Weight Loss Support - Sister!




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Chaselove
02-19-2011, 06:31 PM
O.k so my sister, and I are both trying to lose weight. I am doing so successfully, and I honestly think that she is jealous. I'm starting to eat well, and exercise more. She eats terribly (eg: she drinks the sweet tea EVERYDAY, she goes out to eat for lunch everyday, she eats oily foods, fried foods, fries corn dogs, chocolate etc. EVERYDAY), and then she goes to the gym and does a class twice a week, and expects to lose weight. She says this to me frequently "Why do you lose weight, and I don't. You don't do anything, but sit on your a** all day and you drop five pounds. I go to my classes sweat and move around and I'm still the same weight!" And she tells people that I lose weight very "quickly" without even trying much. Is she freaking kidding me? No! I eat well, I cook my own food, I go walking, spinning, and I do the ellipticals when I work out.
I tell her every day that she needs to eat better, I even show her what I eat. I try, and all she does is bring me down. :( It's just really annoying to have to deal with this constantly. She tells me that I won't even stay on my diet, and that I'm just going to give up in a week. She is constantly telling me that I am going to fail, and that I don't deserve to lose weight. :( Thanks everyone for reading.


laueliz
02-19-2011, 07:04 PM
Oh my goodness! That is awful behavior on her part.

I think she is very afraid you will leave her in your dust, so to speak, and that then she will be "the fat sister." She needs to take responsibility for her own workouts and eating patterns. Clearly, she is in denial about her eating habits. She may be angry because she's not emotionally ready to really make the changes you're making, and now she feels left behind. But it's not your responsibility to make sure you're both at the same physical level, losing weight at the same rate. She's being immature and jealous right now.

Her telling you that you'll fail or that you're magically losing the weight without trying (ha!) is toxic behavior. I am so sorry you have to deal with it. Maybe avoid talking with her about exercising/dieting for a while and change the subject. Keep on with your plan -- you can and will be successful, because you're making the changes you need to be! I'm sure you love your sister but it sounds like she's trying to bring you down, even if she may not realize it herself.

Just steer clear from discussions about weight/eating with her as much as you can. That's the only thing I can think of. Maybe take a break from her for a short period of time to clear the air and focus on yourself. You've already tried to explain what you're actually doing as opposed to what she's telling herself (and others).

Anyway... sorry you're going through this! Protect yourself and don't allow yourself to be sabotaged! You can do it! The most important thing, in my opinion, is your health. And maybe she will come around, eventually, as she probably needs to think all this through and get comfortable with your weight loss success. You never know, once she gets over it, she may just cheer you on.

Chaselove
02-19-2011, 07:17 PM
laueliz: Thank you so much :hug:. I am trying very hard to lose this weight, and she just can't see that. The thing is that she is always talking to me about exercise, and weight loss. I don't like it anymore. She tried Weigh Watchers, and she just gave up on it. I gave up for a while, but I've been back on for a long time now.
Again thank you for your kind words and support. I'm going to focus on me, and what I need to do!

Good luck on your journey. You are a very positive person, and you've helped me. Karma will be on your side! :carrot: Thanks for the third time!!


astrophe
02-19-2011, 09:03 PM
She does sound jealous.

Can you just not talk about diets and exercise with her? And do your own thing for a while?

If she says negative stuff to you respond, "Look, that's negative talk. I'm doing my own thing in my own way at my own speed. You can do yours in your own way at your own speed. But let's not get into the business of tearing each other down. Sister don't do that." and change the subject.

A.

ShanIAm
02-19-2011, 09:26 PM
She's obviously blameshifting. Deep down she knows she is not doing the work and you are! I agree with the above posters. Either steer clear from her for a while or not talk about weight loss. If you can't do either than use her negative comments to just motivate you more! Show her just how STRONG you are and adopt that "I'll show her!" attitude. Then when you lose all your weight you can say to her, "Thank you sis for being so negative!".

OK, I'm just being petty now... sorry :-)

Keep up the great work!

stacygee
02-19-2011, 10:50 PM
WWWWHHHHHAAAATTTTT?????? She actually says you will fail and don't deserve to lose weight?

I would like to plead my case for sisterhood... I would value a sister with something to offer on a weightloss journey. I would be dedicated to you, my sister, and check in on you everyday. If you had an urge to munch I would do all I could to talk you down. I Love love love my sister and will do all I can to support her....

This is what you deserve...

bronzeager
02-20-2011, 01:56 AM
It sounds like she has also gotten the idea that losing weight is mostly about exercise -- not surprising because most popular culture in the US, weight loss tv programs for example, focus on this and not really on diet.) You can point out that exercise will certainly make her fit, but fat loss can me made much easier by controlling your intake. (Trying to put a positive spin on it here.) See if you can tie it into some ideas she already has; it might work to talk about how corporate marketing encourages us to consume more food/foods that are not good for us. Or if she has a psychology bent, how emotion or boredom or the need to fit in socially can cause us to eat more than we consciously intend.

