Weight Loss Support - Who cares what she weighs....I do??




milmin2043
02-10-2011, 04:14 AM
Ok, I have read tons of threads here on this issue, BUT, here's another one.

I am comparing myself to others lately, and I have tried to stop, but it always sneaks back into my thoughts. On paper, I can see that I have lost 80 lbs., but in reality, when I look in the mirror, I truly can't see it. There are truly times when I feel like I still weigh 235. Sizing doesn't help (as we all know), because I am all over the place with sizes. I wear mostly size 8 pants now, but I also still have 10s that fit, and even a size 6 pair of jeans that are obviously vanity sized.

I think that losing the weight very quickly has not given my brain time to catch up with my body. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that this has not had to be a long, drawn-out process for me, but it is very strange to say the least. Almost every day there is something new that is monumental for me and it's as if I have been cast into a world that I can't really grasp.

Tonight I was at the gym on the treadmill. A girl came in who was built totally different from me. She had the type of figure that I can only envy. Total hourglass, big bust and butt, small waist. She was a few inches shorter than me. She got on the stationary bike right in front of me. So, bored as I was, running along, I was watching her go thru her routine of putting her numbers into the bike panel. She entered 133 for her weight and I was floored. I would have guessed probably about 170. I was not judging her at all, just observing. However, my mind immediately went to "if she weighs 133......you still weigh 155.....and your goal is 135....and if you still look like you weigh that much when you get to 135....yada, yada, yada.

It's amazing how I was envying her very pretty figure when she came in and then my stupid brain went right to comparing numbers on a scale.

Why, why, why? Why is it that I went years without giving a darn about what I ate or how I looked and now I'm overly obsessed with all of this stupid stuff. I am venting here because I don't want these thoughts to run my weight loss efforts into the ditch. I want this to be permanent but I am tired of thinking that I have to be perfect.

That feels better. Sorry about the rant.


thelast20
02-10-2011, 06:42 AM
I know how you think....yeas of training and thoughts like these will not go away immediately. But you have now questioned this train of though and maybe, just maybe you will consider it next time that you question your progress. I was yacking about my figure to my friend the other day and she said to me...I would like to look at your mirror and see what you see because I don't think you are fat at all. I have about 15-20 lbs to loose, the last 20. Not a huge amount but it made me think that our vision of ourselves is DISTORTED and that is not easy to fix. Celebrate your progress. Take pictures and enjoy your progress, compare where you have been and where you are now. Distorted body imaging is a disease. We are not going to overcome overnight.

TamiL
02-10-2011, 07:03 AM
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I look in the mirror and see the chubby girl who once weighed as much as 215 instead of the thinner girl who weighs closer to 120! I wear mostly size 2 jeans now....yet when I look in the mirror I still see the same fat thighs. I am so envious of other women and their prettier figures as well, lol Why do our minds have to be like this? Why can't we see what others see?
I do the if I weighed as much as she weighed, would I look like that game to. Its hard not too. The sad reality is now I weigh less than most of the people I compared myself to. My figure still doesn't look like theirs, lol I am still me only a smaller sized version. I just have to work on accepting that I am me!!!
Please don't let those thoughts ruin the progress you have made! You are doing a great job ;)


shannonmb
02-10-2011, 07:04 AM
Well, I say look at the "what do you weigh and what size do you wear" thread, because you'll see there that it is all over the map! It's actually spooky weird that some gals around the same height and weight are several sizes different. I guess the bottom line is, we gotta get where we're going before we will know.

But, yes, the problem most definitely is that a lot of us have no conception of where we really are. I have the opposite distorted body image. I think I am skinny! oh, hahahahahaha! Having lost the weight I have, I look at my arm, and in comparison, it looks WAY small -- almost normal small to me! Then I see a picture, or watch someone weigh on the Biggest Loser who weighs the same as I do now, and I realize, you have a loonnnnggg way to go, baby! I know that, I know I still have well over 100 lbs to lose.

