well girls i havent been online in a few weeks. My boyfriend of 5 years was cheating on me and i found out. He packed his stuff and was gone by last thursday without another word. Just like that. His cheating and verbal (sometimes physical) abuse has left me bitter and broken with no self asteem. I was doing really good on my diet and then last week after the shock wore off i ate anything i could get my hands on and gained all the weight back. Im sad and lost. I feel like giving up.
02-22-2011, 09:58 PM
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You must be hurting so much right now... Hang in there, and do what you can to be good and kind to yourself.
02-22-2011, 10:10 PM
Oh I'm sorry that you are going through this!
I have been cheated on as well. Didn't find out until my marriage was breaking up that not only had he been cheating recently (and possibly with my brother's girlfriend) but also while I was pregnant with HIS daughter! I was heartbroken.
My last boyfriend was also abusive.
I'm just racking 'em up here aren't I? ;)
It makes you questions your judgment. It makes you question your self worth. I makes you question your beauty, kindness, intelligence, everything. And these questions are most certainly uncomfortable. So we eat.
To fill the void. To ignore the pain. To cure the blues. Because in fact- food does have a chemical effect in the body. It is fact- it does make us feel better.
I, myself, have issues with emotions. I'd rather not feel hurt, or sadness. So I avoid sad movies at all costs. I don't read sad books. Not even if they come out with a happy ending. I can cry at the hint of a Kay Jewelers commercial. And if I find something hysterically funny, the next emotion out of me is horrible sadness complete with sobbing.... It's like laughter is one tick shy of crying and the emotional flood gates have opened. It's not normal, but I'm working on it! :lol:
But I want you to remember- emotions pass. That sadness will not be there forever. Nor will the pain or the bitterness. And soon you'll look back and think about him and exclaim rather loudly "THAT JERK!" It's ok to feel a full range of emotions. Happiness, and sadness. Everything passes. Just sit with it, and it will pass. Bottle it, and you'll end up like me :dizzy:
Do something that makes you feel good (that is not food related). Because.. you are totally worth it.
02-22-2011, 10:29 PM
Oh I'm sorry!! How horrible for him to do that to you.
I totally understand how this can drive you to eating... But, please remember to take care of yourself and to treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated.
02-22-2011, 10:44 PM
you said "His cheating and verbal (sometimes physical) abuse " verbal and physical abuse makes him low life scum not worthy of one tear. be glad he is gone
02-22-2011, 10:44 PM
What an a$$hole! You deserve so much better!
02-22-2011, 10:45 PM
I know it's hard but try to look at it this way you just lost some dead weight. He was holding you down. He was not treating you right and now you don't have to carry that burden. Take this as a time to get your life in order and start fresh. Now that he's gone you'll have a lot more time to focus on you and your needs and everything else will come easy.
02-22-2011, 10:50 PM
Actually you have losrt 180 pounds or whatever weight he is, he is a jerk and you deserve so much better. I understand about the food but it won't change anything. Concentrate on getting healthy , take one day at a time and realize he did you a favor by getting out of your life.
02-22-2011, 10:52 PM
OMG niafabo I used to LIVE in Bradenton Florida! Grew up in Palmetto and went to PHS!
as for the a$$hole...I am SO sorry you are having to go through this right now but the others said it best, if he was verbaly and physically abusive to you GOOD RIDDENCE! You deserve SO much more and you WILL find it. Just remember you have to love yourself first and foremost. LOVE YOURSELF!!!! Don't quit, we're all here for you! You can do it!
02-22-2011, 10:54 PM
I'm so sorry to hear how he treated you, but I am happy to see that he left you so that you are able to see with time how much better you are without him! No one deserves abuse, emotional or physical. Look at this as a new start and when one door closes another one always opens. Work on yourself, love yourself, believe in yourself and you can do this. You are worthy of someone treating you right! Allow yourself 5 min. a day to be upset.. cry, do what you need to, but then pick yourself up and move on as hard as it hurts. You are worth it! ((hugs))
02-22-2011, 10:55 PM
grrrrrr I am sooooo tired of boys who do this crap! Honey you have been sad long enough. Take all that sadness and turn it into anger. Take up shadow boxing(imaging him as the shadow) and get some exercise in. Go to work and spend time with all those precious animals. And start ur life over by focusing on you and ur happiness.
02-22-2011, 10:59 PM
From what you have told us it doesn't sound like you have lost much with his leaving but a lot of heartache. You deserve so much more. Try and think of this as a fresh start, cause that is what it is.
