Weight Loss Support - Wish I had more support

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02-11-2011, 12:05 PM
I am starting to get REALLY annoyed! In general i feel really good about myself....except for the weight. So, unlike before, ive decided to do something about it. However, it is so hard to get support because everyone around me keeps telling me that im beautiful and dont need to lose the weight. To me thats BS! Why does it seem like everyone else is more afraid of change than me? If you know that my weight is the only thing thats holding me back, then why not support me? Whenever I tell people that I want to lose 100 pounds they look at me like im crazy. Im tired of hearing "oh, you dont need to lose THAT much...that's crazy" or "Well after you lose that weight then you will find something else about you that you hate." I am SOOOOOO over it! What's the problem?!?!? Just thought people would be happier to know that I'm tryin to get healthier. Geez, after losing 100 pounds i will still be 193! Ugh!!!! :mad:

02-11-2011, 12:14 PM
It's probably there way of saying "losing it or not, we find you beautiful in and out". I guess they're trying to support you with bolstering your current confidence, but that's not what you need. Of course, you wouldn't want to hear, "Girl, only 100 pounds? You need to lose at least 150!" right? ;)

Just try to take it as a compliment. They'll hopefully come on board and realize that you are being successful and mean it!

02-11-2011, 12:17 PM
This is why I never talked about losing weight at the beginning - well meaning people who say annoying things. Now that my weight loss is evident, I can't hide it so now I'm getting all kinds of annoying comments about how I don't need to lose anymore weight, and how I eat nothing and blah blah blah. Anyways I've found my support comes from myself, my DH, and here - and everyone else can just talk to me about other things, thank you very much! haha

02-11-2011, 12:32 PM
I agree with Liz, I find it is better to not tell people that I am dieting. Once you do , the diet police will show up and monitor every bite you take and make unwanted comments. If they ask why I am only having a salad for lunch, I just say , that's all I am hungry for today. If I refuse the pizza , I just say , it looks good but I am just not hungry. The same people will eventually see you have kost weight and be the first to congratulate you. Try to ignore the comments, they actually think they are being helpful and of course the opposite is true. Good luck !

02-11-2011, 12:37 PM
Thanks guys! I was just telling a friend about what im trying to do and he just didnt offer as much support as i was looking for. Yes losing the weight will make me feel better about myself, but thats not the entire reason. The last couple times I had my blood pressure checked (before my weight loss journey) my pressure was high or borderline. I had NEVER had blood pressure issues. Also, diabetes runs in my family badly. A cousin of mine (who is slightly smaller) was just diagnosed. I dont like the idea of giving myself shots everyday or taking medication. My grandfather lost his sight due to diabetes. It scared me to death! So im trying to drop weight to get healthier. But all my friend had to offer was "just because you smaller doesnt mean you still cant get it!" Thats just not something I need to hear right now.

02-11-2011, 12:47 PM
People will say those things to 'be nice' but a more appropriate response would be "I'm glad to see you are really making your health a priority!" ~ which is exactly what you are doing! People are born with diabetes, just because people can get diabetes at any age or size does not mean a person should not use all their power to reduce their risk (because realistically, you know at your starting weight of 293lbs and a strong family history means it was only a matter of time before you get it too).

You're doing fantastic! If you are ever down by anyone's response, come here. We'll always be there to support you with honesty!

LTs girl
02-11-2011, 12:48 PM
Good for you!! Making this change to be a healthier you is great. Ignore all those unsupportive people. I would only tell people on a "need to know" basis. Unless they live with you, or have a hand in what you eat (someone else buys groceries) I wouldn't tell anyone. I think people are jealous and insecure at times, not that they mean to be, it is just what they are feeling. They might be afraid that you will change or leave them behind.

And tell your friend that you may still get it by it running in the family, but it dramatically reduces your chances of getting diabetes.

So ignore them, and come here. We will support you 100%!!!

02-11-2011, 01:03 PM
People are stupid and jealous. :)

You just do what you need to do, girl! Don't let anyone's opinions get in the way.

