Weight Loss Support - I'm mad at myself...can I really not handle social situations?!




ParadiseFalls
02-13-2011, 05:01 AM
I went to a party my best friend hosted tonight. Since starting Medifast, I've been going out as little as possible to avoid drinking because it's really, really hard for me as a college student to hang out in groups and not drink. But tonight I really needed to see all my friends at the same time, and I had a great time. I didn't drink much — 3 oz. of vodka (yes, I actually measured :p ) — but then I got drunk munchies and we ended up going to Taco Bell on the way home.

This makes me wonder...am I trying to sabotage myself, or am I just such a pathetic person that I can't stay on plan?

I don't get it. I started today thinking, "I won't drink." Then it turned into "I'll skip my last two Medifast meals to make room for 3 oz. of vodka." And then at the party, I was doing relatively well — I had chosen to go off plan food-wise, but I was staying within my "nutritional" value (yea, I know, it wasn't a good choice, but it was still a choice that wouldn't throw me out of whack completely).

Then the :censored: Taco Bell. What the heck is wrong with me? The second they mentioned how much they wanted it, I knew I couldn't get anything. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to. On the way there, I was completely sober, and I was telling myself I wouldn't get anything. Even in the line at the drive-through, I was telling myself I shouldn't do it. I even said in my head, "If you don't get this food, it means you can do this."

And I did anyway.

I got two bean burritos. 740 calories and 112 carbs — more than I'm allowed to eat in an entire day in carbs, and 60 less than my daily limit for calories. This will definitely throw me out of ketosis and cost me at least three days before I get back into it.

I'm so frustrated, and I can't stop thinking: If just seconds before making a bad decision I can tell myself, "Don't do this. If you do, you're failing," and still do it, what does that say about me?

I'm so disgusted with myself, I'm embarrassed to even post this. That's why I'm doing it tonight instead of the morning.


bonnie2009
02-13-2011, 06:41 AM
You're Human! I made the mistake in the past that I would "white knuckle" my way through weight loss and it didn't work. I lost close to 150 lbs about 15 years but I gained it back. This time I realize that I have to do it for me and the main answer for me is attitude. I haven't started losing weight if anything since I realized some of this information I probably have gained some weight but most important I have gained insight on how to eventually lose and keep it off. I lost the weight for some wrong reasons before. I felt that when I got to my goal weight that everything would fall into place. I would not have to worry about money, I would be happy all the time etc. It was great the biggest benefit was my improved health and feeling more energetic and athletic. There are many others but if have to be KIND to yourself. Don't berate yourself. You're human and that is just fine.

You can do it. Practice the Golden Rule on yourself!

Nola Celeste
02-13-2011, 06:57 AM
I'm so frustrated, and I can't stop thinking: If just seconds before making a bad decision I can tell myself, "Don't do this. If you do, you're failing," and still do it, what does that say about me?


What it says to me is that the "If you do X, then you're failing" ultimatum isn't one that does you much good. It doesn't stop you from doing X and it leaves you feeling miserable. What are some ways that you can banish that kind of statement from your internal vocabulary?

One of my favorite authors wrote a great passage about a boy sitting on a dock and dangling his bare feet over the water. At high tide, the boy would try to bring the soles of his feet lower and lower, playing a game to see how close he could get to the water without touching it. It occurred to him one day that the game itself was flawed because he could never "win" at it; the moment of "as close as possible" was only visible in retrospect once his feet were already wet.

You're looking back and seeing everything that happened and regretting your wet feet. The only way to win at that is not to play the "if I do X, I fail" game.

Are there steps along the way that you could've taken to get away un-burritoed? Learn from it; figure out how you're going to handle the next time you're in a similar situation (and there will be a next time because going to a friend's party is fun and we can't cloister ourselves away). Will you skip the vodka? Have the vodka and skip the Taco Bell? Have the Taco Bell, but eat one burrito or order off the "fresca" menu? Order what you want, but give half away? Eat it all, but get right back to climbing that mountain tomorrow instead of throwing yourself all the way down the cliff face tonight?

Please don't let your great time be overshadowed by this. You sound as if you had a lot of fun, so forgive yourself and keep your feet dry the next day. :hug:


marie81
02-13-2011, 07:49 AM
awww honey I know the feeling well sweetie I work in london and the social life is wild I try to avoid going out for drinks as much as I can but there are some things I really cant miss like client drink or retirement parties. I just cant leave it at one glass of wine, I have one get the taste for it and normally finish of the bottle (sometimes even 2 bottles) then the eating starts sometimes is Indian food with the guys or pizza or anything I can get my hands on at 1am then I get home and raid the kitchen as i convince myself that if I eat I wont have a hang over.

