Weight Loss Support - Demoralized

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02-25-2011, 07:50 PM
Over the last last year I've lost a fair amount of weight. In December I finally made out of the obese category and things were good. I discovered that I went down from a size 20 to a size 10. This is the first time in my life that I've not needed to wear plus sized clothing. I was starting to feel more confident in my appearance. I couldn't see much of a change in the mirror but I could feel the change. My bones are more prominent. I feel lighter. When I saw some friends that I hadn't seen in a couple of years, they actually didn't recognize me at first. But now I feel like I've hit an emotional bump in the road.

I was looking at some pictures taken within the past couple of days and I couldn't believe how fat I still look. I knew I was still overweight but I didn't realize how awful I looked. It's mostly because of my shape and height. Curvy and short. I see pictures of other (taller) women at my weight and they look good. If I look like this after losing over 50 lbs, what difference will another 30 make? It's just discouraging because I can diet and exercise but nothing will change my body shape or height. I can imagine myself getting down to a normal weight and still looking chunky. It's awful.

I know I'm being irrational about it but it's still depressing to think about.

02-25-2011, 08:13 PM
Cut the s**t! Stop beating up on yourself!! You are doing a great job!!

You are a size 10, smaller than most American women.

You are seeing your old self when you SCRUTINIZE PHOTOS. STOP IT!!! Of course a taller woman is thinner at your weight. Take a cup of water and pour it into several different shape containers!

Shake your head, realize you are being irrational, suck it up, and run to your closet and try on your smallest sizes! SMILE and MOVE ON!!

02-25-2011, 08:32 PM
You've done an amazing job so far! Also, keep in mind, you worry that losing another 30lbs won't make a difference? You're smaller now, and any weight you lose will be MORE obvious.. it's all proportional. Taking a cup of water out of a bucket isn't going to be as noticeable as taking the same amount from a smaller sized bowl. :) LOL sorry for the cheesy analogy but telling myself that has kept me sane so far along this journey.

Rather than JUST looking at recent pictures... do you have any from when you were 203? Compare your before and after shots instead so you can really see the difference.

Keep up the great work, I wish I could say I've made as much progress as you! :)

02-25-2011, 08:34 PM
I think the mind plays tricks on people. You are so used to seeing a certain image when you look in the mirror so you still see what you saw 50 lbs ago.

The mental part of this journey can be tough.

Lay a pair of your old pants on your bed. Lay a pair of your new pants on top of them. See the difference? Take a picture of that and put it on your bathroom mirror and any time those old visions come back just look at that picture and SMILE and tell yourself to rock on!

Nola Celeste
02-25-2011, 08:44 PM
"Curvy and short" is kind of my goal in life, so it's surprising to hear you talk about it like it's a BAD thing.

You're right; nothing will change your body type. So you'd better learn to embrace it instead. It's fine to admire what others have, but don't regret not having it yourself; you'll make yourself miserable when you don't need to.

Some things to LOVE about being short and curvy:

- You'll never tower over a date no matter how high your heels are
- A lot of men love short-and-curvy. So do a lot of women.
- You look as different after losing 5 pounds as a tall woman does losing 15.
- There is no shame in having more in common with Marilyn Monroe than with Kate Moss. In fact, you could consider it a definite advantage.
- It's much easier to hem clothing than to add length, so you can buy even the shortest styles and look great in them.
- Being small and cute lets you get away with stuff; no one ever suspects us. :D

Seriously, there are SO many worse things to be than short and curvaceous. Love the person you are and not the one you will never be; no amount of yoga will make you 5'9", so why bemoan your fate?

Failing that, move to a famine-ridden part of the world where you'll look tall enough to tower over people who have led lives of chronic malnourishment, deprivation, and oppression. Then you can feel better about important things like body image.

02-25-2011, 08:50 PM
We are our own worst critics. We will zero in on that roll of fat we know is there, or those big arms that bug us. We can't see the whole picture.

I remember when I lost 50 pounds long ago, I would look in the mirror and still see the same me - just shrunken up. I was exercising, eating right everything. But, I still had larger biceps (all women in my family do), I still have a tummy (all women in my family do - even when fit and thin - they just never go completely flat) and my boobs sagged - that's just how they grew - never perky.

