Weight Loss Support - Eating healthy....but not really...

My husband, who had put on 100 lbs since we met, has said time and time again that he wants to lose weight.
Recently, because he went from being completely sedentary to very active (new job) and also has been unable to at nearly as much because of his long, demanding shifts, he lost about 30 lbs!! :carrot:

He felt so good, looked so good, and we celebrated this wonderful accomplishment! I did not tell him (even though I was worried about it) that since he lost the weight NOT by changing eating habits but by eating say a bagel w/ cream cheese and a coffee over a 14 hours day, that his still poor eating habits would come back to haunt him.

They have, as he has had more time home lately, and has already put on 10 lbs...but, he said he really wants to work to lose it again and lose more weight! :carrot:

So he has decided to do the treadmill, which he does about 2 times a week for 30 minutes. Also he wants to make healthier choices, but...

He's he person that thinks because he ordered a chicken Caesar wrap with LOADS of Caesar dressing (deli made so they are HUGE too) that he is eating healthy. I don't want to discourage him. Because he did get that instead of a slice of pizza, but we all know those foods (like some "wraps" or "salads" that seem healthy but really they are loaded with calories. I have told him that I want to go to a nutritionist (I don't) and I'd like him to come along. I figured we could learn together.

I try to praise him and encourage him and compliment him, but I cant tell if he really wants to lose weight and is lost, or he "wants" to lose weight, but has no intention of really trying.

Today for lunch he was going to get drive thru and I suggested we go to the deli in our local food court where he would have more options. He was angry about this, and said he didn't want to drive all over town to eat. I swear the deli place was actually closer!!! (This is where he could have ordered pizza but chose the wrap, which is a big deal for him, so I told him it was great he made a better choice for lunch) Then he ate my son's frozen yogurt! lol and then had a large mocha frappe from a local place (like the ones at McD's) and for dinner I made pasta with shrimp and broccoli, and he added several hand fulls of mozzarella cheese.


The other day we went out to eat, and he had a sunday for dessert then we drove directly to a birthday party for my son's friend. And my husband ate another meal of pizza and cake...In the car ride TO THE PARTY my husband was telling me how he wants to lose some weight...huh?:?:

I don't know what to do. Do I do nothing? Weightloss is a personal journey, but I feel stuck between wanting to help him and wanting to just say "whatever!"

I've posted about my husband before as this has been an on going issue. I just want to let anyone that has unhelpful, nasty comments know not to bother. If you're feeling angery or bitter today, please take it out somewhere else. One person last time left a very useless comment that was just dripping with anger that obviously came from their own issues. And I blocked them.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm not in the mood to deal with miserable people. This is an issue that is really upsetting me. I really need some real advice.

Have you asked him what he needs from you right now? Like a good heart to heart? I'd start there.

"Hon, I see the changes you are trying to make. I feel stuck between wanting to help you, and wanting to keep my distance because weight loss is such a personal journey. How do you need me to be on this one? I want to support you how you need but I don't know what that is. Clue me in."

A.

i say lay on the nag.

my dad is having the same issue and every time he messes up or complains about not losing weight or talks about how he used to be a body builder, i tell him that "uh, you could be that again if you actually put effort into it." it took some time to break him down, but i finally got him to count calories and to pay more attention to what he's been eating. he's lost around 15 lbs so far.

i guess maybe some outward motivation helps. i think also praising your husband's eating habits is great too, but maybe letting him know when he slips up will help a bit. i realize that it could be a major source of contention between you two, but it might also serve to motivate him.

:hug:

I've never had an overweight S.O., but I have had many "fat" friends. I use the quotation mark to mean: some are legitimately obese and some are not, but all talk constantly about how "fat" they are and how much they want to lose weight and consistently make terrible food choices. One will typically eat multiple slices of pizza with some kind of heavy dessert, look at my grilled chicken salad, and talk about how much weight she wants to lose. I do nothing about but shrug because I've been in that place too -- and it's none of my business.