Chaselove
02-20-2011, 12:35 PM
astrophe: Thank you so much! I'm going to tell her not to speak to me about that anymore unless she has something positive to say to me. If she continues I'll just refuse to speak to her about weight loss period. Thank you so much again!
ShanIAm: Totally! Lol the pettiness is fine with me (although I don't see that as petty). Every time I go to work out, and every time I eat well I will look her square in the eye, and smile!! Every time I work out I WILL use her negativeness ( I'm not sure if that is even a word) to push me hard! Thank you! Good luck!
stacygee: =) thank you. She never blatantly said it, but she keeps hinting at it. Wow I would LOVE to adopt you into my family as my sister!! I totally love my sister, and I think we both deserve to be healthy; however, if she keeps this up the sister-weigh loss-bond thing is up! Thank you, and I hope you have some one behind you 100%!
bronzeager: Thanks! I've told her things similar to this before, and she just brushes me off telling me that she's going to eat whatever she wants to eat, and then work it off later. (The problem: She does not work hard enough). I've tried to get her to see that cooking is not that bad, and that eating pizza and other quick foods are expensive, and bad for your health in the long run. I think I'll try to talk to her about it again! >.< Thank you! Now I have a better idea of what I'm going to say to her about this topic! =)
===
All of you are amazing people :D, and I hope you all have the support that you need! Good luck on all your journeys, and obstacles! We are all winners, and we will be successful in the end! :hug:

sacha
02-20-2011, 12:57 PM
Since she's your sister, you can just be perfectly blunt and tell her to shut up, you don't want to talk to her about it anymore. At least that's what I do with mine :)

Ultreos
02-20-2011, 01:02 PM
Proper eating and nutrition can actually be a lot more important then exercise.

A change in eating habits and beverages you consume can lose you almost 25% of your body weight or more over a short period of time.

Most people don't even realize that they are eating close to 4000 and more calories a day every day and because of their low physical activity levels they don't even need it. **** I ate and drank 4310 calories yesterday and all I had to do was go out to eat twice and drink 5 alcoholic beverages. I do not advocate anyone to do this while losing weight even on a cheat day mind you I work my *** off in the gym to even think about doing that once in a while.

When I can eat and drink 4310 calories without even trying in a single day, imagine someone who does not even know how much they are consuming can eat and drink. If I had a zero metabolism I would have gained an entire pound on that amount of calories alone.

Tell her that I had to learn the hard way the gym can't replace proper eating habits for weight loss, but proper eating and working out can definitely get rid of fat a lot quicker.

Eat better, eat less, exercise. Lose weight. It starts with food, not the gym.

marianne78
02-20-2011, 10:35 PM
Stories like these make me thankful I don't have a sister.... But I agree with the other posters here. Her weight loss is her own responsibility and your own weight loss is yours. Just focus on your own journey and let her take care of herself. You can ignore her when she starts being petty or you can tell her to shut up. Don't let her hold you back.

krampus
02-20-2011, 11:02 PM
She's obviously not ready to take weight loss seriously, and you are. Let her jealousy overflow as you get healthy and fit and don't let her get you down!

AZ Sunrises
02-21-2011, 02:16 PM
Now that my urge to help you give her a swirly has passed, I have a different take on it.

Smile sweetly and give her a sample menu for a few days, including portion sizes, calorie count, and what exercises you're doing. Tell her that since she's struggling, she might want to give your plan a chance since it's working for you.

Kill her with kindness...and if that doesn't work, PM me, and we can arrange the swirly.

Chaselove
02-21-2011, 08:47 PM
sacha: :) Thanks I'll tell her exactly that! Lol she'll look super surprised! :D thanks!
Ultreos: Thank you! I will share this story with her. I really do want to help her, but she keeps pushing me away. Thank you again so much!
marianne78: Sometimes I wish I didn't either, because that is just plain rude! I'll make her evil words my motivation, and tell her to shut up! Lol Thanks!
krampus:Thank you! When she sees me succeeding she will eat her heart out :devil:! Lol thanks
AZ Sunrises: Hahaha the swirly thing made me literally lol! I'll try and make her some food so that she can be happy and lose weight! Lol thank you! I might need your help with the swirly though ;)

MzJuicyD
02-21-2011, 11:46 PM
This is why i like being on this journey alone (except for you guys!). Jealousy will always be a factor, whether someone admits it or not. Just try to stay focused and ignore the ignorant comments!

HappyChick86
02-21-2011, 11:49 PM
All you can do is keep your head up. When you lose all the weight and she comes around you could possibly be her coach. Jelousy is not a good thing but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You are doing this for you and you only.

gagalu
02-22-2011, 12:05 AM
This is why i like being on this journey alone (except for you guys!). Jealousy will always be a factor, whether someone admits it or not. Just try to stay focused and ignore the ignorant comments!

i agree!

this would be twice as hard for me if i were going through it with another person.

OP -- hopefully you can talk some sense into your sister! it's sad that she doesn't want to accept responsibility for what she's done herself.

krampus
02-22-2011, 12:55 AM
This is why i like being on this journey alone (except for you guys!). Jealousy will always be a factor, whether someone admits it or not. Just try to stay focused and ignore the ignorant comments!

Word to this! I always feel a little on edge when someone I know starts dieting or trying to lose weight. I do this for me on my time, and I hate feeling like someone else is gonna "beat" me!

Chaselove
02-22-2011, 05:13 PM
MzJuicyD: Words of wisdom! I know that she is jealous, and I wish that she would just get over it and join me. In the end it will always just be me! I will stay totally focused, and motivated! :) Thank you! Good luck to you, and good job on losing that weight!
HappyChick86: Thank you I will stay positive, and help her in the end! :) Thank you, and good luck!
gagalu: I'm trying, but she is in total denial! I hope she does better though! Thank you and good luck to ya, and good job on your weight loss!
krampus: So true! I'm just going to stay focused on me. I am a very competitive person, but sometimes, when it comes to health that's not always good! Good luck on your journey!

beerab
02-22-2011, 05:33 PM
What do you say in response? Gee that's mean of her!

I'd have probably retorted with "I don't eat crap like you do, that's why I'm losing and you aren't!"

She'll eat her words as you continue to lose and she doesn't.