All of the things I hated about my body PRE weight loss were still there, 20 pounds from goal. I really did feel standing in taht mirror that 235 looked about the same as 185. HOWEVER, that was not true. My husband thought I looked great. My mother in law who is the biggest weight critic in the WORLD said I didn't need to lose any more and that I looked great. Reality was, I did need to lose, but they could see what I couldn't. So this time, I'm taking a different approach.

I know I will have all those 'faults', but I am taking measurements. I took a few before pictures. I'm saving my fat pants. So, if I start to think, "I'm still so fat or so imperfect" I can step back and get a grasp on reality.

You have lost 50 pounds on a very small stature. You have to look TONS better than before and have to be TONS healthier (the most important thing). Could you lose more? Well, yes, and you are working on it, but that doesn't mean you are fat and ugly. Try to find a before picture, put that next to a now picture and see the difference. It's there and it's huge and you should be proud of where you have come and where you are going!

02-25-2011, 09:46 PM
Let me tell you this much. 15 pounds, when lost the right ways, is a HUGE different. We are talking INCHES off your waist all around the belly you know you have and know it will be.

Take a look at my numbers. I'm close to 30 pounds from my 225 mark, and let me tell you this if I could show you the videos of when I started, to what I am now, I could show you how huge a difference that 30 makes.

I'd be willing to bet with near 100% certainty you look really good now. I assure you that the stuff that you have left, while you know it's there (I know the stuff I have left is there to) People who see you don't know it at all, and if they do chances are that they have been around you a long enough time that they are already supporting you.

We all have changes we want to make to ourselves for health and appearance. It's just how we are. We always feel bigger when we look at ourselves then how others usually see us.

But I'll let you in on a secret that I don't think just applies to men. I'm willing to bet no one will be able to guess how much weight you lose past this point, and if they do they are looking really really closely. Maybe too close you might want to push them a bit further away from you when their face is that close.

Your physical appearance will still change, your stomach will shrink more, but next to no one will notice those minor remaining changes but you. Because, as I said before, you already look great.

Once you get to this level, you are shooting for your idea of perfection. But what is the statement? Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you will still land among the stars. Reach your goal for yourself, because it is what you want and desire.

Nola Celeste
02-25-2011, 10:29 PM
"Shoot for the moon" is a great way to think about things like getting your education or interviewing for a job or trying out for the school play. It's a downright dangerous philosophy when it comes to achieving physical perfection of the body, though.

When someone feels self-loathing at a healthy weight, it is probably not a good idea for her to "shoot for the moon" and try to get to double digits. More is not always better. At some point, you have to stop, look in the mirror, and face the realities of your body type--and if you're around five feet tall, the reality is you're never going to be an Amazon.

02-25-2011, 11:52 PM
Just wanted to say that I understand how you feel! Although I am tall, I know how you feel about losing weight and still feeling fat/bad about yourself. Also, like you, I will always be curvy. At my goal weight, I am still a bigger, curvy girl!

That being said, you have done an awesome job losing 50 lbs! And, another 30 lbs. will make an even bigger difference! I am sure you look great now so try to think positive thoughts about youself. Keep up the good work!!!

02-26-2011, 12:08 AM
As another curvy/short chick, I echo what everyone else has said. You have done an AMAZING job so far and you should be so proud of that. You are so much healthier and probably feel so much more confident about your looks now than you did at 203, so what's wrong with that??

And yes, 30 lbs on someone our height is HUGE. When I gain 5 lbs (which is what I recently did), it makes a big difference. At 147 your BMI is still in the higher range, so getting into the healthy range will do wonders for how you look and feel.

Someone like you who has come so far is an inspiration for me and so many others. You are doing everything right, so keep going! No reason to turn back now when you've come so far :)

02-26-2011, 01:09 AM
I'm also the short and curvy type, and I'd love to be in your weight range right now. You've had an amazing weight loss journey; losing 50 pounds is really something to be proud of. You've come so far for you to give up now. Just hold on and keep going.

02-26-2011, 09:13 AM
When I said shoot for the moon, I didn't mean for someone to shoot for dangerous levels. The moon after all isn't a dangerous place at all when you are wearing a space suit, and had a space ship that got you there.

And even when using all the safest means to get there, if you decide not to get all the way there, you at least stopped among the stars.