Your husband is your husband, so he is your business. But anything you do to "help" him will only become an issue about you. How many posts have you read with women on 3FC complaining their boyfriends or husbands are "sabotaging" them by... having food around; not having food around; complimenting them; not complimenting them -- etc? Hungry people are edgy people.

One thing you can do is put your foot down about where you are willing to eat. Talk openly about your own weight loss -- not in terms of pounds, but healthy decisions. "I'm going for a run, want to join me?" "I'm getting the chicken salad without dressing because dressing is 100 unnecessary calories." If that doesn't work, an honest conversation in which you tell him he's being an idiot, and you hate to see him feeling like he's being deprived while he is also being an idiot, might help. Remind him one slice of pizza is better than that ridiculous chicken wrap, and he might go for it.

Astrophe's suggestion is a great one. I'm sure my husband often feels in your place in regards to me. Though, he's never had a weight problem. Max up he ever is might be 20 lbs.

It is tough to watch the one you love self-sabbotage, but if you ask for what he needs, then you are most likely to get an honest answer. If he wants food police, then talk about what taht really means. If he wants guidance on good choices, I agree that hearing it from a nutritionist is better than coming from you. if he wants to eat whatever he wants, but just wants to add exercise, by his exercise buddy. he might decide to change eating habits later once exercise alone doesn't work.

But good for you for wanting to help!

i say lay on the nag.

my dad is having the same issue and every time he messes up or complains about not losing weight or talks about how he used to be a body builder, i tell him that "uh, you could be that again if you actually put effort into it." it took some time to break him down, but i finally got him to count calories and to pay more attention to what he's been eating. he's lost around 15 lbs so far.

i guess maybe some outward motivation helps. i think also praising your husband's eating habits is great too, but maybe letting him know when he slips up will help a bit. i realize that it could be a major source of contention between you two, but it might also serve to motivate him.

I think it is easier to lay on the nag when you are the child. Much more difficult when you are the spouse or parent.

Have you asked him what he needs from you right now? Like a good heart to heart? I'd start there.

"Hon, I see the changes you are trying to make. I feel stuck between wanting to help you, and wanting to keep my distance because weight loss is such a personal journey. How do you need me to be on this one? I want to support you how you need but I don't know what that is. Clue me in."

A.

Great suggestion! This is exactly what I would do. If he would like you to help him stay accountable, then you need to be honest with him about his food choices. If he wants you to keep some distance, then I'd say that you should avoid praising or criticizing his food choices.

Regardless of what he says, I'd share information not judgment. For example, instead of saying "that wrap is a terribly unhealthy!" I'd let him know how many calories are likely in it vs. what you were choosing or some of his other options. I'd e-mail him links to things you've found useful. Help him to learn rather than just listening to your advice. Teach a man to fish and all that.

I don't think there are many people out there who respond well to nagging from their SO.

One thing I did was tell my boyfriend how eye opening calorie counting was. I made it about me, and how I am so shocked over the certain calorie counts of various foods. Then I said, "you should try it one week, just to see" he thought it sounded like too much work so I told him to just write down what he ate and I would enter it for him. He was shocked by a few of the "healthy" items he chose.

Another thing you could do is by "Eat This, Not That" for yourself... but leave it on the coffee table, or somewhere he may pick it up and thumb through it.

Don't nag, just set a good example.

gagalu My dad is a former body builder too who used to eat 5000 calories a day and LOSE on it. I think they have a hard time because they have fallen so far and so hard from the "glory days."

All the people I work with are constantly on diets or want to loose weight. We even tried to do like the Biggest Looser- the person who looses the most amount of weight during that week would get the cash. It was kinda cool, I won a few times. :) But what gets me is that our manager constantly brings in LOADS of food for us to eat. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that they feed us on the company's buck, but don't bring in the giant multipacks of chips, the two giant tubs of nut, rasins and then the 5 lbs bag of M&M's (we make our own trail mix instead of buying it premade) I could go on and on.