Body image is WEIRD. That's all there is to it! :p

glitterhairdye
02-10-2011, 07:38 AM
Plus it's really hard to guess someone's weight when they're not the same height as you. You always match them up to your size. Example, my aunt said she gained weight and we're always very transparent about it in our family so I was like, what are you, 150? Well she's 5'3" so to her that was offensive. She was actually 125 but to me the weight she was at looked like what I would guess is 150 but I can't translate between 5'8" and 5'3". 150 on me and 150 on her are very different sizes. Just look in the mirror as objectively as possible and see what's really there. And no matter what you're beautiful. :)

kaw
02-10-2011, 08:00 AM
Funny, my reaction would have been, "she's fudging her weight." Sure, it's ridiculous to do it on an exercise machine, but it's also ridiculous to do it on a driver's license form, and we all know how often that happens. :)

That being said, I'm a terrible estimator of weight, too, even of women who are my height. And if someone says, "you're so thin," my first instinct is to look around and see who they're talking about. (I don't think of myself as thin. Lean, on good mental space days, but not thin.)

//b. strong,
Kim

Deena52
02-10-2011, 09:27 AM
I don't know what the exact explanation for it is but I have met quite a few people who can't believe how much weight I can carry and that I weigh what I do and also people who weigh quite a bit less than me and look heavier than me.....but I suspect it has something to do with our bones, possibly. Every time this has happened, I have always noticed that they have these beautiful, delicate hands with nice, slim fingers and I have these big-boned, thick hands of a charwoman or a fishwife.

They make these jokes about "I'm just big-boned" but I tend to think there is a lot of truth to it. Not necessarily the whole "bone structure" thing....but more the heaviness of the bones....that can make someone who weighs less look fatter than someone else of the same height who weighs more.

I'm from hardy peasant stock from eastern Europe....so got the big, clunky and heavy bones (which apparently seems to make me look like I weigh less than I actually do).

deena :D:strong:

LTs girl
02-10-2011, 09:37 AM
I'm with Kaw - it probably wasn't her real weight. The machines aren't an accurate account anyways so maybe she was putting in what she wants to weigh. You know: see the number, become the number.

By the way, I am an x-ray tech and bones are about the same size for everyone. Some are just a little longer then others. The "big boned" person is a myth. I think it has to do with muscle vs. fat. Now that makes a big difference.

Kimberly2011
02-10-2011, 09:55 AM
I admit I do the same thing - and wish I wouldn't. I'm always looking and trying to guess what that other person may weigh. I don't know WHY I do it and wish I could stop comparing myself to others and just worry about myself.

aimeebell
02-10-2011, 10:16 AM
Funny, my reaction would have been, "she's fudging her weight." Sure, it's ridiculous to do it on an exercise machine, but it's also ridiculous to do it on a driver's license form, and we all know how often that happens. :) Kim

That would have been my reaction. Actually, I read an article just yesterday that said you SHOULD input a lower weight than your actual weight on the machines because they overestimate how many calories are burned by 10 to 30%.

Chubby or thin I have always found myself comparing, "Am I that big?" It is an awful thing that too many of us women do to ourselves and each other.....sigh.

katy trail
02-10-2011, 10:20 AM
i tend to have alot of muscle, so the number always seems 10 lbs off or something anyway. or, a number that sounds great to me, like 150, or 170 with lots of muscle at 5'5, sounds heavy to someone else i guess.

on the other hand, i have trouble understanding how i ever weighed as little as 100. or how grown women can weigh that little. last time i weighed close to 100, i was 12, not quite my full height, but close.

but i really just try to remind myself that each person is different. more/less muscle, curves in different places, no curves.

spixiet
02-10-2011, 10:20 AM
I haven't lost as much as you (awesome work, by the way), but I feel the same way. If I look at the clothes I'm putting on, I can tell the clothes are smaller, but when I look in the mirror, I still see me at my highest weight (most of the time...occasionally, I have a day where I think I look great). For me, I'm constantly comparing myself to my roommate. She and I were similar weights (not that I ever realized it; I thought I was much heavier), she lost about 50 pounds, and now I've lost nearly 50. Sometimes, I sneak into her room and try on her clothing, and it blows my mind that we wear pretty much the same size. When I look at her, I would swear that she's at least a few sizes smaller than me, but not so much in reality.

Because I have such a hard time seeing myself clearly, I focus hugely on how other people look. Do my thighs look bigger or smaller than that girls? What about my hips? Waist? etc. Constantly comparing myself to women at work :dizzy: Actually wishing there was some magic way to know their measurements. I've spent a fair bit of time flipping through images at My Body Gallery trying to rewire my brain, but it's definitely still a work in progress.