Dont beat yourself up over it, it was one little blip when otherwise you have been doing well. Just get back on track today and dont weigh yourself for a while give you body time to recover. drink lots of water to flush out the toxins from the booze and food.

Remember you still have to have a life. what I do is limit it to once a month

Good luck honey and try not to feel bad

JayEll
02-13-2011, 08:00 AM
Gosh, maybe there is a middle ground between "nothing" and "two bean burritos."

I went to Taco Bell with friends now and then while losing, and my lunch consisted of two taco supremes. 400 calories.

Of course, if you're on a set program like Medifast, you might need to adjust to fit--but the point is, there are always better choices you can make. You're learning to make them, so that's the good news!

Jay

fatmad
02-13-2011, 09:52 AM
I agree, you had a blip and get back on the wagon, and learn from this. Learning to deal with social situations is part of your weight loss, so don't cut yourself off either, though reducing the temptations may be helpful.
Other posters have had very good ideas.

Rana
02-13-2011, 09:59 AM
Very good advice here. We can't live in a vacuum just because we are dieting because normal life means having to face this situation all the time. When you reach maintenance, you'll still have to make good choices and there will be slip ups and it's important to go back to what works and not beat yourself up about it. One off-plan day will not destroy the other 364 days you've worked on plan.

Ashley829
02-13-2011, 11:05 AM
It's okay!!! It really is. You are not a failure, we all do this, we all have moments when we eat something, then really regret it later. I have been living healthy for 2 years now and I still do this! I just tell myself, okay that is over with, tomorrow is a new day and I will be back on track. Once you eat it, you can't take it back so you just have to use that guilt feeling to motivate you to not do it again. Hang in there!

stacygee
02-13-2011, 11:08 AM
Think about how you feel right now... and remember the feeling...so you won't do it again.

We all slip up... the important thing is to get right back to work and onto our programs.

You CAN do it!

shannonmb
02-13-2011, 09:59 PM
Of course you know that if you jump right back on plan and stick with it, those 2 bean burritos are not even going to be a small blip on the radar a year from now. You'll have to work a few days to get back to your ketosis (which I don't know much about), but you will do it.

If I'm reading right, the lack of CONTROL is what is weirding you out the most about this slip-up. Boy do I understand this! I've been going along happily on plan for MONTHS, and the other day I completely lost my sense of what I was doing. As I reached for ANOTHER serving of almonds, a cold piece of chicken, a big spoonful of peanut butter, I kept telling myself -- nothing good is going to come of this. What the heck is going on, why am I doing this? Stop it RIGHT now! Didn't really matter what I told myself, in my thread I said I was feeling possessed! I did reign it in before I did much damage, and the next day I was right back to my "new normal". Eliana gave some good comments, it's like you feel as though everything you have worked for is for NOTHING if THIS is still what you are going to do! All the old habits are going to come spiraling back and you were fooling yourself to think that you could do this. That was about a week ago for me, and again, I'm just right back to where I want to be, the very next day.

Every now and then the old demons are bound to show themselves, but as most of us have figured out, it's about getting RIGHT BACK TO IT! I hope you had a great, on plan day today. It'll be okay, really!! :hug:

DixC Chix
02-14-2011, 02:23 PM
Paradise - :hug: It happens to the best of us. We just have to find the stradegy that will work for us to deal with the various situations. Even then it can still happen. :hug:

What it says to me is that the "If you do X, then you're failing" ultimatum isn't one that does you much good. It doesn't stop you from doing X and it leaves you feeling miserable. What are some ways that you can banish that kind of statement from your internal vocabulary?

One of my favorite authors wrote a great passage about a boy sitting on a dock and dangling his bare feet over the water. At high tide, the boy would try to bring the soles of his feet lower and lower, playing a game to see how close he could get to the water without touching it. It occurred to him one day that the game itself was flawed because he could never "win" at it; the moment of "as close as possible" was only visible in retrospect once his feet were already wet.

You're looking back and seeing everything that happened and regretting your wet feet. The only way to win at that is not to play the "if I do X, I fail" game.

Are there steps along the way that you could've taken to get away un-burritoed? Learn from it; figure out how you're going to handle the next time you're in a similar situation (and there will be a next time because going to a friend's party is fun and we can't cloister ourselves away). Will you skip the vodka? Have the vodka and skip the Taco Bell? Have the Taco Bell, but eat one burrito or order off the "fresca" menu? Order what you want, but give half away? Eat it all, but get right back to climbing that mountain tomorrow instead of throwing yourself all the way down the cliff face tonight?

Please don't let your great time be overshadowed by this. You sound as if you had a lot of fun, so forgive yourself and keep your feet dry the next day. :hug:

This is a most excellent analogy.