And then everyone sits around and talks about how they want to loose weight. And then a sales rep comes in with not one, but two boxes of dunkin donuts. And everyone has one (minus me) and then sits around and talks about how they want to loose weight.

I stay out of it. In fact- they don't even know I'm dieting. If they truly wanted advice, or help, or support, then I'd be right there. But talk is cheap.

I understand that this is your husband and not a silly coworker. A coworker you can blow off. A coworker- you might not really give two rat butts if they gained or lost weight. So maybe you should have a quiet and gentle heart to heart.

"Husband, I hear you speak about loosing weight. I hear you say you want to loose , etc. But your food choices are not where they should be if this truly is your intention. And so I need to hear it from you- if this is something you truly want to do, then I will support you 100%. Just tell me what you want and need from me and I'll do it."

He may really need to think it over though. for 20 years I moaned about wanting to loose weight. And a few times a had. But the majority of those years I moaned about it. Tried expensive get slim quick pills, wasted money and moaned about it. All of him has to be in to getting healthy. Unfortunately, it can't just be a whim. And he might have to do some soul searching.

In the meantime, I do like another posters idea... trying to incorporate him more in to your habits. "Want to go for a walk with me?" etc. :) I hope it turns out well!

LR

Another thing you could do is by "Eat This, Not That" for yourself... but leave it on the coffee table, or somewhere he may pick it up and thumb through it.


Oooh! The bathroom would be a good place to plant something like that! I have noticed that men really like to read in the bathroom and they don't really seem to care what they are reading! :lol:


LR

I've never seen nagging work, no matter who was doing it (at least not without causing damage far worse than the results it produced). It may be easier to nag a parent, but it isn't any more effective. Whenever I've tried it with my own parents, it sure didn't work any better than when aimed their nag at me.


I agree that asking "how can I help," is probably the best route. My husband and I have both lost about 90 lbs now. It shocked me to recently realize this. I was exasperated with what I saw as my husband's "lack of effort."

I happened to see my husband weighing himself, and realized he'd lost more weight than I had. Here I had been griping (in my head) about his "bad habits," and "lack of effort" and he had lost 6 more pounds than I had. Oh boy am I glad I didn't say any of those thoughts out loud.

We both have different approaches to weight loss, and it can be very easy to view the other person's way as the wrong way, or as being unmotivated, or lacking in effort... You can't see another person's motivation, and you often can't even see their effort.

My husband and I have found that the best way for us to help each other with health and weight loss is to stay out of each other's way - at least at first. We're coming together a little more, but we do best when the support we offer is rare and always positive. Even being mildly critical tends to backfire. Even when it's taken in the spirit in which it is given, it tends to feel like the other person is micromanaging our efforts, and it becomes tempting to point out some shortcoming we see in the other's progress, which can turn into a ***** session, trading criticism for criticism, unti we get angry and it becomes an argument.


I do think third party intervention can help a lot. It's too bad that you don't want to see a nutritionist (I'd make sure it's a dietitian or a diabetic counselor. In many states, anyone can call themselves a nutritionist, but dietiticans and diabetic counselors have to have a degree and must pass the registrations/certification exam/process).

If you go with the idea that the dietitian is going to give your husband education that you don't need, that's rather condescending, and I'd guess he's going to pick up on that. If you go in with the idea that you both will learn things (and you may learn different things), I think it could be a positive experience for you both.

Another possible option would be joining a group like TOPS. Taking off pounds sensibly. It's a bit like Weight Watchers, in that there's a weekly weigh-in and a group support. It's a lot cheaper that WW, and it's a lot more flexible (members can follow any sensible plan they wish to. Members share information on their individual plans if they wish to. Recipes are sometimes shared).

My husband and I were in a TOPS group together, and we did well. TOPS groups often run contests, and my husband liked winning the biggest loser prize. We even took offices. I became co-leader and hubby became treasurer. A couple of the older women in the group were pulling hubby in opposite directions with criticism on how he was supposed to do his job (both had been treasurer in the past). The leader and the group was happy with his performance, but these two women drove him crazy with their nitpicking. He got really angry and quit the group. I was upset about the situation so I quit too.