Every once in awhile, whenever I'm feeling like I haven't made much progress, I start loading a backpack with however much weight I've lost and make myself walk around with it on for at least an hour. It helps me recognize how much I've actually lost, how much healthier I'm becoming, and focus on the journey, not some idealized, perfect destination -

Best of luck to you!!!

katy trail
02-10-2011, 10:21 AM
oh, that's because they don't subtract what you would burn if you were just sitting, or sleeping. cathe friedrich wrote about that on her website.

astrophe
02-10-2011, 10:21 AM
Well, you have started to realize things.

1) That losing so fast means your brain hasn't had time to catch up.

2) Of course you can't see what is LOST. If you want to see it or feel it again, go try picking up 80 lbs of something. THIS is what you used to carry around.

3) You sound like you are working through it -- because even though you started to obsess with the gym girl and her stats, you started to question this kind of thinking.

4) You may consider the Body Image workbook.
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Image-Workbook-Harbinger-Workbooks/product-reviews/1572240628/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

GL!
A.

Lori Bell
02-10-2011, 10:36 AM
I'm with Kaw - it probably wasn't her real weight. The machines aren't an accurate account anyways so maybe she was putting in what she wants to weigh. You know: see the number, become the number.

By the way, I am an x-ray tech and bones are about the same size for everyone. Some are just a little longer then others. The "big boned" person is a myth. I think it has to do with muscle vs. fat. Now that makes a big difference.

What about bone density? Last year I had a bone density test and the Doctor told me I had very dense bones. He gave me a number, but I can't find it right now. Anyway, he told me that I would probably not have to take osteoporosis meds in my lifetime.

My MIL has advanced osteoporosis and has very porous and weak bones. We are the same height and wear the same clothing size, but she weighs a good 20 pounds less than I do.

I'm sure muscle has a lot to do with the weight difference, but doesn't a dense bone weight more than a non-dense bone?

Beach Patrol
02-10-2011, 10:44 AM
milmin2043....You have lost 80... EIGHTY! pounds!!! That is so dadgum awesome I can't even begin to describe *MY* envy of *YOU*!!!!! :carrot:

But I know what you mean about "looking at others' bodies" and thinking of *their weight* vs your own. I'm still at 170, struggling like a mad cow to get to 140! - and a friend of mine who is well into the 200+ range always says "I wish I was as small as you!"... Well, yeah, OK! - I appreciate that someone thinks I'm "small"!!! - but I know how SHE feels too! Because I have a friend who is even shorter than me (barely 5') and she is 120, and looks super-fantastic! and I would LOVE to be "as small as her"... but even SHE complains about her "poochy belly" ... I mean, wow, do we EVER give ourselves a break??? :?:

I gave up the gym a few years ago when I realized that in 3 years of membership, I could have had a home gym paid for by now! - so I did just that... cleared out some space, bought a weight machine, a treadmill (have since replaced that with a bike) and an ab-machine. I no longer have to see cute, fit, tiny little *girls* (as opposed to "mature women" such as myself...) with their big booblicles and tight tushies - I have a TV with a DVD set up, plenty of reading material, and it's just me & the workout.

And yet... I still see family/friends/strangers on the street & think "Wonder what she weighs...???" :dizzy: I guess it's just part of my DNA, to be self comparative with others... or maybe it's just normal-every-day-humanness. :chin: ;)

ncuneo
02-10-2011, 11:06 AM
I envy that you're 155 and a 6/8/10.

I'm 140ish and I'm and 8/10. So again, you just can't compare so just stop it, seriously...you'll drive yourself insane - I know I have. I've lost 130 lbs and while most days I'm over the moon about it I still have days I wish I looked like someone else or weighed less or had less loss skin or whatever...it is what it is, we are who we are - learn to love it! Oh and BTW it takes a little time before you're brain catches up and sees your body for what it is now and forgets the old body.

Tomato
02-10-2011, 12:38 PM
Funny, my reaction would have been, "she's fudging her weight." Sure, it's ridiculous to do it on an exercise machine, but it's also ridiculous to do it on a driver's license form, and we all know how often that happens. :)


That's exactly what I thought, too. (Great minds think alike ;) ).

We all have body image issue. I will always want my boobs to be smaller, my belly tighter, etc. Sometimes I look at other ladies at the gym (mostly during a Zumba class, as there is always about 30 ladies in the class so the selection is good) and I look at somebody of similar height and I wish I had "her" body. Strangely enough though I do not think about how much other people weigh, that'd doesn't seem to be important to me.

beerab
02-10-2011, 12:43 PM
I am TERRIBLE at estimating weight. And other people are too- the other day my friend asked my weight and when I told them they said I didn't look like that and that I looked like I weighed in the 160s.

