100 lb. Club - Dogged by the black dog!




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Rosinante
02-24-2011, 05:29 AM
Still not getting my act together since I got back from Palestine. I can't be bothered to plan, to buy healthy food; I'm eating carbs - huge great choc chip cookies - like there's no tomorrow. I still manage my daily walk but that's about it.

I know it's the dreaded black dog of depression but here's the weird thing - in past years, I've just succumbed to feeling dreadful until it lifts. This year, having a better understanding of being able to say 'oh, it's my seasonal depression', it actually makes me not try to do anything to lift it; 'it's just my depression'.

I'm doing the minimum required to not fail at my job.
I'm stressed to death about managing my old dogs' declining days.
I crave company and long for solitude.
I'm eating like a garbage disposal.

I'll try harder today.


starbrite
02-24-2011, 07:03 AM
:hug: Rosinante - somewhere amongst the depression, you should be able to see that keeping away from what you know is good and positive is having the negative effect that you didn't want. I am also seasonally affected, and have trouble some days too. There are so many things to be thankful for, many of your own making. Try to find some positives in every day. If I were you I'd write down each positive you get from each day. This might help :) Also with respect to your beloved four legged friend, remember you have had a great life with him/her, and you have both been enriched by being together. I know it's hard. I know you feel down, but you deserve to continue the way you started. You owe it to yourself to finish it.
Take care, continue to post. You are very much cared for and appreciated here.

JenMusic
02-24-2011, 08:41 AM
Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I don't have much in the way of advice to offer (and I don't know that you're looking for advice in any case!) but I want to send you some :hug: and tell you that your 3FC friends are hoping for the best for you!


caryesings
02-24-2011, 09:16 AM
I for one, am glad you focused some of that energy on posting. I was afraid that the "black dog" had dragged you down. Take care of yourself the best you can so you're not digging out of other holes once this season passes.

Pulling for you!

time2lose
02-24-2011, 10:29 AM
:hug::hug::hug: - Keep trying! I am pulling for you.

sept15lija
02-24-2011, 10:44 AM
:hug: to you! I am also seasonally affected...I think I've finally figured that out this year. I am hungrier than normal, and my patience level is low...and I too am doing almost the minimum at my job. OK so that wasn't a very positive post, was it?? But just know you're not alone, as we go through our respective days on opposites sides of the pond, we can each do our best to make choices to be good to ourselves!!

DixC Chix
02-24-2011, 10:52 AM
Rosinante - big, big hugs to you - :hug::hug::hug:

Can you make just one small change at a time? Like eat a piece of fruit before the giant chocolate chip cookie.

I am pulling for you to feel better. Spring is coming!!

Rosinante
02-24-2011, 02:34 PM
Thankyou for the encouragement, guys.

Today's positive - I ate no chocolate. It's a start!
:hug:

starbrite
02-24-2011, 02:36 PM
Yay - No choccie - positive post number 1 :)

MissKoo
02-24-2011, 08:07 PM
I'm doing the minimum required to not fail at my job.
I'm stressed to death about managing my old dogs' declining days.
I crave company and long for solitude.
I'm eating like a garbage disposal.


I'm so sorry you're going through this but I have to say how eloquent that little statement you made is! As someone who has suffered from depression most of her life, I can relate and appreciate.

When I've had the down times I eat more like a wood chipper than a garbage disposal! I think a wood chipper is even more dangerous to get your hand close to!

:hug:

VickieLou
02-24-2011, 10:59 PM
Rosinante sounds like you could use some :hug: :hug: :hug:. Glad to hear you are having a more postive day. Spring will be here soon. It's almost March. I live in the midwest so have to put up with cold and snow and ice.
I lived in the UK for a short while. We got snow there it was in Cornwall.
Don't Give Up! Soon the weather will be nice and you can enjoy your walks more.

theox
02-25-2011, 12:59 AM
Thankyou for the encouragement, guys.

Today's positive - I ate no chocolate. It's a start!
:hug:

That's great! :carrot:

Rosinante
02-25-2011, 05:25 AM
Thanks guys.

Yesterday finished not too badly - maybe not the healthiest of meals but only 3 meals and 2 snacks, all pre-planned, no random eating.

Today's task - to eat the same meals but make them lighter, either in volume or calories.
Unfortunately, there were 100 black dogs sitting on my head when I woke up this morning but I'm going to try and walk through them. :)

:hug:s to all other sufferers!

Rosinante
02-27-2011, 04:02 AM
Dog hit me with a large bar of chocolate yesterday.
Today I will try harder. Why can't that dog just Sit, Stay!?

Yesterday evening I was on my way to the corner shop for a totally unwarranted cake when I got a txt from Silverbirch reminding me spring is nearly here. I let the cake be, and had a black coffee instead. Thankyou, friend!

Rosinante
02-27-2011, 05:32 AM
So, the dog seems a bit of a lighter shade of black this morning.

Following on from yesterday's quite significant buzz at declining a cake, I decided not to wait until
Monday
the 1st of the month
Lent
any other arbitrary but delaying Start Date, and put a marker down for today.
I got on the scales, expecting at leaast 175. I'm 169. Now, that is hardly spectacular but it's not nearly as bad as it could have been, and it's actually 2lbs lower since the last time I logged anything on DietPower. Hm.

