30-Somethings - Do you ever feel old?
03-01-2011, 09:37 PM
Some days I look in the mirror and think, yep, I'm looking pretty good. There aren't any wrinkles, my hair is not yet gray...I feel young. Then I have days like today. I do have the one or two gray hairs. They're countable at least. I do have forehead wrinkles. I just feel old...today.
Much of this comes from the fear of being alone. You know, you get married, you have children, you're pretty sure you have a person with whom you will grow old. I feel like I spent the best part of me strapped to the wrong person. I feel like men get to get divorced at this age and pick up a whole range of young women. I think probably a lot of men our age are looking for women 10-15 years younger than I am.
I don't know. I'm feeling inadequate tonight. It will pass by morning, I'm sure. It always does. But right now, in this moment, I have a fear that no man is ever going to take an interest in me ever again. It's a silly fear and it makes me mad because I should be ok on my own. And I am ok on my own.
I guess I can only relate to the old biological clock ticking away. I feel like a part of me is ticking away and I can't stop it.
Ever feel like that? :^:
03-01-2011, 09:51 PM
I think probably a lot of men our age are looking for women 10-15 years younger than I am.
So the men 10 years older are looking for you. Don't sweat it! Go to sleep, try to relax, and you will feel better in the morning. If anything you still aren't strapped to the wrong guy!
03-01-2011, 09:52 PM
We are not old. Haven't you heard--30 is the new 20!! Kids are living at home with parents until they are 30 (which I find crazy, but there are tons of them out there).
I wouldn't give anything to go back to my 20's. The knowledge I have now is so much more valuable to me than being stupid without a wrinkle. :)
Some people stay with the wrong partner all of their lives, or until one of them drops dead. Just saying.
03-01-2011, 09:53 PM
i feel old when i think how long ago the 90's were. seems like yesterday to me. sorry you're feeling down. wish we could cheer you up. all those thoughts are totally wrong. he's out there. like that song, 'i just haven't met you yet...' john mayer or something?
03-01-2011, 10:10 PM
If it makes you feel better, I'm 24 and have TONS of gray hairs. It's actually a big part of the reason I cut all my hair off. I've been dyeing it forever and figured I should give it a break before I HAVE to start dyeing it.
03-02-2011, 02:06 AM
I can relate to this. I'm turning 33 soon and my hair is already graying. I feel that so much time has already passed and I'm nearly halfway through my life but I haven't achieved much out of it yet. And I can also hear the tick-tock of my biological clock. I'd like to have children soon. But I'm happier where I am right now than where I was when I was still in my 20s. I may be slimmer and more attractive ten years ago, but I am more confident and happy about myself now. I don't want to go back even if I could.
03-02-2011, 05:53 AM
I know I don't know you but I've read your 'unusual' goal story and I have to say that you're clearly a special person (sorry if that sounds cheesy, but it's the best way to put it!) determined and inspirational, and so so strong. I can't tell you that you'll meet someone tomorrow or next month or whatever, but I'm willing to bet that you're pretty awesome, and there's someone out there who deserves you.
I'm sorry you're feeling low, and yes, it will pass (things always seem better in the morning!), but you have achieved something so utterly incredible that you can be so proud of. It won't make you feel less lonely if you're having a crappy evening, granted, but it should make you go 'you know what, I'm pretty damn great, and soon enough someone special going to realise that'. :)
Big big hugs :hug:
ps - plus you look fantastic. What a great achievement!!
03-02-2011, 07:49 AM
Seriously...I kill a small flock of seagull to be YOUR age again! :lol: Your a young babe from where I sit. I'll be 44 next month...
That said...I DO understand (divorced as well) how you feel with the sound of that imaginery clock getting LOUDER every year!;) Truth is...our choices in men get BETTER as we age...we're not just looking at a man's exterior, but his interior and now we KNOW how to discern which qualities we want and most importantly...NEED! You've also gotten your body in the best shape it's been in your adult life!
Therefore your mind and your body have connected...this = hot mama alert..LOOK OUT!:lol:
03-02-2011, 08:03 AM
Im 26 amd i get days like that :?: dono why, maybe its because i thought id be in a different place by now< or achieved more and sometimes i get this overwhelming feeling that lifes passing me by. Its strange. It only started happening about a year ago when a trigger kinda went off in my head that im not getting any younger and im heading for my 30s n that i need t start sorting my life out
03-02-2011, 09:09 AM
We just had a thread in this area a couple of days ago where someone (I think it was 30 Fat Still Awesome) was fretting about entering her 30s, and a bunch of us chimed in with enthusiastic cheers for the joys and pleasures of being more mature. Scan down the list and you'll find it - read it! :)
You say you spent the "best part" of your life with the wrong partner - that is our youth-worship culture talking, it is not truth. The best part of your life hasn't happened yet!
I spent my 20s and most of my 30s pursuing two (in succession) demanding, stressful careers that were both wrong for me. It wasn't until I started my current career and job that I found something I felt comfortable doing, that I could actually imagine myself doing in the future. Even though I've been a research scientist and a lawyer, I feel like my life has just begun! And I'm about to turn 39.