I mean really I WISH I were 30 lbs thinner but I'm glad that at least it looks it! lol.

Your weight is only a number- anorexic people who are like 100 lbs aren't healthy- but a woman can be 150 lbs with a smoking hot and healthy body because she eats right and exercises and takes care of herself :)

synger
02-10-2011, 02:19 PM
I am very glad that I have taken photos of myself at each 20 pound loss. When I feel like I haven't lost anything, I can see what I looked at at 290, and at 270. Then I can look in the mirror (haven't quite gotten to do a 250 photo yet, but soon!). There is definitely a difference.

I can't compare myself to others. I've been "the fat lady" for far too long. I KNOW my mental image is all messed up.

But I CAN compare me to me. That always helps.

AZ Sunrises
02-10-2011, 02:21 PM
Take out your old fat pants. Put a pair that currently fits over them.

:) That's what you've lost. There's a huge difference. It's visible, tangible proof, even if you don't see it in the mirror.

blueballerina
02-10-2011, 02:43 PM
the way i see it is that everyone is beautiful -no matter what- and when You are at your desired weight you will only be a more polished off version of your formally still beautiful self ..no matter what your body shape

but i understand too, totally.......i lost a little over 100lbs and was at 160lbs still wanting to lose more and just did not think there was a difference in my body....definitely try to get the thought out of your mind because it didn't leave mine and now i have all that weight back and have to do it again, and not only did i gain all the weight back, i also gained back all + some of the health issues that come along with it...very de-motivational thinking ! .....i have horrible body image and self-talk and will most likely always feel a little bit like the fat girl in the room as i have been overweight the majority of my life, except when i was a young kid.....BUT .....now i just tell myself i am beautiful now so i can't wait to see how beautiful i am when i'm healthy !! ...now that is motivational ! :carrot: ....the negative self-talk and comparing was my downfall..i wouldn't have gained it all back if i had better self-esteem at that time......you just got believe it no matter what the mirror tells you....mirrors are big time liars !! ;)

milmin2043
02-10-2011, 05:19 PM
I really am trying to change this way of thinking. You know, stop it in its tracks as soon as it starts.

When I lost a large amount of weight years ago, I gained it all back because I never believed that I was thin. I didn't recognize my face at all in pictures. Kind of like when someone has a facelift and they just look absolutely nothing like they used to, but in a creepy, wax figure way. If you know what I mean?

I realize that I am having body image issues, like so many of us. I sometimes need to type out how I feel to people I know will understand so that I can stay on track and also explore these feelings. Before, I did what I do best and I ate those feelings, all the way back up to the middle 200s. I don't want that to happen this time. I want this to be the LAST time. I'm too tired and old to do this yet again.

I remember saying to people all those years ago that I didn't recognize myself anymore and they would just push it aside and say "you look great", quit obsessing. It's not about compliments from others or acceptance from others. It's about how I feel about myself. I appreciate ALL of your comments. I especially appreciate that so many of you take the time to respond to my post. I am busy too and I know it takes time. You are all special, beautiful people.

sept15lija
02-10-2011, 05:30 PM
I am the same as you - I've lost about 85 pounds in a fairly short amount of time, after being morbidly obese for a good 12+ years. And obese for years before that! My brains totally haven't caught up. I still feel like that fat girl. And I wonder a lot about what other girls weigh - I just want to say, "OK, that's what I look like to other people". I was happy when I got to my sister's weight because then I had a frame of reference or something...I just don't quite get it!

girlonfire
02-10-2011, 08:36 PM
Maybe she was shaving 20 pounds off in the exercise machine to get a more accurate calorie count? I do that.

But I TOTALLY know what you mean! I am semi-obsessed with what other women weigh and their sizes and comparing myself to them. Completely unhealthy, I know!

30 Fat Still Awesome
02-10-2011, 08:50 PM
I also look at other girls and am like "damn I wish I looked liked that." But I get over it soon enough.

As for looking in the mirror. I have the opposite problem. One of the reason I think I let myself get this big was that every time I looked in the mirror, I still saw the old me. I didn't see the fat. O_o

Well at least on my face. Everything else was pretty hard to miss.

ps: your weight loss is amazing. Keep it up girlie!

ebb&flow
02-12-2011, 01:34 AM
Two things:
1. I put in a lower weight on the exercise machine because they aren't accurate. It's not a matter of I want to be that weight so I put it into the machine, it's that I know the machine uses weight in an equation to come up the calories burned. I have read many articles that say the machines overestimate the burn, so I put in a lower number.