02-22-2011, 11:19 PM
You may feel bitter, broken and down in the dumps now, but you are finally free to make yourself happy without living in fear of some jerk. It's never easy and the cycle of abuse makes it impossible to think of yourself as a person who deserves good things, but please please please be kind to yourself. Spend some time with girlfriends, don't take other people's BS, and behave SELFISHLY - now is the time to focus on YOU and work on loving yourself.
02-22-2011, 11:31 PM
I know how bad you are hurting and it's so hard to look past this, but trust me -- it will pass. I just recently went through something similar. He was a good man in many ways but had some serious baggage. Like your jerk, mine left me very abruptly over a pretense, never able to say what the real issue was. What a coward. (It wasn't my weight, in case you were wondering.)
Me, I turned it into a Julia Roberts moment: Using the hurt and anger to fuel my determination to lose weight. There are many things motivating me to lose the weight... health concerns, feeling better, wanting to be more active, etc., but I can't deny that the Julia Roberts moment is one of them. There will come a day when we run into each other, me at my goal weight.... "Big, big mistake. Huge."
I may even be well over it long before I lose all my weight, but it's still motivating.
Lemons into lemonade, baybehh!! I hope you can see your own self worth again soon. :hug:
02-23-2011, 01:11 AM
I am sorry you are going through ****. But as Winston Churchill once put it -- "if you are going through ****....keep on going!"
You have to process your grief at the betrayal, I know.
But don't worry -- there will be better days! And don't worry about being off plan today. You just lost at least 150 or more by getting rid of this jerk!
02-23-2011, 01:14 AM
So he was abusive and he left without a word? That's freedom, ma'am. It doesn't feel like it at first, but it will. The guy sounds like dead weight and now you're free to focus on yourself; wholly and completely. Someone said above to give yourself a time limit before acknowledging and soldiering on to treating yourself better and rising above it. I agree with this.
I'm going through the gauntlet right now myself. I give myself an hour to whine or rant about it and lay there, a half hour more if I need it. Then I try to focus.
"If you're going through ****, Keep going" - WC
EDIT: Hah, someone put the same quote up just as I was done typing. Guess it makes it that much more meaningful, OP!
02-23-2011, 01:48 AM
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. He's a jerk, a loser, a deadweight and, most of all, he doesn't deserve someone as beautiful as you. Please don't give up on yourself.
02-23-2011, 05:53 AM
a couple of things- :hug: i know you feel hurt, betrayed, angry, and just flat out resentful that this jerkface could do that after the abuse he put you through. i'm really sorry you're going through this.
my boyfriend recently left, (we're sorta in limbo-long story) and i lost my job shortly after. i ate for a bit. then i decided to take control of something in my life, as it seemed like everything was falling apart at the seams.
that's my best advice to you. when sh*t feels like its outta control, take control of what you can- what you're eating. the process will empower you, give you the confidence, and be ready to move on full force.
good luck to you...you CAN do this. don't let this guy win the war.
02-23-2011, 06:18 AM
1. You were losing weight for YOURSELF not for HIM, so whether he is in your life or out of it, the weight loss/journey should continue on!
2. You have to keep going with the weight loss. What is the alternative? Gain weight back and be even MORE unhappy? Remember how you felt before you lost all that weight- probably pretty bad? I would imagine you don't want to go back in that direction. Your only other option is to plunge forward with your weight loss... things can only get better if you move in that direction.
Many many hugs! You WILL get through this :hug:
02-23-2011, 06:55 AM
Gosh, that is just so absolutely painful and devastating. I've been there. Here you are, bending over backwards trying to make it work with this guy you think you love, even though he is hurtful and mean at times, and then what does he do? He has the nerve to cheat on you and leave YOU. &^%##^&**(&%$$/!!!!! If you're anything like I was when that happened to me, you are much more sad than mad, and even wishing that he would see the error of his ways and come back! :mad::mad::mad:
I imagine it feels like you will never feel better, but trust me, that was a long time ago for me and now when I look back I am mortified that I gave the situation the power to make me so miserably sad. I let it go on too long and it turned into a pretty deep depression for a bit. It's easy to let that happen unless you really fight it. As the others have said, really taking care of yourself could be a way to come back from this, and exercise can really help lift your mood and give you some power back. I wish I had known/done that then.
Years later I am happily married with a beautiful daughter, and every now and then I think back on that whole fiasco and I am so thankful I was able to move past the dead weight, thankful actually that HE left, because I don't know how long I would have gone on in that stupid waste of a relationship if he hadn't. I sure didn't realize it at the time, but he did me a big favor leaving me. Just feel sorry for the other "lucky" young lady on whom his attentions are now focused. :hug::hug::hug:
02-23-2011, 08:27 AM
I'm so sorry! But don't let him have any more of your energy. Stick it to him by taking care of yourself, eating well, exercising (also to alleviate depression), and getting in awesome shape to make him regret he wasted even one minute of his time with you! Just keep that thought in mind whenever you debate eating something you know goes against your goals and as you are exercising for those last ten minutes. This is your way to take control of one thing that is absolutely within your power! You absolutely can do this, and it's a great form of revenge: healthy!