02-11-2011, 01:38 PM
Thats why I come here and a few other support forums because when people are trying to lose weight they really dont get it and they arent going to always be happy to hear about the ups and downs of losing. People ALWAYS tell me I dont need to lose blah blah blah! Who cares what they think? I dont I know that im doing this for ME and that is all that counts.

Continue to come here and post stay on your grind and you will make goal!

02-11-2011, 01:49 PM
Wow Matilda08. Im looking at your pics and we have very similar body shapes. I love my curvy body...just want it to come in a little lol.

02-11-2011, 02:01 PM
Saying "I want to lose a 100lbs" just sounds...shocking. Plus, people may not have a really good idea of what you weigh....if they assume you only weight 200lbs, for example, that means you're looking at getting down to 100lbs. So they have to reconsider what you really weight, which means they most likely OVER estimate to handle that "100lbs" number. Which means you really do look good ;)

I think its always better to just focus on health. "I'm trying to improve my health, and losing some weight will help" takes the focus away from your looks and onto something that isn't such a touchy subject for most people.

02-11-2011, 02:19 PM
Thanks I love mine too:)

02-11-2011, 02:30 PM
I also want to lose 100 lbs, I don't tell people this cuz they also look at me like I'm crazy. I just say "I'm trying to live a healthier lifestyle now" and most people can't argue with that :)

It's funny cuz I've lost over 40 lbs now, I have just under 60 to go and most people wouldn't think I've already lost so much.

People have no concept of weight so for them 100 lbs may seem like a lot- I think if you stop saying the numbers and just talk about a healthier lifestyle and say your doctor wants you to eat healthier- people will back off.

You'll still have naysayers here and there- but it'll definitely decrease in frequency.

02-11-2011, 02:46 PM
Thanks guys! I was just telling a friend about what im trying to do and he just didnt offer as much support as i was looking for.
But all my friend had to offer was "just because you smaller doesnt mean you still cant get it!" Thats just not something I need to hear right now.

Did you try telling your friend this?

It's hard to remember that our friends and loved-ones can't read our minds. When I read a day's worth of posts here at 3FC, here is a sampling of what I see:

* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member told me I look fat
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member told me I look thin enough
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member didn't say anything about my weight loss
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member said I look great now, and s/he must have meant that I looked terrible before
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member said I don't look as good as I can yet
* I'm upset because my partner/friend/family member said I don't need to lose weight to look good

... and on and on and on. Everyone responds differently to different feedback. Heck, most of respond differently on different days to the same feedback! We can't expect people to read our minds. We just have to say "Thanks, but here's the kind of support I really need right now ..."

Alternatively, you can stop being fretful that other people aren't giving you the "right kind" of support (whatever that is!) -- instead, support yourself the way you know you need it, and be grateful for their love and friendship, however imperfectly they express it.

02-11-2011, 05:03 PM
Alternatively, you can stop being fretful that other people aren't giving you the "right kind" of support (whatever that is!) -- instead, support yourself the way you know you need it, and be grateful for their love and friendship, however imperfectly they express it.

Carter has a point. We can choose the way we react to comments other people make about our weight loss. As annoying as they sound, I'm sure that the people around you love you and are just concerned about you. Just shrug the comments off and push on with your goals. In the end, the only voice you should listen to is your own.

02-11-2011, 05:08 PM
Carter, I really like your post!

I once had someone tell me how "beautiful you look now" after my weight loss. Then you could see her face redden, as she realized that it sounded like I didn't look good before.

I have learned in these situations that it is much easier for me to assume that these people are trying to be nice (whether they are or not), and all I need to say in response is "Thank you."

02-11-2011, 06:33 PM
I"ve noticed that my need for "support" is more about what's going on with me, than what's going on with other people. When I assume people are trying to be help (even when they're failing miserably) I feel supported (I feel that they're being supportive). When I assume that they're trying to hinder me or that they don't care enough about me to understand or learn my needs, then they're being unsupportive (even saboteurs).