Now I've joined a new group, and it has quite a few couples and a single guy. I wish I could persuade hubby to give it a try again, because I think he'd like it better than the other group - but when he heard that the group sings a song before starting the meeting, he wanted no part of it. Too bad, I think he'd do well in the group. I'm still hopeful that he'll give it a try, so every meeting I tell him about the contests and stuff the guys have said to remind him there are quite a few guys in the club, that this club is more laid back than the other one. I'm hoping he'll consider joining at some point, but he's doing fairly well on his own.


I don't know if our experience is of any help to yours, but it might.

Don't nag, just set a good example.



I agree! Help him learn. Cook and eat healthy foods. Try to promote an active lifestyle. There's really nothing else you can do.

What is your husband's education on this topic? It sounds to me like he either has no idea how weight loss or weight gain happens or he just wants to lose weight but not bad enough to make better choices.

Does he realize that ceasar dressing is loaded with calories. Does he realize that fat loss is a simple equation of calories in vs calories out.

I have no idea what he thinks based on your post. Could it be a simple case of ignorance? I thought I was fat because I didn't exercise and that had caused my metabolism to slow down. I really had no idea that I could lose a ton of weight with minimal exercise which is exactly what I did once I found out how simple it was.

Since he is a guy - and probably not into the whole "feelings" thing I'd tell him to read everything on this site (http://www.yourefatbecauseyourestupid.com/) and that there would be a quiz after with a nice reward if he gets the right answers. Make the reward something worthwhile ... :cool::cool::cool:

Us guys are pretty simple. Just tell us what to do and reward us when we do it.

i say lay on the nag.

my dad is having the same issue and every time he messes up or complains about not losing weight or talks about how he used to be a body builder, i tell him that "uh, you could be that again if you actually put effort into it." it took some time to break him down, but i finally got him to count calories and to pay more attention to what he's been eating. he's lost around 15 lbs so far.

You can nag your dad and it works because the relationship between father and daughter means when you nag him he feels guilty. He doesn't want to let you down.

You cannot nag your spouse. Repeat: DO NOT NAG YOUR SPOUSE

You'll just have to trust me on this one. :D

I agree, nagging never helps things when it comes to a spouse or SO. Maybe he's aware that he needs to make the weight loss journey but is not really ready to commit to it yet, and he will do it in his own time. Probably the best thing you can do at this point is to set a good example with your own weight loss journey and "innocently" try to educate him by emailing him links to websites discussing calories and healthy eating or by putting books on these topics in the bathroom or the coffee table.

First I want to say THANK YOU for all the awesome, wonderful, helpful responses!!

astrphe, I think your idea is wonderful. I am going to ask him what he needs from me, if anything. You and Lightraven gave a great little script on how I could ask. I plan on using them.

kaplods, It seems I can always count on you for very thoughtful, well said posts! You must be a great friend to have IRL! Yes, a dietician would be best. I left out of my post that I am RN of 5 years. I took college level nutrition courses, and of course I am educated on a nursing level (but not dietician level) how to manage diabetes, and other diseases that need nutritional managment. Another bonus is everywhere I've worked so far, I've worked with a dietician, so when I had questions, I asked my coworker! ;) Its not that I think I have nothing left to learn, but if it were just for me, I wouldn't spend the money (our insurance doesn't cover it, I checked) Also, I've spent about 10 years reading on nutrition, calories, weightloss, ect. I was overweight, growing up, lost the weight in my early 20s, gained it back (and then some) with my 2 pregnancies, and now I'm in the process of losing the baby weight.