DP gives me a calorie budget of -520 (minus! 520). This, of course, I will ignore. I'll start with a modest 1600, ok, maybe even 1800, just to get me back into the logging/accountability mode.

The paler black dog is currently walking to heel. :)

silverbirch
02-27-2011, 06:24 PM
Good dog. :)

:hug:

Rosinante
02-27-2011, 07:07 PM
:wags tail: :)

Thankyou for that text!

krampus
02-27-2011, 08:12 PM
I hear ya, Rosinante. Misery loves company and there's nothing like understanding a depressive spell to make you less interested in trying to change anything.

Huge hugs all around.

silverbirch
02-28-2011, 02:02 AM
Nae borra, pal. V glad the text arrived at the right time.

I have to collect a bag from the menders today so I'm going to park a Long Way Away and walk. I want to be out in the brightness, even if it's raining. Meet you there?

Rosinante
02-28-2011, 03:33 AM
If I set off now, I'll be there by .... um, ok, it might take a while.
Definitely brightness is the key!

Rosinante
02-28-2011, 04:40 AM
wow. I'm SO glad I weighed yesterday - I have 'Gained' 3lbs overnight!!!!
Yes, I know it's not 3lbs of fat but I think if I'd waited until today and got that result, it'd have sent me screaming to the cookie jar!

Onward.

time2lose
02-28-2011, 09:42 AM
:hug::hug: keep plodding, my friend!

Jojo381972
02-28-2011, 05:17 PM
I hear you... I hope you have a better day. One day at a time.
Slay the dog! ;)

Rosinante
03-01-2011, 04:17 AM
Aiming for a good dog day today.

sept15lija
03-01-2011, 09:11 AM
Sit doggy!! STAY! Ok that was as much for my german shepherd puppy as your dog, but hopefully they'll both listen. I'm pretty sure mine won't though. sigh. :)

timkerbelle
03-01-2011, 11:18 AM
I'm so sorry you are going through this! I have a close friend who is affected by SAD, and it really does have a huge effect on her life. I just wanted to ask you if you have any help with this?
I know my friend used to go several times a week to light therapy, until her father kindly helped her buy a "sun lamp" of her own.
You shouldn't have to struggle through this on your own, and most of all, don't beat yourself up over things you do when you are affected by this.

I think it is a huge accomplishment that you seem to be able to separate yourself a little bit from your illness (I hope I don't offend you by calling it that) and realise that this is something that happens to you, not something you choose, or something that is symptomatic of failure or weakness.

I can very much understand the stress emotionally of having your geriatric dogs, both the lack of sleep and the worry that brings.

I'm hoping things brighten up for you very soon

Oboegal
03-01-2011, 01:15 PM
Just wanted to check in to wish you well, Rosinante. I went to a conference in Scotland in July once and noticed how few hours of complete darkness there were compared to back home, so I can imagine that the flip side of that (light deprivation in the winter) would be pretty tough.

The vernal equinox is in less than 3 weeks. Hang in there!

Rosinante
03-01-2011, 01:47 PM
Thanks, guys.
I definitely am, slowly, emerging.
Weightwise, I'm at least recording all my food - next step: bring those calories down!
Exercisewise, I'm still getting a daily walk in as a top priority.
Dogwise (the real ones), they're ok-ish at the moment.
Depressionwise, it's not been the best day today. My head's not bad but I'm struggling to escape from the sofa, I just want to lie and sleep. I've lost count of the moments when I was going to go do something 'after this programme'/'after this coffee'.
Healthwise, because my food choices aren't good, I feel nauseous and lethargic and bloated.

TBH, I suppose today is a bit of an 'on the cusp' day, I could go forward or roll back. I should just get up off my bhind, go feed the dogs, and then go do some Arabic studying. I'm joining a Level 2 class next week, and the Level 1 workbook just arrived. I have 8 days to do 10 units... Yalla bina!

calluna
03-01-2011, 08:15 PM
No advice here, Rosinante, just :hug:

DixC Chix
03-01-2011, 09:31 PM
Rosinante - hugs and hugs :hug::hug:

We are all pulling for you to feel better soon.

Arabic lessons - you are always up to something interesting!!!

bargoo
03-01-2011, 10:36 PM
Lock the black dog up amd let the white dog out.

Rosinante
03-02-2011, 08:14 AM
Dogs dappled today!

A sensible breakfast.
An apple for a snack instead of 5 choc chip cookies.
More water.
So far so good.

DixC Chix
03-02-2011, 10:30 AM
Its good to hear there has been some improvement. Yay!!

I am sending you some sunshine songs:

You are the sunshine of my life - Stevie Wonder
Sunshine on my shoulders - John Denver
Let the sunshine in - from the musical Hair

:hug:

bargoo
03-02-2011, 01:20 PM
And ,"This little light of mine , I'm gonna let it shine ".

DixC Chix
03-02-2011, 02:05 PM
Ooo, good one bargoo!

silverbirch
03-02-2011, 03:46 PM
Great suggestions!

I've got two more.

You are my sunshine. (Johnny Cash; others; Louisiana state song.)

Bring me sunshine. (Willie Nelson but really, Rosinante, as you know the definitive version was done by Morecambe and Wise!)

DixC Chix
03-02-2011, 03:55 PM
Nicely done Silverbirch.

time2lose
03-02-2011, 04:11 PM
Another one
Here Comes The Sun – The Beatles

Rosinante
03-02-2011, 04:37 PM
You is all good people!