02-26-2011, 10:59 AM
Amen Monica!

02-26-2011, 01:11 PM
Ok seriously! Like..50 pounds! Incredible!!..ive been dying to get 50 pounds down from where im at now..I would be much happier.. and seriously..i envy the women who are short and curvy..you know..im like 6ft and im like a giraffe..really! I mean.. i tower if not meet most guys at there height.. and every single guy that i have ever met, has always wanted to date a girl who is shorter than him..and considering that most guys out here are about the same height as me..makes my odds go down..i mean.. i have a fiancee now who is just a little taller than me..but most guys prefer shorter girls than me..they like there petite women..lucky you... and so what..you have another 30 pounds to lose..thats nothing..youve gone down 50..30 is easy ..cause youve done 50 already..and im sure you will feel much better even with that little amount coming off..every little pound makes a difference in how you feel..

02-26-2011, 01:24 PM
I am short and weigh the same thing you do. I also wear the same size, so I would assume we are built very much alike.

Be honest with yourself when looking in the mirror. You look good, but you have some markers that you still want to accomplish.

I have plenty of weight to lose, but I know that I can dress up right now and look sexy if I want to. Size 10 is not huge. When I do dress up, I always get plenty of compliments and I'm sure you do too. Allow yourself to see that.

Although I like size 6 a lot better. LOL.

02-26-2011, 01:41 PM
The point is, you DO look better now than you did at your starting weight, whether you see yourself that way right now or not. I'm in the same boat, I'm short and extremely curvy, and it is tough, especially when taller people seem to carry their weight so much better.

Congratulations on the 50, you should be so proud of yourself :)

02-26-2011, 02:16 PM
The next 30 pounds will make a MUCH bigger difference than the previous 30 pounds. The fewer pounds you have on you, the more each individual pound matters to your appearance.

There is often discussion of this as the "paper-towel roll" analogy - think of how pulling sheets off a paper towel roll doesn't change the width of the roll much when the roll is full, but changes the width of the roll quite a bit when it's closer to being empty.

I searched the forums for other discussions of it - here is one:

02-26-2011, 03:05 PM
I think the mind plays tricks on people. You are so used to seeing a certain image when you look in the mirror so you still see what you saw 50 lbs ago.

So true...the other day I thought how fat I looked and then had to mentally nudge myself to let it sink in that if I had lost 30 lbs, then I could NOT look the same. However, I knew what my mind was saying but it just did not click. I can see how the OP thought she still looked fat. I have been doing what another poster noted, simply looking at my "fat" pictures and fat clothes and seeing how far I have come. It is all too easy to get discouraged (believe me, i know!), however, 50 lbs is a LOT of weight to have lost, so kudos are due!

02-26-2011, 03:32 PM
What!???? Short and curvy is BAD? This is a newsflash to me! I'm also short and curvy and I consider it a blessing! I agree with Nola in many ways.

Also, that 30lbs will make a HUGE difference. If you want reference pictures, I took these from mybodygallery.com:

This is a 5'2 girl with an hourglass figure at 157:

This is a 5'2 girl with an hourglass figure at 110:

There's a pretty big difference. Not that either girl looks bad, I think they both look great! If you're happy with your current weight then stay there, but if you want to lose the last 30 then do it! Weight loss is for you, so do whatever makes you happy. I showed you the pictures so you can actually see what a huge difference losing 30lbs at such a low weight is. I think that going from 130-110 is probably a more drastic change than going from 250-200.

02-26-2011, 03:34 PM
ok... maybe you are seeing the old you because there is a lot of the old you still there. You know what that means?


makeover time!!!!!!

talk to a stylist and see what they recommend for a new hairdo, or color
(don't have a stylist? Ask a friend or coworker with great hair who they go to)

go shopping... you don't have to buy anything, but ask a friend to go with you... one that is reasonably put together. If you don't have a friend like that, head to the poshest department store you can afford (even if its just a blouse) and ask the clerk what she thinks, most clerks would kill to actually do the fun part of their job instead of folding things)
Try on everything, especially things you never would have put on before.

makeup ~ its amazing what a new lipcolor will do, or an eyeshadow. Most drugstores have a return policy now if it doesn't suit you, so go ahead try something new.

any one of these will change the way you see yourself. And keep going!! We short girls can't get depressed watching the tall girls go to maintenance as they hit our weight.
and congrats on what you have lost!!