But I also failed to mention that DH is a masters level practicioner; he's a physician assistant. John P, I know you had asked. I have simply assumed that he has the same nutrional training as me, because he's a higher level provider. He doesn't read about it in his personal time, however. And doesn't show that same personal interest in it. Its helpful to know that DH was super thin(underweight actually) growing up, due to mom not being able to feed him and his siblings. He only became obese in the past 4 years or so.

I'm starting to see there's a difference between him knowing a renal patient shouldn't have OJ, and knowing that he should be careful of drinking 3 extra large glasses of OJ in the morning, if he's trying to lose weight, because its easy to drink a lot of calories.

I never heard of TOPS, but I will be looking that up ASAP.

I may try the book idea, but I have to be careful, because if DH even remotely thinks its for him, he will not be happy! lol

I have tried to incorperate DH into my weightloss. I go to the gym, and I invite him everytime and he declines. The next day that he and I will be on the same schedule, is Monday, and I already invited him to come with me then. I do cook healthy, but he adds "extras" after the fact. And recently, I've been cooking much smaller amounts, as my DH will eat several huge portions until all the food is gone. So I just make less. And he doesn't complain that there's not enough. Its totally the "eat it because its there" mentality (which, I am also quite guilty of), "but don't miss it if its not"

I'm definately going to keep setting a good example, and inviting him to work out with me. Once it gets warmer, then we will be able to go for walks outside, which I think he would do.

Thank you all again!!! It was so nice to wake up with so many kind, helpful answers to my post. I think I will try to talk to hubby this morning and see what he says. I'll follow-up with what he said. :)

My husband is currently about 200lbs. He lost about 25 last year and now he's saying he would like to lose another 10 to 15. It's not coming off the way it did before because he has a good deal of muscle right now. A couple months ago he asked me to help him with calorie counting when I was on track with my own weightloss. I was super committed at the time, and he said he really needed some help. He wasn't taking my advice and he was still eating a lot of unhealthy things, and it was REALLY getting to me. I was stressing out over his issues and I think I was also resentful that he wasn't listening even though he'd asked for help.

Honestly, I had to learn that it's his body and his choice and I can't control him anymore then he can control me. I stopped stressing over it and now I'm just worrying about my own journey again. He's actually doing really good right now and I'm not really helping him at all other then helping him figure up how many calories are in his dinners I make. I think it would be better for you to just focus on you. If and when he decides he really wants to try and asks for help then I'm sure you'd be happy to help him. But he's the only one who can decide he's ready to commit.

I struggle with this same issue but I am learning that there are too many sensitive issues at hand and I do not wish to become the authority on weight loss just because I have been able to do it. I think that people who have lost weight (myself included) get an attitude about the need of others to follow suit when perhaps they are just not ready or even want to. Its so important to remember how we felt when we could not do it and struggled so with just staying on our plan. Men and women often do not see eye to eye on the subject and the little disagreements as to what constitutes a healthy diet can vary as greatly as it does on this very forum. I lose focus on my own weight loss journey if I get worked up about his. I help when asked, I share my journey with him only when he is open to it. Otherwise, this is a journey I am on alone.

I'm sorry to hear about your frustration ~ I can empathize with you because my DH is the same way. He'll eat a boatload of crap and then say, "Ugh, I'm so fat."

I would just talk to him and see what's going on and if there is anything you can do to help him. I've tried a lot of different things with my husband, but nothing has worked...he has to be the one to make the decision and stick to it. I wish there was a magic wand so we could help the people in our lives and change their "eating ways", but we can only be there to support them. :)

I've been on this journey w/my DH too. Only, he hasn't got a clue about what eating healthy really means. So, I tried a different approach to "help him".

First, I got him to start weighing his food, and noticing what is a "serving" and how little things (like added cheese, etc) can really blow a good "healthy" salad. I told him the simple step of NO 2nd HELPINGS is an easy one to remember! ;)

I got him -FINALLY!- to give up "boxed potatoes" for the real thing. Now if he wants mashed potatoes, he has to peel the potatoes, boil them, mash them up, etc. A lot more "work" than simply mixing something from a box!

