Weight Loss Support - Frustrated with dieting boyfriend!




jhinako
02-18-2011, 09:31 AM
Ugh, so I've been doing Weight Watchers since like January 23 of this year. It's been going really well for me. I think seeing my progress, my boyfriend has decided that he too wants to lose weight. Which is great, but I think he's going about it in all the wrong ways and he will not listen to what I have to say!

My boyfriend weighed in at 225 lbs and is 6'0 ft tall. He is fairly muscular on his own. He wants to lose 20 lbs. However, he does not exercise, hardly drinks any water, does not take any vitamins, does not eat breakfast, consumes TONS of beer at night(light beer now), and some days does not eat anything until 3-4 pm in the afternoon. Some times he will get frustrated and try to eat something that is like 100 calories for his whole dinner and starve himself. Or skip meals. I try to tell him how bad all this is for him, help him out, but he does NOT listen to me. He is stubborn and hard-headed, lol.

He has started weighing himself daily and if the scale shows a gain, like it did this AM, he gets all frustrated and I'm sure he won't eat well today because of it. I told him that losing weight every day is unlikely and probably not healthy and he should exercise to make sure the weight he's losing isn't his muscle--no avail. I'm sure he's going to burn out, or gain it all back and then get MORE frustrated because he seems unwilling to go about this "slowly".

Any tips for me?


luckymommy
02-18-2011, 09:43 AM
I can really understand how frustrating this must be. I really feel like people need to be ready to hear certain information and it sounds like he's not ready. I think he's going to need to experience this for himself. If I were you, as hard as this is, I'd let him do his thing. I'd let him know that when he's ready to hear your advice, you'll be there for him, but as long as he continues with this extremely unhealthy starvation, you will not intervene. Sometimes, the best way to get a message across is through example. Keep doing what you're doing and maybe a light bulb will turn on and he'll finally realize that it has to be a realistic, healthy life style change, rather than extreme crash diets that lead to success.

VermontMom
02-18-2011, 09:43 AM
oh no! he sounds like alot of us :devil:

let's see. if he 'won't listen to you' (and too bad for that, because you're doing good!) would he listen to 'experts'? Like if you point him here (Men's section) or FitDay or spark people?


astrophe
02-18-2011, 09:46 AM
Leave him to his process? Point him to the men's area of 3FC?

You can't learn something for someone. They have to learn it on their own.

Plus, nobody wants a peanut gallery commenting at them. When he's ready for input, he will ask you.

GL!
A.

Shmead
02-18-2011, 09:59 AM
I agree: back off. Turning food into an issue is poison in a relationship: you will be eating together for a long time. You don't want to spend the next 20 years (or whatever) making faces when the one of you gets the mashed potatoes instead of the roasted vegetables.

jhinako
02-18-2011, 10:12 AM
I know. I have been "nagging". But only because I honestly think he probably does not eat more than 900 calories some days. And he's not a small guy. I'm worried about him.

He honestly expects a big loss every day, like half a pound to a pound every morning---and if he doesn't get it, or heaven forbid he's up in weight, he will review everything he ate the previous day and decide "he did something wrong" and probably will restrict further.

astrophe
02-18-2011, 10:22 AM
Then just say it once but then let it GO.

"Hon, I'm glad you want to work on this. But check out some reliable resources like (insert here) so you can base your plan, whatever it is to be, on something sane. You know there's a lot of fake/gimmick/pitfall stuff out there out there, right? Be careful. I'm here if you need me, but I'm going to let you work your plan how you want, because I don't want to nag. You tell me when/if I can support you differently."

A.

bargoo
02-18-2011, 10:30 AM
Back off. You are only going to frustrate yourself. He may consider you to be nagging. When and if he is ready he will do something about it.

beerab
02-18-2011, 10:38 AM
I agree to leave him be- and when he says anything in frustration just tell him "when you are ready to lose weight the right way I can help you." And leave it at that.

Hopefully he sees you losing your weight and will realize your way does work :)

Rana
02-18-2011, 11:02 AM
Yes, I agree, back off.

I know you're trying to be helpful, but you have to let him figure it out on his own. If he wants advice, you can point him to sites like this one, which are useful and a whole bunch on the internet or books.

I think if you're a good example of healthy eating (and leaving him alone!) he may start asking YOU for advice since it's working for you.

It took about a year, but my boyfriend now sees me as an expert in the weight loss thing.

QuilterInVA
02-18-2011, 12:08 PM
You are not the food police and the nagging you are doing is making things worse. Back off. It's his body and he can do what he wants with it.

MariaMaria
02-18-2011, 12:31 PM
His body. His journey.

(And check your facts re needing to pound water, eat breakfast, and take vitamins/supplements. Not so.)

MzHopeful
02-18-2011, 12:42 PM
Like everyone else said, I'd kindly give him the info that you know once, and that is it. Keep going with your own journey, and when you succeed (and haven't been nagging him) he might then ask for your help. Then you can give him the facts.. when hes ready and wants to hear them. Otherwise your adding pressure to him, and hes more likely to not even try at all.

I personally hate when I've been losing weight in the past, and this one perticular lady at work (who was even heavier then me) started nagging and telling me everything that I was doing wrong, and telling me what her neice was doing blah blah blah. We were both overweight, and I felt atleast I was trying.. and her nagging was detremental to my weight loss.

Soo just try to keep up your great work! And let him see that its working, he will come to you on his own eventually. :)

NiteNicole
02-18-2011, 02:14 PM
I agree with everyone else - back off and let go. Or get him to sign up for WW to "support you." Then he has a plan and someone else will be telling him what to do.

My husband will occasionally get into weight loss mode and he's open to reading books aimed at men. He's read all kinds of crazy stuff...even Sylvester Stallone has a diet book out. Who knew. He picks up bits and pieces of info here and there. Apparently if Rocky says it, it must be true. Never mind I said the same thing like two days ago :dizzy:

beerab
02-18-2011, 02:37 PM
My husband will occasionally get into weight loss mode and he's open to reading books aimed at men. He's read all kinds of crazy stuff...even Sylvester Stallone has a diet book out. Who knew. He picks up bits and pieces of info here and there. Apparently if Rocky says it, it must be true. Never mind I said the same thing like two days ago :dizzy:

Lol I swear my hubby is the same.

krampus
02-18-2011, 10:08 PM
When my friends give me unsolicited advice on dieting and nutrition it immediately makes me want to snap at them. I would probably explode if my boyfriend ever did that. I imagine that effect is multiplied exponentially for a man.

He'll figure something out. Perhaps by simply living well yourself, he will be inspired by your example!

sacha
02-18-2011, 10:12 PM
My first tip: stop dating my husband you hussy! No really, right down to the same height/weight/beer habit :rofl:

But seriously, I just nod and smile. There's not much we can do :)

stacygee
02-18-2011, 10:19 PM
Take care of yourself!

shcirerf
02-18-2011, 10:57 PM
Testosterone is a double edge sword! It makes men, men, but it also makes them ego maniacal idiots.

Take care of yourself and let him stew in his own juice. One of these days he will wake up and smell the coffee.