02-26-2011, 03:47 PM
Alright, here's the deal. I am 8 and a half inches taller than you- and at your weight, I am a size ten too. We are built differently, it's a sad but true fact of life. (For the record, I might kill to be a size 10 right now. Okay, maybe not that far)

Continue plugging away- an dmake sure you're exercising and lifting weights! You would be amazed at the difference that will make in your body.

02-26-2011, 05:40 PM
I'm also the short and curvy type, and I'd love to be in your weight range right now. You've had an amazing weight loss journey; losing 50 pounds is really something to be proud of.


And I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I am in the same position you are. I saw a pic of someone on here just yesterday that was the same weight and 3 inches taller and the difference between how she looks and how I look is SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. I don't know if I am hallucinating because my mind hasn't caught up to my weight loss or because 3 inches really makes that big of a difference. But I know in my heart that my time will come.

I think it's time for you to go out and buy yourself an adorable new outfit. After all you have accomplished, you deserve it!

02-26-2011, 06:26 PM
Height makes a huge difference. Being 6 foot and 145 is thin. Being 5 foot and 145 is overweight.

My sister and I are 3 inches different. She's 5'3.5" and I'm 5'6.5". She has a small frame (like 5 inch wrists, size 6 shoe, when thin and fit wears a 3). I have a large frame (7.25 inch wrists, size 10 shoes and ideal size is a 12). So, when she gains 25 pounds it is much more noticeable than when I gain 25 pounds. Heck, in high school she got chunky and got up to a size 10. I outgrew the 10 she inherited and I was still thin and fit (swimmer and cheerleader). We both weighed about 150.

02-26-2011, 07:18 PM
Hi. Been there-I'll bet lots of other gals feel this way at times. That kind of thinking has derailed me more than once and it has to do with learned body image-I am a short gal, too, and 150 LBS on 5'2" will never look like 150 on 5'8", but you have done SOMETHING AMAZING and WONDERFUL for your body! I haven't worn a size ten since 1980! We are all different but we are amazing women! Shame on the ad campaigns over the last 40-50 years that made us feel that we are supposed to be an ideal that is only natural for a small percentage of women (I am happy for them)! Remember how you felt healthwise fifty more pounds ago! So many of the women who raised us learned negative body image, which they translated into "you're too fat" or "I'm too fat" or "ugly". I remember MY Mom living on carrots and 1000 calories to try to lose-and she gained again-because deep down inside she didn't feel "beautiful". And she WAS. And WE ARE! Think about what 50 pounds is-5 ten-LB bags of potatoes, etc.
I hope that I don't sound ANGRY-I'm not. BUT it took me from about 1965 until 2000 to realize that A. I am a great and valuable person no matter what I weigh; B. That I would never be 6 foot tall an weigh 130 LBS and later I realized that : C. It's most important that I'm HEALTHY! I bet that you look good...and I agree that the mirror plays tricks on us. Take heart!

02-26-2011, 09:12 PM
Wow, thanks for the responses everyone.

When I stop to think rationally about it, I know that losing another 30 lbs will probably make a difference but insecurity is a powerful emotion. Just a week ago I was thinking about how happy I was to no longer be obese. And really I'm still amazed by how far I've come. I initially didn't think I could go lower than 170 and now here I am in the 140s. In spite of that, I still allowed couple of bad photos to make me feel bad about myself. It's silly, really.

I've never liked my build, which is something that I need to learn to get over. And I've always been particularly insecure about my height. It doesn't help that I work primarily with tall skinny guys. I don't exactly blend in. For a long time this issue kept me from even trying to lose any weight because I felt it was pointless since I would never look the way I wanted to. Which was a stupid way to go about it. I never want to fall back into that defeatist mindset again.

02-27-2011, 01:04 AM
You are doing this to yourself and why? Because you just noticed something and that was that you still need to lose a few more pounds. Don't be mad about it. Sometimes we get to where we think we are going and we find either we dont need to lose everything we thought we did or we realize we need to go a bit further. If you feel uncomfy, dont be mad, roll with it, get back on plan and shed another 10 or 20 or whatever. So that when you look at pics you see the curves you know you can. It's nota big deal, you've already done it :-)