ParadiseFalls
02-14-2011, 02:39 PM
Thanks, ladies. :hug: I love this forum. Everyone is so supportive. I use the Medifast forum to look up recipes and ask Medifast-related questions, but the whole atmosphere over there is so different. I love 3FC!

Nola, thanks for that perspective. I know it's not good to give myself ultimatums or threats, I just don't know how else to control myself. And I apparently can't make that work, either, so I just feel a little hopeless at the moment.

shannonmb, you're exactly right. I'm totally weirded out by the lack of control. I always feel like it should be so easy just to tell myself no and have it not be a big deal, but when I have to put it into practice, it freaks me out when it's not so easy. *sigh*

Katydid77
02-14-2011, 02:44 PM
If I were in the same situation, where I would have started failing is by thinking/worrying about it so far in advance.

I would have been building myself up for failure to say "Okay, no alcohol", "Okay, 3 oz of vodka, but only if I give this up", "No food other that well", "Well, I guess I'll get a burrito" . . . All that thinking would just be a downward spiral to me.

If I'm going to be a situation like that I almost always drink a protein shake, or eat a protein bar on the way. I never arrive hungry.

Also, if drinking 3 oz of vodka was that important, then do it. According to calorieking, that's about 220 calories. Why freak out all day about whether or not to drink 220 calories?? Just do it and don't sit there and play these mind games.

Instead of punishing yourself, give yourself limits, be proud when you accomplish it, and go on with life.

I think with worrying so much about it, you set yourself up for the Taco Bell thing. But it's over now, you learned from it, and if you ask me, it was a pretty cheap lesson as far as these things go.

Two burritos do not a binge make.

beerab
02-14-2011, 03:03 PM
I'm on Medifast also and honestly I think skipping those last two meals was what made you go off track. You missed out on over 20 grams of protein and 8 grams of fiber. That's what caused to you "mess up." Not saying you have to be perfect but if anything learn from all of this that skipping meals always leads to disaster!

You could have still had your two meals and that small drink and been okay- and honestly you might have also eaten less at Taco Bell because of the two meals you ate previously. :)

Not trying to chastize you at all because I know just how strict Medifast is as well! And when I've messed up it's always been cuz I skipped a meal!

Time to get back on plan- and maybe next time just get 2 fresco hard tacos and that's 300 calories :) So if you had your Vodka drink and 2 fresco tacos you probably wouldn't have gone over 500 more calories and that would have just been a blip for MF. :D

Last weekend I went out for lunch with hubby for our Valentines day. I had 2 grilled fish tacos and rice and beans- BUT I still ate 3 meals before it and then when I got home I still ate 2 more meals because I know even though I got more calories/carbs for the day if I stopped eating after lunch I'd just binge- and the scale barely moved up the next day and I was pretty much fine the day after.

Remember Medifast is forgiving- they understand you aren't perfect (I know I'm not) but definitely if anything if you learn from this I think next time you'll be better prepared!

ParadiseFalls
02-14-2011, 03:43 PM
Beerab and Katy, I think you're right about eating before. I'm starting to learn that if I try to skip meals and substitute in cheat foods, I end up going overboard. Maybe if I ate normally and just added in the few hundred extra calories for whatever I was planning once in a while, it wouldn't feel like such a big deal and cause me go to all out of whack.

munchievictim
02-14-2011, 04:16 PM
Hi Paradise :) Oh my gosh alcohol+taco bell is one of my very greatest weaknesses. It's a recipe for disaster! I'm sorry you had to deal with that, self-control is a hard thing to muster in the drive-thru at taco bell.
Here's what I do (when I'm on track and doing well): I'm a food obsesser anyway, really i obsess about anything that I'm passionate about, and I have to be passionate about my diet in order to do well, which means thinking about what I'm going to eat and calcuating calories through-out the day. I think ahead to the situation, and I think worst case scenario, and I go to restaurant websites and read nutritional information. Sometimes I'll "binge" on the site, picking a huge meal of the most fattening stuff I could possibly want and tabulating the calorie amounts to show myself what kind of damage that lack of control can really do. Then I find one or two things that are relatively low-calorie, and I allow myself to have only those things. I go ahead and plan for it, realize that it won't do that much damage to my day, and then go about my business. More than 50% of the time, when it comes down to the decision of whether or not to go to the restaurant or indulge, I'll choose not to because I've already told myself I can. And if I make the choice to go ahead and get something, at least I'm armed with knowledge and it's easy to stick to a plan because, come on, how delicious are tacos? And each only has about 190 calories. That's a real treat, and I get the satisfaction of fulfilling that food craving (which i think is a satisfaction you should fight if you can, but sometimes we can't) without the sickness or the guilt, because It's still an on-plan day.
Now, I am and always have been a calorie counter, and I've never done medifast so I don't know the intricacies of that diet, but I've just found that a little bit of wiggle room and lienency with yourself makes sticking to a plan much easier. It's when i feed into the "you're a failure" mentality that I inevitably veer off course.
Good luck babe! I'm also struggling through college social life vs healthy living/eating, and there's a new obstacle every day. Stay strong, I'll be thinking about you!

astrophe
02-14-2011, 04:37 PM
This makes me wonder...am I trying to sabotage myself, or am I just such a pathetic person that I can't stay on plan?