It's not at all about them, it's all about me.

I think "I'm not getting enough support" is something we're taught to think with weight loss. We're taught to think that it's "lack of support" that is holding us back, but I don't think it is. I think it's a way to say "it's not my fault, I could succeed if others didn't get in my way and throw obstacles in my path."

Growing up, our house was usually a bit cluttered. Not dirty, just cluttered.
Periodically my mother would get disgusted with the clutter and blame it all on our lack of support. "This is why we can't have nice things..." or "This is why we can't have people over," "Our house could look nice if you all weren't such pigs." "I never get any support...."

We all were willing to help when she asked, but she didn't want to "have to ask," but we also didn't know what she expected from us, either. If we did spontaneously clean things, we were just as likely to get in trouble for misplacing some of her clutter, or because we picked the "wrong" clutter to tidy up. "You should see what needs to be done," she would say, or "why are you cleaning the fridge, which no one will see, when the bathroom is a mess?"

It was a no win situation, because she didn't know what she wanted, she just wanted things to be better.

I think "lack of support" of often like that.

My husband is the most amazing person in terms of "support," he's pretty much willing to say and do whatever I want him to, but reminds me he can't read minds, so I have to tell him what that is (and the brat inside myself says "he should know," which is crazy because as it turns out, even I don't know)

I don't know what the perfect way for him to support me (all I know is that he's doing the opposite).

We've learned that the best way to "support" each other with weight loss is to get out of each other's way. We can and do compliment each other and make suggestions, but it backfires more often than not. Whatever we say, i't so often the wrong thing to say, or it's the right thing to say, but at the wrong time.

I think "lack of support" is often just shorthand for "I want people to make this easier," and often there is no easier way with or without the help of others. Inviting people into your weight loss opens up the opportunity for assistance and hindrance.

My husband and I try to be supportive of each others weight loss, but in many ways it's not possible. We can't be what the other needs all of the time, and sometimes we're the exact opposite.

If we offer food to each other, we're saboteurs, and if we don't we're being food cop. There is no safe, universally "supportive" choice.

02-11-2011, 06:39 PM
I also am not telling anybody. They will find out soon and that is early enough. One reason is that if it takes longer they will start asking, another reason is that I hate talking about it with people who are not doing it. They either ask 4 million questions (I am no expert!) or they bug you constantly whether the stuff you are eating right now is "allowed". Uggg!
The only person who knows is my BF (no way of hiding it!) and he doesn't only support me but joined me!

Oh, I guess and you guys here. But we are in the same boat :-)

02-12-2011, 03:29 PM
I agree with Kaplods, I find that support is very tenuous and not always the kind we seek. I also have trouble with communication about diets and weight loss with my husband who is also trying to lose weight. He is supportive, but it is not in the way I secretly long for, like in a compliment or a look of appreciation. He'll say congrats on the number of pounds and try to cheer me up if the scale won't budge, but in the end, I really thought my success would make a difference somehow. Nope. We also do not agree on the "how" to lose weight and he cheats all the time, which is hard for me to see and be around.

It hasn't made a difference to my family who used to harass me about my obesity. Now, they look at me blankly. Honestly I feel more invisible now than I did at my heaviest.

My point is, that in the big picture, as much as I think I long for support and a few kudos now and then, if I relied on it to make it to goal, I would fail. I have to be my own cheerleader. I write on my blog everyday, it really helps me to vent and express feelings and thoughts without getting that glassy eyed look from someone who is really not interested in my weight or my struggle with it.

And of course....HERE at 3FC, wow....here people understand!

02-12-2011, 04:55 PM
I know exactly how you feel! People can be so annoying. One person in my family keeps telling me I'm getting so skinny, my butt is so small... yada yada... It's annoying because I'm far from skinny and my butt is far from small. Yes, I've lost some weight but I'm still considered obese for my height. I pretty much stopped discussing how much weight I've lost.