And last but not least, I did invest in three of the "Eat This, Not That!" books. He says they have helped him mostly when restaurant eating & so forth.

He's also exercising again, and has (so far!) stayed away from his "crack addict food" - mac & cheese.

We're trying to be supportive of each other with verbal ques such as "Are you sure you want a bigger chicken breast? Would you be willing to trade it for dessert?" and things like that. So far we've not gotten snippity with each other, and I've lost 10 pounds, and he's lost 7. :carrot:

In my experience with my DH, it was mostly an education lesson. He had no idea what eating healthy meant. Never considered serving sizes or balancing his food groups.

So i lead by example. I would talk to him about what I learned in regards to calories in certain foods, what I should eat more of, what should be less. And as long as I'm focused on eating healthy dinners, he doesn't have much choice or he doesn't eat! :p And no fast food.

When he would decide to put a few handfuls of cheese on something, I would show him a serving size and how many calories it was. Sure, it's his decision to do it, but he has to acknowledge what it means.

Oh, and inviting him to the gym NEVER worked for me. He hates the gym. So instead, I talked to him to find out what he *enjoys* as activity.

Now, he's been working out with a treadmill and weights 4+ times/week at home for the last 2+ years, he measures his food, he opts for lower calorie items on the most part, and he's supportive of everything I do as well! And in return, he gets to have his cheat meal every once in a while without me saying a word.

It really is mostly communication and education that have been the most effective for us. :) GL!

I wanted to update everyone. I talked to DH today, but really I didn't do much talking, I just asked what I can do, if anything to help. (Well I used the ideas provided)...and just listened.
And DH and I had a real heart to heart. It was so eye opening for us. More for me. DH is aware of the nutritional value of things. He knew the dressing and size of the wrap in question was high calorie. (It was nice to clarify,so I know he does understand the specific info in dieting so I don't feel like its my job to educated him. Don't forget, as a nurse, it is part of my job to educate patients on their diet)

He was very open about his issues with food. I don't want or need to go into detail, as I have the same issues. But we really connected and it became much clearer why he was making the choices he was making. He also told me he knows it comes down to something he has to do. And that I can't do it for him, nor does he want any help. (encouragement is welcome, but he doesn't need to be educated or reminded)

I just can't that everyone enough for your advice. Its much easier now to see where I stand with DH's weightloss, and I don't feel pressured to inform him of "hidden calories" or whatever.
Also, I think DH really appreciated me asking him that and just listening to his thoughts on it.

Thank you again everyone!! :)

I hope my post makes half the sense I think it does, and if it doesn't I apologize in advance for writing impaired.

It's amazing how different a reaction we get when we say "how can I help" as opposed to "here let me help you" (the subtext being "you're doing it wrong").

I have fibromyalgia, which can make me a hazard in the kitchen when I'm flaring (it's a common cognitive affect of the fibro - neurotransmitters failing to work normally, compounded by the affects of pain meds and muscle relaxants taken for the flare). I can seem rather intelligent and "together" here, even during a flare because I reread and re-edit my posts three or four time before posting (or more).

The fibro affects my ability to communicate and think clearly (with a severe flare, I even slur words and would seem intoxicated to someone not familiar with my flares - and the fact that I generally drink alcohol about 3 times per year).

I'm having an uber flare today (and if you saw this post before I edited it, you probably wouldn't be able to read it, with all the phonetic spellings and wrong word choices and words left out of sentences), and if you heard me speak or saw me walk you'd probably think I'd been drinking (and I haven't even taken any of my stronger pain meds yet).

Which all means that during a severe or even moderate flare, I shouldn't be cooking or doing house chores, or doing some of my favorite craft projects that involve heat guns and other electrical appliances. To further complicate things, I'm not always aware of the extend of my impairment.
It drove me crazy furious when my husband would come into the kitchen and "take over." If I were trying to chop vegetables, or stirring something on the stove, he'd grab the knife or spoon from my hand, push me aside gently saying "Here, let me do that for you."