I know it's not the same as a divorce, my career peregrinations - but the point is that where you are now, at a crossroads, the best is yet to come. You have learned so much from the path your life has taken - you are more mature, more strong, your mind is more supple and open to change, than it was when you were in your 20s. Mature women are awesome! Have faith in your own awesomeness.
03-02-2011, 09:20 AM
Well I think this all depends on the guy and how they think/feel. My hubby is in his early thirties and I know that if our relationship ended he probably wouldn't date anyone less than 25 b/c maturity and experience matter to him. I think that most men who are security focused and interested in a nice stable life with someone don't look for someone who is barely legal to start a relationship. Most mature men will tell you they just don't have much in common with that age bracket, just like many 30-something women won't want to start a relationship with a 20 year old guy. I think you'll be fine b/c let's face it, when you are done sewing those wild oats you want something real and dependable. People do age like fine wine. You can get tipsy off of all of it but there isn't much character to savor if it's not in it's prime and it's flavor isn't fully developed. A fine wine connoisseur will not be asking for a glass of Boonesfarm b/c they'd rather have a nice Merlot.
Just like you are looking for someone to appreciate you, grays and all, there's a guy out there hoping that he meets someone who can appreciate him, grays and all. Don't buy into the societal trap of thinking youth and beauty matters most, that's just a marketing tactic that too many people subscribe to but it's fleeting and doesn't hold true value.
03-02-2011, 11:26 AM
Sheer awesomeness is what you guys all are.
I have some big changes going on from weight loss to divorce to who knows what? I think I'm in the middle of reinventing myself and losing myself at the same time. I started playing around with wearing makeup this week. I never wear makeup. I pride myself on not wearing makeup. So who is this woman? Is she someone I want to be? Or do I want to be plain, like I've always been? I've had a tremendous response from all the women around me. Women. There are no men! I've been taking really good care of my skin lately and have been enjoying the feel of my bones, and my shoulders and there's no one to share that with and no hope of ever sharing that with someone. That's where the feeling old is coming from. I feel stuck, but not as stuck as I felt married!
I think I want to turn a few heads and there aren't any heads to turn! :o There, I said it. I need some validation and though the women in my life are kind, it's not female validation I'm searching for. :sorry:
But I'll get over it. ;) And you guys are helping me get over it.
03-02-2011, 12:24 PM
It's ok to want to be physically attractive. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Taking pride in your appearance isn't vain, well unless you wink and blow kisses at yourself in every mirror you see, but we'll still accept that for a little while after you hit goal. :D
I think you're gonna do just fine. You never know when or where you might meet that special someone. It could be the library, grocery store, parent pick-up, you never know. You might even already know the person you're destined to be with, life is strange like that. :dizzy:
I have some big changes going on from weight loss to divorce to who knows what? I think I'm in the middle of reinventing myself and losing myself at the same time. I started playing around with wearing makeup this week. I never wear makeup. I pride myself on not wearing makeup. So who is this woman? Is she someone I want to be? Or do I want to be plain, like I've always been? .
It sounds like you are going through a metamorphosis and trying to figure out who the new "you" is. :) What an exciting, and sometimes scary, journey! Play around with makeup, wear things you've never worn before, think outside the box, because you never know what you might like until you do it. And it might not be something that sticks with you, but at least you've tried it!
03-02-2011, 12:55 PM
Who's ready for some psychological nonsense? ;) I figured it out. I have no solution, but at least I figured it out.
In full honesty, there is someone I am seeking approval from. Ten thousand people could tell me amazing things about myself, but there is only one person I care to hear it from and it's not going to happen. I am seeking control over my life and there are parts of it I simply can not control. Dieting myself down to a smaller and smaller size isn't going to gain the approval I'm seeking, nor is having the perfect make-up, or the perfect hairdo or the perfect clothes. Polishing off this remaining tummy pouch is not going to give me this approval I seek. This situation I have myself in is completely out of my hands.
Now what to do about it is another story. It's a situation I should walk away from, but I don't want to. I'm enjoying the fantasy way too much and I just have a hunch about it.
This is nothing inappropriate. ;) Just not something I want to discuss.
03-02-2011, 06:20 PM
I'm really interested by the 'I never wear makeup' thing - I think we are the absolute worst at putting ourselves in boxes. We (and by 'we' I mean people in general) say things like 'it's just not something I do' etc, and think we have to fit in to our own ideas of 'who we are'. But actually, we are who we are, and doing stuff that seems out of character doesn't detract from that, if anything it widens our experience and enriches our nature.
Does that make sense!!? :D I know it's a bit psycho-babble-y. I just mean that while we may be shaped by what we've done in the past, I don't think we should be defined by it. :)
Oh, and I totally agree with this:
It's ok to want to be physically attractive. There's nothing wrong with that at all.
My appearance is really important to me. Rightly or wrongly, it's one of the major motivations for me wanting to lose weight (although, there are others!). I know people who aren't particularly concerned with their appearance, and I totally respect that, but personally I feel better about myself when I look good, and when I feel better about myself I'm happier and more productive. It's win win!! ;)
03-19-2011, 06:00 PM
I hear you! I have a birthday this month... I hate my birthday. I didnt feel my age until my youngest hit toddler age..and now I am more than determinded to drop weight. I have to be able to keep up. LOL Life so short to watch from the sidelines.