I wasn't working out hard enough YET she's the one who spends half the freakin' block jabbing with her buddies and watching me and my friend workout ourselves. By her pumping up my bike; I felt out of control, that it wasn't in my hands how I was handling MYSELF.
I get that there's a need to assert myself but it always drifts over into complete dominance of my weightloss; IE restricting too much. I haven't been able to find that happy medium in a while and it's obvious hurting me, physically and mentally.

[beerab]

Wow- next time I would flat out STOP the bike and tell her she has no business telling you how to work out.

Seriously some teachers need to learn their place and this isn't one of them!

I know how you feel- I struggle too and have gone up and down. I finally stay 189 the other day only to start TOM and want to eat everything in sight since then! I'm trying to control it but there are times I just want to eat GRRR lol.

It's just trial and error honestly. I looked back to what I was going before that worked- that definitely helps