It drove me crazy bonkers. I didn't like him telling me I wasn't able to do it for myself (even if I wasn't). It made me feel helpless, crazy, and infantile.

Now he asks "Honey, can I help you with something?" If I say "no, I can handle it," and he realizes I cannot, he'll tell me what he's seeing. "Honey, I think you're flaring today and I'm concerned that you're taking on more than you should, are you sure you wouldn't like my help."

Usually he forgets the "think" and says "Honey, you're flaring today" - even that can make me mad, because I don't like him telling me what's going on with me. I know it's crazy, because it's very obvious I am flaring.

At any rate, I know he has to fight the urge to just take over, and he has to fight the urge to criticise my choices. And while I normally take criticism quite well, I find it very difficult to be open to criticism when I'm in a flare.

Even without brain-affecting illness issues, it's really hard to hear that you're not acting as smart as you are. It's a big blow to the ego to have someone point out your errors - especially when you knew they were errors before you even made them (or should have).

Finding ways to help each other without making each other feel like complete idiots, is tricky.

My DH and I are the same height. He was 210 when he got the cholesterol results that were SKY HIGH!!! He is 35. This was the first time he has ever tried to lose weight. He's been thin to average his whole life, now middle age is catching up with him.

Right now he is 185. He had to make changes in his diet mainly due to the cholesterol. He has learned so much by us doing it together. We usually make it a game "which salad dressing do you think has more calories, honey?" and then we discuss it. I've just started daily plate, and he is into tech stuff, and had me create his account and I logged his food. He was AMAZED that his almonds had 200 calories. He is discovering all this new stuff. He vehemently disagrees that one should "count" fruits and veggies. Right now that is our new sticking point.

I'm digressing a little, but I think that a large percentage of men are clueless on nutrition and diet. Us gals have been trying to lose a few forever, while most men don't enter the game until late in life.

He was very open about his issues with food. I don't want or need to go into detail, as I have the same issues. But we really connected and it became much clearer why he was making the choices he was making. He also told me he knows it comes down to something he has to do. And that I can't do it for him, nor does he want any help. (encouragement is welcome, but he doesn't need to be educated or reminded) :)

my bf doesn't need to lose weight, and he's wants to support me in my efforts, I felt a little like your husband in this scenario :o It really can be a minefield, dealing with diet and weight loss in a relationship :dizzy:

when I'm not being so honest with myself about goodies/calories I'm consuming (or in denial), if he brings it to my attention I get defensive and even hurt feelings. even when I know he's right.

I do want his help, probably at some point hubby will appreciate yours too. It's a tough thing to do on your own. Even if hubby is eating too much of it and adding cheese, I think having healthy meals/foods readily available to him is great. BF does that for me.

BF encourages me to exercise. He doesn't like the gym, and I do. But at home, he'll be a nudge for me to get up in the evening and do a routine. He kept saying, 3X/week, shoot for that. In the very beginning, I did resent it. And had PMS moments, ha. Now, I'm grateful he helped me get into the habit. Lots of people like Wii, maybe your husband would get a kick out of that, or activities where you encourage him to walk (without being too obvious, ha).

it's true that each person needs to do it on his/her own, but an atmosphere of positive support can make a difference. Just you being healthy, and happy and doing what you need to do I think may help put him in the mind frame where it will be easier for him to embrace a better way to approach adopting a healthier lifestyle.

bf and I have ongoing talks, like the one you had. keep doing that, listening to him and offering, when it seems appropriate, ideas. it may take him a little longer to get into it.

good luck!!

He was AMAZED that his almonds had 200 calories. He is discovering all this new stuff. He vehemently disagrees that one should "count" fruits and veggies. Right now that is our new sticking point.

I'm curious ... why does he care if his almonds have 200 calories if he doesn't thinkg fruit calories matter? What is his argument for not counting fruit? Most vegtables don't have a lot so I can somewhat understand that side but a bananna has around 100 depending on size. ???