02-23-2011, 08:30 AM
What a low life men like that dont deserve your love. Dont give up , you need to show that al though your hurting that that man can never validate you life and that you can be that slimmer more self confidant woman.
Trust me , hold on in their youll get there and when you do youll wonder y the **** u wasted 5 years with him. Lots of hugs:hug:
02-23-2011, 08:35 AM
Oh I hate that you are going through this. :hug:
02-23-2011, 09:21 AM
I have never been physically abused but mentally -- oh yeah -- been there, done that. And because he beat me down so much I felt worthless when he left. Not to mention being cheated on while being overweight and how that made the cheating so much more painful for some reason. But now when I look back with clarity I wonder why I didn't leave HIM even before I knew he cheated! I started off eating everything I found because food was the only thing I thought would make me feel better. I eventually decided that I needed to be in control of something and my body (and mind) was my prime target.
I'm telling you...there was NO BETTER FEELING in the world than to lose weight and run into him and seeing his mouth drop. LOL
I agree with all the other people who wisely said you are so much better without him. I know you can't see it now as you are still in a grief stage but when that anger stage hits you, you will feel that motivation of losing weight come back two fold!
Thinking of you.....
02-23-2011, 04:50 PM
I am so sorry that happened to you. But as you can see you have alot of people who know you deserve sooo much better. Time heals wounds as they say and if not now than one day you will know this was just a stepping stone in the right direction for your wonderful life. So step over him and don't look back.
02-24-2011, 12:52 AM
I am sad to read about your pain. nobody deserves to be cheated on and its so shattering to self esteem and our sense of self worth and as women I think we tend to make it about ourselves, when in reality it speaks of his lack of character and morale and you are better off without him.
You know, I don't have high self esteem. Infact, I would go as far as saying I dont have any self esteem. I tend to internalise pain and when I get rejected by someone I love or hurt, I tend to think its because I am not worthy of being loved and I deserve it and in turn I punish myself by eating the bad food as I think what's the point? Then I hate myself even more, and I become sadder and sadder and gain weight and its a really vicious cycle.
Anyway what I am now trying to do is everyday list 2 things I can do to be kind to myself and to my body. I focus on those. If Ieat something bad, I don't make that the focus of my day but put my focus on kinder, sofert things I can do for yourself. It can be as simple as buying a nice shampoo or saying to myself that I deserve being happy etc. Slowly I think it works.
You are not alone and you have support. Hugs to you
02-24-2011, 01:46 AM
I am old, in fact, I'm probably older than most of the posters here, so you can take this for what it's worth, but here goes.
No one should be defined by the SO they live with or are married to. Nor should you be defined by your job/career. You should be defined by who YOU are!
Some lessons in life are hard learned, and believe me, I've learned them all the hard way.
Give your self a time limit, like2 days to grieve, then, grow yourself a big ole set of balls and move on! While sometimes compromise is a good thing, and important to life, standing up for your self and what you believe and what you want and how you should be treated is more important.
Yes along the way you are going to make people mad, so what. I've had friends come and go, some are still here, some, well, they weren't good for me, so I drifted off, or some I told to go to h*** and don't come back. I'm better off because they were not good for me and I don't miss them.
Guys like your ex do what they do, to keep you down, they do all the things they accuse you of, and they are experts in destroying your self esteem because that is what makes them feel good and the really don't care about you, all they care about is themselves. He probably found someone that was easier to manipulate than you, so, he left.
Thank your lucky stars he's gone on his own and you did not have to break up with him. He most likely would have been a stalker.
Look at this as a lesson learned! Life is that way sometimes. Move on! There will be better opportunities out there!:hug:
02-24-2011, 10:27 AM
And I am much older than shcirerf, but I agree with her totally.
Wipe any tears away and move on with your life. Be the independent, successful, beautiful woman you were meant to be, and enjoy your future.
You really are much better off without him, and some day you will find the special guy who is right for you. :wave:
02-26-2011, 09:32 PM
you girls have no idea what it means to me to see so many nice things said on here. Thank you so very much! It means a lot to me :) yall have each given me some really solid advice that i will take to heart. I am going to just let go of all the stuff he put me through and move on with my life. I wont lie though, i have been eating everything in sight! Its time to get back on my feet and start over.....not only with my diet but with my life.