I think you are normal. You wanted to enjoy the party, and part of that is social eating.

Where you got all wacky is with how you talk to yourself. Why are you being so mean to you? Calling yourself pathetic, a failure, etc.

It took me a while to learn my own strategies. Here are some:

Call it a maintaining day rather than a losing day.

Eat before going.

Workout before going.

Drink lots of water.

Look up the values online if it is to be at a restaurant.

Decide my one fun food -- drink OR dessert.

Don't hang by the food just to have something to do. Be ok not talking, and be ok not doing anything at a party. You don't have to be doing something every single second.

A.

beerab
02-14-2011, 05:22 PM
Beerab and Katy, I think you're right about eating before. I'm starting to learn that if I try to skip meals and substitute in cheat foods, I end up going overboard. Maybe if I ate normally and just added in the few hundred extra calories for whatever I was planning once in a while, it wouldn't feel like such a big deal and cause me go to all out of whack.

I definitely do this- I get my one meal a week where I eat out (usually on plan as much as possible) and even if the calories end up being like 1200-1500 instead of the 800-1000 recommended I still do well. I'm currently averaging just over 2 lbs a week and that's fine with me!

ParadiseFalls
02-14-2011, 07:51 PM
I'm currently averaging just over 2 lbs a week and that's fine with me!

I am, too, but it's in the form of 3 or 4 pounds one week on plan, and then 1 or 2 the next week beating myself up. Sounds like your way is better ;)

shannonmb
02-14-2011, 09:26 PM
Beerab and Katy, I think you're right about eating before. I'm starting to learn that if I try to skip meals and substitute in cheat foods, I end up going overboard. Maybe if I ate normally and just added in the few hundred extra calories for whatever I was planning once in a while, it wouldn't feel like such a big deal and cause me go to all out of whack.

I think this is an excellent point. I can't budget calories for a splurge, because if I set myself up like that, waay too hungry when time for the splurge, I invariably overdo it. I don't splurge too often, but when I do, it's on TOP of my normal healthy meals. :D

ParadiseFalls
02-15-2011, 01:01 AM
Munchievictim (cute name :lol:) and apostrophe, I don't know how I missed your responses before! I must have had a response window open and didn't refresh or something. I love your idea, munchie, about having a pretend binge. I think that might help me see what I could be about to do. And apostrophe, I hadn't thought about working out. I work out so infrequently that doing it before a potentially bad food situation might convince me not to waste the calories I burned.

beerab
02-15-2011, 05:02 PM
Try it one week- have your one meal that is as on plan as possible but still a meal out- I think you'll find you feel good. I suggest doing it for dinner so you don't spoil a whole day by getting triggered to overeat the rest of the day if you feel that may happen. And that way after dinner it'll be easier to finish out the night and go to sleep :) I find that one meal helps me out during the rest of the week - I plan it for each Saturday.

seabiscuit
02-15-2011, 10:59 PM
:hug: ParadiseFalls-

Hi, I used to do Medifast and I know how tough it is to be on that plan. I hope you have the success you are looking for on Medifast. I lost some weight, but later decided it wasn't for me.

Two burritos isn't that bad! I know it's more than you're allowed on Medifast but it's not that bad! We all have slips, and I think its okay to indulge now and again.

Do you work with one of the weight loss coaches that comes free with Medifast? At least that was the deal when I did it, I got weight loss coaching sessions. Maybe they can help you with times when you want to cheat?

Good luck.

ParadiseFalls
02-16-2011, 12:39 AM
Beerab, thanks, I'm going to give it a try :)

seabiscuit, I contacted a health coach through one of the women on the Medifast boards, but after a few days, about 10 grammatically disastrous e-mails and several demands to buy a book and order more meals (though I still had several weeks' worth) I decided to jump ship. I should give a different coach a try.

katy trail
02-16-2011, 12:58 AM
maybe being consistent with your exercise could really help you. i know that really helped me when i was having trouble with emotional eating. and like you said, after a great workout, we don't want to eat all those calories back. also, as you educate yourself about different calorie counts in foods, you'll often decide it's not worth wrecking your diet, and find ways to make that taste/craving into a healthy version.

remember, you're not failing. just keep trying, get back up. the most important part of dieting is getting back up. falling down is part of life, it happens. you can do this. you can do this. you can do this.