2. Two people at the same weight will look different due to height and body shape and body comp. There was a magazine article (gosh I wish I remember where) that showed different women and listed their height and weight. I remember one picture of a fashion model and an athlete who were the same size, but the athlete weighed more. She has a higher muscle mass and lower fat mass. One Pound of fat and one pound of muscle weigh the same, but the fat takes up more space. learned this the hard way. After my first kid, I weighed the same as I did before I got pregnant with him, but I was a size larger because I had lost some muscle mass and apparently added some fat.

shcirerf
02-12-2011, 02:09 AM
I wonder what other people weigh, not from a comparison stand point, but from trying to get my head wrapped around what is realistic. I think, because so many more people are overweight than ever before, our perspective is out of whack.

That aside, my boss's wife and I are the same height, she weighs about 135. If I weighed that, we would not wear the same size clothes. She is a stick. No boobs, no defined waist, no butt, and bird legs.

I have a set of double D girls, a defined waist and if I may say so myself, a nice looking butt, (when it's not overloaded, lol), and definitely more muscle mass in my legs and in general my whole body.

One of the things that makes me shake my head is, my youngest sister has been as high as 225 and as low as 150 over the last several years, and no matter what she weighs, she is SOLID as a ROCK! Her fat is not squishy. Mine on the other hand, jiggles around like half set jello. Go figure?

Nola Celeste
02-12-2011, 02:38 AM
I wonder what other people weigh, not from a comparison stand point, but from trying to get my head wrapped around what is realistic.

I do this as well. It's almost impossible for any woman to get a handle on what X00 pounds looks like, let alone those of us whose weight has fluctuated throughout our lives. Add in the fact that different people carry weight so differently, that age and height are factors, and that people flat-out lie about their weight (both to others and to themselves) and it becomes clear that there is no one--or two, or three, or ten--ways that a 135-pound body "should" look.

Comparisons are almost unavoidable given how many of us are thinking, "but how do I really look?" I don't know that there's a right answer given all the variables.

spixiet
02-12-2011, 11:26 AM
I wonder what other people weigh, not from a comparison stand point, but from trying to get my head wrapped around what is realistic.

http://www.mybodygallery.com/

This site is seriously helping me with this same issue...or at least giving me some perspective :)

schubunny
02-12-2011, 02:02 PM
I don't know what the exact explanation for it is but I have met quite a few people who can't believe how much weight I can carry and that I weigh what I do and also people who weigh quite a bit less than me and look heavier than me.....but I suspect it has something to do with our bones, possibly. Every time this has happened, I have always noticed that they have these beautiful, delicate hands with nice, slim fingers and I have these big-boned, thick hands of a charwoman or a fishwife.

They make these jokes about "I'm just big-boned" but I tend to think there is a lot of truth to it. Not necessarily the whole "bone structure" thing....but more the heaviness of the bones....that can make someone who weighs less look fatter than someone else of the same height who weighs more.

I'm from hardy peasant stock from eastern Europe....so got the big, clunky and heavy bones (which apparently seems to make me look like I weigh less than I actually do).

deena :D:strong:

Deena you sound JUST like me!

No one can ever guess how much I weigh, they always guess a ton less. I carry fat really well because of my height and my big bones. But, I am one with those thin piano-like hands. The only way I know I have big bones is by my wrists as theyre much larger then my mums.

I am part irish/welsh so maybe it's us European gene'd people. :)

JayEll
02-12-2011, 02:51 PM
I'm mixed English/Scandinavian, and I have delicate bones. So, it's not just European...

It's pointless to compare with others. There are too many variables! Someone will always look thinner or look heavier. Making judgments like this is just no way to live! IMO...

Jay

stacygee
02-12-2011, 06:30 PM
Funny, my reaction would have been, "she's fudging her weight." Sure, it's ridiculous to do it on an exercise machine, but it's also ridiculous to do it on a driver's license form, and we all know how often that happens. :)

//b. strong,
Kim

That's what I thought!

berryblondeboys
02-12-2011, 06:46 PM
http://www.mybodygallery.com/

This site is seriously helping me with this same issue...or at least giving me some perspective :)

That is amazing! Thank you! I was suprised to see SUCH differences at the same weight, even when it is close to goal for me!